Chapter 14:The next morning

When I opened my eyes the rays of the sun were beaming through my crystal glass window. I admit my apartment was shitty and all but it had nice windows for some reason. How odd is that?

I feel weird due to all the drinking last night ofcourse. My head was pounding,felt like it was going to pop.Then I feel something I do not usually feel. Wait, am I even on my bed? This really does not feel the same. Am I still drunk?

I feel  hands on my lower back. My eyes shoot open and I realize that I am not actually on my bed. I see Josh's handsome face in front of me. I can still smell his after shave and the smell of his deodorant. It was so manly and so good. What in the world am I saying? Well the guy did smell good after all.

His eyes shot open and that's when his ocean blue eyes meet with my green ones.

I jump off of him as fast as I can, the sudden movement causes my head to pound harder.

"Josh,what in the world is happening?"

What was I doing on top of the guy in the first place? Please do not tell me we did what I think we did. I will literally just jump off the balcony. I can not sleep with the guy that just through away my self respect.

"Uhhm, you were really drunk last night so I drove you home and you refused to let me leave."

"What do you mean?, you are psychotic I would never want you around me in the first place."

I really would not want him around me after what he did. How do you forgive someone who literally posts a naked picture of you all over social media.

"Look Ash, listen to me I did not post that picture okay. I would never even think of doing that to anyone."

There were a look of innocence in his eyes and I really wanted to forgive him but I just could not.

"I do not care!, it came from your Instagram account,so please."

I head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of alcohol. I heard footsteps behind me. I open the bottle and drink as fast as I can.

"What are you doing Ashley?"

"Drowning my sorrows what else?"

He looked at me with eyes full of pity. That was something I hated why did everyone always look at me like that?

"It is time for you to leave now Josh. "

He grabs his jacket and heads out. Thank God for that. The guys face just annoyed the crap out of me. In fact when I see Josh I want to dig my eyes out with forks.

I take my laptop out and stare at the blank screen for a while. Thinking of the storm going on in my head and all the pain in my broken heart.

Dear Sky...

I believe that every single person out there walks around with some kind of sadness. Maybe even some kind of war that's going on in their life,some kind of storm going on in their heads. The thing that I do not understand is that why does mine have to be so bad,why does my heart have to bear so much. What did i do to deserve this?

There was a time where I was the girl that every other girl wanted to be and every guy wanted to date. That was when my brother was alive. He was the coolest guy around town.

I guess everything just went down the drain when he left me forever. My whole life was suddenly turned upside down in just a blink of an eye. A part of me missed the old me. I mean I was the prettiest girl in school. I decided to drop out for an entire year and that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I am afraid that my heart wants to lay in a place it should not be laying in. This person hurt me alot yet my heart does not want to give up. It yearns for him.

All kinds of relationships are like holding a glass in your hand. Many people tend to drop that glass very easily. Shattering it, breaking it into so many pieces that it is now very difficult to put together. It will never be the same again. Glue may put it together again but the cracks,the scratches will always remain there no matter what. My heart wants someone it should not be wanting.

It's as if I hate and love this person all at the same time. Even though he broke my soul. A part of me refuses to believe that it was him who had done this to me. A part of me still feels as if it were someone else. I want to tell this person all that's in my broken heart. I actually want to talk about every single thing for once. I than think about it again and remember there is no one who would actually want to listen. Why would he?

He is just like the rest of them after all. I can not allow myself to fall for him no matter how strong my emotions are. I would have to keep them under control.

I am afraid of loving, I fear it the most. Love only causes pain. The more people you love and let into your life, the easier it is to get hurt.

~Cloud

I hear my phone beep. Could this person not leave me alone? Why does he keep bothering me?

Anonymous: " Why don't you give love a chance?"

Cloud: It has never gotten me anywhere and I do not want to have my heart broken.

Anonymous: Not everyone will break your heart, well I am not saying there will be no pain and drama. All relationships have those things you just got to find the ones that are worth all that.

Cloud: Right^^

We spoke for a few hours that day and hay this guy did not seem so bad after all. In fact it was like he understood me. He understands more than I thought anyone ever would. There is something very familiar about him. I get a deja vu feeling towards his personality. I was curious to know his identity.