come back to gusu

Watching you change every day, seeing you not being the same Wei I once knew, it's painful. Yet, this heart wants you. Only you.

You being questioned, you being humiliated, you being termed arrogant, it pains this heart Wei Ying. Why can't people see what I see? Why can't people see the facade that you're? Why can't they see, that behind all the darkness lies a boy who just wants people to accept him for who he is? Not a servants son. Not a subordinate to a sect leader. Not even a boy who has chosen something different.

Yes a boy! In this cruel world, you're a flower precious to me. I want to save you. I want to cherish you. I want to protect you. My soul yearns for you, my sweet Wei Ying.

I was truly scared that day, Wei Ying. When you confronted the JinLing Sect on behalf of your Shijie, and that was also the day, I truly felt humbled by your Shijie's love for you. You have people who truly adore you Wei. Do you know I am one of them?

Seeing your wrath against them, I had to step up and I was glad, in all that resentment you heard me call your name.

But Wei, what about the next time? When I am not around, what would happen then? I am truly worried Wei. I am terrified. They say Yunmeng Sect is nothing without you. That if it weren't for you, Yunmeng Sect wouldn't have survived the tumultuous situation.

I can see fear in them Wei. Where there are accolades, there are often malicious intent too. They're scared. They're scared of your wrath. They're scared of our connection Wei. They know, I support you and they know if I support you, then Gusu will support us.

They're scared of your Stygian Tiger Seal.

Watching you stand by the river, the radiance reflects on your face. The emotions within your eyes speaks more than any words could ever express. The events of the day have taken a toll on you, this I know but rather than being treated as victorious, you have been demeaned by few.

"Wei Ying" I whisper your name, surprised that you even heard me call you. "Lan Zhan" your voice sounds so disturbed. Standing by your side in silence, I let you take in my company. Talk when you feel comfortable, I am here. Wei. "Aren't you going to ask me if I am alright?" You sigh and the smile on your face is the one etched with pain.

How can I ask when I know you're deeply disturbed.

"You stopped asking me to come back to Gusu" his eyes find mine and the pain in them pierces mine.

"I know you won't come" I take a step closer to you, a little more and I could caress your pale face. Why is it that everytime I see you, you look so weak? For some reason, I feel your spiritual power is declining.

You nod "True true, but maybe next time you ask, I might say yes!"

"Come back to Gusu with me" and this time, I am even more serious. Wei, why do I feel that if I don't ask you now, I am going to regret it forever?

"Lan Zhan" that one lingering look, that name on your lips, and I feel the time has stopped for us. You're not going come. You're going to stay. You're walking away. "Lan Zhan, I can't come to Gusu. You know I can't. There are so many unethical events happening here. The innocent members of the Wen Clan are being annihilated for no fault of theirs. How can I sit back and not do what we promised back at Gusu mountains? You remember don't you? know I will always stand against injustice."

"Wei Ying"

"What Lan Zhan?"

"You promised, you'll let me help you" I plead and he shakes his head "No Lan Zhan, not this time. It's... Personal" he stretches out "When I need help, I'll find you, alright?"

I know my eyes are imploring him to be with me. I hope he can understand what I want to convey, but I know, he won't. He's oblivious to my feelings. He won't let me help him.

"What are you planning on doing?"

"No Lan Zhan, I can't reveal, if I do, you'd be treated as an accomplice and I can't have that. You're Hanguang-Jun, your concious and name has to be clear" he smiles warmly and all I can think of is to take him in my arms one more time.

Just this once. Before I could say more, we hear Jiang Cheng call him. They're leaving.

"I need to leave Lan Zhan" why do I feel you wanted to say something more but you're unable to "Thank You for everything" that one falter in your step and it speaks million words to me.

You don't want to leave. You know if you do, the next time we meet, it could probably be under different circumstances.

"Goodbye, Lan Zhan" I watch your retreating back and in the darkness you fade away.

"Take care, Wei Ying" I walk away from that place. It is not a memory that I would cherish.

"Wangji" my brother stands beside me as I watch the snow flutter around Gusu mountains. Reminds me of a similar time when I was young. Not a happy one.

"I want to bring someone back to Cloud Recess" I blurt out and my brother's eyes widen. He must not have expected me to share my feelings with him.

"Bring someone back?"

"Bring him back" I stress.

"He won't come. Will he?" My brother's perception has always been good.

"He refuses to come back with me" I state and turn back to look at the cold harsh weather. The weather here is just like my heart.

Cold. Unappealing. Unwanted.

"Do you want me to talk to Young Master Wei?" I know, if I let him talk to Wei, for me he would.

"No" he won't listen. He'll never listen. Rather he would go out of his way to prove, he needs no help.

"Wangji" my brother sighs. Turning back to him, I shake my head and his eyes shines back with kindness. He knows not to interfere and he won't. "Please let me know, if you need my help".

Leaving me behind, I wall around and find Wei's bunnies. Happy and carefree, they enjoy each other's company.

Do you think we'd ever be free from the worldly beings?

Come back to me, Wei Ying.

Wei, please go back to Gusu with Lan Zhan, you're unaware of the trauma that is ahead of you!

Stay tuned.

chapter and