6/4/21

June 4th, 2021.

Today was the day I was going to Mia's. The plan was to go to school and then id go home with her. The day before I stuffed my school bag with my clothes for the next day, my makeup, a book, and my phone charger. My bag was heavy and big. Big. I huffed while carrying my bag to my door where I would set it down for school the next day. I had a hard time falling asleep, I was nervous about staying at her house, I didn't what was going to happen. I thought about everything that could happen tomorrow and because of my anxiety, I didn't fall asleep until a little past midnight. At least I got some sleep.

On the morning of June 4th. I woke up and got ready for school. I wanted to look good because, well, just because. I always dress up and want to look good, I've been wearing a full face of makeup for 3 years, because of that I haven't seen my true face in a while and when I do I always think I look horrible, so every time I leave to go somewhere, I need to I guess what people call "doll up."

I put on some jeans that had holes at the knees, a black and white striped shirt with a velvet black tank-top over the shirt. I sat down at my desk and did my makeup, what I usually do, a big winged eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and shiny lipgloss. I styled my hair with a section that was tied up with a black flower hair tie. I looked good, I felt good.

I grabbed the backpack that I set by my door last night. My mom drove me to school that day, I always liked to be there early so I could be outside for a few with Mia since we don't have a lot of time to spend together. When I arrived at school I was nervous. I stepped out of the car, I almost fell cause my legs were like jelly. I walked up to Mia and we hugged for a bit.

More people started to arrive at school so we stayed farther away. We weren't very public. Her parents are very religious and mine doesn't accept it I'm sure. I made sure I had my mask since the virus was still around. I went inside with everyone else and started my day.

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The day went by fast. I was in 1st hour and then all of a sudden I was heading outside to be picked up. Mia was already out there, I don't know how she got out there so fast. We waited and waited for her mom to come and pick us up. After what felt like hours she finally pulls up. I get in and so does Mia, I took off my mask and looked out the window, I didn't want to look at Mia or her mom, I was nervous, very nervous. It was a long ride of awkwardness. Mia's mom tried to make conversation but I always ended it short cause of my anxiety. As you can tell, I have really bad anxiety.

We finally made it to the house. On the way inside I took my time and looked around. This is not how I imagined her house.

How I pictured her house was to be a two-story maybe three with a basement, dark wood floors and white walls, bigish rooms, and Mia's room being big with red walls, white grayish curtains with at least a queen-sized bed against the wall. How her house was, a one-story house with an attached garage with a built shed in the back, a porch, a big yard, light brown floors and white grayish tile, Mia's room was tan-colored walls, a smallish room, her bed against the wall, a big vanity, a desk, and a recliner.

I set my stuff down on the floor at the end of her bed. I just stood by her door while Mia sat down on her bed.

"Are you going to sit?" She asks, patting a spot for me to sit at. I shook my head. "I'm fine," I say as I start to sway back and forth. She stands up, "Well anyways we have to go out to the living room, I'm not supposed to be in my room during the day. I have to watch my dog."

Oh yeah, I forgot she had a dog. Her dog was a pomeranian mix, his name was Marco. He was a cute little dog, really hyper, but cute.

We went to the living room and Mia let her dog out. He jumped everywhere, he was so hyper and happy, his little tail wagging so fast. I stood in one spot and he wouldn't stop jumping on me. I didn't mind it, my dog is like 5 times the size of this little guy. When he calmed down a little I sat down on the couch. Mia played with Marco and talked to me, asking me questions and things to get to know me, because we barely did, we had only known each other for 4 weeks.

A little bit of time has passed and Mia asked me If I wanted to go outside, I said sure. We went outside and had to bring Marco with us. Mia put him in his little fenced-in area by where we were sitting. We sat down around a fire pit for a while and continued to talk. Well, Mia mostly talked.

"You don't talk much do you?" Mia asks. I laugh a little. "No, I'm very quiet, you can ask anyone, I just don't talk." I look away from Mia. For some reason, I just couldn't look at her without blushing.

"Well as you can tell, I talk, a lot," Mia said as she stood up. She went by where I was sitting and put her hand out, "Let's take a walk around the yard." I take her hand and stand up. We hold hands as we walk around, it's quiet for a while. I look up at the trees.

"Why do you keep looking up?" I looked back down at Mia, "I just like that today is a windy day, the sound of the trees moving is soothing to me, and hearing the birds chirping." I say, slowly looking back up. "Well you look pretty looking up at the trees, the sun makes a nice light." She smiles and giggles a little. I blush and look in the opposite direction.

We went into a field and continued to talk.

"So what are your boundaries?" Mia asks, "Hmm?" I was confused. "Boundaries, like what you are comfortable with and not."

"Oh, yeah I don't know.." I start to try and think of something, "this is my first ever real relationship. I mean yeah I have been in some, but this is just different." Mia nods.

"Boundaries are something I like, I don't like to make a person uncomfortable, so when you think of some, let me know." She said with a smile. I lean more into her hand, while also holding her same arm with mine. I was comfortable right now. I liked this one-on-one talk, It was nice.

The sun was slowly setting, but we still talked, we somehow got into talking about food.

"I don't usually eat, I've kind of just stopped.." I say as I look down towards the ground. "What do you mean? I've seen you eat at school." Mia's voice turned more worried. "Well, I, uh, I have an eating disorder, It's hard for me to eat, if I can even manage to force myself to eat I just force myself to throw it up before I can digest it.." My head was still on the ground, I don't like to talk about this part of me. I'm fine with talking about the things within my family, but talking about food is just a touchy subject to me.

"I don't like talking about this, it's something I like to keep private.." I say before Mia could say anything. "Well, I've learned one boundary!" She says I laugh a little, "yeah, one boundary." I say back. Mia checks the time. "We should probably get back inside, dinners are almost ready." I nod. " It was nice getting to know you more," Mia said still holding my hand, "Yeah, same."