Alpine Shepherd Boy

Two police officers arrive at Chuck's house after his neighbor calls 911 to report the stolen newspaper.

Officer-: Albuquerque police .

Tommy-: Sir, come on and open up.

Chuck :- I have a condition.Uh, I can't go outside or be exposed to what's out there.

Officer -: You were able to come outside to steal your neighbor's newspaper.

Chuck-: I didn't steal it.I left $5.The... the cover price is 50 cents.

Officer -: Did your neighbor consent to sell you her paper?

Chuck -: I, uh... She... I... Isn't...L... um, officer, let's... let's...Let's talk about something called "probable cause."As I'm sure you know, in the state of New Mexico, there is a two-part test to determine whether police officers have an objectively reasonable basis...

One officer walks around to the basement door

Officer-:Hey Tommy. Come around here, would you Check this out.

Chuck -: Requiring an individual leave his house is seizure...And, therefore, protected under the fourth amendment, right?

Tommy-: Whole lot of camp-stove fuel.Guy sure as shit sounds like a tweaker.You see what he did to the breaker box?Is he coming out, or are we going in?

Officer: You got 10 seconds to open this door, or it's coming down. You hear me?Final warning!

Chuck -: Okay, I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll let you in, but you have to leave your electronic devices outside.No phones, no walkie-talkies, no flashlights... Definitely, definitely no tasers.I can't emphasize that enough. Deal?Or... look, look. I'll give the paper back.

Two Officers kick down his front door, and taser him.

Jimmy visits Mrs. Strauss, an elderly woman who collects porcelain Hummel figurines, one of which is a rare and valuable alpine shepherd boy.

Jimmy-:Now, where were we?

Mrs Strauss-:Oh, would you like some more tea?

Jimmy-:No! No, thank you. I'm... I'm fine.Now, the Shepherd boy Hummel...

Mrs Strauss-:That's gonna go to your nephew Clarence?As long as he finishes college. Okay.If he drops out, it goes to my niece Raylene.But then, Raylene doesn't get the girl...

Jimmy-:The girl with the geese. Mm.

Mrs Strauss-:Yeah. No, then that would go to your cousin Helen...

Jimmy-:Mm-hmm.

Mrs Strauss-:So long as she never remarries Frederick?

Jimmy-:Exactly.

Mrs Strauss-:And no matter what, I want the towheaded twins to go to Reverend Lawrence's grandson .And here I thought all lawyers were idiots.

Jimmy-:No, only half of us are idiots.The other half are crooks.Aren't you a spicy one?

Mrs Strauss-: I knew I'd like you when I saw how you saved that poor man on the television .

Jimmy -:Now, I hate to do this, but I do need to bring up my payment.Um and I'm sorry, but I can't accept s&h green stamps.Now, uh, my fee is $140.

Mrs Strauss -:$140?

Jimmy-: I'll gladly accept $70 today and $70 when I come back with the completed documents, if...

Mrs Strauss-: $20, $40, $60...$80, $100...And $20, $40.Uh. Okay.Shall we continue, Mr. McGill?

Jimmy-: Yes. Yes, we shall, Mrs. Strauss.

That evening,Jimmy meets Kim in nail saloon.

Kim: Put it on the nail, not the skin.

Jimmy: I can't help it if your toes are too small.They should all be the same size...The size of the big toe.

Kim -: So... how's it go again?

Jimmy -: Hey, good times.

Kim -: Oh. Even your lousy days are more interesting than my good ones.

Jimmy -:Yeah, well, we should definitely do something about that.Did two wills today. Whoopee! Old people love me.

Kim -: Maybe you got a future in elder law.

Jimmy-: You think I could handle all that glamour?

Kim-: No, I'm serious.

Jimmy-: I... I've thought about getting into elder law myself.I watched my grandmother at the end. Insurance companies, my scumbag cousins stealing her savings and her pain meds.Getting old sucks.

Kim-: Seniors need someone on their side.

[Cellphone ringing]

Kim -:It's Howard.

Jimmy -:What the hell does he want?

Kim -:Shh!

Kim takes a call from Howard.

