342. Epilogue: Miguel Ibarra's Speech
"Sir... What do you say about the fact that your variant, Miguel JoJo, had colonized the United States and taken away our freedom?"
Miguel Ibarra snickers. "Excuse you?"
"Don't you agree that Miguel JoJo had taken away our freedom! He had taken away our dignity! He doesn't care about this country! All he cares about was himself."
"Okay... Well... I'm not from this Universe and I'm the Chosen One. So... I get to be the judge and executioner!Okay...First of all, you people have still colonized us until ten years ago.This is called colonial mentality.So, I tell you, my quote-unquote, 'chosen children,' as a Filipino, you owe us.'Every monument of civilization is a monument of barbarism.'The United States, the European countries, and every country that ever colonized another is a monument itself. Everybody just loves the United States, right? The nation saved us from Spain, right? They totally didn't... well...! Steal our resources, ruin our landscapes, genocide our people, kill our children, rape our women, and commit horrible war crimes forcing itself unto us, right?When you came here, you brought diseases that killed our livestock. 4,200 Americans lived in the war, and 20,000 combatants died, while 200,000 died from genocide, famine, and disease.I am not angry. I'm just spitting out facts.Now... Sure, during this war, the Filipinos also had their faults. Why? Because not only did they commit war crimes, but you managed to trick us! You people managed to make us think that you were saving us! What a massive lie! We thought that you were saviors!Remember that one meme!? I'll... I'll warp it out for you..."
He warps out a meme.
(Megamind, Know Your Meme, https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/more-like-under-new-management)
"CRINGE!?You people are 'Tighten' by the way. And we're the people of Metrocity.Sure! You people then decided to put our literacy rate higher, though slightly! You made us taller because of balanced diets! You gave us industry! You gave us transport! You gave us democracy! Political parties!But guess what!?We depended on you then, we still do today, at least until Miguel colonized you! We had no part in the industry! You did that! You owned us! We focused more on American culture! Hell, I prefer speaking English over Tagalog! Television practically raised me! Guess what kind!? American Television! We lost our spirituality! And after all that, practically becoming Hawaii, did we even become an American State!?NO!!!How pathetic is that!? Just because we're the big dudes now and you now depend on us, you people are so angry and blame us for finally growing past you! You embarrassed us until this Miguel JoJo colonized you!And guess what!? Did he even take away your resources!? Did he genocide your people!? Hell! I heard in the war, there were almost no casualties! We didn't bring diseases! We didn't genocide your children! Because Miguel JoJo isn't an imperialist! He's just a guy who wanted to do what was right! And to this day, you insult him while he's in his grave! Why!? Because 'The U.S.A. is the Best, Dude!'" he yelled in a Californian accent. "Who are you people to tell us that we're the hypocrites! You are! According to Maharlican History, every leader had taken responsibility for their actions! Because we aren't you! We're better! So for the last time, deal with it!When I listen to people like Doughnut Trumpet or Laughs N. Love, I think, 'Boy! These guys are pretty condescending!' Because that's what you are! You're the pure ones and we're the dirty brown ones! You people always talked about the future of the starving children in the world! Maharlica is the future! Because last time I checked, NOBODY IS FRIGGIN' STARVING!!! And here you are saying we're being condescending! If we are, GOOD!!! You people, the Americans and the Europeans, you people deserve it! You are all the same! Except probably for Norway and a few others... But...Seriously! Don't you guys know history!? Most of you are just teenagers who don't even know what they're fighting for! Or journalists looking for a quick buck!I'm the Chosen One, right!?Who was it that asked for me to be crucified!The United States of America!Yes, I hate the United States! And yes I am Anti... Why!? BECAUSE YOU CRUCIFIED ME!!! SCREW YOU!!! NOW, I'M ANGRY!!! I SPENT 3,000 YEARS WITHOUT KNOWING MY DAUGHTER WAS BEING BEATEN BY SOME IDIOT!!!Of course, I have my own biases counting that I'm also Filipino!But it's only fair! Just accept that you're not number one anymore! We are!If you can't accept that, then I can't help you anymore! Just rot in your hatred and jingoist ways, you racist whackjobs! Sure, I'm a racist, too. But that's only because of trauma. Yes, don't worry... I'm working on it! I promise!But that doesn't mean you shouldn't work on it, too."
"What if you were an American!?" asked Dick Shuckmeister.
"Well... that's the thing! I am what you call a Universal Unique and I was born in the Philippines! So... It's impossible for me to have been born in the United States! I'm sorry, but... We overthrew you! We didn't do it out of malice! We're doing it to save the developing countries and make all equal!Could you please not boo me after this speech!?"
The people kept quiet.
"Good!" yelled Miguel. "Now, let's talk about PLDT and why it's the worst..."