FINDING LIGHT IN DARKNESS

2024 a year of thoughts and memories I think I can base on to move my life.This year generally has not been that easy for me but I think am soon getting what I think I do deserve.Starting off my final year of high school, this gives me a lot joy because am soon ending my studying though I have to keep up with the pace so I can achieve my goals. Most of my fellow students think am a quiet guy, humble though atimes stubborn. I was not yet involved in any relationship not up to when my heart was weaken by some chick. Though we had friends for some short time about four months, I ended up gaining some feelings for her. Little did I know she would catch my attention, I really found it so hard to move my life without her. Sure, I liked hanging out with her, though I found it so hard to express my feelings to her as I really expected a regection. There one thing in life that we men fear and that's rejection.Ruin is the destination towards which all men rush, each pursuing his own best interest in a society that believes in the freedom of the commons..I had been attracted to Oli ever since I met her. She was different from the girls I was used to dealing with. So sweet, so innocent, and without any hidden intention. I saw the light in her from the first second and, accustomed to living in the dark, I was drawn to her light. I pushed her to accept her desires and impulses. I admitted to Oli that I want her more than I wanted another person or thing in his whole life.I almost trembled because it's not that easy to tell some one you are attracted to, ur actual feelings towards them. She told me that she was so fade up with relationships, and she is trying so hard to keep away from dating. She added that she cannot trust any one yet because her last relationship ended when her boyfriend hooked up with her bestie.Every single word she said melted my heart and I seemed so caught up in this .I liked so her so much that every evening, be any free time, I just wanted to keep with her. This gives me lots of memories. We shared lots about ourselves though she was not ready to be open to me and this always killed me. I don't why this hard be like this but I feared losing her as if she was already mine. I always wanted escorting her back to her domicile, I don't know but she seemed to have few interest in me and sure I had few chanches of making her mine. I don't why but every time we spoke, just a mere talk to always aroused my feelings. I just enjoy looking at her, even just a slight distance from her always made me worry of she was fine. I really felt I should keep her as mine. Every glimpse at her always drew me to my safe haven. Oh my gosh, I don't know but what ever she is made of, I opted find out. She always gave me a sexy look as we were jazzing that always drew me near, I don't what I can say that is not perfect with her because to me she seemed to be my friend. Sure it was so easy for anyone else to understand that I was in love with Oli. She always has a negative attitude about her self and she thought every time that she was not ready to fall in love. I don't but what ever I people see in her does not hit my attention. Yes, sure I had heard a lot about her past but to me the past does not determine the future. She always says that she is a bad person and am too innocent to get engaged to her . Though I seemed less concerned as to me I was not looking for a good person.I was so fond of her. One day I pissed her off though I did not what I had done, so afternoon noon came and had no hopes of talking to her so I sent my call her and tell her that am in the sick bay. I didn't expect her to turn up but nevertheless she came. Ohh my God, so I had to put my self in a moody vibe so as to catch her attention. She later found out that I had just forged the sickness so as to pick her attention. She was so pissed with this so she all sorts of stuff but trust whatever she was saying got me of. She said; we couldn't ever be the same and if I expected anything Iike a relationship, I should be wise and keep away my stupid feelings. There she told that if she is to love anyone, she cannot fail to tell her friends about our bond. From that moment I was never the same as I felt so disappointed, rejected though I could not hate her. She told what it's better to be friends though I couldn't handle this, my head boomed, ached and felted so hurt. This is the time I felt that I had to cut connections with her.So I had to find a better self without Oli. The first night passed, I wrote a letter to her telling her about that incident. These were my words:Oli, u one person I thank God brought in my life, thank you all the time, moments and everything that you have helped to achieve. All in all I want to say thank you, it's so hard to allow, that am a new life without you. I dont regret meeting you becauseyou have led me out of the darkness that I have been in. Lastly. I want to am sorry for everything I have done that has contributed to your misery. I don't know what ever I said seemed to have hurt because she blamed her self why she had not told this to me earlier. Sure, It was approaching prom as she brought in the idea that we should go together for this party. I totally denied this as deep down, I felt I had no reason of going to prom with out a girl that I love and she loves me back the same. I had made my prom budget, but all the vibe was lost. I didn't know that she wouldget hurt because she had rejected me, but this made her cry. I was so free that time though I had not yet stopped thinking of her. It was four days to prom, Oli sent lots of people to convince me but my heart stood still. I had the money to prepare for everything but I failed to find a reason as to why I should go for this prom. Surely I saw her so bothered with this so I had to talk to her. She was moody that moment, sitted lonely so I came up to talk but she didn't seem to be concerned. I tried jazzing with but still she did respond back. She went on and told me something, Emma u have rejected me, I don't know who is to blame though I didnt want to the reason as to why she didn't enjoy her high school moments. Though I had one thing in mind that whenever I recalled it hurt me. I seems like I had over loved her and she decided to ignore me.I don't understand this. Sometimes we are friends, sometimes we are morethan friends.and sometimes am just a stranger to you. One minute you are talking to me as if am something special.Next time u are talking to me as if I mean absolutely nothing to you.One day u pay so much attention to me and the next day you completely ignore me.don't play with my feelings because you're unsure of yours. This is not fair.