[3]: A Cold Twilight (2)

Chapter 3: A Cold Twilight (2)

'It's oddly cold tonight.'

It was only the start of autumn but the weather seems to be getting colder already.

Marco slipped his hands on the pocket of his jeans. The gush of wind is freezing and even if he was already wearing a jacket, he couldn't help but shudder.

'I wonder if this girl near me is feeling cold.'

'She's only wearing a white knee-length dress and brown leather flats. She must be freezing.'

The silence between them was maintained until the girl finally spoke, breaking it.

"Why did you do that?" she asked. Her eyes remained focused ahead, watching the glittering ocean of stars.

Marco was puzzled by her question. His eyebrows furrowed a little and he turned towards her direction the asked, "What do you mean?"

The girl turned in his direction and stared at him straight in the eyes. He felt lost looking at her shining eyes that are reflecting the starry sky like he was sinking in a deep ocean.

With an earnest and hint of curiosity in her voice, she asked him without beating around the bush, "Why did you save me?"

The pupils of his eyes quaked. He was taken aback by what he had heard. Her question echoed in his mind that made him also wonder about the answer.

'Why did I save her?' he questioned himself why.

'Why really?'

Marco glanced at the starry night sky, hoping that he would find the answer there. He sighed, knowing that what he did was just pointless and stupid.

'Who am I kidding?'

He tried to think of any good reason but nothing comes to his mind. It's clear to him now that he's not good with taking impromptu questioning.

"I don't know," he answered after a while. "It's just that, I… I just don't want to see somebody die before my own eyes."

"Hmm…" she slightly nodded and did not say anything else.

The girl turned back to gaze at the stars meanwhile Marco's eyes remained glued towards her. It was baffling, how his attention couldn't pull away from her. She's like a piece of art, attracting his eyes.

Marco saw a smile etched on her lips. Just like how she smiled earlier, it's warm. She's looking in a different direction but he still saw it. With the help of the moon and the stars, illuminating the surroundings, he managed to see through the dark.

While looking at her, Marco's thoughts became complicated. He was puzzled and unsure, especially because of that warm smile.

"Why do you want to die?" he subconsciously asked. His voice was low and almost muffled by the loud sound of the crashing waves but with their small distance from each other, it was undoubtedly heard by the girl.

It has been running on his mind for quite a while now. His curiosity took over him and he didn't even notice himself asking such vulgar questions.

His mind was clouded with thoughts and his eyes were hazy and unfocused.

'I'm curious. Why do some people want to die?'

'What cruel experiences did they have, for them to think that way?'

'What pushed them to seek the end of their lives?'

'Did they have enough with life itself?'

'Is death really the only solution?'

'If their hearts stopped beating, will their pain also stop?'

'If they run out of breath, will their suffering end too?'

Marco could not stop himself from asking those questions that have been bothering him for so long. He has been yearning for the answers, he wants to know.

'Is it true that if you die… you would be free from everything?'

'Will there be no more pain? No more tears? And no more suffering?'

'Will you be finally at peace?'

'Will you be happy?'

'I want to know.'

He badly wants to know but all his thoughts were left unsaid. It was directed at no one but himself.

---

Marco snapped out of his thoughts when a huge wave crashed at the cliff that caused the seawater to splash. Some went over and drizzled to both of them. Although the wave was powerful enough to come over the cliff it was not as harsh when they braised the impact of it. The water was cold and almost freezing enough that it made Marco shiver a little when it touched his skin.

He wiped off the water that's running on his face using his arm while frowning. His hair also got wet but he's lucky that it was not that much. He brushed his hair messily, trying to dry it up even a little.

Then, he turned towards the girl to see if she's alright while still messing with his hair.

"Eh! Are you alright...?" Marco trailed off when he finally saw her face. His hand that's brushing his hair stopped abruptly and it went low, almost seemingly limp.

The girl did not answer his awkward and inappropriate question. She was simply starring at him, her eyes looking quite solemn.

Marco found the girl's face wet, really wet that the liquids are running down her face. He doubted that those were just the seawater. Even throughout the dimness of their surroundings, he still saw how her eyes well up and how the tears started to stream down her face.

He was at a loss for words and does not know what to do after witnessing such a scene. His heart was cluttered with plenty of unnamed emotions. It was hard to even take a breath but he still willed himself to say something. To apologize for his stupidity, he swallowed his stutters and let the words come out.

"I'm sorry. That was an insensitive question to ask. You don't have to answer it if you don't feel like it."

"No. I don't," she firmly said, not even glancing at Marco but her conviction was conveyed. Her eyes were still fixated on the sea of stars that seemed to be drowning her within.

At first, Marco could not comprehend the context of her words and got confused. Then, his heart almost sank when he understood what those words meant.

"I never wanted to."

The girl turned and faced him, looking directly at his eyes while saying those words full of sincerity, despite her shaky voice. Even though she was crying and her tears are continuously flowing down her cheeks, she fought herself not to sob.

'She's smiling but her eyes tell me otherwise.'

Marco stared at the pair of eyes that haven't stopped welling up with tears. It looks sad and somewhat pained. His eyes quivered and his heart staggered with its pace. He did not know what to say after hearing what she had said.

'I didn't mean to make her cry. Asking that stupid question is a really bad and inconsiderate idea.'

'You're definitely damned, Marcus, you bampot!' ¹

Cursing himself wouldn't do anything to make the situation any better but it was the only way for him to let out his frustration towards his own stupidity.

Marco never liked seeing someone shed tears in front of him. And right at this moment, he couldn't stand the sight of the girl forlornly crying, especially since he was the cause of those tears.

While solemnly staring at her, he couldn't stop thinking, 'She looks so sad and vulnerable.'

He was hesitant to do unnecessary actions since they were basically strangers but he swallowed every hesitation he got and took a stride to reach out to her.

"Hush… Don't cry." He tried his best to make his voice soothing as he wipes her tears away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry," He leveled his head to hers to meet her eyes while he held her cheeks. "I'm sorry I asked without considering your feelings. I shouldn't have done that."

He was wondering why he felt great emotions generating from within him. Why does he felt like he was the one hurting? Why did he felt a pang in his chest when he saw her tears falling? This was the very first time that he had met her, so why?

Maybe, it was because of his conscience. Maybe he felt guilty about his impudence for being so inconsiderate of her feelings.

'It's totally normal. It's your entire fault so bear with it,' he inwardly scolded himself.

He has no one else to blame for this current situation but himself, he knows it all too well but he was still grateful though.

'Perhaps, if I hadn't asked her that, it will remain unsaid. Just when will she be able to voice it out if I hadn't?'

Marco wiped the young lady's tears that are continuously streaming down as if it has been held back for far too long, and now, they couldn't be stopped any longer.

***

[1] Is another Scottish slang that means, "An idiot or a fool."