4. Restless

Eventhough opening my eyes would obviously mean that i'm letting the light entered my sight, i was so frustrated that it didn't exactly happen to me. It was instead, very dark. As if i just entered deep into a void. I just lost one of my light.

I couldn't stop my stare from the body under the white sheet as people around me had their heads lowered, respecting the dead. Under that white big sheet was a paled, lifeless body of one of ours, Madara's brother, Izuna. I could feel the chilling cold air taking over. Everyone was in black, some cried and some just quietly mourned. No one was smiling.

My eyes then wandered around, searching for my beloved elder brother. I was hoping to see his face although i wasn't expecting anything.

He wasn't there. Where could he be?

I closed my eyes tight.

Rest well, Izuna.

I never saw Madara again after that.. I didn't think it would be my last time..

***

Lightning cracks the sky and the sound pierced my ears.

Sitting down the edge of the cliff, i heaved a sigh of relief. The dull gray clouds consumed the sky, covering the once bright sun as the sky turned dark. I was drenched in sweat, panting from my hours of practicing Taijutsu and a bit chakra control. It was difficult, maintaining chakra or even keeping my small body with the harsh training i created myself. Adjusting to a new body, not to mention a child's was very tiring. A child would normally take a break in between training except for me. I felt like i couldn't effort to waste much more time as i remembered my dream last night.

I wonder what Madara is doing right now? In that cave. Alone.

My break didn't even last for ten minutes as i tried to find the strength to stand again, taking my position. I took a deep breath.

I weaved the hand sign for my own firestyle jutsu, as fire came bursting out of my mouth in a spiral of bright blinding flame. It was frustratingly small nonentheless. I could feel myself frowning and grunting as i get to the next position for Taijutsu.

There's this strange emotion, the urge to possess something. To grab ahold of the light i had once seen. The warmth i had once felt. No matter how much Father or Mrs. Hanako provided it wasn't enough. No, it wasn't even the same. I know i can't ever see Izuna again. Even so i believed that my last option was to at least meet Madara again. He's still alive.

I must hurry. My legs swung in the air. Quickly. My hands formed into a fist as i jabbed it forward towards nothing. Faster. I jumped and spun my leg in the air again before landing on the ground with a slide. Reckless. That would be me when someone could see me today.

"What are you doing here training alone?" A voice came from behind. It was Obito.

I stopped on my track, greeting him with a low bow as i try to catch my breath.

"It's going to rain. Shouldn't you go home?"

"I'm going to practice a bit more."

Obito stared at me for awhile before he scratched his head, "How about i join you as a partner?"

I didn't expect him to say that. Isn't he's here to stop me from overtraining myself? Then again, perhaps he understood the meaning to get stronger, better than anyone else and proving himself worthy. He's another hardworker and i respected him for that.

"Okay." I replied, smiling faintly as he nodded, putting on his big goggles.

The pleasant scent of petrichor filled the air, signalling us that it would definitely rain.

In spite of the dark, gloomy sky we trained unrelentingly. We exchanged blow after blow under the pouring rain, clothes drenched. Feet stepping repeatedly on the mud. I would've trip if it wasn't for my steady chakra control. Obito was good at Taijutsu and even his ninjutsu. It's probably not his best because he could go further with it but for now, it's better than mine.

It's weird.

"Ha, feels like bathing in the rain huh?"

He reminded me of something i couldn't grasp.

He stopped my kick and spun me around, sending me backwards, "Yes, it's getting heavier but i'm not done yet." I ran at him, attempting to give him a punch. It was slow and i was aware causing me to grunt when he stopped it easily. Why is this body so useless.

He returned me with a fist of his own, causing me to skid backwards. I panted from overusing my stamina.

"Maybe we should stop now? Hamada-san would probably get mad at me if he sees you like this."

I looked at him nonchalantly. I did push myself too hard. I can't feel my leg.

"Can you stand?" He offered me his hand. I muster the strength to stand, taking his hand.

"Yes."

"Let's go."

