On A Sunny Day/Chapter 1

This is the diary of how I met Fedora and how the coincidental encounter forever changed my being.  The philosophical experience of  meeting one's soul-mate.

She was the sun to my dark night.

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Having a hard day is normal for Kpop idols, stress and anxiety came with the fame and fortune. I thought as I sat on a bench close to the beach shores in LA, rest from all the tours I've had to go on with my team mates 'The Kings'. Sitting here, at this moment was the only that helps me escape what seems line and endless lope of wild and dark thoughts.

My group, The Kings is  very popular K-pop group in South Korea under K Fantastical Entertainment Labels (KFEL) founded by CEO Yeong Han Soo, my father. Growing up, i found myself always in his shadow. A son who amid to please his beloved father hoping one day that in turn i would receive the love and affection my soul yearns for. Fatherly love.

L.A  tour was meant to be a big deal and create publicity and draw the public eyes on us not just in Asia but the whole world. It has been going well so far but I cants help but feel empty and unfulfilled inside of me. It was like something was missing, and my heart yearn earnestly to find what it was. And here I was, on a bench on a foreign beach in a foreign land.  Here I was staring into the abyss in on a sunny day, in search of something that I can't seem to place my hands on. So here I am on a beach side, seating on a wooden bench staring at the blue ocean, admiring the natural beauty of nature but yet my existence and endless void of  emptiness and anxiety.

Sometimes when I desire to escape it all, I Listened to my own songs: those I haven't considered selling off to the public yet.  I immersed  myself  in my own lonely creation , filled with words that seems to suffocate and pull me  under. A creation of endless loneliness.

"Hey!" I heard a voice call out to me. I couldn't differentiate it from my own wondering thought or the void calling out to me.

I heard that voice call out to me again but  louder."Hey. Hello!" I turned around in search of the voice echoed through my void.

"Over here" I heard the stranger say  and as I looked, she had a smile behind her cheeks, as she sat at the far end of the bench I occupied, waving nonstop at me.

Why was she talking to me? And when did I become so approachable. I thought. My teams and the media had always this comments to say about me "Does he ever smile"  or "His the unfriendly-st of the group".

"You know. With a beautiful site like this in front of you, all you worries should automatically  disappear, washed away with the waves and all" she told me with a fearless smile as she removed her sunglasses.

I swear, it felt like the sun smile at me with its  brightest rear ever, it was marvelous. As believer beholding its god, I feel as though I was  blinded by her lights, that  I could feel my eyes tearing up for a moment.

Was the sun always this bright back home? Or was today is different?

And who wears two thick shades to the beach?  "What's your name?" I hear her ask me, as I stared at her intensely still on sure what I had just seen and why my heart skipped a lot when ours eyes locked.

I know that Americans can get a little to familiar with people, and here the stranger I just met a couple of minutes ago is beginning to close in the gap between us.

Why was she moving closer to me and I swear...that the colour of her eyes lit up  the closer she got to as she waited patiently for my response with an  almost intense but curious look.

She placed her finger on the tip of her lips, tapping it three times. For a minute I didn't understand but when I did...

"Soo Yeon" I told her " Yeong Soo Yeon"  I repeated to her after I got rid of my nose marks.

"Well Soo Young, welcome to LA the city of  love and desire, if I say so myself" she said with a smile in a playful and relaxed tone "Were the foods ain't crappy, so I think you will enjoy staying here" I listened to her say with what felt like a rhyme.

Do all Americans introduce their city this way? And how does she know am a tourist and not a citizen?

"What are you listening to Soo Young?" She asked asked me as I hear her pronounce name wrongly the second time. She pointed to my headphones.

I told her it's one of my favorite songs as she asked for permission to listen with me, I nodded in response. I gave her permission to, as she closed the remaining gap between us. I could smell her perfume and it was quite intoxicating. The combination of multiple fragrance all joined together to create the perfect scent for her body. So many things were happening to my body at that moment and  I was unaware of it,  and it was happening fast so fast that I couldn't stop staring at her.

I watched her as she listened to my songs. Why do I want her closer, like a part of me finally found what I was longing for. Like the source of life itself.

As she turned around, I kept staring. It felt like the world stop for a moment and it was just the two of us in a perfect nothingness, floating into a perfect calm. For a moment we stared at each other, fixated on each other not breaking eye contact.

Until she spoke "You know, the singer must be sad and lonely, deprived of the affection his heart desires" she said as she avoided my eyes "It's like his reaching out for love but can't seem to grab it, every step forward for something his heart yearn for, ten backwards, and he starts all over again. Its like an endless circle of tag, always left alone in the dark-" she spoke as though interpreting the words in directly from the writers mind. The way she spoke left a deep impression on me that it made me feel like spilling my guts to her as I stared in amazement as she spoke,  my heart felt words.

"Knocking for someone to stretch out and reach for him, to help him escape what seems like a hole and what felt like an heat-less fire, but truly it's just his heart crying out for love. I think". She completed those words now staring at me in the eyes with a sad eyes that almost felt like a tear could drop any moment as we both sat there in silence.

"I might just be interpreting this the way I feel it, not knowing the language and all. But I can feel it, I feel what his trying to say through his music. Every word. I can feel- your musician seems to be lonely and afraid, afraid of... afraid of being alone!"

"How did you know?" I asked as I watched her closely . I couldn't help but want to hold out my hands to this stranger who could see right through me.

"Cause i have felt this loneliness at a point in my life, and let me tell you. It wasn't pretty. A kindred spirit knows when another is almost over the edge"she said looking into nothingness for a moment before speaking again "But know more. Whenever you feel lonely just look up to the sun and remember that the sun always shines on a new day, there's nothing to be afraid of and loneliness is only a web,  it can be cleared off the surface" I still stared at her speechless as my heart skipped again and again.

We stared into nothingness together in silence, and for a moment, I thought that it was a really good idea that I came out today.

"And you know what, you should smile more" she said to me as she smiled big. It was the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen and when she bite her lower lip, something tugged at my heart. A feeling I'd never felt before was pushing through.

Beep Beep

I watched as she went through her phone, and for a moment I wished I was her phone, cause I hated how it took away her attention from me.

After she scanned through her phone,  she looked at me with a smile.

Was she living, I don't want her to. She stood up walking away from where we once sat, I felt loneliness awaken within me and before I know it, I was now standing , running towards her as I almost lost sight "Wait!" I called out to her and  glad I didn't lose sight of her. I walked  towards her, I held her harm, cause I was to let go, afraid that this would be the end of whatever this was, as I found myself asking "What's your name?!"

She stared at me with a big smile, a smile that made the sun look so dim.

"My name's Dora. Fedora. And it was nice meeting you today" She said "Remember, If you  forget to smile, the void bewilders you. When you smile more, a fairy is" she said while walking away, my mind felt blank as she left my presence and my heart and mind couldn't control itself and all I could think about  was how I could meet her again.

As my thoughts voiced, how I could get her number and my feet motion to the direction she exited from, she was know where in site and every organ of my body couldn't help but feel sad but yet hopeful.

A Sun just entered my dark world creating light for the first time in years. Will I ever feel the joy of it again on my soul?