486. Judges ~History of the Calamity Stones~

With her Eldritch Gauntlets, Gabby punches her fists together while staying on the ring, hopping back and forth.

"In this corner... We have St. Journey Joestar! And on the other... Samurai Simoooon!"

"Shit name," smirked Gabby. "What's wrong...? Puppy lost his honor from his pants...?"

The man in a Samurai costume woges into an Inugami.

"COME ON!!!" Gabby charges and throws her punches at the Inugami, who spins, dodges her, and strikes her in the...

*GASP!!!*

Gabby wakes up in the living room. "FUCK!!!"

"Oh... Hey," smiled Anne.

"Where the fuckin' hell am I...?" asked Gabby. "Where's that Dumpster Rat!?"

"Oh! Rat King ran away..." said Sprig.

"We took you in after we found you trapped in his coin," said King.

Gabby tries to stand up.

"Whoa! You're pretty banged up," said Anne. "You should stay put."

"Blah blah blah, says The Frog Lady. I'm good, bruh. Just need to stretch a bit." Gabby looks around. "I heard Dad's voice. Where is he...?"

"He was taking care of you all night and fell asleep on the sofa... Like... right over there..." Luz points to Miguel, who is fast asleep.

"Alright... Heheh... Thanks, guys," said Gabby.

Dipper kept on reading the journal at the table.

"Mabel! Mabel...!?" asked Amity. "Hey, Dipper...? Have you seen your sister...? Sasha needs the Spoon Stampede to be reported and updated into the database and Sasha decided your sister should do it today."

"She's in school, working. It's Friday. What'd you expect...?"

"What's the date, anyway, on your Earth...?"

"June 13," said Dipper.

"Oh, right. Yesterday was your technical independence day," said Amity.

"Yep."

"I think you also need to take a break," said Luz.

"Nah, nah, nah," said Dipper. "I'll be fine..."

"Come watch TV...? I found this old tape in the attic," said Luz.

"No, thanks," said Dipper.

The Luz and Amity shrug and all go upstairs out of the basement and into the Living Room.

Luz enters the tape into the cassette player.

"HEY, THERE!!!" smiled a young Mabel.

"What the Heaven...?" asked Amity. "Why is the tape 4 hours long...?"

"Not sure... Is that... Mabel...?" asked Luz.

"Welcome to Mabel's Guide to Everything!" smiled Mabel.

The theme song plays. "M-, M-, M-, MABEL!!! M-, MABEL!! M-...!!!"

"Isn't this an old show Mabel technically starred in...?" asked Luz. 

"I, dunno. Let's just wait for somethin' to happen," said Amity. "Are those... Gummy worms...? N-... No...!" 

"WHAT...!?" asked Luz.

"NO!!! OOOH!!! OH!!! OH, GOD!!!" Amity grabs her mouth, gagging. "OH!!! God, is REAL!!!"

"What the hell are you two do-...? What the FUCK!?!?" asked Rick. "OH, GOD!!! GOD IS REAL!!! GOD IS REAL!!! OH-!!!"

Morty walks by. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! BURN IT!!! BUR-...! I c-c-can not stop watching..."

Sprig hops to the front of the TV while King walks with him.

"So, anyway!" yelled King. "I authored this really cool book that Luz helped me make! Ruler's Reach! Really good stu-... Whoa..." King stares at the television.

"King...? King...? You cut off... Where could I get the b-...? Whoa..." Sprig stares at the Television.

"An Alien...?" asked Marcy, jotting down what the man is saying. "What kind of alien...? Were they blue and glowing...? Were they tall and hairy? Did they woge? Can they move stuff around with their minds...?"

"No, no, no!" yelled the woman, who proceeds to Wahrewoge in front of Marcy. "I know what a Wesen is! This isn't one of them! Believe me!" she woges back to her human form.

"How do you know that this person is an alien...?" asked Monroe.

"Check out the backyard... Please..." said the woman.

The group enters the backyard and is shocked to see an X-Wing in the backyard.

"That... looks like it's from Star Wars..." said Monroe.

Marcy slowly approaches it. "It... It is... from Star Wars..."

"How is that possible...?" asked Monroe.

"You mean the variant of the movies we watched...? Light Blade...?" asked Polly.