Kim-:Hi, Howard.Uh, no. I mean, I haven't, uh...Oh, my God. When?Yeah, okay.I'll see if I can, um, track Jimmy down.I'll call you back. S-sure.

Call disconnects

Kim-: It's Chuck

In Chuck's hospital room, Jimmy and Kim explain Chuck's condition to a skeptical doctor.

Dr Cruz-: Jimmy, in my opinion, Charles should be committed for 30 days of psychiatric observation.As a family member, you can submit a petition for him to be evaluated. There's an excellent facility in Las Cruces.He can be there tomorrow.

Jimmy -: I'd rather not.

Chuck-: Hey, buddy. Hey, I'm right here.

Jimmy-:Oh, hey, Chuck.

Dr Cruz -: Excuse me.Mr. McGill, my name is Dr. Cruz. Do you know why you're in the hospital?

Chuck-: The police kicked in my door... No warrant, no cause.I wasn't incoherent.They just weren't listening.They tasered me, Jimmy.

Jimmy -: Aw, Jesus.

Chuck -: Kim?

Kim-:I'm sorry. I can give you privacy.

Chuck-: Oh, no, no, no. That's all right. Stay.

Kim-: Howard... Called me.He's very concerned about you.

Dr Cruz-: How are you feeling now, Mr. McGill?

Chuck-:Uh, do... do you have a phone or a... a pager, anything with a battery?

Dr Cruz-: I don't think so. I...Uh...Yeah.Oversight. Sorry about that.Can you tell me a little more about your... Situation?

Chuck-: It's not a situation.It's a condition... Electromagnetic hypersensitivity.For reasons unknown, my nervous system has become sensitized to certain frequencies of electromagnetic radiation.

Dr Cruz -:Your brother called it an allergy to electricity.

Chuck-: Well, it's an oversimplification, but it's essentially correct.Electronic devices create their own electromagnetic fields.The closer I am to such devices, the worse my symptoms.

Dr Cruz-:Which are?

Chuck-: Burning sensation on my skin, a sharp, cold pain in my bones, muscle fatigue, heart palpitations, blurred vision, tinnitus, vertigo, nausea, shortness of breath, a general... it hurts.

Dr Cruz-: When did you first experience these symptoms?

Chuck-: Oh, it must have been...

Kim-: Y... you left the office 18 months ago.

Chuck-:Huh. Well, in that case, uh, must have been almost two years.

Dr Cruz-: Two years?That's a... that's a long time to live with discomfort.

Chuck-:You think I'm crazy.

Dr Cruz-: I never said that.

Chuck-:No, you didn't, because you're very polite, but you think it.Otherwise, you wouldn't be talking about commitment.

Dr Cruz-:You find that idea distressing.

Chuck-:Who the hell wouldn't?

Dr Cruz-:I... I find it inappropriate for a person suffering from a physical condition.

Chuck-: Anyone who's spent more than a few minutes with me knows that this isn't some kind of delusion.Wouldn't you agree, Kim?

Jimmy-: Of course she does.

Kim-:Well, I'm not a doctor.

Chuck-:You've known me for the better part of a decade.Have you ever seen me exhibit any sign...

Kim-:Any sign whatsoever of mental illness?

Chuck-:See?If I thought for one second you could cure me, believe me, I'd jump at the chance.But with all due respect, psychiatry doesn't have the answers.

Dr Cruz-: I'd very much like to try.

Chuck-:Section 43-1-11, part (E)(3)..."The proposed commitment is consistent with the treatment needs of the client and with the least drastic means principle." Do you think subjecting me to this kind of pain for a month is the least drastic means?He might as well spend a month in a wood chipper.

Dr. Cruz-: I understand your frustration. I do. You're obviously a highly intelligent man in difficult circumstances.May I ask you a question, just for my own interest?How do you meet the needs of daily life?What do you do for light, or...How do you prepare food?

Chuck-: I use white-gas lanterns.For cooking, I have a camp stove.I have a large cooler I keep filled with ice.It's not ideal, but I make do.

Dr Cruz-: I see.Well, thank you.Would you mind if I took a moment to speak with your brother?

Chuck-: Jimmy.I want to go home.

Jimmy and Dr Cruz come outside of the room.

