May I Be Saved from This Unfair Trial!

1

I don't know who named it, but behind its ridiculous moniker was an

existence with a bounty on its head, feared the world over.

Mobile Fortress Destroyer.

And just the other day, we took it down, thanks to my exceptional leadership.

Then we came to the Guild to collect our reward, but…

"Adventurer Kazuma Satou! You are hereby accused of sedition. I will need

you to come with me."

Things were getting a little weird around here.

"Umm, who are you? And what's sedition? I just came to collect a bounty," I

said nervously to the woman, who had a dangerous glint in her eyes.

The pleasant chatter in the Guild Hall faded away as the woman, with two

Knights escorting her, explained.

"I am Sena, government prosecutor. Sedition is the crime of attempting to

undermine or overthrow the State. And you are currently under suspicion of

being a terrorist—or perhaps an agent from the Demon King's army."

Long black hair framed the face of the prosecutor called Sena as she fixed me

with her intense gaze.

At first glance, you could mistake her for some highly paid executive's

secretary. Also, you might notice that she was drop-dead gorgeous.

Aqua exclaimed, "What?! Just a second, Kazuma—what did you do?! Can't I

leave you alone for one minute? Apologize right now! I'll help you—just hurry

up and say you're sorry!"

"You idiot! Why would I commit a crime like that? And when did you ever

'leave me alone for one minute'? You ought to know full well I haven't done

anything!"

As the two of us shouted at one another, Megumin broke in.

"Pardon me, but is there not some kind of mistake? Kazuma may be

constantly committing minor offenses such as sexual harassment, but he does

not have the nerve for the large-scale lawlessness you accuse him of."

"Are you defending me or trying to start something?"

As I laid into Megumin, Darkness picked up the thread.

"Hmm, I agree, this man isn't capable of such grand malfeasance. If he had it

in him, he would do more than just stare at me with animal lust when I walk

around the house in clothes that barely cover me. But he can't even bring

himself to sneak into my room at night!"

"I—I—I—I—I do not stare at you! You're just way too self-conscious! Just

'cause you're a little hot, don't let it go to your head! Am I not allowed to make

my own choices?!"

Darkness flushed.

"Wh-why, you—! You made me do all that stuff in the bath, and now you…?!"

"We agreed I was under the control of a succubus then! You're the one who

let yourself get caught up in the moment so bad, you just went ahead and

washed my back! What? Maybe you hoped it would go somewhere! Just how

easy are you, woman?!"

"I—I knew you remembered! A-and as a Crusader who serves Eris, my body is

yet pure! Plus, are you calling me an easy woman?! I'll kill you!"

Darkness was attempting to strangle me when one of Sena's escorts broke in

between us.

The prosecutor watched the whole exchange without batting an eyelash and

said, "The Coronatite at the heart of Mobile Fortress Destroyer was teleported

on this man's orders to the manor of the local lord."

At that, the Guild Hall got extremely quiet.

Coronatite. In the battle with Destroyer, we'd used Teleport magic to get rid

of it moments before it exploded. And yes, I had been the one to give the word.

But how could it have…?

"Oh man! The lord died in an explosion I caused?!"

"Don't assume! He's not dead. Reports indicate that all servants had left the

house and the lord himself was in an underground bunker. Hence there were

no injuries, although the house itself was blown to smithereens."

"So zero casualties in the battle with Destroyer? That's great!"

"Great?! Do you understand the situation here? You transported an explosive

device to the noble's manor and destroyed his home. As I stated previously, you

are suspected of being either a terrorist or in league with the Demon King. We'll

learn the details at the station."

The hall erupted into discussion as she finished talking.

Of course. All the adventurers here knew me.

And they knew all about what I'd done in the Destroyer fight.

"Hmph, and here I thought there was an actual problem. Kazuma is the hero

of the battle against Destroyer. True, he ordered the teleportation of the stone,

but that was a necessary emergency measure. Without his quick thinking, the

exploding Coronatite might have claimed many lives. He deserves an award, not

an arrest!"

All around the Guild, people murmured agreement with Megumin.

Y-you guys…!

While I was busy feeling warmth in my heart, Sena broke in with a retort.

"Incidentally, the charge of sedition can apply not only to the main actor but

to any coconspirators. I advise caution in your words and actions until the trial

is over. Though if you really want to join this man in prison, I won't stop you."

At that, the Guild went quiet again.

Then…

…Aqua suddenly piped up. "…I recall Kazuma saying at the time, 'It's a big

world! There's gotta be a better chance of it landing somewhere deserted! Do it

—I'll take full responsibility! I may not look like much, but I've got Luck to

spare!'"

…True, I'd said that. But why would our resident idiot choose to have a

perfect memory this one time?

"Aqua. You can't seriously want to pin this…all…on…me…?"

She didn't answer, only looking away unhappily.

"I didn't go aboard Destroyer myself. I'm sure I could have stopped Kazuma if

I'd been there. But I wasn't, so there was nothing I could do… Nothing…,"

Megumin commented loudly to herself.

"Hang on, Aqua, Megumin… How can you…?"

No way—they wouldn't…?!

Then Darkness stood between Sena and me as if to protect me.

"Wait. I'm the one you want. I gave the order. So, if you must subject

someone to dungeon play… No! I mean, please take me with Kazuma and

subject me to your brutal tortures as well!"

"Interesting," Sena said. "I heard you simply stood in front of Destroyer the

entire time and did nothing of any use at all."

"?!"

Struck right in the heart, Darkness had tears leap to her eyes. She looked at

me, but Sena was right, and anyway, now wasn't the time.

Finally, Wiz, who had been silent the entire time, raised a trembling hand.

"U-um! I was the one who actually used Teleport, so if you insist on taking Mr.

Kazuma away, p-please take me, too…"

Aqua grasped Wiz's raised hand.

"No, Wiz! Only one person needs to sacrifice himself! I know it's hard, but try

to bear it…! This isn't good-bye. We'll just wait for Kazuma till he's served his

sentence, all right?"

You despicable woman! You've given me up already?!

No. I did give Wiz the order. I couldn't let her take the rap for me alone.

"Fine, you guys! Abandon me! I've got a whole Guild behind me!"

As I spoke, I looked around the Guild Hall. One by one, adventurers averted

their gazes before our eyes could meet.