"Yeah...! That's so weird..." yelled Marcy. "I'm pretty sure that a few months ago, the Jazz Fusion fought against Darth Vader, but I thought that was just a rumor... Wasn't it...?"

"So, there's an alien out there, you're saying...?" asked Polly. "An alien out there that is... among us..."

"No..." said Monroe, shaking his head.

"Don't start..." said Marcy.

"Thank you, Mar-..."

"JK!!! AMOGUS!!! WE SHOULD VENT!!! IMPASTA GO BRRRR-!!!" laughed Marcy.

Polly laughs.

"Ugh..." Monroe walks away, shaking his head. "*SNIFF!!!*" Monroe frowns. "Huh..."

"What...?" asked Marcy. "Pick up something...?"

"Oh... that's weird..." said Monroe. 

"What...?" asked Polly.

Monroe Wahrewoges. "*SNIFF!!!* I smell... dairy... But... it's pretty sweet... And it doesn't smell... normal..." Monroe looks inside and sees that there are several cup-shaped capsules. He puts on a glove and carefully sniffs it. "Ooh!"

"What...?" asked Polly, who sniffs it as well. "OH, FROG!!!"

Marcy smells it and gags. "Whoa!"

"That... is alcoholic on a whole different level..." Monroe scans the device. "'314% Alcohol...!?'"

"It's probably either Asgardian or Saiyan. Vegeta says that Earth is the third best... So... It's either these heavy two..."

"What's this...?" asked Monroe, taking out a badge that has writing on it.

"'Judge Joshua, I will ask you to search for the three Hassonyaw as soon as possible,'" said Monroe, looking very shocked.

"Is that supposed to mean something...?" asked Polly.

"'Judge...' What do you mean by that...?" asked Marcy.

"I mean the Shophet kinda judge. This... This is modern Hebrew, but it looks like it's a variant of it... At least I think it is... Like... It's Hebrew from an alternate cyberpunk-y sci-fi world..."

"Like in the Bible...?" asked Marcy.

"Try the books, anyone...?" asked Polly.

Meanwhile...

"Huh..." said Miguel, waking up and seeing that everyone had closed the office. "What the hell...?" Miguel grabs a mysterious round purple gem hanging from a necklace tightly worn around his neck. Miguel frowns. 

"Hello... I have your wife..." said a deep creepy voice. "I need you to bring Amity Blight to me, or I'll kill her."

Miguel smirks and lies down on the couch.

"Didn't you listen to me...!? I'll kill your wife!"

"Well, for one thing, I don't have a wife. I have a partner. And obviously, you didn't seem to do your research, but my quote-unquote, 'wife,' is with me right now."

"Wait, really...? THAT IDIOT!!!"

"No... I lied. But it intrigues me enough to realize how stupid you are to fall for that. I can tell when people are lying, basically. So... who's this idiot you're talking about...?"

"No one! Now, deliver Amity Blight to the abandoned Manor in the Boiling Isles."

"Sure, honey. Just a second. But I can see that you have issues with your husband... No... Ex-husband... is it...?"

"Excuse me!?"

"Ooh! I struck a nerve! I'll go get some hot cocoa... This...? This is gonna be a long, long talk..."

"You are testing my patience! I will destroy everything you love!"

"Lady, I scraped my childhood bully's corpse around with a car and went all Achilles and Hector on him. To this day, God is still angered by my actions. You really wanna test that? Now, let's start the therapy session."

Meanwhile...

"I can't believe we've been watching this for a whole hour..." said Sprig.

"How many more can she shove in there...?" asked Luz.

"I feel like puking..." whispered Amity.

"Haha!" laughed Rick. "Jesus Christ, I can't believe she's still alive today... Or... did she get any brain damage or some shit from this...?"

"R-R-Rick... I've seen Nirvana..." said Morty. "Either that or this is turning me on... weirdly enough..."

"That's a fucking 16-year-old girl, Morty."

"Fuck... N-N-Never mind..." said Morty.

"What the hell is going on with that nose of hers...?" asked Rick.

"She's probably a Mutant," said King.

"Hey, guys...? Miguel's talking to himself ag-... Whoa..." said Dipper. "I would stop you guys because that's my sister, but WOW!!! Look at the shape of her head!"

Meanwhile...

