Chapter Forty-three

Alexander's POV

I look at the man I once called my father; the same man who failed raising me. Thinking back about what he had done in the past, it hurts. It doesn't matter if he didn't do a great job being a father but what matters most is that he failed being a husband. How can he just say that he doesn't love her anymore? How can anyone do that to someone?

I grip harder onto the door, finding some source to hold. ''You lost the chance to call me your son when you left, eighteen years ago.'' I say through gritted teeth, holding back my anger. I can't be standing here any longer without wanting to punch his face or make his realise how stupid and naive he is for leaving us behind. He didn't even come, not even once.

Not being able to remember what its like having a father—it somehow ruins my childhood. It isn't supposed to affect now for being an adult but when you haven't seen him for the past years, no one can calm down and act like everything that happened was just memories. I can never look at him the same way anymore.

''Alexander, would you please let me explain?'' He frowns, walking toward me.

''You stay away from me.'' I say a bit too rough, ''I want you to stay away. Leave me and my family alone. Don't come near me, I mean it. I don't know you and I don't ever want to know you.'' My heart clenches as I say those words that could hurt his feelings but has he ever thought about mine? About her? I quickly enter the car, not bothering to continue the conversation.

I glance toward Athena's direction, seeing that she's keeping quiet as she just eye my every move. I turn the steering wheel, taking the other turn—not bothering to go the same way. I press hard onto the gas pedal, somehow wanting to mutter curses every second and throw things at everyone but I can't. I have to hold that in. I have to hold my anger in. It's not worth it. Especially not for him.

Without me realising, I have been driving too fast. I look down at my fingers and see that they are shaking. I squeeze one of my hand—feeling them being ice cold. Loosening the pressure on the gas pedal, I breathe out, running my hand on my face, ''I can't drive.'' I mutter under my breath before looking at Athena.

She looks at me with concern, touching my forearm, ''I can't drive.'' I keep on repeating as my heart continues to beat fast. ''I can't drive, fuck.'' I mutter under my breath—making sure that Colton doesn't hear the last word. My hand grips harder onto the steering wheel and turning left to stop the car.

I step out of the car, slamming the door shut. I immediately grip onto the railing before running my fingers roughly through my hair. Muttering curses under my breath, I turn around to see Athena stepping out of the car. She continues to walk toward me.

My brain feels like they could explain any moment now just by thinking about it. Why did he show up out of nowhere? Why now? He could have showed up years ago but why now? Why now when I'm almost happy and almost getting somewhere with my life. He just has to come and ruin everything.

Athena stands beside me, lightly running her hand on my forearm. I close my eyes as I feel her warm fingers on my ice cold skin. ''Alex.'' She calls out my name but I stay still on my position, not even moving.

''Hey, hey.'' Athena touches my face, ''Look at me.'' She pulls my face closer, wanting me to look at her. I meet her brown eyes and I stay focus only at her eyes, wanting to calm myself. It's amazing how I can ease myself just by watching her eyes; they work as magic on me, ''Everything is going to be alright. You are going to be fine. I'm here, aren't I?'' She says.

In an instant, she pulls me into a hug as she wrap her arms around my neck. I stay still for a moment before holding around her waist, ''I'm here.'' She whispers into my ear, soothingly rub my back. I have always comforted her and it's weird that she's the one comforting me now.

I snuggle deeper into her hair, inhaling her scent. She hugs me tighter as we continue to embrace each other. She pulls away slowly but I haven't let go of her waist; I hold onto her, not wanting to let her go. My eyes immediately catch her lips, they are as pink as they were before—that's why they manage to catch my attention every time. One of my hand runs up her jaw, pulling her face closer.

She looks down at my lips too and without wasting any second, I lean in; meeting her lips. I kiss her softly and slowly—savouring the moment. I pull her closer by the waist to deepening the kiss. I tilt my head to the side and have a better access on her lips.

After a few minutes, we both pull away; knowing that we can't continue any further. I run my fingers through her hair, loving how soft they are. I kiss on top of her forehead, ''I love you.'' I mutter softly, enough for her to hear. I feel her body tenses but she does not say a word—which satisfies me. She doesn't have to say it back for now. I know it's all of a sudden.