[Intercom chatter]

Jimmy-:That was a dirty trick.

Dr Cruz-:That wasn't a trick... It was a demonstration.This allergy to electricity isn't real...It's a manifestation of something deeper.

I'm not saying it's 100% real, okay?

Jimmy-: But Chuck is smarter than you and me put together, so we're not talking him out of this, and I'm not sending him to a rubber room.

Jimmy initially decides to comply with Chuck's wishes, but Howard arrives and tells Jimmy he convinced the DA to make sure Chuck is not committed. Jimmy believes Howard is putting the firm's needs ahead of Chuck's, knowing that if Chuck is committed, Jimmy will become his guardian and have authority to accept HHM's severance offer on Chuck's behalf.

Jimmy-: I'm committing him.

Kim -: Jimmy. Uh, j... wait.Jimmy, wait. Jimmy. Jimmy, can you wait Jimmy, wait a second.

Kim-:Listen, I agree that Chuck needs help, and maybe it's the right thing to do, but you can't do it like this.

Jimmy-:I just want to see that son of a bitch sweat.It's so obvious what he's afraid of.I'm taking my brother home.

Jimmy leaves the hospital with Chuck and brings him home.

Jimmy-: There you go, buddy.

Chuck-:Yeah.

Jimmy-:There you go.Okay, some steps. One and two.And there you go.Hey, you're home, all right?Everything's gonna be all right.Uh, you want something to eat...Uh, some tea... a cup of tea?Coffee?

Chuck-:Yeah.Coffee. Coffee it is. Uh, Jimmy,

Jimmy-: I'm... I'm... I'm gonna need my...

At Chuck's house, Jimmy discovers that Chuck has learned of his billboard rescue.

Chuck -:You want to talk about this?

Jimmy-:There's nothing to talk about.You took the paper.You saw this.You got sick.

Chuck-:What's your point?

Jimmy-:Chuck, I think you got sick 'cause you saw this story.No, w... whenever you think I've done something wrong, something questionable, you get worse.

Chuck-:I didn't get sick because I read about you in the paper.I got sick because I went out of my house to retrieve the paper.I'm too tired for this argument, Jimmy.I... I've had it too many times.

Jimmy-:You think this is the return of slippin' Jimmy, but it's not. All right.Uh, you think the billboard thing was unethical, but it was... Promotion.It was advertising... that's all.

Chuck-:If you want to advertise, that's your business.

Jimmy-:"Business" being the operative word there, Chuck, because I-I have gotten business off of this...Legit business... wills, uh, trusts.Uh, I'm... I'm kind of starting to specialize in elder law.

Chuck-:Elder law?

Jimmy-:Yeah, the things the elderly have to deal with...I mean, you know, relatives coming after their savings, telemarketers, reverse-mortgage scams...I mean, getting old sucks.

Seniors need someone on their side, so...

Chuck, listen. I'm gonna make you a promise right now, okay?

Chuck-:No, not necessary, not requested.

Jimmy-:Okay.The billboard was a one-time thing.I... I'm a good lawyer.I just needed some razzmatazz, you know, to get the ball rolling, some showmanship...That's all it was.It's done now. It's over.

Chuck-:All right.

Jimmy-:From here on out, I'm gonna play by the rules.As any lawyer should.There are clients out there who need me, and I'm gonna give them the best representation I know how to provide.I... I'm on the up-and-up, okay?I will be good.Slippin' Jimmy...He's back in Cicero, dead and buried.

Chuck-: Okay.We'll see.

Jimmy-:Where you going?

Chuck-:Somebody's got to make that coffee.

After mimicking Andy Griffith's clothing and mannerisms from Matlock, Jimmy promotes his new specialty at a nursing home by printing a slogan on the bottom of Jell-O containers: "Need a will? Call McGill."

Exiting the courthouse parking lot, Jimmy gives Mike a business card that has the same slogan printed on it.

After his shift, Mike parks outside a woman's house. She comes out of the house, gets in her car, and stares at Mike uncomfortably for several moments before they each drive away in opposite directions.

At his home, Mike is visited by several police officers.

Pollice Offers-:Long way from home, aren't you?

Mike-:You and me both.