Nah I’d Win

[Aster POV]

Watching that Genshin character with the new reskin flop over on the floor, I took a closer look at the two people he dragged with him, who were now also soaking wet on top of being unconscious. 

The dude with darker skin and whitish hair with black highlights seemed injured. Bandages covered him like some shonen protagonist, and his bangs covered one eye. 

'I mean, who actually does their hair like that?'

Anyway, I realized he was also a 4-star character because the name box above him indicated that he should be called Arlan. It's weird how many 4-star characters there were in the space station.

Speaking of 4-stars…I looked at the pink-haired woman I had absolutely demolished in that honorable duel earlier. Apparently, she was the lead researcher; who would have guessed?! She was also a 4-star! 

'Whoops?' Well, she isn't awake anyway, if that bat-sized imprint on her face is anything to indicate. Which means I'm ok! 

I just need to leave this ship before she wakes up…

Without wasting a moment, Himeko rushed to check on the new guests while Stelle, in a state of awe, explored the high-tech space station control room. 

She darted around, engaging in animated conversations with the researchers. 'She looks like a kid at a McDonald's play place…' I thought while looking at the raccoon looking girl.

I watched her help some technicians with some sort of lever. She clearly was not paying attention and went in the wrong direction every time. 'That's my disciple! …I should give her an actual lesson soon…'

While observing the chaos in the control room, I activated my "Gate of Bat-ylon," affectionately called the GOB. This opened up golden portals above me, causing those around me who were conscious to immediately perk up at the sudden change.

Amusement twinkles in my eyes as I witness their reactions. I conjure up using the GOB, a chair bat, a table bat, and with a final dramatic gesture, a can of Prime Energy. 'A little comfort after a hard day at the grind,' I chuckle, settling down to enjoy the unfolding spectacle. 

Himeko's eyes widen in wonder as she watches me manifest a complete set of furniture seemingly out of thin air. Meanwhile, Stelle's expression is a mix of awe and disbelief as she witnesses this seemingly miraculous display of power.'Man, I'm just so cool; I'm so glad I practiced the whole dramatic furniture placement thing for the right moment.'

I glance at one of the glowing golden portals beside me. 'It's a shame none of the cool bats are included inside, but I think I can get more if this gacha is to be trusted…' As I manifest a holy grail bat from my inventory, I pour my drink into it.

Stelle walked over, her eyes twinkled with curiosity. "What else do you have in there?" she said, clearly invested in my instant mini Ikea setup.

"Well…"I say while swirling my cup of content creator brand stimulant. "How about I show you…if you become my disciple?"

"You keep saying that…" Stelle said, looking confused as she eyed my magnificent 2.6-inch thick, 42-inch long black…

…metal bat.

"Well…If you become my disciple, I will show you the true power of the bat. I can tell you are a fellow comrade of culture. If you do this, you will truly become a bat…"

I say while stroking my imaginary beard like I'm some kind of elder.

She looks at me oddly before thinking for a few seconds.

'...'

Eventually, she just shrugged and nodded her head.

"Excellent…" I say as I sit up from my Ikea chair and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees with my hands clasped. 'Time to act like a true teacher character…' I think as I spawn a bonsai tree onto my table for my teacher moment.

"..."

"So…What do I need to do?" Stelle asked with a question mark on her head.

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅!"

Suddenly, a loud, ear-piercing screech reverberated throughout the space station. Everyone began to fumble, and the floor started to quake. I watch the brand-new bonsai tree fall over, making me sigh.

I look upwards at this giant projection screen, which shows a giant space thing starting to break into the space station's forcefield. It looked like a beast with four wings and purple orbs, which were where its head and heart should be. It looked like a space dragonoid with a white and purplish-blue color scheme.

'It looks like a Synchro Dragon YuGiOh card…' I think as I watch the beast try to tear the barrier apart like a kid on Christmas.

Stelle looks at me." It seems pretty strong…Do you think you can take it?" she asks, watching me juggle bonsai trees.

"Hmm, maybe if I use all of my bats…" I say, looking at the beast with a casual gaze.

"But would you lose?" 

"Nah, I'd Win," I say before downing the liquid stimulant that totally won't kill me.

At that moment, I noticed that the pink-haired girl had woken up and run behind me, staring at the screen. "Take the express and leave!" The pink-haired girl said as she looked toward Himeko, completely missing me.

 Himeko looks towards Stelle and me. "Please help me carry March and Dan Heng!" She says as she manifests a briefcase thing out of nowhere. 