Once I get a better look at her face, it shows that she's still surprised. ''Get back in the car.'' I say softly and she nods before quickly getting in the car. I sigh, eyeing her from the window before getting in the car. I turn around to look at Colton, seeing that he's playing with his fingers.

I drive straight back home and once we arrive, it looks that Clara has already arrived to pick up her son. Athena steps out of the car and Colton follows her. With a sigh, I follow them too. ''You had a great day, right?'' Athena say, crouching to match his height. ''Running away from a bad guy.'' She adds, chuckling.

Colton smiles, ''I had a great day, Athena.'' Then he pecks her on the cheek, whispering something into her ear. Her eyes widen but her smile appears back immediately. I watch as Colton wrap his arms around her neck before running toward Clara who's standing and watching them both with a huge grin on her face. Colton waves at my direction and I wave back. They both get into the car before Clara starts to drive away.

I follow Athena into the house and closes the door behind me. She heads straight upstairs—leaving me staring at her back. I drop the car keys near the coffee table before walking up the stairs. I catch a glimpse of her hair in the bedroom so I push the door open, seeing her sitting on the bed and tying her hair up into a ponytail.

She looks up at me and I crouch in front of her. Our eyes stare at one another for the longest time before I drop my head on her lap and sigh helplessly. Within seconds, she rubs behind my back soothingly and running her fingers through my hair. I hold onto her hips, letting them stay there.

None of us said a word. We didn't bother to.

Athena lifts my head up and just like that, she began kissing me. She moves backwards while pulling me onto the bed without breaking the kiss. Without us realising, I'm already hovering on top of her—using my elbows to support my weight. We aren't sharing the same soft kiss like before. This is more passionate, more reasons, more needs.

I find myself kissing down her neck while pulling her shirt up her body, exposing her stomach. I press onto the side of her waist before sucking onto her soft spot. She immediately pull my body closer and pull my shirt up. She throws the shirt on the ground before continuing to kiss me. Both of us are so caught up with being in each other's embrace and warmth; we totally forgot about the world. About the real issue.

I stare directly into her eyes, watching as she enjoys my every touch, my every movement. She has one of her hand gripping hard onto the bed sheets while the other remain on my back, continuing to pull my body. I can't help but trail kisses down her naked figure. It makes me wonder that I'm one of a lucky man to have her.

The next morning, I kissed down her neck for the last time before showering and heading out for some coffee. She was pulling me back to bed, trying to not make me leave and of course, due to her seducing me, I manage to kiss her for half an hour before going out. She was really making me think whether I should go and grab a coffee or not. I've never thought I would be thinking so hard.

Sitting alone at the cafè near the window, I end up looking at my coffee, somehow forgetting I was supposed to take a sip of it. I run my thumb on the warm mug. I came here to actually think freely and trying to clear my mind. The smell of coffees soothes me down every time, it always does. Ever since I was little. Maybe because it's how mom would always calm down.

She would go to any cafè and breathe in the smell of coffee. That's how she can stay so calm while she faces her problems. One being dad. I don't know how she became so strong. How she manage to keep all of her anger to herself. Even though I did see her cry every night, who wouldn't, right? She loved him. Even if she said she doesn't, I know she does. They did promise each other, an everlasting love.

Sometimes it took me awhile to even trust myself. Some might blame everything on women but to be honest, men are a lot more dumb than you could think. We make stupid decisions without thinking and we end up regretting them later. We don't appreciate what's in front of us and never think of the consequences.

Growing up seeing a strong woman shedding tears every night is hard. Hearing her sobbing, watching her thinking. It's like she's blaming herself. There's nothing wrong with her. She's beautiful, intelligent and funny. He was just too caught up in lust. He was too blind to see how many sacrifices she made for him. For both of them.

He wasted all of the years knowing her. He didn't realise that he can never find someone like her. I was lucky to have her as my mother—hell, I was more than lucky. Sometimes, I feel like I didn't deserve her at all from every aspect. Whenever I'm feeling down, I would always remember her smile, remember her laughter, remember the time I picked her fragile body and swung her around the room. How she would always tell me that she loves me.

I miss those moments. I'd give everything to feel them again—to relive those memories.

''Okay, so what has gotten into you? Spending your time alone at a café.'' A stranger says as he take a sit in front of me. I look up to him and he looks back at me, ''Did you not have a good a night sleep yesterday because well—'' He points his finger down his eyes. I know what he's stating. It's my dark circles. I smirk unknowingly. Didn't have a good night sleep for a very good reason. ''Never mind.'' He stops talking.

