Becoming One With Nature

"It's not fair," She whispered. Her dark-brown eyes watched as the people down below walked by the sidewalk outside. Some huddled together in little groups, while others walked alone individually. The trees outside swayed as the birds busied themselves amongst the green leaves. The spring breeze brought about a sense of warmth into the picture. She, however, felt a bit cold.

Her lone figure on the hospital bed by the big window was a big contrast from the environment outside. The room itself was a bit chilly from the air conditioner and her bed felt cool to the touch. Even though there was a bit of sunlight from outside, it was only reaching the middle of the room. Almost as if telling her that she didn't belong in the sunlight.

"Miss Reese?" questioned a familiar nurse as she walked into the room. The nurse's words broke Lia's thoughts as she turned around to face her. She noticed how the blue uniform always seemed so out of place in the room that was almost all white.

"Just call me Lia," she said as she waited for what the nurse had to say. The nurse nodded before walking up to her. She seemed a bit hesitant to say anything before she managed to tell her why she had come into her room.

"Your brother came to see you," She began. "We just wanted to check if it was okay with you for him to be in here. He also told us that it was up to you. We just don't want a repeat of what happened last time."

Lia didn't give an answer, just stared at her as she processed her words. Last time. She remembered how crazy she must have seemed to these people. Yelling and throwing the items around her as her parents watched her in utter horror. Fear could be seen within their eyes, but that wasn't what Lia cared about. She could clearly remember how her mother had sobbed in her father's arms as they looked at her in disappointment. Now her brother had come to see her.

"Its fine," was the only response she gave before turning her head to look outside the window again. There was a long silence before the nurse's footsteps could be heard walking away. How ironic. The brother who rarely had any time to come see her had now come. Lia knew it wasn't a coincidence that both her parents and brother had all came in to see her within the same week.

Her thoughts were broken when she heard the door open, and someone's footsteps walk up to her. Lia didn't need to turn around to see that it was her brother. She continued to look outside the window.

"Lia, how have you been?" He asked. His voice sounded genuinely concerned. Lia turned to look at him. He was in a black suit as he held some orange lilies in his hands. It almost looked as if he was going to a funeral. She suddenly stared at the flowers, thinking of something before she smiled. Lia held out her hands. Her brother passed the flowers into her hands. She held them and lightly touched the petals before looking back at him.

"Do you want the truth or a lie?" She questioned back with an emotionless voice. Without waiting for a response, she gave him an answer. "I'm tired."

Tired of the hospital, the loneliness, the formalities, and most of all-her own family. Lia couldn't remember the last time she felt happy. Ever since her illness began, it seemed as if everybody around her distanced themselves away from her. Sure, they all worried and visited her in the beginning, but as time passed, there was no one to stay bedside her. Who would want to stay with a terminally ill person?

She never cared if all her friends had now forgotten about her and didn't care if people whispered behind her back. Lia had believed that at least her own family wouldn't betray her, but that hope itself was shattered when her parents came to visit her last time. She was happy that they had came since they usually only came once a month because of their busy schedule. However, her happiness soon turned into despair as they talked to her about the reason for their sudden visit. She knew that her brother must have also come in today for the same reason.

"Lia…please just think about what Mom and Dad said," He explained. Lia stared at his serious face before laughing at him. Her laughter rang out throughout the room.

"Do you all just want me to die so badly?" She stated. "Why don't you just come out and say it? I don't remember you being such a coward before Cole."

He flinched at his name. Ever since they were little, Lia had never called him directly by his name before. He remembered how she would always call him brother no matter how angry she was with him. Never by his name.

"Please Lia," Cole begged. Lia's heart felt cold and the sinking feeling in her stomach made her feel worse. Her biological brother was now begging her. Begging her to die.

"Aila-," He was suddenly cut off as Lia threw the orange lilies at him. They hit his body before scattering around the floor.

"Don't say her name!" Lia shouted. Her face felt hot as her anger rose. "You rarely come to see me and the day that you do, it's because of her!"

Lia could never understand why Aila was favored by everybody more than her. Aila was her adopted little sister whom her parents had brought back when she and her brothers were just kids. Lia had been excited and always made sure to do everything to her best ability to make Aila feel welcomed. As the years went on, Lia noticed that everybody around her seemed to love Aila more than her.