Et tu, entire Guild?!

"C-c'mon, guys! Show a little spirit! Help me out here!"

A Wizard girl spoke up quietly.

"When I first saw Kazuma, he was… I remember. He was back behind the

Guild Hall stealing the panties from a lady Thief. It's hard to forget a sight like

that."

Hey—!

"Yeah, I always figured it was only a matter of time before he snapped."

"You're telling me. I heard he took that Priest in his party, put her in a cage,

and tried to feed her to some alligators!"

"I heard he stole a magic sword from some guy who challenged him and then

just up and sold it."

"You're the most fair-weather friends I've ever met! I know who spoke just

now! Just you wait till I'm proven innocent…!"

The two Knights took my arms as I spit out my last words.

"You'll regret thiiiiis!"

2

We were at the police station in the middle of town.

As a law-abiding adventurer, I hadn't had much experience here, but now I

was being led deeper and deeper into it.

"Get in there. Until the trial is over, this will be your home."

Sena, walking in front of me, stopped and indicated a dank, cramped cell.

"H-hey, I thought I was the hero who saved the whole town—you've gotta be

kidding. Are you really putting me in jail? Hey, are you serious?"

Sena replied to my bout of dread in an accusatory tone.

"We'll talk tomorrow. For now, enjoy your stay."

She hadn't answered my question, but the Knights took this as a signal to

shove me inside. Then Sena and her escorts spun on their heels and walked

away.

"Hey! Wait a second! You can't leave me… You're…leaving me…"

I clung to the bars of the dim, cold cell, speechless with disbelief.

Just this morning I'd been lounging at home.

How did that turn into this?!

At a loss, I surveyed my cell. There were a few blankets on the cold floor, a

small toilet in one corner, and a window with bars over it. That was all.

This was outrageous. How could the savior of the whole town end up like

this?

I sat on my haunches in the dark cell and buried my face in my knees.

You know, I used to enjoy my life as a hikikomori.

I would sleep till noon; wake up in my nice, warm room; and play all the video

games I liked.

I ate home-cooked meals, went to sleep when I wanted, woke up when I felt

like it. Ah, the self-indulgence of it all!

And then I got here, and every single day became a struggle.

I didn't know how anything was supposed to work in this world, so I couldn't

get a decent job or handle anything that involved interacting with customers.

Instead, I did manual labor and lived in a stable every day.

I spent all my time babysitting a bunch of people I could barely understand,

only to wind up in debt…!

I only got angrier and angrier. When I was out of this place, they'd all get

theirs!

But…

"I wanna go home… Home to Japan…"

(image Here)

For the first time in a long while, I remembered my original goal: to get home.

I was on trial in a world where nobles and kings and stuff were normal.

Considering who I was up against, it wasn't hard to imagine I might get the

death penalty.

It began to dawn on me just how bleak my situation was. That realization,

combined with the mustiness of my cell, made me very unhappy very quickly.

Surrounded by stone walls and on the verge of tears, I heard several sets of

footsteps in the distance.

"Hey, I'm not struggling, so take it easy already!"

"Less talk, more walk, punk!"

I heard a rattling of armor and a thuggish voice.

Looked like they'd collected some company for me.

…Hold on. This is the only cell.

You've gotta be kidding. Some criminal stranger and I were gonna be

crammed in this cell together?

"Get in there! How many times do we have to dump you in here? It's a jail

cell, not your room! Someone else got here first today. Try not to kill each

other."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, someone else, nice to meet— Well! If it isn't

Kazuma! How'd you wind up in a place like this?"

There was only one guy everyone in town knew as a punk adventurer, and

here he was in my cell. Dust.

"Geez, fancy meeting you here! Whatcha in for?"

The Knights had left. Dust seemed surprisingly upbeat for a jailbird.

"Oh, you know, they…they think I'm a terrorist or something. When we took

down Destroyer, I was the one who gave the order to teleport the Coronatite

just before it detonated. I guess it landed in some lord's mansion and blew

everything up."

Hearing my story, Dust nearly exploded himself.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! You don't do anything halfway, do you, Kazuma? Ha-ha!

That damn lord's not worth the ass he sits on, is he? Way to go! Ha-ha-ha! You

showed him!"

"Shut up. I didn't mean to! I don't have anything against that lord or whoever!

…Hang on, what are you doing here, Dust?"

From his conversation with the guard, it sounded like he was a regular here.

"Me? Aww, I heard they were giving out the rewards for the Destroyer job, so

I had a little feast ahead of time—on a tab, of course. I figured there'd be plenty

of dough, you know? So I gambled with some of it…also ahead of time. They

just didn't give me quite as much reward as I expected. Couldn't pay off my

debts. With no money, I have to sleep in the stables, but it gets pretty cold in

there this time of year. So I figured, why not stay here? You get something to

eat, and you're not gonna freeze to death. So I pulled the old dine and dash. If

they toss you in here, it doesn't even count toward your debt!"

Living up to the name, there, Dust.

I'd been all torn up about going to jail, but finding out that Dust didn't care

about being the most obnoxious punk he could be made me feel a little bit

better.

3

I killed time by having pointless conversations with Dust, ate my dinner, and

went to bed early.

How long have I been asleep…?

I woke to the sound of an explosion in the distance, small tremors shaking my

cell.

Someone was whispering something, too.

"…zuma… Kazuma! Hey, Kazuma, get up!"

Moonlight streamed in between the bars on the window. It had to be around

midnight.

"Hey, Kazuma, can you hear me? Hey!"

I recognized the voice outside my window.

I glanced around, making sure there was no one else nearby besides Dust,

who was snoring.

Apparently, they didn't think they needed to keep too close an eye on a cell

this deep in the police station.

The window was way too high for me to reach. I stood under it, and this time I

could clearly hear Aqua's voice.

"Aqua, you—! Why are you here?"

"To rescue you, obviously. Megumin and Darkness are busy creating a

distraction for the officers. Megumin used Explosion just outside town. Pretty

much the whole force went to check it out. Right about now Darkness should be

booking it out of there with Megumin on her shoulders."

So those tremors had been from Megumin's spell, huh?

"What's the deal, anyway? If you were gonna break me out tonight, why not

just cover for me this morning?"

"If we'd done that, they might've arrested everyone. Anyway, it's not like

we're really worried about what kind of revenge you might take when you get

back."

