apologies - part 1

authors notes:

everyone hi hello back at it again with chap 3 this time teehee <3

i know this chapter is a bit shorter than my last but theres a reason for that which youll find out abt next chap c:

!!! tw: mentions of rough sex/implied dubcon depending on how you look at it (not sasuke); mild anxiety attack.!!!

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There was a small caveat to the promise Naruto made to himself about apologizing to Sasuke; he would only apologize if they came upon each other. He wasn't going to seek him out or go out of his way to do it. He figured that might seem...maybe not desperate, but definitely like he was eager to see Sasuke again (which he is trying to convince himself he isn't). This way it would be more organic.

That's why, when Naruto unexpectedly comes upon Sasuke on the Saturday after they met, his instinct is to leave and pretend he never saw him. It would be easy; Sasuke is sitting in a cafe on his phone, completely distracted from the outside world and, by extension, Naruto. All Naruto needs to do is take a few steps back and turn around (it wouldn't be his first turn around of the morning...he had already gotten lost and gone in a circle twice). He can wait a few more days until he'll naturally see Sasuke again (well...Naruto assumes he'll see Sasuke again, based on his closeness to Kiba), and then he'll apologize without it seeming like a big deal.

So that's what he does; he turns and takes a single step in the direction he came.

...only to promptly spin around and walk to the cafe not even a second later. Primaballerinas everywhere would be jealous of his pirouette.

The gentle tinkle of a chime signals his entrance to the cafe and a woman behind the counter calls out a cheery greeting; he smiles politely and nods in return. He stands just inside the doorway, taking in his surroundings. The cafe is fairly small, but it seems perfect for its cozy vibe. There's only a few tables and each is placed under a window, each of which has a unique lamp hanging above it. There's a counter with a pastry case filled with a myriad of baked goods, behind which is stocked with coffee beans and canisters of various teas; a bookshelf full of novels and magazines; a small nook in the corner with a coffee table; and a large floor-to-ceiling shelf that looks to be well stocked with puzzles and board games.

The door chime tinkles again as someone leaves and Naruto is shook from his thoughts. He moves from where he's standing in the doorway and turns his gaze to where Sasuke's sitting. He doesn't seem to have moved from his position earlier, but now he's looking at the door; specifically, at Naruto. Naruto stiffens; Sasuke's looking at him with a slight smirk on his face, chin resting on the palm of his hand. He glances at the other side of his table before looking back at Naruto. Naruto hesitates before making his way to his table.

"Um...hi." He says lamely, stopping beside the table and awkwardly standing there, shifting from one foot to the other, his hands clasped in front of him. Sasuke raises a brow.

"Are you going to sit?" He motions to the other side of the table with a shallow sweeping wave of his hand.

Naruto pauses for a second before he slides into the seat, avoiding Sasuke's gaze on him. The raven has such piercings eyes that it makes Naruto feel as though he's being stared into, rather than just looked at. He felt the same at the restaurant when Sasuke gave him a once-over...twice.

Naruto clears his throat and formulates in his mind the apology he's going to make. Then, he looks at Sasuke across the table and ends up more than a little tongue-tied. Instead of the apology he planned for, when he speaks he asks, "What are you doing here?"

Shocked by his own question, Naruto's eyes widen slightly. He looks at Sasuke and begins to wave his question off, but stops when Sasuke lets out a short, amused chuckle.

His cheeks warm with embarrassment.

Sasuke flashes him a look, a teasing glint in his eyes. "That's a nosy question to ask someone you've only met once, isn't it?" He slightly cocks his head to the side, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk.

Naruto's cheeks get warmer and he fights down the urge to bring his shirt up to cover his face, to hide himself from Sasuke's smug amusement.

But before Naruto can lament over his question for too long, Sasuke cuts him some slack.

"I'm waiting to go to a photo shoot with Hinata."

At first, Naruto is confused before he remembers who Hinata is. She's the beautiful woman Kiba seemed especially close to; the model.

Naruto's embarrassment moves away, making room for curiosity. "Oh...are you a model too?" It would make sense, Naruto thinks; Sasuke's more than attractive enough to be a model. Sasuke, however, snorts derisively to his question.

