The Worries and The Anxiety

Dhiraj didn't return after a week. His stay extended and soon a week became two. Nakul's life had completely returned to the gray palette. His sense of colors had vanished and suddenly everything was turning Black, gray and grim. And changes like these affect a monochrome greatly.

Nakul was no different. His appetite had reduced, his mind grew anxious and he had cut himself off from the world. He filed a leave of absence at school, stopped talking to his family and holed himself up in Dhiraj's room. All he did was either stay in the bed mindlessly staring into space or clench his phone tightly, waiting for Dhiraj's call. There were times when he called Dhiraj. But Dhiraj won't pick up the call since he was in back to back meetings. At times, Rajat would pick up his calls. Seeing him so busy only further discouraged Nakul from calling Dhiraj.

Staring at his phone and waiting for Dhiraj's call wasn't doing anything for him. Is he really busy or is he just ignoring me? We did have a fight before he left. Is that why he won't talk to me? Nakul's empty mind had started drawing up insane conclusions. He scratched his neck. His nails had grown and he wasn't even aware how they were leaving scratches all over his body. All he could focus on was: Why wasn't Dhiraj calling him? Fuck!! He threw his phone on the bed and went to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and it was empty except for some soft drinks and ice cream. He banged the door closed. Nothing was working out for him.

That was when his phone lit up and rang. It must be him! Nakul ran towards his cell phone. Finally, I'll see him. He frantically picked it up, but the smile on his face vanished, when he saw it was his sister and not Dhiraj. He didn't want to answer it, but reluctantly picked it up.

"NAKUL! WHERE ARE YOU?" Riddhi was really mad, but Nakul cared less. "I've been trying to call you for so long. Why won't you answer my call?"

She waited for Nakul to answer. But Nakul found no strength in his body to answer. So instead, he cut the call.

I want him. No one else.

His phone rang once again, and it was his sister. Nakul completely ignored the call. I just want him. He stared out of the window. Suddenly the world around him felt cold and unfamiliar. I only want him. He picked up his phone and called Dhiraj once again. The ring went through and Nakul's heart almost stopped beating. Simply waiting for Dhiraj to answer from the other side. Seconds passed by and no one answered. And that made Nakul's heart sink. Tears welp in his eyes. Why won't he answer?

That was when his eyes fell on the bottle of alcohol in the corner bar. Nakul never drank but that day, his body moved unconsciously towards that booze. He picked up a bottle, opened it and chugged it down without waiting. The liquor hit his head almost immediately. And his already hysterical mind only spiraled down from there. Soon enough he emptied the whole bottle. His legs gave out and he crashed on the cold, hard floor.

His frenzied mind started running wild. The drunkard inside Nakul took over and he started screaming on top of his lungs.

"Does he not want me anymore now?...But he wuved me right?..... Then why.....why won't he even look at me now? Is he tired of me because I'm a nuisance? Is it.....because I'm a monochrome? I know monochromes are a big burden but still.....I thought you loved me....." Nakul broke down in tears.

"Or has he found someone there? He was a player before we met.....He definitely must have fucked someone there. Is it because I won't let him fuck me?...."

Nakul bawled out his eyes.

"If I let you fuck me, will you stay with me? I.....want you....."

In hysteria, Nakul opened his phone.

"Please don't leave me....Please..."

He pressed on the voice note button and cried , "Please come...come...back....I miss you." He whimpered more. "Please....."

The voice note was sent to Dhiraj. And unknown to this, Nakul kept crying until he finally cried himself to sleep.

Little did he know that, only a few hours later, his voice notes were heard by Dhiraj. He had just woken up after a hectic day, but Nakul sobbing and pleading simply pushed him to leave his work and catch the earliest flight back to the country.

* * *

Dhiraj was seated in the first class of the airplane, but the luxury of his flight did little to nothing about his worry for his baby. The previous two weeks had been difficult for him. Wanting to cover a month's worth of work in a week wasn't possible. So he decided to extend his stay just so that he won't be staying apart from Nakul anytime soon. The mistake that definitely happened on his part was that he wasn't able to keep in touch with his baby. The work swamped him and he let himself be caught into it. He did try to keep in touch with Nakul via messages but the time difference between the countries and his workload didn't really help him.

But the moment he received that daunting voice note from Nakul, he simply dumped his work on Rajat and left for India. His baby was more important to him. He tried closing his eyes to find some peace, but Nakul's whimpering voice rang in his ears. It made his heart anxious. But deep down, he also felt a certain level of assurance, that even though Nakul might show that he doesn't care about Dhiraj, but somewhere in his heart, Nakul did.

That thought brought a small smile to his face.

Finally after a long flight of 16 hours, Dhiraj made his way home. He didn't call Nakul as he might give his baby a sweet surprise, but once Dhiraj entered the penthouse, he didn't expect to witness 'such' a scene in his house.

* * *