lies

Everything crumbled

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The knock got louder as Nalishebo shouted for her husband to open the door. I was looking for a place to hide but jay couldn't careless, "help me sneak out from the back door" I told him. I quickly dressed up and quietly walked through the back door to avoid being seen by Nalishebo. As I opened the door there she was, "what are you doing here?" She asked. "Mulenga came to look for you" jay lied. "But why did you lock the doors I have been knocking", she said. Nalishebo made her way into the house and I followed behind, my heart was racing. When she finished unpacking the groceries she bought, she went straight to the living room. Jay was already in the shower when I followed her to the sitting room. I saw one of the condoms we used on the floor I made my way to get the used condom without being noticed by Nalishebo. She looked at me for a long time without saying a word and went to the bed room. I waited for a few minutes without a trace of Nalishebo, I called for her and she came out crying. "What's wrong?" I asked?", she wasn't talking. foolishly I thought she had an argument with Jay. "I moved closer to the edge of the bed where she sat and she pushed me away, "leave me alone"! She shouted, "what's wrong?" I asked. "What's wrong?" She looked at me, "You have broken my life into pieces mulenga", she sobbed. "How the hell did she know what happened" I couldn't figure it out, "you must think I am a fool, I know you better than anyone. I knew you were a prostitute but why my husband of all people?". She was disappointed "I'm sorry Nalishebo" I whispered , "sorry you say mulenga? You can't see what you have done? You have destroyed my family you bitch", she threw some lotion bottles at me. Jay walked in,"what's going on?" He asked. "Jay why my friend of all of people? You are such a dog" said Nalishebo. She got four more condoms and threw them at Jay. I couldn't remember exactly what had happened the previous night but I knew jay and I had sex all over, they were too many condoms around. "Let me fix this nalishebo please", I begged her. "What can you fix? You have failed to fix your life now you come after the only man I have", she shouted. Jay's silence puzzled me, I thought he said he loved me and wanted to leave Nalishebo for me. She went to the kitchen and came back with a knife trying to attack me, Jay separated us but, he wasn't on my side. "You will never have peace in your life for destroying my marriage, you are so jealous of me iwe kolwe. you have had different diseases from the 100 men you have slept with, have some shame", she insulted. I had enough of her insults, knowing jay wanted to leave her I defended myself. "You should be thanking this prostitute for saving your useless marriage, jay wanted to leave you", I dropped the bomb. "Leave me? When?", she went to jay and asked him if what I said was true. The bastard refused and apologised to his wife, men? but, I was a bigger dog off course. "Get out of my house, walitipwa iwe (you are cursed) I will never in my life ever forgive you for this" she pushed me out of her house. As I walked out of Nalishebo's house I realised what a fool I was. I couldn't blame jay for lying to me entirely. I blamed myself for always being the naïve stupid person that I was all times. At that point I realised it wasn't really about the men I was with. It was me who had a problem. I drove my car home and asked not to be disturbed before I burst into laughter that followed an emotional break down. I had been to a sangoma, church, pastors but I couldn't change. It wasn't even demons that I had. I came to a point and realised I was addicted to sex. I had lost count of how many men I had slept with since I had been in the city. It wasn't all about the money but I loved sex so much, my addiction was a different kind. Rare for women but I was one of them. it was hard to explain to people what it meant to be addicted to sex especially for a woman. The more sex I had the more stress free and less pain I felt. Through the years I had used sex as an escape from my real problems, God being so merciful he always gave me a second chance to start over. It was very difficult for me to open up to anyone about my life and the personal struggles that I went through. Oh! and since I was cursed, my mouth was closed.