What-ifs

"it's just.... empty"

*sigh "that's why I can't answer you if I'm okay or not." he said and looked away from his friend.

"Are you sure?" Kihyun frowned.

"Yes" he casually said before sipping his beer again

"it would've been nice if there's a Suju" "right?" he asked smilingly to Kihyun

--This brat! How could he still think of Suju in this situation?!--Kihyun thought making him raise his eyebrows at his friend's remarks.

"you said you don't feel anything? But why do you look troubled?" he asked seriously

"troubled?" furrowed his eyebrows and stared at his friend looking confused

"….." this guy!! His eyebrows are twitching from frustration, it seems like he was talking to a wall here

"ah!" he said after realization

-it's good that this brat has finally under--- Kihyuns internal celebration was cut off by Hyungwons remark.

"no, you got it wrong, I was just thinking." he said and looked straightly at Kihyuns' eyes

"you mean you're just thinking? Like you've been spacing a lot when we are eating when we are practicing and you even made more mistakes? Is that how you are thinking?! Yo—"

kihyun suddenly stopped talking and started thinking "is it? wait is it really? Isn't that how he usually acts? No! that can't be he is leading me by nose again!" "seriously this guy!! He is really getting on my nerves!!" he clenched his fist trying to calm his anger.

Hyungwon blinked his eyes from confusion

"I am serious, I'm just thinking" he firmly said

"okay fine!!! Great you're just thinking, so care to tell me what you are thinking for these past few days that you are spacing out?!" he said furiously

He stared at him surprised by the outburst.

"..."

"..."

After realizing that he lost control of his anger "sorry I- "

"no, it's okay, I should be the one to say sorry, sorry for making you worry… but! I am really just thinking"

"This guy!" he was about to scold him again when Hyungwon talked.

"I'm just thinking, what if, what if this call was made a few years ago?

What would have I done?

What would I have felt?

What would I have said?

Would I beg her to come back to me?

Would I be angry at her?

Or maybe Would I cry?"

"…." Kihyun was caught off-guard by the turn of the events, but he didn't interrupt him, instead he listened carefully

"But the funny thing is that the call that I've been waiting for years came only 3 days ago. I've been imagining this time to come but the expectation that I have is different from what happened." He said mockingly, as if mocking himself, his past self.

Kihyun fell into silence for a minute and finally, he looked up and said "so, do you think you finally moved on?"

"because you felt empty, you think you moved on now?" he continued

"...." Hyungwon hesitated for a moment then he said "I guess because I felt nothing else" then took another sip.

"that's what you think?... but for me, you aren't" he faced Hyungwon.

Hyungwon froze, then he chuckled "why do you think so?"

"you know there is a thing: I felt so much, that I started to feel nothing" seeing his friend stopped he continued "I mean because she made you feel so much, you started to feel nothing… being empty"