CHAPTER TWELVE: THE CHOICE THAT CANNOT BE CHOSEN

I sensed someone following me. I walked faster and farther, doing everything I needed to get home as soon as possible. The sound of footsteps behind me became increasingly louder till it sounded like running. I should have fled; I should have bolted. I ran a few meters before he got up to me. He snatched my arm. I threw the bag over him, but that was the same as tossing a bag over a tree. He was not stunned; on the contrary, it enraged him

"You bitch!"

He slapped me and spoke to me as if we knew each other. My left face had gone numb. I took a break near a nearby building to avoid collapsing. I was shocked and couldn't think of anything. My eyes were watering. He let me fall to the ground. His eyes were fierce, and his lips twitched in a happy smile. I detected danger. I'd never be able to escape if I didn't do something. My brain and body, however, were unable to function correctly.

After realizing I was helpless, he grabbed my hair and dragged me to an abandoned building. My voice was weak as I screamed for help. My eyes were watering and tears were streaming down my face. When he finally let me go, I mustered all my courage and confronted him. Before I could even stand up, he slapped me again. My mouth was so dry that I could taste blood. I collapsed once again as he approached. He was in the process of taking off his belt. My mind foresaw what was about to happen.

I was shocked to find myself at the shooting range with August. My whole body shook. I was disgusted. My right hand was clutching a small piece of paper.

Selina Grace Bennett

December 26th 00:35 hrs.

21 Local St., Brooklyn

"Selina…"

"Are you alright?"

August's touch on my arm startled me. He let go right away. I didn't want to think about the vision I had just saw since it reminded me of how I died. He did it again. Selina, the woman I saved, was his victim.

The consequence is the punishment itself.

That must had been the repercussion Death warned about. I saved her that night, only to have us both murdered by the same man. I forced her to experience the same brutality that I had, the feeling like I was buried alive.

"Selena, the woman hit by a car?" August took the note from my grasp. "It's her time; nothing can be done about it."

I embraced myself. My mind kept fusing the vision of Selena's death with my own.

"What's the problem?" August asked once again.

"That guy," I muttered. "That man will kill her."

Why haven't I gotten that man's name yet? Why was it still another woman's name? Why, why, why can't the cops do anything?

"It's Christmas Eve," I remarked. I wouldn't know the date if the grim reapers hadn't decked Jericho for the holiday season. "There's still time."

"Lilith." August grabbed my arm and warned me sternly.

"This is the first time the police will be aware that the killer will strike again. Please, August, let me see the police."

"You already know I can't." He lowered his voice but not his intimidating presence. "You're solely in charge of reaping the souls. They did not punish you the previous time. Do you believe they'll give you another chance? Do you think Death would allow that to happen?"

To be honest, I didn't even consider trying to save Selena's life. Simply put, I figured it was my best chance of apprehending the murderer.

"I have work to do," August said as he examined another small piece of paper in his hand. "You're staying here. Do not go to the cops."

Without waiting for a response, he vanished. This time he won't let me tag along. August worked alone for the first time since I became a grim reaper. He had little faith in me.

I examined the note in my palm as I walked to the lake. I didn't expect to see Selena's name again; she would be murdered in a matter of days.

I came to a halt, clutching the paper in my palm hard. August had forbidden me from going to the police, but that didn't stop me from following Selena. Following her up until the moment she died was not against the regulations. I blinked to the living side.

I found myself standing alone in front of the Christmas tree, surrounded by people who had come to ice skate at Rockefeller Center. Both children and adults enjoyed skating in the same direction; some were good, while others needed to grab the rail to stay balanced.

When I lived in New York City, one of my bucket lists included spending Christmas in Rockefeller Center. I fantasized about ice skating with my beloved while admiring the illuminated Christmas tree. Who would have guessed I'd get the opportunity to see it. Minus the lover. No longer alive.

I was looking for Selina, but it was difficult to spot her in such a large crowd.

If she wasn't in the rink, she was presumably downstair at the café. I strolled passed a couple snapping pictures with the Christmas tree, through laughter and music in the background, until I arrived at the café's entrance. On the night before Christmas, I wasn't surprised to see a long line.

I was about to give up when I spotted Selina sitting at the window table. She was with a man whose hair was the same shade as her highlight. As they were holding hands across the table, it was obvious that they were a couple. With a grin and a chuckle, she continued talking. Compared to the last time I saw her at the crossroads, she seemed more animated. The man looked at her with adoration and respect. They talked while they watched skaters glide around the outdoor rink.