"Here..." said Anne, offering Milk Tea to Gabby.

"Hm! Milky..." Gabby sipped it up. "Y'know, Dad really likes those black balls in his mouth."

Anne stares at Gabby.

"N-No! The... Black Pearls...! Boba!"

"Oh... Pfft! Right...? What's up with that star on the back of your shoulder...?"

"Oh... This...?" Gabby grabs the back of her left shoulder. "Just a birthmark, heheh! Y'know! Holy Lineage nonsense..."

"Hahahahahaha! That's cool! I have a birthmark over here, too!" smiled Anne, showing her chest and revealing a map of Thailand.

"Whoa... Messianic..." smiled Gabby.

The two giggle while Monroe, Marcy, and Polly walk out of a portal, passing by the others who watch the strange video.

"So! That is why you should learn how to CO-MMU-NI-CATE, O-DAL-IA!!! Jesus Christ, man! Love yourself and love OTHER... PEOPLE!!! Not everybody is an Abomination! Only another Abomination would think that, you ABOMINATION!!! Odalia Blight the Abominable Abomination! That's you! That's what people call you! Unless you actually CARED you heartless monster! Now! Do those squats just like I said!"

"Who is he talking to...?" asked Polly.

Marcy shrugs.

"Found it," said Monroe. "'Judges... Hebrew Shophets... Born from the Twelve Judge Families which later became the race of hunters and warriors we now know as Decapitares, AKA, Grimms. The Hebrew Judges disappeared around 1800 years ago, rumored to have buried themselves in Mt. Sinai. Strangely enough, there are no Human remains there, as if they completely vanished.'"

"So... The 12 Judges of the Bible are actually just a group of ancient Grimms...?" asked Marcy.

"Okay...? So... We're fighting a Space Judge...?" asked Polly.

"What if... The Judges disappeared because they actually left planet Earth...? Right...?" asked Marcy. "Remember how Mt. Sinai has cave temples installed within it that can use Boom Tube...? What if they used it to traverse the stars... and leave Earth?"

"Are you suggesting that there are Grimms who left Earth and became the Space Judges and the ones who were left behind became the Grimms we all know today...?"

"Probably...!?" asked Marcy, looking confused. "Does that also mean that Grimms have different... I don't know... SUBSPECIES!?!?"

Later... The trio walks back out of the mansion while the group is hypnotized by the film...

"Popcorn..." said Luz.

Sprig grabs popcorn and shoves it into Luz's mouth.

"Mm... Slimy..." said Luz.

Later...

The stays on a bench while trying to search for the Grimm.

Marcy eats some Ube Cupcakes and shares some with Polly.

Monroe sniffs around the area.

"So... How do we do this...?" asked Marcy.

"I guess I just Erstewoge," said Monroe. He does so, and literally, everyone ignores the trio.

However, a few Wesen Erstewoge out of fear, smelling his pheromones.

"A couple of Eisbibers... Luisant-Pecheur... Maushertzes... Reinigens... Just some classic bottom-of-the-food-chain guys..."

"It's cool what you Blutbaden can do! Super smelling... Super leaping... Super climbing... Enhanced speed... Fangs... It's like that one series I watched! Ugh! So good!"

"Whoa... Calm down... Blutbaden aren't just your classic werewolves in literature..." said Monroe.

"Yeah! But... I was just so excited to learn more about what you guys are!" smiled Marcy. "Classifying you! Studying you! Learning that Chupacabras are different from Wældreórs!"

"Yeah... when it turns out Chupacabras were real, that gave me chills, too."

"Have you ever guys thought of world domination...?" asked Polly.

"Napoleon Bonaparte was a Steinadler who did try it... And so did Adolf Hitler. That Blutbadian bastard," said Monroe. "Lately, it was Conrad Bonaparte, a distant relative of Napoleon, but he was a Zauberbiest... And Renard killed him. Well, technically, Diana did, but, eh...!"

"I heard that the Black Claw might be resurfacing again," said Marcy. "Who do you think is their leader now...?"

"Probably someone who wants power..." said Monroe. "*SNIFF!!!* Guys... I smell dairy."

Suddenly, Monroe sees a man with a leather jacket and sunglasses who spots Monroe. He turns around and walks away.

