424. No-Killing-War ~Earth-777 War Part I~

"Now that Ibarra is gone... I can now... finally go on to heroically invade New Israel..." smiled Rasputin, looking out the window of his jet as his soldiers all saluted. "Now that Ibarra is lost in the Multiverse... No one stands in my way..."

His assistant, who is behind him, replies, "But of course, sir. But what if he is still alive?"

"If he somehow escaped his perishment and is still in this Multiverse... he could still navigate his back in here... Then, I will use... The Weapon."

"The Weapon, sir?"

"It's a powerful weapon that can kill Miguel successfully. I do not wish to start a war in Heaven by killing him permanently... NO!!! I just want this planet safe in my hands..."

"What weapon...?"

"It's a creature I found in the inner depths of the Omniverse... I found him in a peculiar Multiverse that was nearly shattered lately by some device created by this creature's variant. This creature was so skilled in killing that it rose up in the ranks of my army.He's a colonel, right now, by the way.But I locked him up in his very own room of comfort so that he would stop killing my soldiers."

"Name?"

"Classified. You are now dismissed, Mister... What was your name, again? You're the new assistant, right?"

"Poppy Gloria Borger."

"Ah... You are from the Netherlands? Dutch?"

"Y-... Yes."

"Well... Good day, Poppy Gloria Borger."

The "assistant" bows his head and walks outside of the office.

She then removes her "face..." revealing that she is actually Felix Kjellberg of Earth-777. Jedan of Earth-777 appears next to him from a closet. In that closet are tied-up assistants.

"What's the weapon?" asked Jedan.

"I have no idea," said Felix. "We'll find it out soon enough... Whatever it is... It must be at least a Class-4..."

Josuke, Finn, Jake, Spongebob, Patrick, Gumball, Darwin, and Mark all sat down at the cafe.

"What is this place?" asked Mark.

"It's Burnham Cafe. It's a cafe we always eat in," said Josuke.

"Why...? Can't you eat anywhere else?" asked Mark.

"Every time we do, either we get attacked by a bad guy, or Gumball gets attacked by a bad guy in the bathroom," said Darwin.

"What...? Why?" asked Mark.

"Because fate hates us," said Spongebob.

"Yesterday, I met a crazy magical guy with a silly mustache killing people," said Patrick. "Just a norm around these parts."

"My archnemesis is Mickey Mouse," said Spongebob.

"The Goddess I pray to is my friend with benefits," said Gumball.

"Peter killed a dude yesterday, and everyone hates us now," said Finn.

"I didn't kill a dude..." Peter sits down with the Jazz Fusion. "It was an accident... I was pardoned immediately, but... I can't help but hate myself for what happened."

"What happened anyway?" asked Mark.

"I was emotional. Then a bad guy jumped on us from behind so I punched him in the throat."

"So... you did kill a dude."

Peter slams his head on the table. "Ugh..."

Bruce sips some Gazpacho as he sits down next to Peter. "Here's your pie." Bruce places a plate of cherry pie in front of Peter. Bruce sips his Gazpacho.

Peter clenches his fists.

"We've... had a rough 36 hours," said Bruce.

"Sorry... I'm just... so angry... at myself... I feel so horrible..."

"Yeah... You'll... get through it..." said Bruce, drinking some more.

Mark is served Kare-Kare.

"You're uh..." Peter snaps his fingers. "Invulnerable, right?"

"Invincible," said Mark.

"Cool... Uh... Spider-Man..."

"Yeah... So, I'm allowed to know who you are, right? Because of the whole Hellsing Law thing?"

"Yeah... Peter Parker..." Peter shakes Mark's hand, smiling.

"I know..." Mark smiles back. "Mark Grayson."

Mark shakes Bruce's hand. "Uh... You're Bruce Wayne, right? Prime-Earth's wealthiest billionaire playboy?"

"He's Batman!" smiled Peter, as Bruce facepalms.

"Wait, that file was wrong? I thought Batman is a man named John Smith."

"Yeah... Just to be sure..." said Bruce, squinting his eyes at Peter.

Mark tries the Kare-Kare. "Mm! This is pretty good... Peanutbutter Curry...? Also, I'd like a serving of Halo-Halo!"

The group happily ate lunch...

But suddenly, a portal opens...