That last part largely explained why she'd come to rescue me.

But…

"Should I really be running away? Won't that just make things worse?"

"What are you talking about? It can't get any worse. Sedition is a capital

offense. According to Darkness, the lord whose house you blew up is a real jerk

with a special talent for holding a grudge. And you're just an adventurer of

questionable origins. He probably has the power to ignore the facts and just kill

you no matter what."

Well, I had compared this world to the Middle Ages.

A human life here was basically worth garbage.

"Fine. But how are you gonna break me out? Can you cut through the window

bars or something?"

Aqua gave a self-confident little chuckle and tossed something through the

bars. It hit the ground with a soft metallic sound: a wire.

What was her plan? She couldn't possibly mean to…

"First, you take that wire and pick the lock on your cell, like in a manga or

something. Then you use your Ambush skill to walk right out of the station

undetected! You head back to the mansion and get ready to make a run for it.

Got it? I'll be waiting outside the station!"

With that, she left.

I picked up the wire and looked at the lock.

…It was a dial. You needed to enter a combination of eight numbers to open

it.

"…Maybe I'll just get some sleep."

And I curled back up on my blanket.

4

"Wake up! You're coming with us. It's time for the interrogation."

I woke, still wrapped in my blanket, to Sena smacking me.

"Geez, do you know how early it is?"

"It's almost noon! What kind of life have you been living?"

They led me past the gazes of the station staff to a certain room.

"All right, get in. We'll listen to your pathetic excuses. Then we'll decide

whether to go to trial. I'd advise you to consider your words carefully."

I entered the room, quavering at Sena's intimidating declaration. Inside, I

found a table and two chairs. Another small desk and seat were located next to

the doorway. It could pass for the interrogation room of pretty much any police

procedural.

One of the Knights who'd accompanied us sat wordlessly at the little desk and

spread out some papers.

He must have been the—what was it again?—stenographer.

The other guard shoved me into the chair on the near side of the desk in the

center of the room. He stood just behind me—wordlessly, too—probably so he

could jump on me the moment I turned violent.

I was quaking even harder under the pressure of being in a narrow space with

two fully armored Knights. Sena sat across from me and set a small bell on the

table.

"Do you know what this is? It's a magic item that can tell when you're lying.

It's quite common in courtrooms and police stations. In conjunction with

enchantments on this room, it rings when someone says something untrue. I'd

suggest you bear that in mind… Now, shall we begin?"

Her words only added to the oppressiveness of the atmosphere. And then she

started to interrogate me with a brutally expressionless face. She had a habit of

going tap, tap, tap on the desk, maybe just to keep up the pressure.

"Kazuma Satou. Sixteen years old. Job: Adventurer. Class: also Adventurer, I

see. To start with, tell me where you come from and what exactly you were

doing before you became an adventurer."

First question, and already I could barely answer.

How was I supposed to explain "where I'd come from" and what I'd been up

to?

And if I lied, the bell would ring…

"I come from Japan. I was going to school there."

Riiing.

The bell sounded. Hey, I hadn't lied!

Sena ceased her tap, tap and knitted her brow.

"Misrepresenting place of origin and personal history…"

I could hear the stenographer dutifully writing down her words.

"Wait! I didn't say anything untrue!"

Riiing. What the hell?! Why'd it ring?!

I was from Japan! And I had been going to…school…?

"I'm from Japan. And every day I stayed shut up at home, leading a life of

complete self-indulgence."

As I answered, Sena stared fixedly at the bell. So did I.

This time, it didn't ring.

"Why did you pretend you were a student?"

"I wasn't pre— Aww, never mind."

Dammit! Stupid magic bell…!

"I've never heard of a land called Japan. But never mind that. Next, tell me

why you decided to become an adventurer."

"To help all the people suffering under the thumb of the Demon King's army, I

wanted—"

Riiing.

"..."

"…I thought being an adventurer sounded pretty cool, and I figured you could

make a bunch of money, no problem. Plus I assumed girls would love me."

"Th-that will do. Next. What do you have against our lord? I'm told you were

often overheard complaining about debts you'd incurred…"

"We received a large reward for defeating a Dullahan, but after the cost of

repairing the town was subtracted, it actually became a large debt. Saving the

town means nothing if we also destroy the town; I fully accept that."

Riiing.

"..."

"Sigh. Honestly? That's the logic I've used on my friends when they get angry

about it, but the truth is, I can't believe the heroes who saved the whole town

got treated like that. Sure, it makes me want to kill somebody."

"I—I see… Then, next…"

"…I'm sorry, could I ask you something?" I said a bit hesitantly, jumping in

before Sena could ask another question. "Couldn't you just ask me straight-out?

'Are you an agent of the Demon King's army?' or 'Did you give the order out of

hatred for our lord?' or whatever. Because I keep telling you, I did say to use

Random Teleport, but I didn't deliberately target this lord or whoever. I had no

idea things would turn out this way. I said to do it in order to save the town.

That's the truth."

Sena stared at the bell the entire time I spoke.

Of course, it didn't ring.

When she realized it wasn't going to, she heaved a sigh.

"It appears I was mistaken, on account of only ever having heard terrible

things about you. I apologize for that."

Her tune had sure changed in a hurry. The prosecutor gave me a deep bow of

her head.

I guess the way she'd sounded all this time was just how she talked to

criminals. This was the usual her.

Then I, freshly cleared, had to go and get on my high horse.

"Geez! Throwing people in jail because of some rumors! I bet you could lose

your prosecutor's license for that!"

"Hrk… P-pardon me… I really am sorry…"

She kept bowing her head.

"Do you know what I've accomplished? I was crucial in the defeat of the

Demon King's general, Beldia. In the fight against Mobile Fortress Destroyer, I

brilliantly took command and brought down the 'impregnable' fortress! You

ought to be thanking me, not arresting me!"

I had leaned back in my chair so hard it began to creak. She had stuck me in

prison for a night, and I wasn't about to let that go.

"P-p-pardon me. I was just trying to do my job… Of course I've heard about

your achievements, Mr. Satou. It's just—"

"Just? Just what?! Forget it, don't they serve tea to visitors around this police

station? And I'm not a suspect anymore, just a visitor. Or maybe you were

planning to bring out a whole pork cutlet bowl?!"