"Follow me," he said.

The trio stands up and walk (or hop) around the city while following Monroe, who tracks the extraterrestrial nearby.

"(Well...!?)" whispered Polly. "(What are you picking up...? Unless it's an ice cream truck or the milkman...)"

"Oh... Trust me... it isn't," said Monroe. "Smells alien-y... *SNIFF!!!* Hey! You! With the leather jacket and sunglasses!"

The man squints his eyes and runs away.

Monroe Wahrewoges.

Marcy activates Charged State and flies toward him.

Polly wall-crawls quickly.

The man runs at a similar speed to Captain America, even equalling the speed of the cars around him.

The man sees the various Wesen merchants woge out of fear, but they don't care because he is wearing sunglasses.

"I sure am glad that Wahrewoging is legal now!" yelled Monroe, chasing after the Grimm.

"Ugh! Wind's darting in my eyes!" yelled Marcy.

Suddenly, Polly hops out from the wall of the building and shoots her tongue out, wrapping it around his leg.

Marcy then stomps on the ground and crashes his feet into the concrete. The man is pulled back and drops to the ground.

Monroe takes off the man's sunglasses and Erstewoges.

The man squints his eyes. "Lupahomen."

"What did he just call you...?" asked Marcy.

"I think he just called me a really... really old name for a Blutbad... Like... a 2,000-year-old name."

The Judge activates his translator and reads up the language through the Interdimensional-Wide Web.

"Hello...? Hi... Hello...? I am Yehoshua of the Judges..." said the Grimm. "I am an ally of Rey Skywalker."

"You mean... Reyy Skeyyveuker...?" asked Monroe. "The one who sent you here...?"

"What do you want from us...?" asked Marcy.

The Judge stares at Marcy. "That energy... Was that the power of the Hassonyaw...?"

"It's supposed to be 'Hassonadam...'" said Yehoshua. "My translator didn't translate it properly... Luckily, it's a Terran word."

"'Hassonadam...?' Doesn't that translate to 'Person of Disaster...?'" asked Monroe.

"You... You're a Frog Amphibian..." said Yehoshua. "I must have been running from the people I've been searching for."

"Wait... 'Person of Disaster...' You mean the Calamity Trio...?" asked Marcy.

"Yes... Do you have the stones...?" asked Yehoshua.

Marcy's eyes widen. "It's... in our bodies..."

"Alright... We have a lot to talk about..." said Yehoshua.

Extra...

The group is still watching the Gummy Worms film.

"Holy carp..." said Dipper.

"I can't believe a few were spilled out and she put it back in again..." said Sprig.

"Where does it go...!?" asked King.

Miguel passes by them.

"I think..." said Luz. "... to another dimension!"

"Or just her brain... or her esophagus..." said Amity, as the others look at her. "I don't know how Human anatomy works, okay...!?"

"No, you got it right," said Rick.

"Yeah..." said Morty.

Miguel comes back with an arrested Odalia.

"Is that Amity...!?" asked Odalia.

"Keep moving, or you won't get therapy," said Miguel.

Odalia bows her head and follows Miguel's instructions.

"EW!!!" yelled Sprig, who is grossed out.

The trio with Yehoshua passes by.

"So... what prophecy are you talking about, exactly...?" asked Marcy.

"Well, it started off around 2,500 years ago when the Stones were first created by the Judges-..." said Yehoshua.

"H-Hand me some of that u-uh... Baked Spam," said Morty.

Dipper does so.

Anne and Gabby walk out of the mansion, giggling while wearing cute outfits.

"We'll be gone for the night!" smiled Anne.

"Uh-... Yeah..." said the others.

"WHOA!!! CAN SHE FIT THAT ONE IN THERE!?!?" asked Luz.

"Wanna bet?" smiled Amity.

Mabel passes by and sees the television.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS... DOING!?!?" asked Mabel, switching it off.

Everyone escapes the trance. 

"Why are you watching me shove gummy worms up my nose!?" asked Mabel. "I don't even remember doing that!"

The group stares at Mabel.

"Why would you shove gummy worms up your nose...?" asked Sprig.

Mabel facepalms and walks away.

"She didn't remove the tape from the Cassette Player. Keep playing it," said Dipper.

Sprig hops to the TV and does so.