"Jazz Fusion," said PewDiePie, walking in through a portal. "We need your help."

"'EY!!!" yelled the Jazz Fusion and Peter, except Bruce. "BITCH!!! LASAGNA!!! BITCH!!! LASAGNA!!! T-SERIES AIN'T NOTHING BUT A-!!!"

"Shush! Just... Let's go before I vomit," said PewDiePie, walking back into the portal. "You can also come, too, Batman. Spider-Man."

The group looks at each other, looks back at PewDiePie, and enters the portal.

They enter the DiscipleCave, where PewDiePie watches the Socialists. 

"In the year 2029, after Miguel Ibarra was crucified and mad dead, a Russian named Rasputin Romanov found the opportunity to rise to the ranks and become the 'elected' President. Known to have become a powerful Dictator, Rasputin began conquering Ukraine. It was this year that started the Socialist Wars, where in the world of anarchy, Rasputin began conquering the Soviet Nations first and soon let China, North Korea, and India conquer the nations around it, soon forming the United Socialist Empire.It was then that the Disciples formed as a worldwide group to fight against this regime to not only guard New Israel but to defeat this nation who wishes to not only stop at New Israel but invade Maharlica as well.After what you did, Peter Parker, you caused a chain reaction where all Earths of each Universe decided to not support us in our colonization, saying that Rasputin might give a better world where people like us won't be on the frontlines. And instead, people like him will be."

The group sees all this in a PowerPoint production of Rasputin saying a muted speech in Moscow.

Bruce and Peter bow their heads...

"We also think that you, Josuke Higashikata, and ALSO you, The Jazz Fusion, have captured Toffee and brought him to the Quantum Dimension, right?"

"YEAH!!!" smiled the Jazz Fusion.

"I wasn't a part of this," said Mark.

"Well," said PewDiePie. "He escaped..."

"WHAT!?"

"A man from the Quantum Dimension who got himself trapped there by tinkering with an unauthorized Warp Crystal."

"What does he look like?" asked Josuke.

"We don't know..." said Felix. "He was described to be Asian... And he looked like an ally of ours."

"Who?" asked Josuke.

"Classified," said Felix. "If we tell you, we might dox his family. One reason is because he's currently with his family right now and is off-world."

"Just tell us who," said Josuke.

Felix sighs and shows his picture.

"OH!!!" yelled the group.

"That guy!" smiled Patrick. "I never would've thought that!"

"Why is he so dangerous?" asked Josuke.

"Reality warper. He's also insane and kills just about anyone..."

Pepe the Frog appears with Doge to offer a glass of Halo-Halo to Gumball.

"No, thanks," smiled Gumball.

"I'll have one," said Mark, as he is given one. "This stuff is pretty good..."

"Yeah. Our culture's amazing," said Josuke.

"Pfft... No, it isn't," said Gumball.

"Your face isn't amazing," said Josuke.

"You're a quiet kid."

"You're alone."

"Break it off, you two," said Darwin. "Stop making out."

"I'll make out with YOU Spongebob!" smiled Patrick.

"Patrick. Please..." said Spongebob. "Not in public."

Jake slurps some Ube Ice Cream given to him by Sully Wazowski.

Finn drinks some Taho given to him by a Ugandan Knuckle.

Both slurp very loudly and annoyingly.

Bruce facepalms.

Peter facepalms as well.

"WOULD YOU GUYS STOP GIVING THEM DESSERT!?" asked PewDiePie.

"Yes, sir," said the Memes.

"Bully Maguire... Please switch to the next slide..." said PewDiePie.

Bully switches to the next slide.

"Hey!" yelled Peter. "Isn't that-!?"

The slide switches to a giant city known as "San Annalisa".

"What is that place...?" asked Josuke.

"It's a city in the Philippines that Rasputin is planning to invade. When we're invaded, the whole Kingdom will have no choice but to become a part of the Socialists' Federation."

"So..." said Josuke.

"We start killing people," said Felix.

"WHAT!?" asked everyone.

"We're not soldiers, Felix," said Josuke. "We don't kill in the first place. We save and help people."