"Look!" Shaking his hand, Selina then looked out the window.

In the center of the rink, everyone's attention was on a man who was kneeling to his boyfriend. When he said "yes," the crowd cheered and applauded. The café had a more upbeat vibe. They were giddy with joy and green with jealousy as they discussed the proposal.

"This is bad. I need to come up with a new proposal." Selina blushed as her lover said this. "Also, are you ready for tomorrow?"

"Don't bring it up. I'm nervous. Worst case scenario: your folks don't take a shine to me."

He chuckled.

"They're going to adore you."

She cast a timid glance his way as he beamed triumphantly.

"I consider myself really fortunate to have met you. If I was hit by a car that night, I won't be able to meet with a client like you the next day."

"What? You fell in love with me on the first day we met? Why did you let me flirt for months?"

"Who said it was on the first day?" Selena took another sip of water and returned her gaze to the rink.

I saved her life so that she could meet her sweetheart. While they were fantasizing about the future, she was dying...again.

I had no motive to continue following Selena. I exited the café and walked away from Rockefeller Center, blending with people that no one could see me. The vibrancy of the living side had abandoned me. I felt out of place, an outsider at this joyous celebration. As I walked along, I caught a glimpse of grim reaper doing what it does best: collecting souls. Nothing good came from our arrival.

I was mindlessly wandering. My family was too far away for me to visit without drawing the attention of the Order. Lots of individuals were in my path. For me, they were the aether. Not a soul was there I could confide in.

Up until the moment that man entered my line of sight. Since he looked like everyone else, he was able to fit in seamlessly. Nobody expected the person walking down the Fifth Avenue on Christmas Eve to be the serial killer the police were searching for. Not much set him apart from the rest. He was the sort of person you may hardly notice existed if you and he had never met before. He might work with you, and up until now all you knew about him was where his desk was. Perhaps he was the anonymous next-door neighbor to whom you had always nodded and smiled, but never learned the name.

When I saw him step in, my entire being tensed up. I came to a halt, my hands gripping the hem of my own clothes. My heart was pounding, and my head felt heavy. I desperately wanted to flee, but I couldn't. When I tried to turn away, my gaze kept returning to him. As he drew nearer, I felt increasingly uneasy. My mind kept replaying the scene from that night.

Our gazes locked, or at least mine did, into those cold blue eyes that froze me to the bone.

I avoided him as he passed. The scent of rust and cigarettes mingled with the wind added to the realism of the situation that night.

I have to kill him. I have to kill him. I have to kill him.

At that point, I realized that my hands were only centimeters away from his back. Even the slightest touch from the grim reaper would be enough to send him careening across the road and bouncing as far as possible when he was hit by a car.

That was right. My time had come. If I didn't stop him now…

"The punishment for killing a human."

Mandy's voice came to me out of nowhere.

"…everyone on the living side will forget about your existence, like you were never born."

Omar's voice chimed in as I started to hesitate.

"I've got nothing to lose."

"I've got nothing to lose." I told myself.

In an instant, my mind went back to the day of the graduation ceremony. Jamie laughed as he viewed the photo through the camera. My mom and dad were overjoyed and very proud of me. Their gaze comforted me. Just seeing them made me forget about how tired I was from studying.

"I love you, Lily."

An interruption from my mom's voice made me pause.

I hoped they would keep those times in their hearts forever. Because of them, I was able to exist. That time in my life would be lost forever if I did something to this man. Without any friends or family to care about me, I would dissolve into the void. There would be no Lilibeth Mary Langdon.

I couldn't do it…I couldn't accept…

After the pedestrian signal went green, the murderer began to go farther and farther away from me.

Why did he take everything from me? Why was I the only one experiencing this agony?

In Jericho, the vibe was just as upbeat as the rest of the living side. Behind the map board was a Christmas tree decked out with ornaments. There were couples even in the afterlife. They lived normal lives even though some might have just reaped souls, some might have witnessed unjust deaths, some might have reaped the souls of their loved ones. They abandoned the living side and acclimated to their new role as the Grim Reaper.

Would I feel better if I abandoned my humanity and let go of my hatred, anguish, and sympathy? could I allow myself to be happy?

Although the night was not as pitch black as the night I died, it still felt like I was staring into the abyss.