"P-pork…?! I'm sorry, we d-don't have anything like that on hand. B-but I'll

bring you something to drink right away…"

Sena rushed out and put on some tea, which she brought back to me.

"This is lukewarm! Doesn't anyone at this police station know how to make

tea? Between that and your catty attitude, I'll bet you've never had a boyfriend

in your life! Since we've got this helpful magic bell here, maybe I'll just ask. Is

there a man in your life?"

"No," Sena said, looking straight at me, not flinching. "There isn't. With my

terrible personality, I still don't have a boyfriend at my age. Are you satisfied? I

would be wary of getting too carried away if I were you."

"Very sorry," I said in a sudden bout of fear as I looked at the silent bell. "But

what are these terrible things you heard about me? Just stuff the other

adventurers were saying yesterday?"

"W-well… I also heard you stole the panties off your underage companion in

public, that you forced the Crusader you live with to wash your back in the bath,

that you abandoned your Priest in a dungeon for being a hindrance… Rumors

that raise many doubts about your humanity."

...

I had stopped moving entirely. Sena looked at me suspiciously.

"They aren't true, are they?"

"Not at all."

Riiing.

Sena's earlier cold demeanor returned.

"Your party is your business; I won't say anything. But do you know what the

rest of the town calls you? Trash-zuma, Cad-zuma…"

"Th-that's awful! Who are these people? Who calls me that?"

Then again, I had a pretty good guess. A lot of pretty good guesses, in fact.

Sena sighed at me.

"Good lord. I'll ask one more time for the record. You are not connected in

any way with the Demon King's army, are you? No other interactions with his

generals or…"

"Of course not! Do I look—?"

Riiing.

I'd been about to say: …that important to you?

But that was when I realized I'd made a terrible mistake.

With the sound of the magic bell echoing off the walls of the interrogation

room, I remembered another of the Demon King's generals: Wiz.

5

"Hey, there ain't enough food here! I need more protein! Who cooked this?

Waitress!"

The punk fumed and yelled next to me as I sat crushed under the weight of

my mistake.

Guess he figured beggars could be choosers. Maybe I should be like him and

just stop caring.

…Okay. Maybe not quite like him.

"C'mon, Kazuma, don't get so down. I've had more trials than I could count on

two hands. Hell, we make our living beating things up. You're not a real

adventurer till you've enjoyed the hospitality of the police once or twice! We've

both got our trials tomorrow. So let's have a nice meal and get our rest. I'll treat

you to something good. You make enough of a racket around here, and the

staff'll bring you all kinds of stuff just to shut you up."

With that, Dust resumed hollering.

The police finally did give him something to shut him up—a beating. He

quieted down after that, and given what awaited us the next day, we tried to

get some sleep.

Midnight. I woke to the same distant rumble of an explosion as I had the night

before.

I sat up with a start, and then, of course, I heard Aqua whispering to me.

"Kazuma! Hey, Kazuma! Wake up!"

I slipped over to the wall below the window.

"Are you here again?" I asked. "What happened yesterday? Was everyone all

right?"

"Megumin and Darkness both made it home without being spotted, but

somehow they immediately fingered Megumin as the perp behind the

explosion. But don't worry! Those two didn't want to, but I forced them to wear

masks tonight. No one'll figure it out."

I was pretty sure the problem had less to do with facial identification and

more with the number of people in town who could use Explosion.

"But what about you?" Aqua said. "I waited forever last night, but you never

escaped! Snow piled up on my head and the police kept asking what I was doing

there! It was awful!"

"My cell doesn't have a regular lock. It's a combination lock. And anyway, I

don't have a Lockpick skill, so what was I supposed to do with some wire?"

Aqua went quiet for a while.

"…Stupid police," she said. "Who knew they would be so completely prepared

against a jailbreak?"

"It's just a combo lock. But seriously, do you have a plan? If we don't do

something tonight, I'll be on trial tomorrow."

Aqua gave a confident little chuckle.

Where did she get that confidence? Certainly not from reality.

"I admit we took the wrong tack yesterday. I've got a couple of hacksaws

here. I'll toss one down to you."

Hacksaws?

"…Surely you don't mean to saw through those bars on the window and get

me out that way?"

"You're a quick one. But we have to do it by sunup. That doesn't give us much

time, so get sawing!"

And she shoved a saw between the bars.

She was right. With two of us working at it, it would go much faster.

The only problem was…

"I can't reach the window from this side."

The window was so far above my head I couldn't reach it even if I jumped—

presumably to prevent me from escaping through it.

"Don't worry, I'm not an idiot. I knew this would be an issue, so I have a step

stool here. Use that to get up and cut the bars. One person working alone

wouldn't manage it in time, but with the two of us together, I think it should be

all right."

Good idea.

"So, uh, how were you planning to get the step stool or whatever in here?

Will it fit through the bars?"

It seemed like the obvious question to me, but Aqua went quiet again.

"…Hang on a second."

I heard her going off somewhere.

At length…

"No, you don't understand! I've come to bring Kazuma something he

desperately needs!"

"I've never heard of a prisoner getting something like this. What are you

doing here at this hour anyway?"

I heard Aqua in the distance. Apparently she'd thought she could sneak it in as

a drop-off for me.

Maybe I could learn something from her idiotic optimism.

Listening to Aqua argue in the background, strangely, I found my anxiety

about the coming trial fade away.

I tossed the saw out the window to get rid of the evidence, then snuggled up

with my blanket and went to sleep.

6

Trials in this world were simple affairs. The prosecutor presented evidence,

the counsel for the defense rebutted, and if the judge wasn't convinced, you

were declared guilty as charged.

Having said that, "defense attorney" was not an actual job here. It was left up

to friends or acquaintances of the accused to mount a legal defense.

The building resembled courts in Japan, with the accused (in handcuffs) and

his "lawyer" standing in the center of the room, surrounded at a distance by the

judge, the prosecutor, and the plaintiff.

And at the moment…

"You needn't worry so much. We are here for you!"

Megumin tried to reassure me as I stood there tense with worry.

Yep.

Who stood beside me as defense, but my three party members.

How did this happen?

As I fretted, Sena stared at me from the prosecutor's seat.

"It's all right. Leave it to me. The Crimson Magic Clan excels in Intelligence. I

will tear apart that prosecutor's arguments so hard she will weep!"

