Chapter 12: Part 3 – Chris’ Criteria For Sex Education

Sarah's smile grew bigger at the prospect of finally getting an answer from me " Go on, spit it out. I promise I'll try my best"

"Ok then. To have sex with me, you have to….fall in love, with me" I said, and smiled.

Sarah's face froze. She blinked, and I could tell the gears in her head had come to a standstill.

I grinned. I knew it, no matter how many times she threw herself at me, I knew it. I could see it in her eyes, she just saw me as a friend. Her concept of friendship and relationship had never moved past the platonic stage, and I wasn't going to push her any further than her mind or body was ready for, even if she herself thought she was ready for it.

"But you told me, you told me you have had loveless sex before with some of your partners. You told me that you never felt deeply for any of the people you've slept with" Sarah asked, confused.

"Yeah, but I like to only sleep with people who love me, even if I don't love them. Can you do that?" I asked and took her hand "Can you look me in the eyes, and tell me that you are in love with me, even if I'm not….for the sake of argument, in love with you?" I asked her, bringing her hand up to my lips.

Sarah snatched her hand away and looked at the ground. She looked back at me and then looked at the ground again.

"Don't even try to lie. The minute we start having sex, I'll know. I have a sixth sense for these sorts of things" I lied, but it's not like she'd know the difference, "You said you interviewed all my past girlfriends, so that means you know that each and every one of them admitted to being in love with me, right?" I asked, grinning as I saw Sarah nervously shifting in her place.

"Yes, they all said that they were in love with you," Sarah said quietly, pouting as she said it.

"So yeah, that's the criteria. When you have finally fallen in love with me, then we can talk about having sex. Until then, you may need to find someone else to be your sex teacher" I said and smiled.

Sarah whipped her head around "But I don't know anyone else that I trust who is great at lesbian sex and is a close friend" she said, taken aback by my words.

I laughed and cupped her face in my hand "Then you better get to work falling in love with me, or else you might never be able to get that extra credit education that you are looking for, for the sake of your umm…future relationships" I smiled sweetly.

Sarah stood up angrily and stomped off to the door. She turned back and pointed an accusing finger at me "I'll fall in love with you, just you wait!" She declared and stormed out of the room in a big huff.

I lay back down on the bed, quietly laughing and then sighing. Her stubborn determination was adorable, I doubt she would be able to force herself to fall in love with me, but after living for years with this unrequited love, it was heartwarming to imagine that maybe, one day, my love just might be reciprocated.

 Maybe she would work herself up into a crush and we would get into a brief sex friend-style relationship so that she could get some sex ed before moving on with her life.

Maybe I was just searching for excuses to hold onto her tighter, not wanting to let her go even though I knew I was asking for the impossible.

Or maybe she might never be able to see me in that way, and she would finally drop this whole sex teaching request and would move on, finding someone she was in love with to learn about sex and relationships from.

Either way, I was willing to wait for her to be ready to admit how she really felt about me, and where she wanted to go from here.

I rolled over and pulled the sheets over my head, and in the quiet comfort of the covers, I had to admit to myself that despite how much I was trying to keep my cool, had she said " I love you" In that moment, even if it was a complete lie, I would have accepted it and agreed to have sex with her. I was clinging on to the last strand of dignity I had. 

She had no idea how badly I wanted her, but I had already waited this long…if there was even a sliver of hope that she would fall in love with me, what was a few more months, compared to the rest of my life, with her in my life, as my lover…and then maybe, as my wife?

I felt my face grow warm and I pressed my cheek into the pillow that Sarah slept on previously. I could still smell her scent and it was so comforting. Until Sarah made a clear decisive decision of where she wanted this relationship to go, this would have to do. I inhaled deeply, and let my eyes close as I dreamed of holding her close and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. 

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