Chapter 56 - I’m still Ao Wen

For several moments, Ao Wen stood still in her inner world, letting the events of the past several years wash over her. Mei Lien had told her about loving other women and the time she spent with Qi Yue had begun to feel like she'd encountered one of those past loves. She wished, for a moment, that she'd been able to say a proper goodbye, but what would that have even been like? Cong Daiyu would continue on in her place, or already had… Ao Wen still didn't know how to describe her experiences. Were they really memories? She felt too in control for that to be the case. A strange form of illusion, reliving the experiences in a fantasy world that resembled what had happened but allowed her to make her own choices? Why would it be something so complex? She didn't know and none of that really mattered anyway. All she knew was that leaving Qi Yue and Cong Houzi right now felt just as bad as leaving Feng Xi to enter her memories had felt. It felt wrong to leave without saying goodbye and it hurt even worse than stepping away from the Jun clan had felt the first time she'd plunged into her memories. Perhaps, one day, she'd dive back into her memories, just to have a way to reunite with the people she'd had to leave. 

The important thing now, she felt, was to center herself before she returned to Feng Xi. Looking within herself she found no trace of the azure alchemy flame that she'd possessed as Cong Daiyu, nor did she find any trace of the orange-crimson flame essence given to her by Cong Houzi. She did, however, have the Crimson, Azure, and Emerald Phoenix flames that had been given to her by Mei Lien when she awakened. "I understand now," she said, reaching out a hand to touch the docile flames. "These aren't actually Beast Flames, they're Flame Essences. They're also exactly what I need right now. I'm missing the orange dragon flame, but I'll still have Azure and Crimson flames to use, I just need to learn to use the Emerald flames in the next few months," she said as she sat before the flames, calling out to them one at a time to begin the process of absorbing them that her adoptive mother had taught her all those years ago. 

Each flame essence took Ao Wen nearly an hour to absorb but the act of doing so let her gain an understanding of how flame energy circulated through her body. Unlike the vast dissonance she felt when attempting to use Jun Biyu's circulation method for earth energy, the Flame Essences behaved almost exactly as she had expected them to. Ao Wen attributed the difference to them being Phoenix Flames that she'd never used before more than she attributed it to her own nature as Spirit Folk. Maybe it was only body cultivators who required such vastly different cultivation methods? Or maybe, because Spirit Folk were already aligned with Spirit Beasts, she had a natural inclination in the use of Beast Flames and Flame Essences. 

"I suppose I should see if I'm still a Sorceress," she muttered to herself, getting up from the Alchemy chamber of her inner world and for the first time entering the chamber marked 'Fire.' Within this room, she found a few familiar things that gave her heart. Illusionary representations of the fans she'd carried as Cong Daiyu were present along with a well-worn copy of the Flame Wind Fan Dance manual. She'd only cultivated half the manual in her time as Cong Daiyu, never managing to make the step from Drifting to Wandering Mystic but it seemed like the entire manual was here. Interestingly, she found many other flame arts in the room, some suitable for Scholars, others for Warriors, and even a manual on Fire Painting that likely belonged to an Artist's path. "Apocalyptic Nether Flames" she murmured seeing one of the more prominent manuals in the room. It didn't feel like something that would belong to Cong Daiyu leaving her wondering which of her other lives had shared a similar bond with Fire. Maybe this wasn't the first time she'd been given 'Fire' as one of her words upon awakening. 

At the center of the room, suspended in a simple brass brazier, Ao Wen found a flickering multi-colored Soul Flame. It didn't feel any weaker than the Soul Flame she'd held as Cong Daiyu but somehow, without her noticing, it had accumulated many more layers and colors than just the three she'd brought out from the Alchemy room. "More mysteries to solve when I have time," she said, feeling she couldn't put things off any longer. 

For all that she had been through and all the ways she'd subtly changed, she was certain that she was still the same Ao Wen at her core. Refined to be sure. Wounded, broken, but healed stronger afterward. Ao Wen was Ao Wen, just more tempered than before. Hopefully, Feng Xi would feel the same way. 

Outside, three days passed while Ao Wen withdrew into her inner world. The lightning had stopped falling two days ago and yesterday the rain had finally faded. Now, finally, the skies were clear of clouds and the autumn winds had stilled their fury after the past several days of tempestuous gusts. 

Feng Xi's eyes had become sunken, her face haggard from lack of sleep. Tang Jin hadn't moved the entire time that Ao Wen had been sleeping, instead, the young man seemed to be wasting away where he lay. His pulse had grown fainter and fainter, his complexion becoming increasingly pale. It wasn't reasonable that he should be showing signs of losing weight after only three days of being fed thin porridge and rich meat stock but it was happening nonetheless. He looked more like a person who had been fasting for weeks than a healthy young man who had gone a few days without proper meals. 

Watching Ao Wen had been even more heart-rending. During much of the first day, Ao Wen's eyes had remained screwed tight in pain, tears spilling from her eyes and the occasional soft sob escaping her lips. More than once she looked like she was being tortured, her lips moving soundlessly hands trembling as though trying to grasp something. It wasn't until early in the second day that she became calmer and occasional smiles punctuated her shifting expressions. 

Feng Xi had become incapable of turning away from her two ailing charges, even when there was nothing to do for them. She tended to both of their physical needs, lifting them up to pour cooled broth or thin rice porridge down their throats. She wiped away dirt and sweat with damp cloths and checked the bandages on their wounds. When her tasks were complete, she'd play the zither for them, hoping that the soothing tones would reach them and help with whatever challenges they were facing. 

Finally, on the third day, Ao Wen's condition changed dramatically. Energy swirled around her in multiple hues of azure, crimson, and emerald green. Flames seemed to flicker along her body and warmth spread from within her as though she had become the comforting fire in the hearth that Feng Xi desperately wished to return to. An hour passed, then a second, then a third. The flames continued to dance around Ao Wen all this time but over the course of an hour, a single color of flame would become more and more controlled before it seemed as if Ao Wen shifted her focus to a different colored flame. Power spilled from her that reminded Feng Xi of her father before he'd been injured and more recently of herself. This was the power of a second-stage cultivator! It didn't feel like the power of a Soldier, nor like the power of an Understudy, that could only mean that not only had Ao Wen succeeded in becoming an Alchemist, but she'd made it all the way to becoming a Novice Scholar! 

Slowly, Ao Wen finally began to stir, her eyes fluttering as she began to wake.