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Is It Wrong to Cook in a Dungeon?

He was deprived of his dream during his past life. But now, he had another chance, an ongoing chance that shall never end. He'd no need to swallow a finger, nor to cover his eyes, nor did he have to be a hero. All that mattered was that his knives were sharp, and his sorcery sharper still. Perhaps a fraud he maybe, but life was rarely ever fair. Fortunately, favour was on his side. And though he was under some obligation as was the terms of his contract, what real trouble was it in the long run. For all around him would die...and he would survive as the culmination of his own legacy. Born of no mother or father, able to do as he pleased, what was better for him than to be acknowledge in the Labyrinth City as the King of Cooks, as per his lost dream? "Domain Expansion: Malevolent Kitchen"

Vulkizaro_Zoromi · Anime und Comics
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7 Chs

Arrival

A.N. Here's a joke for my English readers...and maybe Americans too...

How did they find out Princess Diana had dandruff?

...They found her Head & Shoulders on the dashboard.

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"I can't believe you decided to stick by me after all." Ryo muttered as he looked at the boy happily walking by his side, almost skipping if they were to go the practical route.

"Why wouldn't I?" Bell asked as he smiled at Ryo.

"I would've thought my demeanour would have scared you off by now. Why else?" Ryo said as he tucked his hands into his cloak and closed the covers of his body. His hood was down this time as he conversed with his look-alike.

"You're not all that bad." Bell said. "I've met people scarier than you on this journey. You're nice compared to them."

"...Under normal circumstances, I would have taken that as an insult." Ryo said.

"Why?"

"Never mind. My concern is what people would think if they saw the two of us walking side-by-side like this. The only thing that distinguishes us from one another is our apparent age difference. It literally looks like I have a mini-me walking by my side."

"We could be mistaken for brothers." Bell gleamed. "By the way, I wanted to speak more about last night...you know, right before I...uh..."

"Before you realized you were roasting and the decided to solve that problem by scalding yourself." Ryo deadpanned. "As a matter of fact, I would personally take it as an insult if people ever thought I was related to someone who could be so foolish and make such a clown of himself."

"Do you have to be mean about that?" Bell sweat-dropped. "It was a spur of the moment kind of thing."

"Spur of the moment situations tend to make people run for safety, not injure themselves further." Ryo said as he kicked a bit of dirt onto the boy's shoe, making Bell jump a little in surprise. "Besides, why are you so eager to follow me anyway?"

"There were so many things I wanted to ask you." Bell said. "And also because we're headed the same way, we might as well be going there together."

"So you can tag onto me if some Familia find me an interesting prospect, which they most certainly would given my spectacular combat abilities." Ryo said flatly.

"I...didn't even think of that." Bell said in earnest honesty as he put a thoughtful finger to his chin.

"...Somehow I believe you."

"Soooo...is there any chance we could be-"

"No." Ryo answered simply. "I know for a fact we can never be related. For one thing, I have a habit or marking down people I meet and people I'm supposed to know. I'd do rather well in tracking down any family I might have. I have special training in that area...but also because of one other simple fact."

"And that is?" Bell prodded.

"Nunya."

"Nunya." Bell raised a brow.

"None ya business."

"You know...I get the impression you don't speak with people that often."

"Whatever gave you that impression?" Ryo asked sarcastically. 'Any other person would have been headless by now. I had no idea he was such a chatterbox!' 

"Have I done something to offend you Ryo?" Bell asked.

"You are such a naïve kid." Ryo sighed. "Look Bell Cranel, I don't do talking. I don't do socializing. I don't do anything that's practically pointless alright. If you're going to be sticking by me from now on, then you could at least make yourself useful."

"How could I do thAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Bell said as he seemed to just vanish from view.

The kid had been so absorbed into conversation that he had no idea that Ryo had slowly been moving closer and closer to the side of the road. Since Bell was between him and the sides, the boy was unconsciously moving closer to the grassy edges until his feet were completely off the grass. Ryo continued to do this as with his 'other' vision, he saw a very obvious layout of leaves and twigs and guided the younger boy to it.