To my right: Megumin, counsel for the defense, talking up her game.

"Stay calm. If worse comes to worst, I'll do something. In this case, at least,

you've done nothing wrong."

That was Darkness, standing to my left.

Talk about friends! Talk about people who come through for you! But…

"You can just count on me! They're practically bound to believe whatever I

say, as a member of the clergy! Case closed!"

Yeah. She was going to be the problem. I called her over and whispered,

"Aqua, listen. There's just one thing I really need from you this time, and that's

for you to be quiet. Just sit there until the trial's over. I promise I'll get you

speckled crab or whatever you want."

"Don't be silly! If you get hard labor or death, how will I receive my payment?

Don't worry. I know more about lawyering than anyone in this courtroom. You

liked video games, right? You remember Ace Defense Counsel and

Manganronpa? I played all those games."

"You're right, that tells me all I need to know. Seriously, keep your mouth

shut."

Aqua made a face and turned away.

Curse this goddeeeeeeeess!

A middle-aged man I assumed to be the judge banged his gavel.

"Order! The trial of the defendant, Kazuma Satou, on charges of sedition will

now begin. The plaintiff is Alderp Barnes Alexei!"

A rotund man stood as the judge called the name.

He was tall and large, with shaggy hair, except where a receding hairline

revealed a glistening forehead.

He must be the lord everyone kept talking about.

Lord Alderp looked me up and down, then cast a lascivious gaze at my three

companions.

He seemed to eat up Aqua and Megumin with his eyes, then moved on to

Darkness…

…whereupon he froze, an expression of shock on his face.

"Hey, that fat, old guy is super staring at us," Aqua said. "I don't like the vibe I

get from him one bit. Mind if I go over and poke him in the eye?"

"Stoppit, don't cause any more trouble… But doesn't he seem kind of fixated

on Darkness?"

"Yeah! Super fixated. He's got kind of the same look you get when she walks

around the house in clothes that barely cover her."

"H-hey, I never do that! …Mostly! Seriously, when did I ever look at Darkness

like—?"

As I protested, I glanced at Darkness—she was staring right back at Lord Soand-So.

"What's up, Darkness? Does it bug you that he's looking at you?"

"Hmm? Oh, no… Never mind. I'll tell you later."

There was something off about her response, but there was no time to worry

about it, as the gavel came down again.

"Order! No private conversations on court time. Now, Prosecutor, please step

forward. If anyone lies, we'll know it by the ringing of this magic bell. All are

advised to consider their words in light of that fact."

The judge emphasized his point with another bang of his gavel. At the same

moment, Sena stood up.

"I will begin by reading the charges. At the time of an attack by Mobile

Fortress Destroyer, the defendant, Kazuma Satou, along with other

adventurers, bested said fortress. On that occasion, the defendant gave orders

to teleport a piece of Coronatite moments before it exploded. The Coronatite

was teleported to the mansion of the victim, Lord Alderp, whereupon it

detonated. The victim's mansion was destroyed, and Lord Alderp has been

forced to obtain lodging in a room at the town's inn since then."

The entire time Sena was reading, the victim in question was focused singlemindedly on Darkness.

"The use of Random Teleport to transport monsters, poisons, hazardous

materials, or explosives is prohibited by law. The defendant has violated this

law, and his act is aggravated by the fact that in doing so, he endangered the

life of a lord, posing a very real threat to the stability of the government. Hence,

prosecution seeks a judgment of sedition!"

"Objection!"

The shout came the instant Sena finished speaking.

Next to me, Aqua had stepped forward, her arm out and her voice raised.

"The defense will have its chance to speak. If you have something to say, ask

the permission of the Court before you talk… As I presume this is your first trial,

I'll overlook your outburst this once. Now, counsel, you may speak."

The judge nodded, but Aqua merely shook her head with a satisfied

expression.

"I just wanted to shout 'Objection!' That's all."

"Counsel will speak only when she has something to say!"

That idiot! It was all I could do not to smack her.

Aqua, having angered the judge practically before we'd begun, calmly settled

back next to me, appearing genuinely pleased.

The episode had thrown off Sena a bit, and she didn't seem to have quite

collected herself as she got back on track.

"…Ahem, that's all from the prosecution. In short, prosecution, uh, seeks a

judgment of sedition against defendant Kazuma Satou."

She sat back down as she concluded.

"Very well," the judge said. "The defendant and his counsel may now speak.

Your statement, please!"

"…and that's the story of how I brought down the Demon King's general,

Beldia, not to mention Destroyer. Would someone who's sacrificed so much for

this country actively plan to overthrow it? Hardly! If anything, you could

probably stand to be a little more lavish in your praise of me!"

I stood in the middle of the hall, making an impassioned plea in my own

defense.

How awesome I'd been fighting Beldia.

How exemplary my command had been in the battle against Destroyer.

It didn't bother me that the judge repeatedly cast a doubtful eye at his magic

lie-detecting bell. My descriptions might have been a bit over-the-top, but

nothing I said was untrue.

"Th-that will be enough. I think the Court is well acquainted with the

defendant's arguments. Now, Prosecutor. Please submit your proof that the

defendant is guilty of sedition."

The judge nodded wearily at Sena, who motioned to one of the Knights at her

side. He headed for the courthouse waiting area as Sena read from a sheet of

paper.

"The prosecution will now present proof that the defendant is a terrorist

harboring plans of sedition and an agent of the Demon King's army. Bring in the

witnesses!"

At her signal, the Knight ushered several people into the room. Most were

other adventurers.

Wait a second…

"Ah-ha-ha-ha… They kinda summoned me…"

It was Chris, right down to the scar on her cheek, wincing apologetically.

And Chris was only the start of the parade of witnesses. They'd summoned

every single person who knew me.

7

This was bad. Real bad.

"So, Chris, is it true that the defendant used Steal to take your panties right

out in public?"

"Well, uh, I guess it's true, but—but that was an accident!"

"We're only interested in the facts of the case. Thank you."

"What?! Hang on! I don't—! It doesn't bother me anymore!"

Chris was hustled from the courtroom as Sena abruptly concluded her

questioning.

I eyed the rest of the witnesses. This didn't bode well for me.