"I've only been a model a few times, and it's always been against my will. I go with Hinata on shoots." Sasuke brings his other hand up to his face to rest his chin on both palms. "She gets hit on a lot and it can get pretty annoying. So, I've started to pretend to be her boyfriend. That way, people leave her alone and she can get her shoots done annoyance-free." He shrugs when he finishes.

Naruto feels himself warm up to Sasuke with his words. If there was one thing Naruto was finding out about the man, it's that he seemed to truly, genuinely, care about his friends. "That's...really thoughtful of you." He remarks, smiling softly.

"Of course it is. I'm practically a saint, if you hadn't noticed."

Naruto lets out a startled laugh, quickly cutting it off when Sasuke looks at him teasingly. He clears his throat and turns to look out the window.

"I must not have been paying enough attention to you see that. Sorry."

A complete lie, of course; Naruto had been paying attention to Sasuke a little too much.

Sasuke chuckles, as if sensing Naruto's contradictory words. "Is that why you came here, though? To ask me why I'm in a cafe?" He raises a brow.

Reminded by why he was there, Naruto shakes his head timidly. "No, of course not." He says, mostly to himself. He straightens up and looks at Sasuke, suddenly smiling bashfully. "U-Um," he begins, then clears his throat. "I'm...sorry about what I said to you the other night. In your car." He stumbles over his words, nervously biting at his lip and tugging at the hem of sleeves to do something when he starts to fidget with his hands. Why's he so damn flustered around Sasuke? He isn't that hot.

He glances back when the raven chuckles and notices him smirking at him.

...okay, so maybe he is that hot.

"You're apologizing for...what, exactly?" Sasuke raises a brow. He lifts his arm over the back of the booth and leans back into it, the very picture of cool.

Naruto feels like an absolute nervous wreck compared to him.

"For...um...saying you're an arrogant asshole who's only charm is his good looks?" Naruto had hopes he would have sounded more convincing than that , good lord. He scratches his cheek and looks down at the table, an embarrassing flush burning his ears.

Sasuke stares at Naruto for a moment, genuinely surprised. He's silent as he considers Naruto's words, as if judging how genuine they are. Finally, he says, "You act like you said something horrible. No need to apologize." He shrugs, his expression unchanged.

Naruto stares at him for a moment, taking in both Sasuke's words and expression, considering. Then, he cocks his head in question.

"Then why'd you leave so fast? I was so worried I offended you... Besides, I would have liked to thank you for getting me home."

"You would have?"

Naruto nods without hesitation, honestly a little shocked (and, perhaps, slightly offended) Sasuke would even question his want to thank him.

"Hm...I don't think you would thank me in the way that I prefer." Sasuke runs his gaze over Naruto pointedly, an emotion Naruto can't quite name swimming in the depths of his eyes.

Naruto's eyebrows draw together in confusion and he tilts his head before quickly realizing what Sasuke is implying. He snorts then slaps a hand over his mouth and averts his gaze. Unconsciously, snapshots of how Sasuke would prefer him to 'thank' him flash through his mind.

Naruto, kneeling in front of Sasuke as his mouth works over his cock; on his back with Sasuke over him as he thrusts into him; on his hands and knees as Sasuke takes him from behind --

An alarm of some kind goes off in the back of the cafe, yanking Naruto from his mind. His eyes widen a fraction as he realizes where his thoughts went and he quickly slams the door of the mental bedroom he opened.

"I thought you said guys weren't your type?" Naruto says after composing himself, his ears tinged a light pink.

If he talks to Sasuke anymore there might be a real concern Naruto will stay that shade of blush for the rest of his life.

Sasuke shrugs. "They're not. Doesn't mean I can't flirt." He smirks. "And you're fun to flirt with."

Naruto blinks, his mouth making a small 'o' shape. "You've been flirting with me?"

Sasuke raises a brow. "You weren't able to tell?"

Naruto smiles sheepishly. "I definitely noticed something, but I didn't want to just assume you were flirting with me. I thought that might just be the way you were."

"The way I am?" Sasuke questions, though Naruto senses he already knows what he means. The question almost seems like a trap.

Naruto bites his lip. "Well...Kiba did introduce you as being a whore, so..." He trails off.

"Ohhhh, so you think I'm easy and go after anyone."

Naruto's eyes widen and he immediately shakes his head. There's a protest on his lips but it quickly falls away when he notices the genuine smile on Sasuke's face.

He's messing with me.