Bell had only gone and stepped on that mat and promptly fallen through into a little hole, in which he now sat on his buttocks and his hands as he shook leaves from his hair as he looked up at Ryo who was staring at him from above the hole.

"Well for one thing, you could volunteer to test out the goblin traps laying in plain sight." Ryo smirked cruelly.

"Little help?" Bell asked.

"Down in the Dungeon, you'd be on your own." Ryo said as he began turning and walking away. "Just as you are now."

"Wait! You can't leave me here!"

"Work those scrawny muscles." Ryo shouted out as his voice moved further and further away from Bell. "That is one of the less deeper ones. I'm sure you'll find your way out of it...eventually."

"You have to be kidding." Bell muttered as he looked around the sides of the hole he'd fallen into.

Spotting something buried a little in the wall, he pulled it out with a bit of force and found it to be a tree root. As he pulled on it further, the rest of its length was revealed as more and more inches of it was lodged out of the soil wall, the end being somewhere near the top. Hopefully that was all he would need, because he could then just grip the edge of the hole and hoist himself out...hopefully.

---

"Who would leave a large tree like this lying in the middle of the road?" Bell asked as they came upon a large oak tree, quite obviously hewn in a purposeful way where it would fall across the road.

"Why else?" Ryo said. "A large tree like this would definitely make carriages and caravans stop long enough for the ones who cut this thing down to ambush them."

"You mean bandits?"

"Nah, the tooth fairy." Ryo rolled his eyes before he hopped over the large tree which to Bell was impressive as Ryo completely cleared all the spiky branches.

"Aren't you going to move it?" Bell asked as he peered over its trunk.

"Why should I?"

"Because it would save people from being ambushed in their caravans by the bandits?" Bell said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then that's their problem, not mine." Ryo said as he turned and continued walking.

"It's the right thing to do!" Bell protested.

"Good thing I'm left handed."

"What does that even mean?!"

"You're more than welcome to play hero and move the tree on your own." Ryo offered. "It will only take like...what?...forever? Good luck."

"...I'm starting to think you might be a bad person after all." Bell mumbled as he scrambled up the tree. 

"What makes you think I could move it anyway?" Ryo asked.

"Just a hunch?"

"A hunch?"

"Well you sliced that massive tree back at the camp! I've seen what some of your powers can do now. You definitely cut that tree down, so couldn't you do the same to this one, only cut into smaller pieces so they can be moved more easily?"

"Spend your life tending to every menial charity and you'll waste away the sand in your hourglass Bell Cranel." Ryo said.

"I still think it's the right thing to do." Bell said. "It's what the old heroes would definitely do."

"It's just the most unfortunate thing then that I'm not a hero." Ryo said before he raised a brow at Bell as the boy sped up next to him again. "And you're still into that hero stuff? Aren't you a bit too old for that rubbish now?"

"Well uhhh..." Bell's face turned red for a moment.

"Just when I thought my opinion of you couldn't get any lower." Ryo shook his head.

"Don't you like Hero stories?"

"I prefer ones where the baddies win in the end." Ryo said. "That stuff is more up my lane."

"...You are...unusual Ryo."

"And you're a wet nosed dreamer walking into a death trap with fantasies of being a hero." Ryo said. "At least I'm the one with powers and knows how to use them. You can't even spot a goblin trap when it's right in front of you. In the past three days, you've fallen into six."

"They're just so hard to see amongst all the foliage!" Bell protested.

"And you want to go in the Dungeon." Ryo rolled his eyes. "Who urged you to chase the adventurer gig again?"

"My grandpa?"

"Figures." Ryo mumbled. "I guess you do make yourself useful in a way. You spring the trap and I get to deal with the monsters."

"I'm sure even I could beat a goblin."

"Anybody can beat a goblin. It's not that big of an achievement." Ryo said. "Just never go into their lair if you're a weakling...or a female."

"Why female?"

"Do I even have to spell it out for you?" Ryo said exasperatedly. "But then again your name and your appearance is so effeminate, I wouldn't be surprised if the little green turds assaulted your brown eye."

"But I have red eyes?"