There was the Sword Master Mitsurugi, with his two hangers-on. He was from

Japan, just like me, but I had taken his magic sword and sold it.

"Mr. Mitsurugi. You claim the defendant stole a magic sword from you and

sold it. You further claim that when these two attempted to get the sword back,

the defendant threatened them with stealing their panties in public. Is this

correct?"

"Y-yeah, it is, but— I mean, I was the one who challenged him, and—"

"Yeah, he threatened us! 'I don't discriminate. I'm perfectly happy to beat up

a couple of girls'!"

"She's right! 'We're out in public here. And there's no telling what I might

Steal…'!"

Mitsurugi's two groupies, whom I had indeed threatened—just a little—cut

him off mid-sentence.

When their eyes met mine, they stuck out their tongues. They really knew

how to hold a grudge.

Ngh… Everyone in the courtroom was looking at me, and I didn't think they

liked what they saw—including the judge.

No sooner had Mitsurugi been shoved out of the room than Dust was on the

stand. Why would they call him as a witness? I didn't remember specifically

wronging him.

He was the one who suggested we should trade parties, anyway.

Dust was just giving me a lazy greeting when I heard Sena again.

"This man is the defendant at our next trial. I believe Your Honor already

knows him. He's a thug and a frequent guest in our courtrooms."

"Hey, I'm just quietly waiting for my trial when you drag me out here—and

this is how you greet me? I oughta grab those big old boobs of yours!"

Dust was never far from his boiling point, and the prosecution's words put

him right over the top.

The judge frowned at the outburst. Sena pointed at me.

"Mr. Dust. Prosecution is told you are friends with the defendant, Kazuma

Satou. Is this true?"

"You're damn right it is. He's my buddy, my man. We've been out drinking

together and everything."

At that, Sena turned toward me.

"Kazuma Satou, is this ill-mannered thug your friend?"

"An acquaintance."

"Hey! Kazuma!" Dust exclaimed, but the bell didn't ring, despite the judge and

Sena both watching it intently.

"I—I see. My apologies. I had intended to argue that all your friends were

brutes like this, but…"

"It's all right. It's true we know each other."

"Kazuma! Does our friendship mean so little to you?!"

A Knight dragged off the howling thug as Sena turned to the judge.

"Notwithstanding the unsatisfactory nature of our last speaker, I believe

these witnesses have sufficiently testified to the defendant's character. Further,

the defendant is known to have borne a grudge against the victim. This leads

me to conclude that the defendant is only pretending these events were an

accident. He didn't use Random Teleport but a regular Teleport spell, and he

deliberately sent the Coronatite to the victim's residence—"

She really needed to stop making up accusations willy-nilly.

"You have proved nothing!" Megumin exclaimed. "I admit Kazuma is rather

twisted, but I will not stand for you trying to pin these false charges on him!

Bring some better proof! You know, I think something odd is going on here. Do

you not see how far she is reaching? Does none of this feel wrong to you?!"

"Restrain yourself, counselor! You will ask permission before you speak."

"You want proof? Very well. I have even more evidence that the defendant is

a terrorist who was plotting the destruction of the town—and is an agent of the

Demon King!"

Sena began to read from a sheet of paper to the furious Megumin.

"First! Though they succeeded in defeating the Demon King's general, Beldia,

Kazuma Satou and his party summoned enough water to cover half the town

during the battle, resulting in massive flood damage."

Aqua trembled visibly.

"Second! They erected a massive spirit barrier around the town's common

graveyard, depriving evil spirits of a place there and causing a spate of

hauntings in town."

Aqua had turned around and put her fingers in her ears. I pulled her hands

away, forcing her to listen to the prosecution's statement.

"On several successive days, his party used explosion magic near town,

altering the local terrain and ecosystems; further, during this time, magic was

used near town at night, bothering residents at a very late hour…"

Now Megumin was turned around and covering her ears.

Some lawyers they turned out to be!

"Hey, hang on a minute! This can't be right! Nothing you just mentioned has

anything to do with me personally. I know they're my party members, but—

show me what this has to do with me!"

As if taking my challenge to heart, Sena pressed on.

"In addition, witnesses observed the defendant using Drain Touch, a skill only

available to the undead. Mr. Satou, if you are not associated with the Demon

King's army, please explain how you know Drain T— Covering your ears won't

make this go away!" Sena jabbed a finger at Aqua, Megumin, and me.

I have my rights! Like the right to remain silent!

"Finally, the most damning evidence. During your interrogation at the police

station, I asked you if you had had any interactions with any elements of the

Demon King's army. You said no—at which point the magic bell signaled a lie. If

that's not proof, then what is?!"

Aww, dang. Awww, dang.

I was cornered. There was nothing I could say—and that's when it happened.

(image Here)

"No, that's wrong!"

The startlingly confident voice belonged to none other than Aqua.

Who would've thought she might be my trump card at a moment like this…!

"You tell 'em, Aqua! Show them the undeniable proof that I'm innocent!"

"Huh? What are you talking about? I don't have undeniable anything. That

was just something else I've wanted to say."

"Escort the counselor out of the courtroom!"

"I'm sorry! I really apologize for my lawyer!"

"Owww! Ow-ow-ow-owww!"

I apologized profusely and pinched Aqua right on the head.

You stupid, stinking idiooooot!

A voice tore through our little fight.

"Surely you've seen enough! He must be in league with the Demon King! One

of his men! He transported an explosive into my mansion! Kill him! Off with his

head!"

The victim, Lord Alderp, who had been silent until that moment, began

pointing and shouting at me as I stood there, lost for words.

Okay, old man—this is my chance!

"You're all wrong! I don't work for the Demon King! And I'm not a terrorist!

It's true I was upset about the debt, but I would never deliberately send

Coronatite to someone's house! Take a good look at your little magic toy,

because I'm going to say this nice and clear: I am not the Demon King's man, or

agent, or anything!"

The bell didn't make a sound. Alderp, watching it closely, didn't know what to

say.

Sena furrowed her brow and bit her lip as she stared at it.

If she could use the bell as proof, well, so could I.

The lordly victim's outburst turned out to be my salvation.

The judge slowly shook his head.