Naruto flushes when he realizes Sasuke is - once again - just teasing him.

They fall silent and Naruto traces a design on the table with a fingertip, Sasuke's admission swimming through his head and shaking up his thoughts. Naruto wasn't totally oblivious, but he hadn't allowed himself to think with certainty that Sasuke had been flirting with him. It was a flattering thought, but...it could also be dangerous. Sasuke practically oozed charm and sexuality and that coupled with his ensnaring - if not quite cocky - personality could certainly give Naruto the wrong idea.

Just the kind of wrong idea Naruto just couldn't entertain for even a second about a straight guy. And so, Naruto needed to nip any more flirting in the bud.

No beating around the bush; just shoot things straight.

Drawing his hand to his lap and bringing his eyes up from where he'd been staring at the table, he fixes Sasuke with what is (he hopes, god, he hopes ) at least a semi-confident look.

"Well, um...I don't think that, but...could you maybe not flirt with me?"

Great job on the confidence, Naruto, really; absolutely stellar.

Sasuke raises a brow, not asking further questions nor agreeing to Naruto's question.

Naruto's faint confidence slips away.

"It's just...I'm gay*, and you're...that," Naruto gestures to Sasuke, the man's other brow raising just slightly, perhaps out of flattery. "And, well...I don't want to get the wrong idea, even though I know you're straight. So...please?"

Sasuke falls silent, seeming to go over Naruto's words mentally. He reaches his right hand towards his face, his index finger running over his lip. He looks like he's going to say something --

They both look up when their window gets tapped on. Hinata stands outside it, smiling politely. Her smile grows when she notices Naruto and she waves excitedly at him.

Naruto can hear her sweet voice saying 'hi!' even from outside.

Naruto smiles softly and waves back; Hinata moves away and sits at a table outside the cafe.

The two men turn back to one another and Naruto bites his lip, patiently waiting for Sasuke's response. He holds his breath when Sasuke stands and walks to his side of the table. Sasuke leans down, tilting Naruto's head up with a gentle lift of his finger. Naruto sucks in a breath and feels himself blush as his heart pounds in his chest at the sudden contact and closeness.

He nearly dies.

"If you don't want someone to flirt with you, the last thing you should tell them is that they can get under your skin. Know why?"

Naruto barely even registers that Sasuke said anything, much less that he's asked a question, rhetorical as it might be. His mind has been taken in by Sasuke's...everything; his deep, sultry voice that he's lowered to a whisper, his beautifully deep brown eyes, his full, red lips that are lowering closer and closer to Naruto's own...oh, be still his beating heart. They're so close, so damn close...if either of them move just a touch...

Naruto's blush grows when Sasuke pulls back, signature smirk back on his face again.

"It's only going to make them want to do it more. See ya'."

With a backwards wave, Sasuke is gone, tinkling chime following his exit.

Naruto brings a hand up to cover his mouth and he turns to the window. Hinata's looking at Naruto, clearly having watched his and Sasuke's entire exchange. She smiles sweetly and waves again at Naruto, but Naruto just covers his face in shame and groans into his hands.

"Oh my god, what is wrong with me?" He commiserates to himself, regretting coming to the cafe at all. He should have just kept on his way and avoided this whole meeting; he really had no reason to apologize to Sasuke other than to placate his own faint feelings of guilt.

He peeks out from his fingers when the window is tapped on again, but instead of Hinata's smiling face, it's Sasuke's smug one.

Naruto wants to kiss that smirk right off his stupid, perfect, beautiful...fuck.

Sasuke waves to him again and Naruto can do nothing but watch as he turns around and leaves with Hinata, the woman linking their arms together after shooting Naruto another sweet smile.

Oh, Naruto is so fucked. Incredibly, inexplicably, fucked.

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With his miserable morning over, Naruto finds himself sitting at home bored out of his fucking mind. He knew living alone and without a job would involve a lot more down time than he had ever been used to before, but...seriously, nothing? TV's boring, social media is bland without friends to stay updated on, and he's already cashed the cheque Jiraiya sent him, which was the only thing he'd had to do recently.

He eyes his phone on his bed, debating if he should call up Kiba to see if he wants to hang out. Him and Naruto had hit it off pretty well and had been talking fairly regularly over the last couple of days.