Obito then walked me home, saying that he'll accompany me for awhile. He said he wanted to see my father because he had a message to pass on to him and he stumbled upon me. I didn't bother asking about his reason for helping me, probably out of pity anyway.

I was reminded that Obito had been coming frequently as of late. Eversince the day we first met. We can be considered as.. close?

The rain didn't stop even after hours of training and minutes of walking. Instead, it changed from a heavy downpour to a drizzle. It tapped gently on my already wet cheeks. I closed my eyes to relish the moment, enjoying the pitter patter of the rain.

"I really like the rain." I suddenly blurted out. My mind was fuzzy from the lack of rest and i wonder what was this satisfying feeling i'm currently having at the moment.

The older boy looked at me with his eyebrows raised, "Really? I think the rain is gloomy and sad. What makes you like them?"

His question instantly had me flinch. That's right. Why does rain make me happy?

A memory resurfaced.

A blurry figure.. and he was saying something.

"Don't you think it's calming?" I mumbled, recollecting a bit of that strange memory. Who was that?

"Huh? Hmm maybe it is a bit calming." Obito responded eventhough i didn't mean to ask him that.

It was only nonsense that came out of my mouth and it wasn't my own words but I shrugged it off.

My house was already entering my view when i realised it. Father was at the doorstep and i can see his frown from far away. Obito did the explaination and took the blame. However, i didn't let him shoulder it all alone as i also asked father for an apology.

***

"Have you been teaching him all this time?"

"I didn't. I only join him today and he had already know a lot."

I could hear the conversation between Obito and father from another room.

"Are you worried sir?"

"Yes.. He has been working so hard. And i never found out where he learns all of the techniques."

Of course. I wouldn't have known everything if i didn't have my previous lives. Father was always busy to teach me and i can only rely on what Madara had taught me before. Eventhough it wasn't much since i got sick and was unable to learn more.

"Does that really matter sir? He worked twice as hard. As an Uchiha and someone older than him i feel motivated. I envy him and it makes me want to give an effort to become stronger."

It didn't even cross my mind that he would think that way.

I immediately entered the living hall- when i was sure that it was the right time- pretended to just came out of my room hearing nothing.

"I'm sorry father for coming late today. I'm just nervous for tomorrow." I created a believable excuse since tomorrow is the first day i would be entering a building filled with kids and it's not really a lie that i am feeling uncomfortable.

"That's why you were so hard on yourself earlier." Obito intervened.

"Right. I forgot that it was delayed to this week."

"You must've pent up your feelings until today." The genin chuckles, giving a wide smile. "Cheer up, you have plenty of time since you're starting early. Your dad will get worry if you push yourself over the limit everyday."

Said the one who's always getting bruises and wounds all over his body from training himself.

And no, i can't agree with him that i have that much time. If only i can manipulate the time of your death, Obito. So that Madara can live a bit longer while i can get strong in the meantime.

However, even if i'm living in this fantasy-like world- there's no way it's possible to do so.

I led them to think that i'm nervous enough about meeting new kids in the academy eventhough the truth was not even half as close. It's better to not reveal to anyone about my true intentions.

***

I can't shake off the unbearable looks they were throwing at me. As a new kid entering the class, i could feel the hostility, envy and curiosity. They were probably thinking, 'Who's this kid?' or 'Is he lost?'

"Now class. This is Guren. He's joining our class from today onwards."

The kids started to whisper, glancing to each other.

"He might be young but he's a part of us now so treat him nicely. You can introduce yourself, Guren."

I nodded clearing my throat, "My name is Uchiha Guren. Please take care of me." I said, slightly lowering my head before i was appointed the only vacant seat at the furthest back of the class.

When i passed through the kids, i could hear them whisper.

'Seriously? How old is he?'

'He's an Uchiha.'

'Never seen him before.'

I pretended to be deaf as i continued to my seat.

"Now class, let's start taking your attendance."

I wish i could get pass this and graduate already.