"As we can see, discerning truth and falsehood by magical item is not an exact

science. In light of this, I'm afraid I cannot admit the bell's reaction as evidence,

nor accept the prosecution's conclusions drawn therefrom. There is simply too

little to go on. As such, defendant Kazuma Satou, I judge the suspicions against

you unconvincing, and—"

Just as he was about to pronounce his judgment…

"I told you, he's an associate of the enemy. He's the Demon King's man. You

must put him to death!"

Alderp, still standing, was now repeating himself.

This time it was Sena who responded.

"No injuries or deaths resulted in the event. I hardly think the death penalty is

an appropriate—"

The lord stared hard at Sena.

"—th-thing to deny in this case. Yes?"

…What?

"H-hey, hang on! Something's wrong here!"

"He is right—what was that? The prosecutor changed her opinion midsentence!"

Under attack from Megumin and me, Sena looked almost pained—even

though we were just pointing out what she'd said.

At that moment, Aqua jabbed a finger at the judge, Sena, and then Lord

Alderp.

"I felt a wicked power just now! Someone here is using evil power to try to

twist the truth!"

Aqua's incredible assertion stunned the courtroom into silence.

Unfortunately, thanks to her earlier outbursts, everyone looked more than a

little tired of her.

The collective attention focused on the bell. But when it didn't ring, the air in

the room changed noticeably.

This was Aqua, a member of the clergy, an Arch-priest.

The judge's face changed color as he clearly started to think there might be

something to her claim.

"Evil power…? You mean to say there is someone committing injustice at our

sacred trial?"

"Yes, I do. My eyes are even sharper than that magical dealie-whomper of

yours. Nothing can be hidden from me, the goddess of water, who has more

than ten million followers in this world! For I am the goddess Aqua!"

Riiing.

The clear sound of the bell could be heard throughout the silent courtroom.

"What?! Wait! I'm not lying!"

"Defendant. You are advised to choose your counselor more carefully."

"I'm sorry, Your Honor. Believe me, I'm as disappointed as you are."

Megumin tried to calm the wailing Aqua after her utter failure to convince

anyone she was telling the truth. For some reason, though, Lord Alderp was

biting his lip and watching her closely, his face white as a sheet.

"All right, so I exaggerated a bit! The magic bell rang because of the number

of followers I gave. It's not ten million. It's more like 9.8 million."

I dearly wanted to point out to the muttering Aqua that she could say a

thousand followers and the bell would probably still ring—but this wasn't the

time. The judge was about to hand down his verdict.

He cleared his throat.

"Defendant Kazuma Satou. In light of your numerous immoral deeds, to say

nothing of your total—indeed, sociopathic—disregard for public safety…"

This was definitely not going in the direction of his earlier verdict.

"…I consider the prosecution's recommendation to be appropriate. I find you

guilty—"

What?

"—and sentence you to death."

8

"This is soooo wroooong! Wait—just—wait! You guys are making this trial up

as you go along! How about some proof that actually proves something?! You

can't sentence a guy to death like this! You must be crazy!"

"The defendant will mind his tongue!"

"Kazuma's right this is wrong—this is all wrong! Sure, he wouldn't shut up

about the debt we were saddled with after flooding the town, and sure, he had

a grudge against the local lord, and sure, I thought he would snap one day, but

he doesn't have the guts to teleport Coronatite into someone's house!"

Sheesh! Was she trying to defend me, or get me in even more trouble?

As I struggled to shut Aqua up, Megumin removed her eye patch.

"Very well. If you are so eager to dub Kazuma a terrorist, let me show you

what terrorism truly— Oh! What are you doing? Let me go!"

The bailiffs jumped on Megumin as her crimson eyes started to sparkle.

"Heyyy! Really, something is off here! My unclouded eyes can see the

oppressive evil in this courtroom! Just hang on—I'll get this place purified in no

— Wait! This is good magic! Not bad magic! Let me work!"

"All magic is banned in the courtroom! Otherwise someone might interfere

with our magical lie detector."

"You, get those two out of here!" Sena stood up, too, shouting orders for

Megumin and Aqua to be taken away.

"Order! Order! …I said order, you cretins!"

The judge finally lost his temper and began shouting and pounding his gavel.

As the bailiffs led Megumin and Aqua out of the courtroom…

"Your Honor. Here."

Darkness, who hadn't said a word until that moment, pulled something out

from her neckline.

It was an expensive-looking pendant, with what appeared to be some kind of

crest on it.

I had no idea what it signified, but everyone else in the courtroom seemed to

know exactly what it was.

"Th-that's… S-so you're…!"

The judge stood up in surprise and gazed at the pendant, eyes wide.

With the entire courtroom focused on her, Darkness said quietly: "My sincere

apologies, but I will be taking charge of this courtroom. I am not asking you to

pretend this never happened. But give me time, and I will demonstrate beyond

all doubt that this man is not a servant of the Demon King. Further, I will see

you reimbursed for your mansion."

Sena and the judge had both gone stiff as boards, goggling at the crest

Darkness held.

Only Lord Alderp, although clearly somewhat cowed, raised any objection.

"That's—! B-but surely we can't— Even at your request—!"

"Alderp. You are the victim here, and I will be in your debt. Name any one

thing I can do, and I will do it for you. I am not asking you to withdraw your suit.

Only to wait."

His Lordship swallowed heavily as Darkness spoke.

"Anything…? A-a-anything at all…?"

"Yes, anything."

At that, Alderp's eyes glinted, and he ran his gaze over her as if drinking her

in.

Then he sat back down.

"Very well. For you, I will do this. Let us postpone this man's sentence."

After the trial, Darkness followed me out of the courthouse. I asked her,

"What was that about? Do you actually know that greasy old Alderp guy?"

"…I guess. He's had a certain fixation on me since I was a child. Since his wife

died, he's come with proposals of marriage more than once. But my father has

always refused him on the grounds that the difference in our ages is too great."

That's…actually pretty creepy. Fixated on her since she was a kid?

"A-are you sure it's okay to say you'll do anything he wants?! He was

watching you the way dogs stare at steak! There's no telling what he might ask

for!"

"Y-yes…who knows…what…"

"C'mon…I'm trying to worry about you here…!"

With Darkness blushing and panting behind me, I went to bail out Aqua and

Megumin.

9

Darkness's gambit had landed me with two assignments: one, prove I wasn't

an agent of the Demon King. And two, pay for Lord Alderp's manor.

I was at Wiz's shop with Aqua in tow, seeking any possible way to make

money.

