CHAPTER 004

May 27, 2013.

It has been several days since I spoke with Mathías, we have hidden our relationship well and, being honest, I never imagined that it would be better than I thought. He is the perfect boy, attentive, affectionate and he cares a lot about me, yesterday he went to the house and my parents met him, obviously I still do not present them to him as my boyfriend, but as they say; all in good time.

What worries me lately is the attitude that Bastián has had, I have not been able to speak with him, he distances himself completely from me and does not answer my calls, maybe the conversations with his psychiatrist are working, I am one of the first who wants him to live a normal life, but surely he wants space sometimes he is like that.

"It won't be long now, my birthday and graduation are coming soon." I say to those present.

"Well, now the good is coming and everything legally." Brooke comments.

Everyone nods, after a while I'm alone with my dear friend Brooke. I see her strange so I ask her what she has, in the same way Bianca is, she has not come for two days.

"It's nothing, it's just your imagination," he says sharply.

"You know you can trust me?" She nods, her gaze on the ground as if it was the only thing she could see.

"Things are bad again, all because of him." He says more for her than for me.

"Who is to blame Brooke?" I ask confused.

"No, I can't tell you. We have it forbidden." comments would be.

I don't insist, after a while she excuses herself and leaves. After all, I feel like something is wrong, things don't fit together anymore and all I want is for everything to go back to normal.

I'm going to the Saabagh house, I want to know how Bastián is.

He opens the housekeeper for me, I smile as I shake his hand in greeting.

"Girl, I thought you'd never come," she says melancholy.

I realize that this was forbidden, he has relapsed again and was not for him at this time, he sighed deeply.

"I didn't know this had happened." I finally say.

"Did some of the Saabagh tell you? They are forbidden to say it, at least the ones who were there that day." He says without further ado, clenching my fists.

I immediately go out to meet him, he will listen to me. I swear it is. When I enter I see people in the room, but as expected of me, they ignore me. My steps are hurried, determined and with a great pinch of anger.

Its door has a touch screen which you must put a key or fingerprint to close or open, to be honest it is a nightmare to be placing your fingerprint and waiting for it to give you access to Bastián's room, but well, everyone with their tastes.

Upon entering, I do not visualize any living being, his room is immense, it could be said that it is my room multiplied by three, too big. The peculiar thing about it is that it is not dark or gray, it is white, a white that when entering fills me with peace and it is inevitable not to lower my guard. He is a manipulator.

I sit on his bed, I love this one because it is big, and very comfortable.

I feel like I haven't come here for a long time, it's complicated for me right now because of the problems at home, I also have to take time to dedicate to Mathias, it's difficult to come for many reasons.

Bastián is special and I sincerely want to offer him what I can and cannot, it is difficult in my position. The last time I was here, he wanted to kiss me and take me to bed, he said that he needed me in a way that he was not sure if I could offer him, that alone was enough to understand him perfectly. I accepted, I accepted to be with him for the first time and I don't regret saying it, although nothing happened because he suddenly contradicted himself.

I don't know where he is right now but since he doesn't arrive I lie down on his bed.

What with my parents has stressed me, the relationship that I am hiding from everyone's eyes and Bastián's emotions and attitudes are making me lose my sanity.

Time is so reciprocal that it makes me angry, and it bothers me that Bastian Saabagh is not here, so I make myself comfortable in bed to wait for him.

3 hours later, I'm wanting to cry because I don't want to get out of bed, it's late and I have to go home.

"I hate you so much," I say through my teeth.

His mocking laugh reverberates throughout the place, like I hate him. He knows me so much that it scares me, I knew he would come, angry and wanting to tear him to pieces. And the best decision to save his skin was to set me up. I hate it.

"I love you so much." He says mockingly. "You have dinner and I'll take you home."

He gets out of bed drying his hair, surely he recently had a bath.

"I have to go at once." I say, incorporating myself in a bad way.

"Do not be stubborn, you will do exactly what I have told you. Don't make me mad Lette." His voice makes my hair stand on end.

His eyes tell me, and when I fix my gaze he turns to another direction. He is not the same, he is not taking his medication I know, I have found out.

"How long have you been like this?" I ask sharply.

He does not respond, silence is what is ruling the room.

"How damn long have you been like this!?" The cry is eminent.

His silence is what bothers me, that he lies and does not say anything, I look for my things that are on his desk, I take it with total frustration, my eyes itch.

"I thought you were better, not this." I point to his body.

I leave the room hurried by the anger that I have caught with Bastián, I know that I will start crying but I prefer to do it alone. I am so pathetic that all those moments that I tried to be strong and not break in front of his eyes just to give him strength did not help.

I can't take it anymore, the room is now empty. To tell the truth, it is what relieves me a bit, I leave in a hurry and with this I say that I am running as if my life depended on that.

He came to a stop and I swear that hurting Bastián will be my Achilles heel, my goal to achieve in a way. I run more, I leave the house directing me to the security part.

When I left the house behind, I sighed deeply, so much pressure was on me that as I moved forward I could not resist crying.

My crying was for everything I had accumulated, my parents ceasing to love, starting a new life with my father without my mother, last but not least was Bastián Saabagh, whom I loved very much but his emotional and mental instability did not let me living space.

Honestly, not all that glitters is gold, and my life is changing step by step in a way that even I cannot bear.