Say your goodbyes

Micheal felt tired today. He was tired all the time. The chemo that rampaged his body prevented the cancer from spreading.

That was all it did.

Micheal has switched to an aggressive treatment that made him feel worse. Giving him horrible asco* it gave him time to reflect.

Micheal wanted to die.

The treatments didn't save him, he was tired he made his peace with god and death. He wanted to go see his favorite niece. His parents.

Micheal's once stocky build had withered to bone. He had always had large muscles. They were now gone his stomach swollen with fluid again after it having been drained.

Micheal gasped in as someone held his hand and he smiled at Ricardo.

"Mijo."

He gasped in his voice hoarse and rasping.

"Don't waste you're life Mijo."

The dying man begged

"I crawled in he bottle for years... SQUEEK ..... locked up in and out of Jail..... wasted... you have a lot of potential Mijo..... you're art can change the world."

Ricardo nodded tears down his face. He had given his mother the night off alternating and making her rest. Promising to update her every hour.

"I drew you something Tio"

Ricardo opened his sketch book to reveal a hand sketched detailed drawing, each line arched the way only a masters hand could. Three figures were standing. An older woman.

A happy wrinkly face with thick curly hair. She wore dangling colorful Dan earrings. A light pink track suit. The color vivid and rich it was almost as if he could reach in and touch the old woman.

Inez Munoz.

Micheal's mother and Ricardos grandmother. The second figure was Anita Marie. The 16 year was drawn from Ricardos perfect memory. She wore a long white silk dress with black lace around the middle. Her long black hair was curled around her and she smiled a bright smile. Anita's most prominent feature was her nose. A round bubble at the end she hated.

Standing between the two women was a healthy and vibrant Mario. His cheeks filled in from and set the women adorned on each side of him holding his arms happily.

Micheal wore his regular basketball shorts. He had on a dark gray muscle shirt. Each shoulder plumped and thick with the meat. The shadows causing his now pale slime to shine anew in his natural brown sugar shade. The muscle shirt had a large blue star logo represent his favorite American Foot ball team.

The Dallas Cowboys.

This was Micheal. This was a true representation of who he was. Crystalline tears began to drip across his face coming first in small round blind until they transformed into salty river streams staining his cheeks.

"It's me."

A raspy croak could be heard. Tomorrow was another round of family members all coming to say their goodbyes.

.....

Kathy held onto her children holding their small hands and kneeling to their levels.

"Ok guys. I want you to remember what I told you."

"Tio Micheal has Cancer."

"That's right, now remember because of the medicine he took to fight the cancer. Tio Mario doesn't look like himself anymore."

"What does he look like?"

"Tio Micheal is very white."

"Like me?!"

Bella Luna asked. It was true that though her mother was the light to medium shade of beige. Bella Luna was part polish and Mexican. With fair porcelain skin.

Bastion also took after his Italian German father and kept that white complexion.

Several times when shopping with her children Kathy had been asked if she was the Nanny. And never in a nice tone. Always in a loud slow drawl that people used to make one feel stupid.

"My mom gave birth to us."

Bella Luna would respond angrily and glare at the strangers.

Kathy took their small hands and shook her head.

"No beans. You still have rosy pink cheeks and color."

Bella Luna was confused

"Don't be scared ok."

Kathy said to Bella Luna and Bastion. The both nodded bravely and wide eyed. Their little minds could not imagine what their strong warrior Tio looked like.

It was worse than they expected. Michel was raised up several family members scattered around the large room.

Bella Luna saw her Tio a withered shell of his once mighty self. Her face scrunched up into pain she she burst into tears and hugged the man. His once strong arms moved weakly around Bella Luna. He wished he could pick her up and swing her around. Through her small body into their air like king king and swing her around making airplane and shooting noises.

Bastion cling to his mother his small lip pouting. A whimper came and he began to pull on his mothers clothing clutching it as he tired to climb up.

Kathy lifted her son and borough him over. As he hid away.

"Bastion, it's Tio."

The small boy hid his face too upset to look at the man.

"Bastion buddy... it's me Tio. It's strong man"

"Strong man."

Bastion asked looking up. The five year old didn't quite understand as he searched for the stocky giant.