I had actually planned to go by myself, but Aqua had invited herself along, and

I couldn't shake her.

"I know just what you've got in mind, Kazuma! This whole thing started

because that stupid undead screwed up. We repossess her store to make up the

cost!"

Aqua, who in fact had no idea what I had in mind, stood all but frothing at the

door.

"All right, undead, come out! Time for you to say your prayers!" With that

ridiculous pronouncement, Aqua kicked in the door of the shop.

"Wh-what's going on?! Are you robbing me? Are you gangsters? …Eeek! LLady Aqua!"

Yes, Aqua, who was evidently scarier than robbers or gangsters.

I walked in a second later to find Wiz cowering under divine assault. I told her

how the trial had gone.

"I see… I'm so glad you're all right, though! I'm very sorry, Mr. Kazuma. This is

all because I Teleported that rock…"

"It sure is! I'm so glad you understand what's—" I slapped my hand over

Aqua's mouth before she could say anything even stupider.

"It's fine. If you hadn't been there, we would've all been done for. I guess that

princeling's out a mansion, but no one was hurt. If I can just prove to Sena that

I'm not working for the Demon King, that should clear my name. Er…I still have

to figure out how to pay for the guy's house, though."

Wiz answered with a small sigh of relief.

"So that's the story. At least you bought yourself some time. But money…? I'd

like to help, but my store is in the red, and I don't have any funds… In my days

with the Demon King's army, I had a friend who was extremely talented at

making money but also a little crazy and hard to understand… If there's

anything I can do to help…"

Wiz fretted at the counter.

"Actually, I came here to ask you for something."

"Yeah—to let us send you to the next life!"

I ignored Aqua's incomprehensible blathering and told Wiz what I'd actually

come for.

Bluntly speaking, I was already buried in debt and entirely lacking capital. It

wouldn't be easy to come by the money I needed to rebuild the lord's manor.

That meant maybe it was time to try something I'd been thinking about for a

while now…

This world's technology was far behind Earth's. People who couldn't use

Kindle were still lighting fires with flint and tinder.

If I could market some kind of lighter, I was sure it would fly off the shelves. I

even had some confidence in my ability to build it. But what store would stock a

random lighter I'd happened to come up with out of nowhere?

I had hoped I could display them in some vacant spot in Wiz's shop for a

while.

Basically, though, what I said to her was, "I'm going to make a really useful

item, and I'd like to display it in your store, if I could."

If it sold, of course I'd share the profits with Wiz. And she didn't have to

decide until after she'd seen the item.

"It's all too obvious I'm never going to become rich as an adventurer. Which

leaves entrepreneurship… You're kind of the only person I can ask to work with

me on this on such short notice."

"What Kazuma's saying is, we're taking over this joint, so hurry up and fork

over the dee— Yowch!"

I smacked Aqua on the back of her head with the hilt of my dagger to stem

her tide of nonsense. Then I bowed to Wiz.

She smiled sweetly even as she flinched away from Aqua, who was clutching

her head and rolling on the floor.

"That sounds just fine to me. In fact, I'd be thrilled to have a wider selection

to offer. My store has never been that successful… And anyway, I can't pretend

I'm unrelated to the whole manor incident. I don't know what you plan to sell,

but I look forward to finding out."

She smiled again, and with her eager agreement to help me out, I couldn't

help smiling back.

The moment might've been a little more pleasant without someone rolling all

over the floor, though.

Then Wiz's expression darkened.

She was obviously trying to decide whether or not to tell me something.

"…? What's up? If there's something on your mind, let me know. I don't want

to force this on you. If you've got any ideas…"

Wiz hurriedly waved away my concerns.

"N-no, not at all! I'm very grateful that you want to sell something in my

shop! Actually, it's about… It's about Milady Aqua…" She trailed off, clearly

hard-pressed.

"…? Her? Oh, you're afraid that if you start stocking my item, she'll be in here

all the time. If you're too worried about her, I can try my best to leave her at

home."

Aqua was a goddess, after all—much as I hated to admit it. It only made sense

that she might make an undead uneasy.

"N-no, that's not… Milady Aqua is welcome here. But every time she comes,

she tells my customers that everything in the shop is made by unspeakable,

inhumane methods and they'd be better off not buying anything…"

"You. What's she talking about?"

Aqua, still on the floor cradling her head, gave a start.

"W-wait!" Wiz exclaimed. "I-I'm not worried about it! For some reason, sales

of holy water to male adventurers have gone way up since then! So I'm not—"

I was glad for her that something was selling well, I guess.

I wonder if it's really okay for a Lich to be selling holy water.

Then again, I wonder if the adventurers of this town are really okay in a

number of ways.

"I'm more worried about… Well, milady has a habit of touching everything in

the shop, and a lot of my magical herbs and necromancy ingredients end up

getting cleansed. Quite a few of my products have become unfit for sale…"

"What's she talking about, you dumbass goddess?"

Apparently this idiot had been coming to Wiz's shop behind my back just to

harass her.

I dragged Aqua to her feet, then put one hand on her head and shoved it

down in a bow in Wiz's direction.

"I'm so sorry, Wiz! I'll take responsibility for your lost products and take

money from this moron to pay you back! H-hey, don't struggle! Come on,

apologize!"

"Stop, Kazuma! No way! Why should a goddess bow to a Lich?! Anyway, any

liquid I touch is just naturally purified by the divine power that flows out of me!

It's not my fault! If you put a plant in the sun, it'll photosynthesize, and if I touch

liquid, I purify it! It's just the way the world works!"

No, I'm pretty sure you're going out of your way to touch those items.

Since Aqua was putting all her strength into stiffening her neck so I couldn't

force her head down, I bowed mine even deeper instead.

You know, I feel like I've done an awful lot of apologizing for Aqua recently.

"Oh! Please don't do that! It's all right—it's in the past. Just… If possible,

maybe don't purify my products in the future… I know I've caused you a lot of

trouble lately—asking Lady Aqua to help the souls at the graveyard, asking you

to exorcise that haunted house…"

This time it was Wiz who hurriedly bowed her head.

Faced with Wiz's unrelenting earnestness, the person whose lax approach to

cemetery duty caused that very haunting averted her eyes.

…Blast you. You and Wiz oughta switch jobs…