Chapter 5 ~ Admitting To Love

After Darius and Dante took me around the town and just generally hung out with me and asked a bunch of questions. We had a long goodbye and they gave me the bags of things they got me, even though I told them not to. Then I headed back to the pack house. As I walked in the quietness of the night I hummed to myself. I was really happy with how today had gone. Up until I stepped onto the pack's territory. As soon as I did I was surrounded by the pack's warriors. Jone being one of them.

"Luna! There you are. Finally. We've been looking for you absolutely everywhere since you took off earlier. Where have you been?" I jumped and blinked in surprise.

"Jesus Jone. You're trying to give me a heart attack. Damn, you scared me half to death." I put my hand up to my heart and took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down.

"Sorry. We're just happy and relieved that you're finally home and safe luna. I mean you did just disappear on us. We've been so worried and scared that something might have happened." As he talked he walked up to me and pulled me into a bear hug. I made an oof sound when he did.

"Well I didn't really disappear. I just went out shopping by myself. I decided I needed to treat myself today. After everything that happened I really needed time to myself." He sighed and nodded in agreement as he pulled away.

"I understand. I just wish you would have told someone that you were going out for a little bit." I sighed and nodded. I understand why they would be worried about it but honestly I really needed the time out. 

   As we started walking he took my bags and led me towards the pack house, which I didn't mind. Those bags were heavy. I honestly wish they hadn't gotten me so much stuff but they didn't give me much choice in the matter.

"I'm sorry. I honestly didn't mean to scare everyone but if I had told someone they would have tagged along. I really just needed some alone time. Oh, by the way, did you call me Luna when I first walked up? Cause no one calls me that normally." He nodded to me but I wasn't sure if that was an answer to my question or if he was just nodding because he understood me needing time to myself. 

After that we walked silently to the house. I was pretty sure he was mind linking Derrick to let him know I was back because when we got there he was standing in the doorway.

I was preparing for an argument about how I was irresponsible and shouldn't have done this and blah blah blah. That's not what happened though. Instead of a blow up, he actually walked over and gave me a big hug and nuzzled his way into my neck.

"You're ok right. You're not hurt or anything are you?" I blinked in surprise. He was worried about me. That was a first and I was not expecting it.

"Yeah I'm fine. I was just out for a bit. I needed time to myself. That's all." he nodded into my neck and sighed in relief.

"You're ok. Thank the goddess above that you're ok." He sounded genuine but I was waiting for the blow out. I knew at some point he was gonna yell at me. I just didn't know when.

he sighed and grabbed my hand and started to pull me into the house. I figured he just didn't want the pack to hear us arguing. They were already shaken up from me being gone so he probably didn't want to make it worse. Whatever it was he stayed quiet until we got into his office. Once we were he closed the door and let go of my hand then went over to his desk and dropped down into his chair.

"What were you thinking? That was reckless and stupid. You could've been hurt or worse. Are you just trying to get hurt. I told you they were dangerous and to stay away from them. So what were you thinking?" I frowned and rolled my eyes and thought. 

'Figures. I knew it was coming.' then I sighed in annoyance. Then rubbed my forehead and answered him.

"First of all, I wasn't with them. I mean I don't even know their names. Secondly, I was out shopping because I decided to treat myself for once, not to mention the fact that I needed time to myself. So I was thinking that it wouldn't hurt too much to just sneak off of pack land to be alone for a while." He frowned and shook his head at me.

"How wouldn't it hurt? Everyone was looking for you. The whole pack. How wouldn't that hurt? You scared everyone who happened to already be scared because of him and don't lie to me. I know that you knew it wasn't me. I know that you knew it was him. So why would you run after him?" I growled.

"Because he's still my mate as well. You can't blame me for wanting to know him as well. Also I didn't know until he was taking off and I saw the blue collar. You can be mad if you want but I at least want one of my mates to love me." He flinched when I finished and stared at me for a while.

"Where did he go?" He completely ignored my statement and continued as if I hadn't said anything. 

"I don't know because I never caught up to him. Hence why I went out for a bit. I was upset and I had a right to be after all." He huffed in annoyance and started to bounce his leg while I crossed my arms.

"Well at least you never caught him. I'm glad about that. He is dangerous after all. Now if only you would understand that." I glared at him.

"If all we're going to do is argue then I'm leaving. I had a good day for once in my life and I'm not going to let you ruin my mood." I turned to walk away but he stopped me.

"Wait. Please just wait." I huffed but turned back around towards him.

"What if I apologize for arguing? Will you, please, stay then?" I frowned and looked at him in confusion. 

"Only if it means we aren't going to argue any more." He nodded in agreement.

"Alright. I'm sorry for always fighting with you. I honestly don't mean to."

At that I simply walked over and sat down on the couch that was in his office and shrugged.

"It's nothing that i'm not used to by now. My family and I used to argue all the time." He looked at me sadly and shook his head.

"That doesn't make this any better. I should be better than them. I don't want you to run away or stop talking about me like I never existed." I looked at him in surprise.

"Huh. So you do care a little bit then. That's nice to know. Although it doesn't change the past." He sighed and nodded.

"I've always cared. Just never showed it. I'm sorry I have been so hard on you." Again I shrugged. 

"Well It's not too late to make it up to me. I'm still here, even if I have thought about leaving before." He flinched again and this time he whimpered as well. The whimper made me flinch.

"Please, I can't promise anything will change a lot. I can promise they will change a little. Just, please, know I don't want you to go anywhere. Ever." I rolled my eyes.

"You say that now but if nothing changes then do you really mean it? I mean when people mean it then stuff changes. A lot."

"I do mean it. I can't explain why but I just can't change anything right now. I need to keep things the same. For the pack. I'm sorry." I sighed but shrugged again.

"Again, it's not anything new to me. It'll always be the same." after that I got up and walked out and this time he stood up.

"Please, Mellissa, I need you to try and understand. I'm in the middle of a rock and a hard place here. Please."

 I just walked over to the door and started turning the handle when he said something that made me pause.

"I love you! I always have since I first met you and I always will." I froze in place. My mind immediately started to race because I wanted to believe him but I couldn't. Not with how he had always acted towards me since the first day we met.

"Don't say things you don't mean. Please, I've been hurt too much to be lied to by my mate." I heard the chair move and his footsteps come closer.

"I'm not lying. I love you. More than I could ever explain. I just can't show it. I also can't tell you and that's the hardest part. Making you believe that I hate you has been the worst thing I have ever done. I wish I could tell you everything but I can't. Please, I need you to believe me. I love you."

 I went deadly silent. I couldn't even think, my mind was racing a million miles a minute right now. I was also telling myself that he was just saying this. That he couldn't possibly mean it. Then his hand landed on my shoulder and he made me turn around.

"Please. Please don't cry. I love you so much and I can't stand you crying right now. It hurts so much more than seeing the pain in your eyes when I side with liza." I winced.

I hadn't even realized that I had started to cry but when he said something I started to feel the tears rolling down my cheek and I quickly brushed them off.

"You know it's really hard to believe you considering our past. He nodded and whispered, 

"I know." As he did he whimpered slightly.

"Is it bad that somehow I can still manage to believe you." He looked at me surprised but hopeful.

"Really?" I nodded and he immediately pulled me into a bear hug. 

"Thank the goddess." as he said then we both relaxed.