***

It was already noon and we had to go outside for our aptitude test. The sensei took out a bag of shurikens and kunais. Two target boards were hung on trunk of the trees. He gave three shurikens and a dummy kunai to each of us.

"You entered a little late than the others so you can go easy on this since i will do your aptitude test another day." The sensei said, lowering his voice.

I didn't like what i hear. I was always hard on myself and i was suddenly given a special treatment than others? I can't blame him for what he had decided since i look like a vulnerable child but i also can't give in to that. If i did, i would graduate late and it will be the same result if i just entered the academy at the required age. I shook my head, determined as i speak, "Please let me take this test."

His eyes widened, "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I didn't want to be omitted from anything whether it's test or exam that will determine my graduation. I have to hurry. I have to get better before it's too late.

The sensei stuttered an okay before letting the first two kids to start throwing the shurikens. My name was last in the list apparently since i registered late.

The first few students were average but there were some that could hit it right. I noticed the way they were holding their shurikens wrong and it was undeniably disturbing. I would've gotten insulted by my brothers if that was to happen. There were some reckless throw. Are they aware that this is a test that would determine their future?

"Uchiha Guren. It's your turn."

I nodded at him as i walked in front of a target and started to lift the shurikens in my hand. My breathing was steadied as i aimed for my targets and throw them accurately.

***

Throwing shurikens is the most basic of basics. Although when you become a full fledged shinobi you often care only to counter your enemy with powerful jutsus and techniques. Using shuriken is not weak but it's also not the strongest thing in a fight. It can become handy, only if the time comes.

In short, one who can't throw it well is just.. going to have disadvantages in minority.

Unless of course, if you're as strong as the hokages or you possess a kekkei genkai. Maybe shuriken isn't a big deal anymore.

I believe everything that is taught to us is very important and necessary or else, why would their even create it in the first place- if in the end, it's useless?

It seemed like the kids were unbothered by it.

The next thing we did was sparring. This time it was only for training, but i can say it's also a preparation for the upcoming aptitude test.

My first day, and it was already practical studies.

***

As always, when father isn't home Mrs Hanako would invite me over her house and let me help her preparing lunch for her children. It sounds weird to let a child of age four to help in the kitchen, moreover when it's a boy like me. But as they say, i'm odd enough to be considered normal. At first Mrs Hanako would tell me to just watch or play with her children. She was worried if i injured myself but her worry subsided overtime when i was reluctant to help her.

There was no real motive behind it, i just wanted to help her like how she did to me. Maybe even ease her burden a little.

"Thank you Guren. You've always been such a reliable child."

The woman in her forties smiled genuinely. She lifted the last plate of the dishes and went to the kitchen. I followed from behind.

"I'm glad you're the one i'm babysitting." She laughed. "Did you push yourself hard again yesterday?"

I shook my head. "I went to the academy yesterday."

"Ah, right. How was it? Did you get a new friend?"

Again, i shook my head, "It was only the first day."

"So you didn'? Didn't i tell you to smile?"

I didn't immediately reply to her as she let out a sigh from her mouth.

"Anyway, what did you do on your first day? Was it fun?"

"We had a test.. and the teacher praised me."

"Really? That's great!"

I smiled at her softly, indicating that everything is fine.

I lied.

It was fine at first but the look of horror and amazement simultaneously that i received- when i finished my first sparring with one of the kids- lingered in the back of my mind.

The boy i was fighting didn't even get to send me a blow. I might've overdid it, forgetting the fact that they were no older than Obito or not even as skillful as Izuna and Madara. The second we've finished interlocking both of or index and middle fingers, getting into the stance- i quickly darted forward and the next thing i knew, he was down. And the worst thing is that, that was a boy who scored very high, the top in the class in everything. Including Taijutsu.

I was weak against Obito but stronger angainst the kid in my class.

I don't know what to feel anymore. Relieved? Bothered? Even so i didn't want to appear weak. I need to gain acknowledgements from the higher ups. Only so i can get out of the village and start to do missions.

***