"...Confound your innocence." Ryo mumbled as his trigger happy finger itched to fire off a Dismantle at this brain-dead kid. 

He literally felt like he was having to fill in the role of a big brother after all, educating the little whelp about all that was common sense. And he did NOT like the feeling. But just because he couldn't kill this boy, it didn't mean that he could not blow off the pent up steam bottled inside him by killing something.

...

A stag trying to entice a doe a little ways off onto the forest was startled by his interest's head suddenly flying off and splattering his face and his antlers with her blood. 

---

Bell splashed his face with the cool water of the fresh spring they'd found as he stood in it in his birthday suit, the water up to his navel. The spring was a lovely clear blue, an odd colour for a forest such as this. He would have been completely alright with the whole setting if not for the fact that the clarity of the water did not hide anything.

And by that he meant anything.

Neither the small orange fish darting in between his legs and brushing by certain areas of his body, nor his odd choice of companion on these last remaining steps to Orario. A feet away from him stood Ryo in a similar state without a care in the world as the sorcerer splashed water into his hair before wring it out of the wet strands.

Ryo cast a side-eye at him and sighed.

"Loosen up brat." Ryo said. "You want to be part of a Familia so bad, you're going to have to get used to situations like this. If you're so much an avid fan of adventurers and tales of the Dungeon, you'll be aware of the scarcity of water the deeper you go down there."

"It's not that...well it is that. I just don't think I could get used to it." Bell said in a small voice, the tip of his ears very red.

He had suggested using the spring one at a time, with himself going first. But as it turned out, Ryo did not like being dissuaded from his own plans nor did he have much patience. It was either Ryo went first and Bell went last or they both did their business at the same time and moved along.

Bell had learnt by now that Ryo was the type of person to just move on and not wait for anybody. Most likely the sorcerer would just put his clothes back on and continue his journey, leaving Bell to bathe on his own in a forest infested with monsters as Bell came to realise more and more with how many of them Ryo had slaughtered in the last few days.

That was not a scenario he wanted to be in and they needed to get all the grime off. So reluctantly, Bell had agreed with the second option. It wasn't like he could exactly refuse Ryo now was it?; he'd already learnt by now that that was a very bad idea.

"Well get used to it Belladonna." Ryo sniffed. "You might be joined with people who will be far more judgemental about it than me. And my judgement is bad enough. Look at you! It's like a skeleton just stepped into the pool with me."

"And that's another thing." Bell said as he eyes Ryo's physique, refusing to look down any further beyond the water level. Because Ryo was so much taller than he, naturally, he'd gone deeper into the pool.

"What?" Ryo questioned as he turned to face Bell.

Bell could admit that he was indeed scrawny. And he could definitely confirm that he and Ryo were doppelgangers. But their similarities ended at certain points, like their physiques for example.

Where as Bell was skinny with little to no meat on his bones, Ryo was tall and powerful. Lean and lithe, clearly built for speed but packing defined muscle proportion on his body, Ryo's image alone made one think he was a powerful fighter. And Bell could tell that it was not just some normal sort of labour that gave the older boy muscles like those...they were the result of hard and careful discipline, shaped by a keen mind.

"You have the body of a warrior Ryo." Bell said before he looked at the older boy's face. "You said you were a sorcerer."

"If you think I'm one of those side-lined invalids that just stand in one place chanting while a monster is on my ass, then you've got another thing coming." Ryo said. "I am the sorcerer that acts before his enemy does."

"How?" Bell asked before jumping back a little as some of his front hair was sliced off ever so finely. The white hairs floated down to the surface of the spring as Bell looked up at Ryo.

"By placing him on my chopping board first." Ryo said. "Now hurry up. We only have a day's time of travel left before we hit Orario."

"Yes sir." Bell said as he turned around to walk back to the bank where his clothes lay.

"And Bell?"

"Yes?"

"You've got a rash coming up down there." Ryo said looking pointedly at Bell's back. "Probably from all the wet ground you've been sitting on. I suggest you do something about it before it fully forms."

Bell turned a bright red.

---

"Well here we are." Bell said as both he and Ryo stepped through the large gates after having received their passes and temporary visas from the sentry box.