"Josuke... Everyone is having their own problems right now. The Hellsing Organization is being fucked over! The Jump Force is falling apart because Giorno can't be found! Dark and Hercules are hunting down some psycho General out there! Weeb Town is helping Dark and Hercules... Nick Burkhardt is apparently fighting off the Royals! The Stardust Crusaders are also suspended because of the case the WORLDS have against them! The League and the Avengers are currently suspended for what Bruce and Peter did!"

"Why are you guys here!?" asked Josuke.

"Because I'm Batman," said Bruce.

"Because I do whatever he says," said Peter.

"And here we are asking you to join our army! Please! Help us!"

"But, we don't kill!" yelled Josuke.

"Uh... We could fix that..." said someone walking out of the shadows.

It's Tony Stark of Earth-838.

He wears white armor. His suit's face opens up, revealing a man looking like Tom Cruise.

"Mr. Stark..." said Peter.

Bruce squints his eyes.

"Hey, Pete..." said Tony. "Heard you were a pretty smart kid, here, Underoos." Tony stands in front of Bruce. "Bruce..." smiled Tony.

"Stark," said Bruce, as he stared at Tony with suspicion. "I heard you built the Superior Tracker."

"Ah... So you're that Bruce Wayne," said Tony. "Hey, sport."

Tony high-fives Peter and brofists him. "Heheh... I'm proud of you, kid."

Peter frowns. "I killed a guy... On-..."

"I know... It was a mistake, Peter. Water under the bridge. Everyone makes mistakes."

"What he did was irresponsible," said Bruce.

"Uh... Yeah? But who's the reason why Peter did that? Hm, Bruce?"

Bruce squints his eyes even more. "Tch-..."

"He's got a point, Mr. Wayne," said Peter.

"But remember what I told you!" smiled Tony."Don't do anything I would do. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, either."

Then both spoke at the same time. "There's a little gray area in there. That's where you (I) operate." Both laugh together.

The Jazz Fusion awkwardly stares at the three people and their awkward... thing that's happening.

Bruce squints his eyes. "Uh-huh..."

"Anyway! Bruce Wayne, right? Weird... I can totally out-wealth you..." Tony shakes Bruce's hand. "But it's fine... I'm not the leader of my team... Xavier was... I just paid for everything. And designed everything. And made everyone look cooler.You do that, too, right?"

"Charming," Bruce nods silently. "You shake hands too much," he pulls away, annoyed.

"Charming," said Tony, shaking his hand again. "I am Iron Man!What are you supposed to be? Some kind of Emo Iron Panther, or something?"

"I'm Batman."

"Right! Like all Bruce Waynes are in EVERY universe! Huh! Well, it's a pleasure to meet you! I heard you did a good job taking care of your Peter!"

Bruce tightens his grip.

The Jazz Fusion is terrified of both men.

"Yeah..." said Bruce, clenching his jaw. 

"What the 'barnacles' is happening?" whispered Spongbob.

"I don't wanna know," whispered Darwin.

"You should meet my Peter... Just like yours... But he didn't kill anyone... No offense! Just saying..." said Tony. "I personally think... that Peter would be... far more superior when he's under my wing than him being under yours, Batman..."

Bruce, finally annoyed with Tony, pulls his hand away. 

"This must be the Jazz Fusion," smiled Tony, gently.

"I'm... Josuke..." said Josuke. He points to each of his friends. "Finn, Jake, Spongebob, Patrick, Gumball, Darwin, and Mark.Mark's new... but he knows how to fight and help people."

"Tony Stark," smiled Tony. "I am Iron Man. And I... like always... have a plan to win this war without you killing..."

Tony places small arc reactors similar to the one Mark 85 has, the detachable one.

"This contains Endo Sym that can turn into armor that I can fully control.Just slap it on their chests... and we'll have 'em captured..." 

"Aw, YEAH!!!" yelled the Jazz Fusion and Peter.

Extra:

"I'm Batman."

"I am... Iron Man."

"I'm Batman."

"I am... Iron Man."

"I'm Batman!"

"I am... Iron Man!"

"I'm BATMAN!!!."

"I am... IRON MAN!!!"

Bruce punches Tony in the face. 

"FUCK!!!"

"Oh, shit! I'm so sorry! I probably broke your nose! I would pay for it, but I'm sure you could pay for that, too!"

"It's cool. I can. We have Regen-Tech back on our Earth.Does yours have one?"

"N-... No..." Bruce subtly bows his head.