Chapter 37: Zoey

"You need to eat and get some rest, love."

I shook my head. 

"I can't Jer. Not until he wakes up. I need to be here when he wakes up."

"Love, he would want you to take care of yourself. Your hand's broken, and you have stitches in your leg on top of the injury to your arm a couple days ago. You need food and sleep."

"NO. I… I almost lost him Jer. At least that's how it feels. I was so stupid. I went out the window because I didn't feel like I could be with people who didn't trust me. It wasn't until I woke up in that warehouse that I realized it wasn't that you didn't trust me, you were just trying to protect me. This is all my fault."

I started sobbing. "He's hurt because of me and my stupidity. It's all my fault. None of you deserve to be saddled with such a stupid worthless mate."

"You are not stupid or worthless, baby."

I gasped and my eyes flew to Deke's face. His eyes were open, and they held love and a spark of anger. I dropped my head.

"You have every right to be angry with me. I put you all at risk and you got hurt. Fuck… you got shot twice because of me. I was so scared you were going to die and all I could think about was how much I loved you and all the time with you that I was going to lose. Maybe the Goddess was right the first time. I don't deserve to have mates."

Deke's hand reached over and grabbed my unbandaged hand and held it tight.

"Baby, you deserve us and so much more. You are NOT worthless. I told you I never wanted to hear you say that again. That's why I'm angry. You're so hard on yourself, and you don't see the amazing, wonderful woman that we see. I wish you could see yourself through our eyes. You're so beautiful, so loving, and so caring. You're fierce and protective of those you care about. You're loyal and have such an optimistic view of everything but yourself. It's our job to make you see yourself for who you really are, not the way hateful small-minded people have made you think you are."

I stared at Deke with my mouth hanging open. I didn't know what to say to all that.

"And we love you, baby. Always and forever. Hell, I think we would've all fallen in love with you even without the mate bond. I know I would have. Please, give us a chance. All we want to do is to make you happy. You're our world. And when you left, our world ended. My world ended. I was lost and I had no idea how to get you back."

"I shouldn't have left. I wasn't thinking. I just reacted to how you didn't trust me. Which is ironic since I don't usually trust people myself. But I guess what hurt was that I told you about all the shit in my past even when I didn't want to think about it. I didn't know if you'd change your mind because you'd hear how easily I was tossed aside and how unwanted I've always been. But I trusted you and told you everything. And it felt like you couldn't do the same for me. You didn't trust me to be accepting of things you've done."

His hand lifted from mine, and he ran the back of his fingers over my bruised cheek. 

"I'm so sorry, baby. I let my fear stop me from being as open with you as you were with us. And I shouldn't have, especially after I saw how you reacted to my playroom. I should've had more faith in you that my past wouldn't bother you. It's just that you're such a caring soul. I was afraid that when you heard how ruthless I used to be that it would scare you away from me. And I managed to do that anyway, by being a coward."

"You are NOT a coward, Deacon Fisher. Never. You went into that warehouse to save me, without a thought for your own safety. You went in knowing I'd left you, knowing I could possibly leave again once I was safe. But all you thought about was getting me out of there. I can't think of a less cowardly thing to do." 

I looked down and swallowed against the tears that threatened to choke my voice. I looked back up into his eyes.

"No one in my life has ever done what you did for me today."

"What do you mean baby? You mean come save you?"

"Really Deke? You really don't understand what she's saying?" Jer sounded amused.

"Fuck you, Jer."

I gave a small laugh but then got serious when Deke looked back at me. My voice dropped to a whisper.

"No Deacon. You killed for me."

He searched my eyes, looking for any sign that I was horrified by that. 

"I can't tell what you're thinking, baby. And it's freaking me the fuck out."

I smiled and leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to his lips. I gasped as he grabbed me and pulled me on top of his body, holding me tight. He took advantage of my surprise and slid his tongue into my mouth. I moaned as his flavor took over my senses and all I could do was taste him, feel him.

After a few minutes he broke the kiss and we both gasped for breath. He buried his face in my neck and breathed deeply. His voice was a deep rumble in my ear.

"Please don't leave me, baby. I won't survive it."