He looks down at my coffee before looking back up at my face, ''I know you must be wondering, what the hell am I doing here? I mean, you don't even know me. Okay, let's make it short. I'm your step-brother.''

I breathe out through my nose and point out at an unknown lady near the counter, ''Oh yeah? And she's my step-mother.'' The man in front of me furrow his eyebrows before looking back at me.

''Yeah, very funny. That's not even funny to begin with. I don't want to have an argument with you because I surely know you well. Don't ask.'' He stops for awhile, ''Dad told me. He told me quite a lot about you. You're pretty lucky because he just—'' He pulls my coffee, taking a sip and swallowing the warm liquid, ''—loves you so much.''

I take a better look at my step-brother and see that he's wearing a suit. His dark blonde hair is neatly combed even though they're long and messy if not nicely managed. He has light hazel eyes. His nose is slightly crook, fighting? ''What do you want?'' I ask.

''Look, I didn't came here because he told me to. He didn't. I feel sorry for him, that's why I'm here. I don't know but I asked one of my men to follow you.'' He leans in, resting his hand on the table, ''Alex, your father is a very nice man. He clearly knows that I'm not even his son. I'm his step-son but still, he treats me like his own. He raised me well.'' Good for you, I thought, clenching my jaw.

He looks down at my ring, ''You're married. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said that.'' Then he sighs, ''You probably don't know this but he wants to see you. He really wants to meet you. It's been years, Alex. The last time you saw him was when you were fifteen.''

''It's not a surprise that you knew.'' I run my fingers through my hair, glancing toward my wrist watch.

''Do you love him?'' He asks, making me stop moving all at once. I look back at him—somehow not believing what he just asked. I sigh deeply, showing how uncomfortable I am with this topic and how unrealistic for me to love someone who has left me and my mother without even once coming back to see us. Not even when she died.

''Let's just say that love doesn't exist.'' I mutter, determined with my answer.

''I don't know what had happened between you two but from what I see, from what I heard, he's different.'' He looks down at his own hands, ''He's dying.''

Deep inside, truly deep inside, I'm surprised to hear that from him. From my step-brother that I just met out of the blue—saying that my father is dying. Dying. I look at his face, seeking for lies, but he looks back at me with nothing in his eyes but sincerity and sympathy. How did he became a better son than me?

''Then you should've stayed by his side.'' I reply.

''Alex, his one last wish is to meet you. To talk to you again. That's all he ever asked for. I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for you. For both of you. I just want him to die knowing that he gets to fix what he messed up before. Everybody makes mistakes and he for one, did. I can't blame him nor can I blame you because I wasn't there to be the judge.''

''Look, whatever happens to him, don't get me involved. That's all I ask from you.'' I say before standing up and pushing the door—leaving the place. I hear footsteps behind me and I don't even have to turn around to know who's behind me.

''You don't get it!'' He shouts.

I continue to walk, not bothering and he continues to talk, not bothering either, ''Think about it. He may have been the worst father for you but he has been a great one for me. Don't regret it when you miss the chance to see him again. He won't be here any longer.'' I stop walking, sighing. ''You know where to find me.'' And when I turn around, I see that he is still standing there, somehow knowing that I'll be stopping.

It took me awhile to believe that I am actually standing in the middle of the living room of his house. I put both of my hands in my pocket as I look around. He definitely has changed—his living style. The house looks huge; as if he has been achieving something big for the past.

''My name's Theo.'' He says as he walk past me, dropping his car keys on the coffee table near the wall. I eye his every action and he turns to look at me—seeing that I have been at the same spot since I entered, ''You know, we actually have a lot in common.'' He continues, ''I know what it feels like. I've been there too.'' Then he starts walking up the stairs, ''Come on.''

I know what he meant by that. He was trying to say that he understands what it feels like when I was younger—knowing that my mother was betrayed or so I thought but then again, his mother was the one who ruined everything. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have never done that. He would have never leave her. He would have never choose his mother in the beginning anyway.

We walk up the stairs and I look up to see hanging chandeliers.

