Not Enough

"Not enough."

That's the one thought that rings in my head as I stare at the people I've saved. After my rest, I went down to the basement and carried the survivors up to the still intact pews strewn about the church.

In the end, from the thirty people that were kidnapped, twenty two are still alive. Some injured, some not, but all definitely alive and soon to wake now that the Stray Devil's presence isn't bearing down on them.

But that just means I failed to save eight people. Eight humans who are now dead. Eight corpses I can only leave behind in the basement, rotting beneath the darkness.

"Not enough." I whisper again, disgust and anger and anguish boiling beneath my chest into a confusing mess.

"Not enough." I say again, staring at the girl I just brought up from the basement. She's my classmate; the reason I came here in the first place. Kiryuu Aika is her name. Her arms and legs are bruised all over, remnants of the struggle she made when the Stray Devil captured her. It'll take months for her to heal.

I clench my fists. "Not enough."

It's not my fault. I know this, and my eyes tell me so as well. But I can't help but feel somewhat responsible. Because what if I'd awakened early and killed that Stray Devil the first time I saw it? Because what if I'd gone straight to the trees instead of waiting? Because what if I'd taken it slow and avoided getting sick?

Because what if?

…

I sigh. There's no use thinking about it now. These people will wake soon, and I better go home before I get caught.

I stare at these people one more time before I turn and leave. The light blinds me for a moment, and the ringing in my ears becomes just a little more prevalent. I see the cracked roads before me, and the piles of black ash that once belonged to that Stray Devil I killed.

I stare at the sight of battle before I begin walking.

And it feels…weird. Walking back to my home in this faux calm, doing all I can to keep my face expressionless as I push through the pain in my limbs. Letting my body walk on auto-pilot as I watch my insides heal at an astounding rate due to my Primal Energy. Carrying an empty backpack on my back as if I'd just come back from school and not a monster extermination.

It just feels weird.

I make it back to my house, hopping over the short fence surrounding my gardens. My mother's busy watching the television, and my big sister's soundly asleep in her own room. No one's entered my room, my eyes tell me, and I heave a relieved sigh.

I turn up to my still opened windows, and in a single jump I barely manage to grab onto the window. I wince for a moment, the jostling sending pain up my spine, but I quickly clamber into my room before anyone could spot me. Once inside, I turn and push my windows shut. I sweep the blinds over the windows, and my room turns dim once more.

And just like that, I'm back home like nothing happened at all.

I practically collapse onto my bed. Every part of my body hurts. Most of my internal bleeding's been fixed by now, but some of my bones are still cracked, and bruises are still forming on my skin. And I'm definitely concussed by this point.

But it's jarring to know that most of these will be gone after a few days. Even now, I can use my eyes to see the Primal Energy inside me moving about, promoting regeneration of injured and broken cells. Primal Energy would seep into a cell, and it would stimulate every part of it to heal, allowing the cell to consume energy like it never has before. It really is magical to watch.

It also sheds a light as to why I feel really hungry. Not that I can do much about that. I have no energy to move, and my eyes tell me that I'll be asleep in a couple minutes, whether I want to or not.

So, knowing I have only two minutes of wakefulness left for today,

I decide to sing. Nothing wondrous or amazing by any means. I just hum a few notes from the songs I'd listened to in my past life, all while wondering if those artists also exist in this universe. I can check, of course, but I already have a concussion. I'm not willing to use my eyes any further.

Eventually, my consciousness begins to slip. And I let my eyes fall.

For once, my sleep is fitful, though the details of the dream are lost to me. All that's left is an unexplainable feeling of anguish.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I feel…better. My insides have healed, and aching in my joints have gone away. I'm still bruised all over though; my eyes tell me they'll be gone by tomorrow. My concussion's still there, unfortunately.

As I did yesterday, I immediately use my eyes to see what's happening around me. It's about three hours past noon right now. My big sister's in her room, reading through her backlog of manga. My mother's down in the living room, cutting some vegetables in preparation for dinner.

Everything looks as it should be, but it doesn't take me long to notice the shift in atmosphere. The oppressive tension from the day before has been replaced by relief. My eyes peer further, and pain splits my head as I begin digging into the past. Time shifts backwards in my eyes, and soon I find myself watching the news broadcast that occurred this morning.

"Missing people found. Eight dead. Perpetrator still unknown," is what the announcer concludes, and I sag in relief.

It's over, to an extent. I know this victory is temporary. Hearing that eight people died still cuts into me, and knowing that monsters like that are fairly common haunts me slightly, but I'll take the peace for what it is.

My stomach suddenly growls, and I blink as I remember that I haven't eaten anything in a day. Thankfully, I can see a small stack of melon bread my mother bought from the nearby convenience store.

As I begin eating my fill of melon breads, I think.

I'm not fast enough. I'm not strong enough. I don't have experience, nor do I have knowledge. I'm lacking in every front. I might've won against that Stray Devil, but I know it won't be the last. My eyes are more than happy to tell me that more horrific monsters lie in wait.

Everything I have now is not enough.

I need to be better.

And previously, I didn't know what to do. But after seeing my body heal under the influence of Primal Energy, an idea cropped up in my head.

Muscles grow by tearing them apart and remaking them. That's what muscle building essentially is. The inclusion of my Primal Energy would allow my body to heal faster than normal, which would mean more gains. There's a limit to that normally, but it seems my Primal Energy would allow me to disregard that.

It won't be instant, of course. It'll still take time. But that's fine.

And for a moment, an odd feeling of confirmation strikes me. I blink, surprised, before I realize that the feeling came from my eyes. I nod to it, happy that these mystical eyes agree with my plan, before I freeze.

My eyes just spoke to me. Not with words, but with feelings. That-

Are my eyes alive?

I try to ask, but my eyes remain silent. I close my eyes and use my eyes on myself, but I find nothing.

…

Whatever. I'll think about it as I go on.

I'll need to draft up a plan of some sort. Training without any guidance is an easy way of hurting myself. I'll rest up, and once I'm healed, I'll head out to the local library and read as much as I can. I'll then check their validity with my eyes, and I'll jot down anything important in my notebook.

But that's for later. For now, I need to finish my melon bread. I am hungry.