It started with Naruto waking up to a LINE message from Kiba asking 'oh my god did sasuke actually kill you???' (which is how he remembered he'd forgotten to check in with Kiba after getting home...oops?) attached with a sticker of a crying shiba inu, and evolved into them talking as if they'd been best friends for years.

It was nice, if not a little unfamiliar for Naruto. He hadn't exactly been popular growing up -- if you consider being bullied mercilessly from the ages of seven to seventeen as being 'not popular'. Pages ripped out of his textbooks and blamed on him, homework stolen and shredded, his gym clothes being replaced with a cheerleaders uniform, dog shit smeared on his locker, slurs carved into his desk...Naruto had endured it all, and that barely scratches the surface. Absently, Naruto brings a hand up to run over the scars on his cheeks before he catches himself and drops his hand to his lap.

He shakes his head as a memory threatens to surface and tamps it down before it can fully form. He clenches his hand into a fist and knocks it against his thigh a few times; solid hits, but not hard enough to actually hurt. Just enough for him to feel it.

Naruto lets out a quiet sigh and opens his LINE app to scroll through Kiba's messages. He moves his thumb over the phone icon and debates whether or not to call him. Sure, they'd been messaging fine and got along well so far, but would calling seem desperate? Would Naruto just seem like a lonely weirdo with nothing better to do than sit around waiting for someone to hang out with -- even though that's technically what he was? Well...okay, he's not a weirdo, but-

Naruto's phone chimes in his hand and he nearly drops it at the shock.

Oh, blessed be, a LINE message! Naruto hurriedly reads the message, but that's when his excitement dies.

'naruto!!! do you wanna come clubbing with us tonight??'

Naruto frowns down at his phone as the screen fades to black and Kiba's message disappears. Clubbing...he had only been to a club once before; a couple years ago for his 21st birthday. Naruto hadn't wanted to go - instead, he wanted to stay at home with Kyuubi and just spend time with him.

(A couple years on and Naruto couldn't believe there was ever a time he would have wanted to be alone with Kyuubi, but back then he had deluded himself into thinking things 'weren't that bad', you see.)

Naruto hadn't enjoyed the night at all. He didn't have any friends at that time (well...he did have one but Kyuubi had banned Naruto from seeing him by that point), so all the people that had come to the club with them had been Kyuubi's friends, lackeys, and people that ran in similar circles that he did.

Naruto had only recognized a handful of people.

So there he was, newly 21, surrounded by people he hardly knew and barely tolerated and all he wanted to do was leave . He told Kyuubi that he wasn't enjoying himself (a bad decision in hindsight, considering how easily Kyuubi could blow up) but rather than showing concern, he just thought Naruto 'needed a little bit of alcohol to loosen up'. So he ordered Naruto a shot.

Then another.

Then another.

Then another.

Then, when Naruto was thoroughly drunk and practically unconscious, Kyuubi considered him adequately loosened up.

(Apparently 'loosened up' to Kyuubi was being nearly the drunkest person in the joint and unable to protest to anything.)

Then - since he was in no shape to refuse - Kyuubi plucked Naruto from his seat, half-carried half-dragged him to a bathroom, and fucked him in a stall until Naruto's voice was hoarse and his cheeks were streaked with tears.

Kyuubi didn't care; he even came on his face, his semen mixing with Naruto's tears. When they were done, Kyuubi hauled Naruto to his feet, pulled him close, and whispered a soft 'happy birthday, Naruto' to the blond before he shoved himself back into his pants and adjusted his clothing.

He left without helping Naruto.

There, Naruto collapsed against the door, resting his forehead against it as he held himself back from vomiting. His head throbbed, his throat was raw, his cheeks stung, and his ass ached.

Once he stopped feeling sick, he straightened himself up, stumbled to the sinks, and dunked his entire head under the water. He doesn't remember how long he stayed like that; he just remembers the feeling of the cool water cascading over his head and chilling him until his teeth started chattering.

Eventually, he had made his way out of the bathroom, his legs wobbling all the way. Kyuubi leered at him when he sat down and Naruto knew he wasn't satisfied yet that night; his stomach turned and he doubled over, clutching it.

His only saving grace that night was one of the girls Kyuubi had invited noticing Naruto's discomfort and saying he should get home.

