I can't hold It
In a pitch-black room, a girl is crying uncontrollably, her overwhelming emotions threatening to tear her apart from the inside.
Sniff…..sniff...…..
Micha felt so sad that she couldn't stop the tears from running down her face. "Why must I put up with this suffering, oh, why?" she wondered.
She felt abandoned and left for dead in a sea of hopelessness by betrayal. The idea of his treachery hurt her so much that she started to doubt all of her previous beliefs. She felt so alone and powerless that the weight of her emotions seemed like it would crush her.
She struggled with the terrible idea of ending it all during this dreadful moment. How she wished she could just get over this terrible anguish and find some comfort.
Her voice quivering with anguish, she screamed, "Were his remarks from a few days ago just a nasty joke? Was he pretending all along?" Sobbing hysterically, she added, "Everything he said was a lie. I feel like I will never be able to trust anyone again."
"But how can I ever forget him?" she murmured, her voice heavy with sorrow. "I don't have the strength to erase the memories we shared. Sometimes, the pain is so intense that every reminder of him feels like a fresh wound in my heart."
Micha was so overcome with emotion that she couldn't stop crying when she heard a faint knock on her door. The thought of someone noticing her tears filled her with terror.
She quickly fall silent, holding her breath. Then, she hear her mom's gentle voice calling, "Micha! Micha, open the door. It's time for dinner, come on."
She response, trying to keep her voice steady, "Just a moment, Mom. I'm wearing my clothes now. I will be there soon. Her mom replies with simple "Okay" and walks away, giving her a moment to compose herself.
Before heading to the dining table, Micha went to the bathroom to wash her face, hoping to hide her tear-streaked cheeks and emotional turmoil from her family. She added a smile to her face and joined her family for dinner.
Everyone was already gathered: her wise grandfather, Kim Soe Min, and her little brother, So Eun Min and her mom, dad. Micha always thought they were the best family in the world because, no matter what, everything they did turned out well. They enjoyed a delicious dinner together, filled with various dishes, and shared laughter and joy.
Though Micha savored these moments with her family, inside, she felt like she was dying, her heart breaking a little more with each passing minute.
After finishing dinner with her family, Micha wished them good night and headed straight to her room. Once there, she closed the door, leapt onto her bed, and played a heartfelt song. She let the music carry her tears as she cried softly.
As midnight approached, she finally drifted off to sleep, her heart aching and tears still glistening on her cheeks.
Tears filled Micha's face as she drifted asleep, and during the calm hours of the night, she suffered by a nightmare that was both horrifying and incredibly depressing. In her dream, So Hyung, her boyfriend, appeared in front of her with a detached, icy look.
He threw her into a large, dark body of water without warning. He exclaimed, "You are out of my life, and I don't want you anymore," as he watched her fight to remain afloat in the dark, deep water. You're thrown away after usage, just like tissue paper.
She felt as if a dagger had been driven into her by his harsh remarks, and the weight of his betrayal dragged her more into the sea.
As she struggled mightily to breathe, she could feel herself falling and the water closing over her head. "Now you are like a tissue," he said, resonating in her mind and deepening her sense of hopelessness and unworthiness.
She felt her power leaving her, her lungs burning as she tried to breathe as the water swallowed her. She felt like she was drowning, and she watched lifelessly as it seemed to evaporate into the depths of that murky, dreamy lake.
"No!" cried Micha as she awoke. Her dream was still with her, a threatening reminder of her deceit. How come? She questioned out loud, her voice quivering with disbelief, "He really doesn't like me anymore?" "Were my eyes deceiving me, or was it all just a terrible misunderstanding?" She started crying hysterically, her sobs filling the empty room as the weight of her emotions overcame her.
Her own cries rang out in the night's emptiness, the only sound that could have responded. This torture started at precisely 3:35 a.m.
The recollections were like a never-ending river, cutting deep into her heart no matter how hard she tried to ignore them. She groped for her phone in an attempt to divert herself from the agony out of desperation.
However, the moment the screen came to life, a picture of So Hyung surfaced, and the sight of his face broke her fragile calm. She snapped off the phone, the image burning in her memory, and she started wailing like a little girl who has lost her heart.
Micha lay there, the weight of loneliness and sorrow crushing her as her body suffered by weeping. The dream and the betrayal in real life continued playing back in her head, each time causing new waves of pain.
She gave her pillow a strong hug, hoping it would be able to ease her pain and absorb her sadness. The betrayal seemed to be an unhealing wound, an anguish that would never go away.
Whenever mind sank farther into hopelessness. "How on earth could he treat me this way? How could he discard me as if I had no value?" Unanswered and unrelenting, the questions kept repeating in her head. She was overcome with a sense of worthlessness and found it difficult to breathe, as though the atmosphere itself had turned against her.
She made an effort to recall happier periods, times when she had felt loved and treasured, but even those recollections were painful since they were so different from her reality at the time. Now, the love that had once made her happy seemed harsh, a bitter reminder of what she had lost.
Micha cried again and again as she lay in the dark, her heart exploding with every cry. The future appeared to be a dark and unknown place without the person she had loved so profoundly, and the night seemed to go on forever.
All she could do was cry and hope, though she knew deep down that the tears would never come, that soon they would take away some of the anguish.
The minutes dragged by, each one carrying the weight of Micha's wounded pride. She was feeling more and more hopeless as the grief that surrounded her seemed to never stop.
Her mother's voice called to her from below as the morning light peeked through her bedroom window, a soothing reminder that life went on outside her bubble of grief.
"Micha, good morning. Her mother remarked, "Be ready for your day and come to the dining room for breakfast," then withdrew to allow Micha some quiet time.
Micha got out of bed and headed to the restroom while carrying a sad heart. With the hope that the warm water might help her let go of some of the melancholy that was clinging to her like second skin, she turned on the shower.
She attempted to collect the strength to face the day as the water crashed over her. The effort of cleansing her body, flossing her teeth, and putting on clothes offered a little distraction from the agony that pounded in her chest.
After getting dressed, Micha made her way to the dining room where breakfast was waiting for her. There was a sense of normality as she saw her family's daily routines.
Her younger brother, So Eun Min, was talking animatedly about his plans for the day, while her mother was running around making sure everyone had what they needed. With his serene manner and perceptive eyes, her grandfather, Kim Soe Min, sat at the head of the table, offering a reassuring presence.
Micha sat down and attempted to eat, but each bite seemed heavy, and she was having trouble focusing long enough to participate in the conversation. Her mind kept returning to the agonizing recollections, the unsettling dream, and the disheartening knowledge of So Hyung's treachery. Usually a comforting sight, the breakfast food court felt lifeless and unattractive.
She was buried in her thoughts as she mechanically swallowed her food, but the sound of a car horn abruptly brought her back to reality.
Her heart raced, thumping more quickly than usual as fear took hold of her. With a mixture of fear and hope, she put down her fork and hurried to the balcony. Glancing over the railing, she looked down at the street, trying to locate the source of the noise.