Bastion looked at his Tio and pouted slightly. And began to realize who the man was. He began to cry. He hugged his mother sobbing and crying as she sat by her uncle and held him hugging the dying man.

Kathy removed the children as they became more hysterical leading them to a reserve red area to cry.

"Is Tio going to die?"

"Yes, he is, don't be afraid of dying, we're born, we live, we die. We are all living organisms. A great circle that goes around. But you inside your a soul. You're magic.

There's a bright light of energy inside of you trapped inside a fleshy prison. You are soul, and your body is a brain."

The children laughed as all the little children listened. The cousins and nieces and nephews were all sad but clung to Kathys words.

"A brain?"

"A brain"

Kathy dropped her voice making it gargle deep

"A brain controlling a skeleton, in a in a meat suit, we are all just magic light inside of flesh and bone."

Kathy wiped their eyes

"Don't be sad. Tio Mario is going to the best place ever."

"Disney land?!"

Joshua shouted as Kathy laughed and smiled

"No."

"The library!"

Baby Anita said. The youngest granddaughter of Francine and Kathys Baby niece.

"No you silly goose!"

"Heaven!"

Bellana said happily as Kathy smiled.

"Yes Heaven. Tio is going to Heaven to be with god. And Tia Anita, and Nana Inez, Tio Keiko."

"Are we going to go to heaven too?"

"Someday you will, but remember you can only go to heaven if you are good, and you love god. It's ok to be lost and do naughty things sometimes. It is never ok to hurt people. God doesn't like that. As long as you try to be good. And apologize when you do bad. God loves you."

"What if you kill people."

"Then You can't go home to heaven."

"What if you lie?"

"The. You tell the truth and ask for forgiveness and god will forgive you."

"What if you break your toys?"

Kathy sighed

"Ok. So the worst things that will not let you go to heaven are. Lying, cheating, killing. Wanting what someone else has. Being lazy. But remember the one thing god will never forgive you for is Suicide.

God loves you and he gave you a gift a whole life. And he wants to learn and understand and he built you this whole world with mommies and daddies and cousins."

"And dogs!"

"And cats and birds and trees. He made everything. You. And me. And he wants us to have a big long life and be happy. And when we are all old and in our beds leave our families and go get to be with him. And tell him all of our stories and our adventures. Because even though he's always watching you. He loves you and wants to know everything."

"What's suicide?"

Baby Anita asked? The large group of children all looked at their aunt and she smiled sadly.

"So there and angels and demons, well humans have been here for so long the monsters are invisible. They like to whisper mean things inside of you. Like doubt, they will say things like. Maya no one likes you. Or Angelo, your art is terrible.

They whisper mean words in your ears to make you sad and lonely.

If you listen to those monsters for a long time you will feel like no one loves you and the world hates you.

That's when the monsters win because you hurt yourself and die.

And if you die, they get to take you down with them to hurt you and be mean.

Because demons are lonely and their heart is filled with pain. They have to hurt others just to feel something else."

"I don't want to die"

Ethan said he was quiet blonde hair blue eyes cherub face boy.

"You won't for a very very long time. Just try to be a good person. If you try to help people god will bring you to heaven. As long as you believe him no matter what. You don't ever really say goodbye. And god lets you come back, he lets you come back as plants or trees or animals. Or sometimes it's a surprise. And you get to come back as a poisonous tree frog."

Kathy made a flaming sound causing the children to laughe and hugged and kissed all of them. Kathy was affectionate.

"Did you hear what kathy said to the kids?"

"Yeah I did, she's so good with them."

"I know I love the way she explains things. She always goes into detail and gives me the whole background. She never makes me feel stupid I wonder why she's so smart."

"She loves to read, Kathy reads 10 different books a day. I can barely do one and I have to really like the book."

The cousins Tiana and Nathan watched as Kathy played through she chased the kids and laughed and ran. There was still a sadness around her.

A longing and pain that she tried to hide and did so very well. But when she thought no one was looking. Sadness and pain oozed from her spilling out for just a moment.

As quick as it would happen Kathy would beat it back down not wanting to show any weakness for her children.

Tiana wished for her cousin to find happiness. Kathy deserved it.

*nana: Mexican American slang word for Grandmother.

*asco : El Asco: (os-coh) Puking, purging, vomit. Stomachs ache, Throwing up. Toss the cooke.