Naruto's phone clatters to the floor as his hands start shaking so hard he can no longer hold onto it. The sound of it shakes Naruto from his memories and he gasps, feeling hot tears slide down his cheeks as his breath starts coming faster and shallower. One of his hands flies up to his chest and he grips into his shirt over his heart; he covers his mouth with his other hand to stifle a sob.

'Deep breaths, Naruto.'

Naruto clenches his eyes shut as his old therapists voice reverberates in his mind.

'Just like that. Yes, slow deep breaths. Focus only on your breathing...in and out, in and out...'

Naruto slowly drops his hand from his mouth as he lets out a shaky breath. It catches in his throat and he takes another one, deeper this time.

'Good, good... Count your breaths on your inhale, up to 5.'

One. Two. Three. The next breath catches again; it's fine. Four. Five.

Naruto counts to five again.

And again.

And again; then he stops counting and just breathes .

'Good job, Naruto! How are you feeling?'

Naruto nods to the echoed question and slowly opens his eyes. His vision is a little blurry and he blinks away the tears, hastily wiping them away when they slip down his cheeks.

He had been doing so good recently; so, so good. He had hardly thought of Kyuubi at all over the past couple of months, but since he had moved the memories just kept on coming up, and the dreams, and the nightmares...god, the nightmares... All the stress must have brought it up. Stress and loneliness.

Naruto jumps when his phone pings with a notification from the floor. He reaches down to pick it up.

Kiba's message pops up when he clicks the home button.

'itll be the same people as last time ! me, shika, hina, ino, sai...the crew!!! maybe even neji, if he can get his ass out of his office long enough to have some fun 🙄'

Kiba added an emoji of a cartoon shiba inu, his tail wagging behind him. Naruto cracks a small smile but it quickly falls and his phone fades to black again. He sees his reflection, and he stares at himself. His face is still a bit red from his crying, his eyelashes still wet with tears. His lips tug down into a deep frown, but not the one where you're angry or disappointed; it's the sort of frown you have just before you start crying. Naruto shakes his head and opens his phone quickly, chasing his reflection away. Then, he hesitates, his thumbs hovering over his screen. He bites his lip as it starts to tremble, and types a response.

He sends it before he can convince himself not to.

'im not usually into clubs, but...sure, ill try it c:'

Kiba immediately starts typing a response, and Naruto waits, smiling down at his phone.

'omg omg omg really?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!'

After that message, Kiba adds a sticker of the same shiba; this time it's doing a kind of celebratory jig with a bright smile on its face.

'ahhhh youll have fun, i promise!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Naruto laughs to himself, Kiba's excitement infectious.

Kiba immediately sends the location and name of the club and asks Naruto if he needs a ride; Naruto declines as he recognized the club from when he'd been walking around earlier. He still needs to familiarize himself with the area so he figures this will be good practice.

The two continue messaging until Kiba says he needs to go, and Naruto bids him adieu with a sticker of a frog riding away on a bicycle, the word 'BYE' in bubble font behind him.

Now, truly with nothing to do but wait, Naruto gets up and meanders to his bathroom. He frowns at the puffiness around his eyes and splashes cold water on his face, sighing into a towel as he dries the water off. He stands there for a minute, face buried in the towel as his mind races around the fact that he agreed to go to a club for the first time since the 'incident' with Kyuubi.

Dropping the towel, Naruto slaps his hands onto his cheeks and shakes his head roughly to knock out any of his prior memories. He's going to make new ones tonight; he's going to have more fun than he's ever had before and forget all about his past.

Determined, Naruto's about to leave the room when his clothes catch his attention. He looks down at what he's wearing and realizes that sweats and an old, holey t-shirt probably aren't appropriate for a club. Then again, is anything he owns appropriate for a club...? When he got the job to be a preschool teacher, he bought mostly slacks, button downs, and cardigans; if he wore that to a club, people would think he was a fucking narc.

But...does he really care?

Glancing back down at his clothes, he worries his bottom lip between his teeth because he realizes, a bit embarrassed, that he does care. Naruto isn't a very shallow person, but he really, really, doesn't want his new friends to think he's some loser.

Plus, there's a small part of himself - one teeny tiny practically infinitesimal part - that wants to maybe look good because Sasuke would be there.

But it's just a small part.

Nodding resolutely to himself, Naruto gets ready to go out. Turns out he has something to do after all; a trip to the thrift store is in order.

He does, after all, have a reason to look good.