A pain in the *ss (part 2/2)

The night was cold. Every once in a while, a gust of wind would rush past the two of them, causing them to shiver. Brennda kept walking unsteadily, while Manco followed her closely, curious about what kind of event she would trigger.

As they turned a corner, she slowed down and turned around.

Putting a finger on her lips, she let out an exaggerated "SSSShhhhh!"

Rolling his eyes, Manco nodded and whispered: "I know, I'll keep quiet."

Nodding, she crept toward a wooden wall and gestured him to follow. Joining her at the wall, he peeked through the gaps between the planks.

They were looking directly at master Gwyndham's house.

The place could be described more precisely as a bamboo cottage with thatched roof, which made it stand out from the other houses in the village. It was in a middle of a small plot of land filled with all sorts of plants and vegetables.

In front of the cottage was a table and next to it, a small chair where the old man was sitting and nodding off.

Then a cold wind bled toward him. Starting awake, he looked around as if to make sure no one was there.

He stood up and collected his belongings from the table: a teapot, a cup, a lunchbox, a pipe. After that he turned toward the house...

... revealing a gigantic hole on the back of his pants, completely revealing his buttocks.

"Pffft!" Brennda's hands shot up, covering her mouth. Her shoulders were shaking from the suppressed laughter. Tears began falling down her cheeks.

Fortunately, master Gwyndham did not notice the noise. He kept walking toward the house…

*PPHHHRRRBTtttt

… and let one rip, causing the pieces of fabrics around the hole to flutter furiously!

"Eeep!" Brennda let out a small yelp and bit down on her hand to keep from laughing. On the other side of the wall, the farting stopped as Gwyndham froze, and so did Manco's heart.

In the blink of an eye, the old man pulled his crossbow out of nowhere, turned around and shot.

*Twang! *Thwack!

A bolt pierced the wooden wall they were hiding behind, a mere finger's width away from Brennda's face. Her eyes widened.

"Who's there?" Gwyndham shouted.

Not wanting to face the master who was very likely in a murderous mood, Brennda and Manco crept away from the wall. As quickly and quietly as possible, they weaved through alleyways and small roads, making their way back to the tavern

When it was obvious they are not followed, Brennda began laughing. She laughed so hard that she had to sit down.

"Oh my god! That was hilarious!" She said breathlessly. The revelation plus the near-death experience had apparently made her sober.

"Yes, it was," Manco said dryly, unamused. He forgot just how whimsical and off-the-wall the game's logic could sometimes be. A normal person could simply fix the pants or ask someone to buy a new pair. Who would sit around all day in holey pants? And why did he have only one pair? Why did he have to sit outside?

'Stupid video game logic!' Mahn Li cursed inwardly. Nevertheless, he felt lucky that he met Brennda and staked out Gwyndham's house instead of wasting time talking to other people and listening to their useless speculations.

"I don't believe it! So that's why he never moves from that chair!"

"Apparently so," Manco replied, shaking his head.

"What do we do now?" She asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. "There is no clothing shop in this village."

"I don't suppose you have a pair of man pants with you."

"Oh, Anthony does! I'll go back to the tavern and look in his luggage."

"Does it… um… suit Gwyndham's taste though?"

"I'm not sure. From the look of it, the pair he's wearing is made of rough cotton and have leather paddings on the knees. I'll find a pair that is most similar."

"How many pairs does Anthony have?"

"A couple dozens. The idiot brought half of his wardrobe!" She scoffed.

At the tavern, Brennda disappeared inside while Manco looked at the sky, thinking about how to properly "gift" the pants to Gwyndham.

After ten minutes, she walked out the door, carrying a bundle in her hands.

"These are not exactly the same, but probably close enough!" Manco said, inspecting the pants.

"Okay. But how are we gonna give these to him?" Brennda asked, "We can't walk to his door and say 'Hello, I heard your pants are busted, so I'm giving you these.'"

"I'm thinking the same thing," Manco nodded, "he'll probably shoot us dead on the spot."

"How about we throw it at his door?"

"That's just as suspicious. He suspects someone saw his holey pants. At night, someone throws a new pair of pants at his door. In the morning, someone comes to ask for a training. He'd be an idiot if he couldn't connect the dots."

"Hmm. You're right!" She admitted and they spent a few moments thinking.

"Wait, I've got an idea!" Manco said. A light bulb turned on in his head.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The following morning, outside master Gwyndham's house.

A gaudily decorated wagon was parked in front of the place. Several men were unloading heavy-looking chests and putting them in front of the master.

"Good morning, o great Master Gwyndham…" Anthony began his speech, his charm turned up to the max.

"Get lost!" Against the master archer's surly face, that charm was useless.

Gritting his teeth, the Anthony cut his speech short and went straight to the point. "In exchange for your teachings, this lowly one would like to present to you these presents"

He then proceeded to unveil one gift after another like a salesman.

"Here are the finest silk cloak, made of diamond worm silk…"

"…A deck of playing cards, decorated with depictions of the finest ladies of the citadel wearing little more than perfume and seductive smiles…"

"…A set of hunting clothes, consisting of tunic, vest, pants, belts, arrow quivers, caps. Made out of excellent materials, surely suited to all sorts of weather…"

The master's expression remained stoic, but his eyebrows raised ever so slightly at the word "pants."

"Yes!" Manco exclaimed quietly. He was standing in the crowd of onlookers, watching the cutscene unfold. "This could work!"

Anthony continued his presentation for several more minutes. Eventually, having run out of things to say, he fidgeted awkwardly and threw glances at Brennda for support.

"Alright," said the master "I guess I'll make an exception for you. I don't need all of these. Just the hunting clothes," he paused, and added in a low voice "and the deck of cards."

Beaming like it was early Christmas, Anthony bowed so low his head almost touched the ground.

"This lowly one thanks master!"

"No need for such formalities! Come back in the afternoon and I'll teach you."

"Afternoon? Why… Ack!" Anthony began to protest but Brennda silenced him with a fist to the ribs. She placed the items Gwyndham requested on the table next to him and gestured to the men to load the rest onto the wagon.

"Thank you for your time, master Gwyndham. And we apologize for bothering you." She said with a slight bow, and he nodded in acknowledgment.

She and Anthony boarded the wagon, and the crowd parted to let it past.

The moment she saw Manco, Brennda grinned, winked at him and mouthed "Thank you!"

〔Hidden quest completed: "A pain in the ass."〕