Once we reach his room, Theo knocks on the door before pushing the door lightly. I catch a glimpse of dad's hair. Theo steps inside, ''Theo.'' I hear his voice calling out Theo's name. I slowly follow behind him and dad's eyes widen immediately, surprised to see me here. Actually standing in front of him on my own will with no one forcing me. Except for Theo, he did force me at first.

I look at the woman beside him. She has dark blonde hair with the same hazel eyes as Theo. I eye her reaction as she smiles at me. I lift my lips up into a small smile—somehow forcing. She knows how I don't really appreciate her presence so she starts to walk out from the room.

''Alex.'' Dad calls out my name.

Theo stands beside him as I stand on the other side, looking down at him, ''You actually came.'' He says, his voice sounding like he does not believe that I'm here. He starts to cough and Theo takes his glass of water, handing it to him. He takes a sip before pushing the glass away. Theo looks up at me, gesturing me to actually start talking.

I frown, what am I supposed to say? I don't deal with this every single day and today is definitely unexpected. I didn't even prepare. For god's sake, I'm wearing a sweatshirt and a pair of washed jeans. Before I could open my mouth to reply, my phone starts ringing. I look down at the caller ID to see Athena calling me, ''Excuse me.'' I say, under my breath, loud enough for both of them to hear.

Walking further away from them, I answer the call, ''Alex, where are you?'' I hear her voice from the other line. ''I thought you said you wouldn't be long.''

''I have to settle something. I'll be back later and I'll tell you everything, okay?'' I say, slowly. I hear her move from the other line and her breathing. ''Okay, do that.'' Then I hear her chuckle at the end. I smile unknowingly before she ends up the call.

I turn around, facing them two again. ''Alex, I'm sorry.'' Dad starts talking, ''I really am. I should've known better when I left. I should've thought about it. Leaving you. You were eight.'' He coughs again and Theo frowns, somehow looking worried, ''How stupid of me.'' His voice breaking at the end. Both of his eyes are focusing on me. It's like he's afraid if I might disappear if he looks away.

''It was your fault.'' I reply, not knowing what's the best answer.

''How's your mother?'' He asks and my heart somehow stops beating. I end up staring at him and when I glance back at Theo, he has confusion written all over his face, ''Alex?''

''She passed away.'' I answer, clearing my throat. Rubbing the back of my neck, I start talking, ''You've missed a lot. You missed watching me grow, you missed watching her.'' I clench my jaw, ''You would have known if you see her crying every night, if you watch her go weak for you, if you actually were there for her. You would've known.''

''I made a mistake...'' He coughs, this time a bit longer than necessary.

Theo rubs onto his arm, ''Dad, please, don't push yourself.'' He says quietly.

''How pathetic of you to think that she was alive. She died still loving you. I reminded her everyday about what you have done to us but she kept on saying that you just didn't realise it yet. You were too blind. You were too caught up with your life that you didn't realise what you've been leaving behind. She wanted to hate you but she couldn't.'' I breathe out, ''For fuck's sake, dad,'' I press my voice harder on the word dad, ''I don't care if you left me. I cared because you left her. You fucking left her. Who the fuck does that?''

Theo looks down, frowning.

''You did. Don't you even feel a single regret? Don't you even feel sorry for yourself? Sorry for her? Don't you feel like bringing her back so that you could apologise? Don't you just want to hold her again and show her just, for once! Just show her how much she means to you?'' I can feel my eyes tearing, ''Or you just don't care? You lost hope for her? Did you realise that you didn't love her or that you never really did loved her?'' I add.

He looks at me, completely speechless. ''Son, I loved your mother. She was my everything. She was everything that I've ever wanted. She's the perfect woman. The perfect mother for you but it was stupid of me. I got bored of her...''

''You don't know how that just makes me want to punch you hard on the face.'' I say, directly, ''You should have thought about the good things, the happy things that you have spent with her before leaving. Then you would have actually appreciate her more.'' I look at the machine beside him—stating his heartbeat. They are raising every second.

''Dad, calm down.'' Theo says.

''Alex, forgive me.'' He says, trying to reach out for my hand.

''No, ask her that.'' Then I push the door open before walking out of the room. I hear him shouting out my name as I walk down the stairs. Theo tries to calm him down but as soon as I reach the front door, I hear the machine stops beating and the beep was heard immediately; putting me into a halt.