At long last, after a few days of travel, they were finally here in the Labyrinth City. Bell gazed around excitedly as he drank in the sight of all the different people from different races walking around in this mythical mystical marvellous metropolis.

And in the distance, rising ever so prominently above the rooftops and casting its shadow over the city it stood guard over was the tower of Babel, the top of it being lost up there somewhere in the clouds.

It was every bit as fascinating as the young boy had hoped and he looked at the face of his companion excitedly only for his smile to drop as he saw not a change in Ryo's expression. The sorcerer was just staring on ahead with a face that spoke of utter boredom and he blew a lazy raspberry even as his eyes passed over Babel in the distance.

"Smells like mud and donkey piss." Ryo said before looking at Bell. "What?"

"Aren't you the least bit excited?" Bell asked. "We're finally here in Orario! The most famous place in the world! People would kill to come here."

"And some people here would kill to get out of it. So your point is rendered null and void." Ryo said as he turned to face Bell. "You came here for adventure Bell. I'm here for business. Two different mindsets, so you'll forgive me if I'm not as enthusiastic."

"Right." Bell said with a deep breath. "Well then...I guess this is where we go our own ways then."

"Damn right." Ryo said. "And thank goodness for that."

"I couldn't have been that bad of a travel companion could I?"

"You were." Ryo muttered. "Well, I wish you luck on whatever path you choose from here on out. I won't be there to save you from the monsters. Don't worry, if you get eaten, I'll light a candle or something in your memory."

"You really do have a way with words for motivation." Bell laughed nervously. "Speaking of motivation...I've been wanting to ask something of you."

"What?"

"I don't want this to be the last time we see each other." Bell said. "And I say this honestly, but I really I did enjoy the time we spent travelling together."

"That comes off as a genuine surprise." Ryo said with a slight widening of the eyes. "After all that I said to you."

"It was fun. I loved your food...though the Orc was a bit of a funny experience." Bell said. "And well, I've been thinking about what you said and stuff."

"And?"

"And I was wondering if...perhaps...you would be willing to train me, in learning how to fight?"

"With that pathetic knife of yours?" Ryo folded his arms. "I don't do nothing for no one for nothing."

"...is that a no?" Bell asked.

"I used to teach people to fight once." Ryo said before he leaned forwards and looked Bell in the eye. "But I've never done it for free. And besides, I've got my own plans. I can't exactly jeopardize those for you."

"But it will be ages before you manage to open your restaurant." Bell said. "Could you at least show me a little before then? Just a bit?"

"How about you go find yourself a Familia first?" Ryo suggested. "I'm not going to be spending any time on you unless I have guarantee that it will be invested into something in the future. And anyway, why would you want tutelage from me of all people?"

"Because you're strong." Bell said before looking away. "And you're the only person I know in this city."

"Go and find yourself a Familia first." Ryo said before pointing in a certain direction. "Though I would recommend you go get your citizenship before that. You'll never get into a Familia in this city without one and the guild will probably be shut soon."

"Aren't you coming too?" Bell asked.

"No." Ryo said. "I want to relax for now in a real bed. I'll find one hopefully at some inn somewhere. For once, I believe I am allowed to put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Until we meet again Bell Cranel."

"Sure. Until we-" Bell trailed off as he held out a hand for a handshake but Ryo simply turned around walked away, leaving him hanging.

Bell simply shrugged as he'd kind of come to expect this sort of thing from Ryo. For some strange reason though, he felt as if a part of himself would miss the tall and cold sorcerer. But the excitement of his prospective future came back to him and from his pack, he eagerly pulled out a map he'd paid for upon entering through the gate and began examining where the location of the guild could be.

Then he came to realize that the guild was in the exact same direction that Ryo had pointed. How did he know where it was?

Bell looked up to see if he could spot the older boy down the street again. Only about fifteen seconds had passed, so Ryo could not have gone far. But when he did look up, he did not see the dark cloak of the sorcerer anymore even though the street was wide and open.

The Sorcerer of Formless Blades as Bell had come to think of him (though he was wise not to say it aloud), had completely disappeared from sight.

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