Lia would get the best grades and yet Aila was the one getting to spend summer vacation abroad because her bad grades made her sad. When Lia had said that it was unfair, her parents and brother scolded her for being uncaring. Numerous experiences had made Lia numb to the fact that Aila was loved more than her.

She had at least thought that she would receive more of her families love after she was diagnosed with a terminal illness. However, even this hope was shattered when her parents suddenly asked her to donate her heart to Aila. They explained how Aila had heart failure and needed a heart transplant as soon as possible. Lia could only freeze and listen as they explained themselves. They were basically telling her that since she was going to die anyway, why not donate her heart to Aila?

At that moment, Lia felt as if she couldn't breathe properly. The fact that they had the courage to ask her of such a thing made her disgusted. Her own parents had asked her to willingly die at an operating table, incomplete, without a heart. It felt as if it was the first time, she had known her own mother and father. She even felt as if she was the adopted daughter. And now, her brother was also here to ask her for the same thing.

"Tell me something," Lia suddenly said. "Did you come here willingly to beg me or did our parents tell you to?"

Cole remained silent and didn't reply for a few minutes. Lia didn't have any hopes, but his silence sliced away the remaining love that she had for her family. Her eyes watered, but she stubbornly stared into Cole's eyes.

"I…came willingly," Cole replied, finding it difficult to keep staring at her. His feelings of guilt made him want to explain himself, but he himself didn't know what to say. Lia watched him struggle.

"No," Lia firmly stated. "I don't care if I die, but I'm not going to donate my heart to Aila. Just let me die in peace. This is the last thing that I'm going to ask from you guys. Please."

All Lia had wanted was to be loved. She just wanted somebody near her to tell her it was okay and that she'd be alright. She didn't care that it would be lies, she just wanted somebody near her. Now, she realized that nobody could or would be by her side.

Cole didn't seem surprised at her answer and silently bent down to pick up the orange lilies on the ground. He put them beside her bed after he was done and started walking away. Lia watched as he left. He suddenly stopped right in front of the door and turned around to look at her.

"Can I come see you again?" He questioned. His clenched hands showed that he was nervous, a habit that Lia had figured out from the years of living together. Lia would have been delighted to hear those words before but all she could feel now was exhaustion. She didn't understand why he wanted to come see her again, but she didn't care.

"Do what you want," She replied before laying down and turning away from him, towards the window. After making sure that he had left, she tuned around and stared at the orange lilies. She grabbed them before throwing them in the garbage can beside the bed.

Her eyes couldn't help but be drawn back to the window again. There were now less people outside and the sun was still as bright as before. Lia walked up to the window and continued to stare at the individuals and animals running around outside. She wondered how it felt to be out there and be free. She had been inside these hospital walls for so long that it seemed almost impossible for her to get out. Lia wanted to be free.

She climbed onto the window and stared down. Her room was on the 6th floor making her vision blur for a few seconds from dizziness. Lia didn't have any thoughts other than being free from the physical and emotional pain. She knew her parents wouldn't give up in trying to convince her, but she wouldn't let them win. Her brother wouldn't do anything to stop their parents either, so she didn't have any hope in any of them.

Lia genuinely smiled as she closed her eyes and spread her arms out, feeling the warm sunlight hitting her body. There was a small breeze that swept by, making her long dark hair flow along with it. It seemed as if nature was calling her. She took a moment to bask in the warmth of the sun for the first time in a long time before letting herself go.

She didn't hesitate nor did she flinch as she fell. The fall didn't last long because in a matter of seconds, her body had hit the hard cement floors down below. It didn't hurt as much as she had thought. Her vision blurred, but she could still see the hurried figures of people running around her. She seemed to hear someone screaming but didn't care.

Her eyes watered up. Lia didn't know if it was from the physical pain or the pain of knowing her death would mean nothing. Nobody would care and even if they did, she would be forgotten in a few years anyway. It's just how it was. Lia didn't regret her decision though, she was finally going to be free. She just had one lingering thought as her eyes closed and her breathing slowly came to a complete stop.

It's not fair.