Imperfect Desires

The darkened gray blanket of wool enshrouded the sky; like a predator would encircle its little prey. The wet season wasn't supposed to start for another couple of weeks but the darkened gray smudges were a clear indication of rain. A low rumble rang loud in the cool air, startling her a bit.

Trickles of liquid fell down as if they couldn't think of anything better to do. There was a bit of laziness about them.

A lone figure clad in a maroon silk gown stood at the balcony of a condo. A beautiful melody of Bach's 'Cello suite 1' was lingering softly in the background. The entire condo was dark with a single exception of a computer screen.

A Weibo profile was opened on the browser. Profile id, Chen Xiu had uploaded a post 30 minutes ago. The handwritten note in the photo stated:

'I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part that I spent years waiting for a happy ending.

Now... I'm just too tired...'

The post might be short but she had embosomed her heartfelt feelings. Feelings she was too scared to say out loud.

When the diffused grey light of the dark sky pushed light, it fell on the lone figure of a young woman. As the cold wind stroked her body, she shivered instinctively but didn't move.

Her raven orbs were desolate and listless. Her fair white skin was getting a rosy charm because of the chilly air that constantly assaulted her body.

She outstretched her bare arm, the rain droplets splattered on her fingers. Feeling the cold raindrops caressing her fingers, she tilted her fingers upwards. Her languid gaze was stuck on the remnants of the drops running downward like tiny rivers.

The pitter-patter of the raindrops mixed with the sound of sad melody behind her, it was oddly comforting.

She could remember reading somewhere, 'One day, your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it's worth watching.'

Was her life worth watching? She wondered to herself before sneering at her own ridiculous thoughts.

'Chen Xiu, don't be delusional. You're nothing more than a green tea bi-tch. Who cares that you're the pure goddess of the entertainment industry worshipped by millions?' A mocking voice ran in her mind. 'Look, I just proved to the world that you're nothing more than a lowly prostitute who slept her way up. Let's see for how long can you hold your pride.'

Was she really a prostitute?

She had worked her entire life, just so she could raise her head with dignity between those upper-class school fellows of hers. But being a righteous and hardworking actress could only amount to her being a prostitute? People idolized her, worshipped her like a goddess but she was still a prostitute for those elite class people.

'Xiuxiu, you've really left me with no pride. Is that why I raised you? I helped you become the top star just so you could ruin my name with your filthy scandals? What kind of a crime did I commit to being stuck with an ungrateful and useless daughter like you?' Her mother's piercing words echoed in her mind.

She was the product of a broken family. And she had a broken life, striving to survive with her broken desires. But in the end, even he left her with a broken heart.

His status was far above her own and she knew that from the beginning but she couldn't stop her heart from falling in love with that perfect man.

He said, 'I love you!' And the naive her believed him.

He said, 'I will never let you be wronged.' And she even believed that.

He also said, 'In this life, only you deserve to be my wife.' Silly her! She actually believed every word that he told her.

Perhaps, she needed a wake-up call. Oddly, her wake-up call was too much for her already fragile heart to take.

She laughed at her own self in a scornful and contemptuous manner. Not knowing when that laugh turned into a streak of tears that flowed softly and steadily down her flushed cheeks. She covered her mouth to stop those sobs from escaping. But for how long could one hold a buried ache.

On the computer screen behind her, there were already a thousand comments on the post.

[I can't believe, I loved you from the moment you debuted. Who knew you're such a vicious person?]

[Look, look! Our so-called pure goddess is trying to gain sympathy. But guess what? We don't care.]

[The commenter above, I'm with you. This sl*t didn't even bother clearing up the scandals. Not that I was hoping for her innocence.]

[Xiu Goddess, I believed in you. But you have let me down.]

[Ha! You must really be tired after rolling around in sheets with all those investors.]

[I can't believe with that kind of character, you tried to steal someone's husband. How shameful of you!]

[Some people don't have any shame at all. You should just leave the industry already. You don't even deserve to be a mistress.]

[Xiu Goddess, if you like money so much, come to this young master. I have plenty of money to splurge on you.]

[Chen Xiu, just go and die already!]

On the cold balcony, her eyes were closed and as if she could hear all those voices screaming at her, she took a step forward, letting the cold wind and rain wash her down. To numb her pain that had been gnawing at her heart. The world didn't matter. Scorn always accompanied fame.

But what broke her was his words...

No matter how she tried to explain, he didn't listen. She begged him to trust her but he didn't. Was their love so shallow? It was so fragile that he couldn't even give her one thing she asked for; trust!

As the raindrops trickled down her body, drenching her, she stood rooted. Not moving at all. Not letting herself feel anything. She shut all the sound out and sighed softly.

'I wonder if you'll miss me if I'm gone. I wonder if you'll believe in me once I'm no more.' Wondering this to herself, her bare feet touched the surface of the wicker chair as she stood on it looking down.

From the twenty-fifth floor of the building, everything seemed surreal in the dark; overshadowed by the gray clouds.

Closing her eyes gently, she smiled in satisfaction. She slumped her body ahead and the next second, she felt the strong wind slapping her face as her body started falling fast. "Goodbye, my happy ending!" A soft whisper left through her pale and trembling lips.