I look at Stelle, then at the wholly soaked dragon guy and the fully dry primogem… 

I think Stelle knew what I was thinking as we both sprinted towards the dry, unconscious, brave hero.

"Dibs!" she shouts as she runs towards "March."

"Dammit!" I say as I reach behind and slam my bonsai tree into the wall. "Well, I gotta respect the sacred law of dibs…"

As she throws March onto her shoulder I walk over to the unconscious dragon man.

'Well…Dragons are just bigger bats(swallows) after all…' I think as I throw the water-soaked guy over my shoulder.

"Well, Stelle?" I say as I look towards my disciple. "Race ya!" As I chase after the red-haired woman who took a head start.

She widened her eyes as she sprinted behind me, flailing March around like a flag.

Eventually, after blowing through the tutorial stage like absolute Chads, we encountered a space bridge with one of those weird beacon things.

As we crossed the bridge, the giant level 8 Yugioh synchro dragon flew past the bridge, blowing wind everywhere as it swept across the sky.

It suddenly turned in the sky and landed, hanging off the edge of the bridge and screeching, shaking the entire space station. 

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅!"

I looked at my disciple, shocked at the giant beast in front of us…and I immediately took March and kicked Stelle forward.

"GOOD LUCK, MY DISCIPLE!" I shout as I run away, carrying the two while pushing Himeko away and ignoring her protests.

"THIS IS YOUR FIRST LESSON!" I shout as the giant dragon begins to charge up at my disciple…

She looks back at me in betrayal as the giant dragon looms over her.

"..."

"Fine…take this!" I say before tossing her a black metal bat.

She scrambles while trying to catch it before looking back at me, confused.

I respond in the only way a wise master could…

I pulled out a lawn chair-shaped bat from the GOB and started relaxing, preparing to watch her fight while drinking martinis with those little umbrella things and jamming my head to the awesome music playing. 'This boss theme is an absolute bop!'

She looked at me before looking back at the bat. She stood there for a bit while the dragon kept charging up that orb. She then resolved herself while gripping the bat harder before trudging forward to fight the beast.

Himeko stood there shocked as she tried to help with that briefcase, but I stopped her and pulled out a jug of fresh coffee and a mahogany table set.

"Relax," I told her as I poured myself another drink. "Let her solo it."

She looked at me reluctantly. "That…is a doomsday beast. The legions planet destroyer?!"

I shrugged while tucking March and Dan Heng into a racecar-bed-shaped bat I had with fully working wheels. "It's fiiine…" I say, looking proud. That's my disciple, after all."

'But I didn't see you teach her anything…' Himeko thought in rebutal while debating on helping or enjoying the amenities.

Stelle walked up to the giant Goliath alone with only a slightly used baseball bat as she squared up, ready for the fight of her life.

As she stepped forward to swing at its chest orb, I flicked my wrist…

And sent a semi-truck-shaped bat at almost lightspeed, blowing its head off.

Wincing, I look at the remains fading into dust. "Truck-kun claims another…" I say solemnly 

Stelle looks shocked. She looks back as if almost sad that I stole the kill while Himeko froze while dropping the coffee I gave her.

"Welp!" I say while clapping my hands together as if dusting them off. "That was a tough fight! Good job, Stelle! You passed the first lesson!"

 She looked confused as I continued, "In order to master the dao of the bat, you need balls of steel, and what better test than versing a giant fuck all dragon as the first lesson." 

I then turn back to the still-frozen Himeko.

"..."

"So where is that train? And can my disciple and I join?"

"..."

"Hm?" I tilt my head at the silence before looking between the two. "What? Is there something on my face?" 

I say while the racecar bed with March and Dan Heng rolls away on the ramp behind me.

******

So, how's the new update for everyone? 2.2 looks pretty cool

Who should I roll for? All things considered, I got all the units I need and don't really need anyone. My E2S1 Acheron just destroys everything. I might just save for the mecha Gundam waifu.

I wish you all luck on your pulls!

Also, I thought about doing a database log type where I listed some of Aster's bats from his home world. Let me know if you like these and if I should continue. I already wrote a bunch that can be at the end of chapters.

Here's one below:

******

[Accessing Database]

[Welcome Admin]

[Asters Bat Log]

[Bat-335 | Codename "The Gate Of Bat-ylon"]

Description:

"Mongrels" - Aster

Bat-335, otherwise called "The Gate of Bat-ylon," is a golden key shaped like a standard Baseball bat. It is by all means a baseball bat, but it functions as a key to Aster's Bat stash and has no real "blunt" damage to its strength. Instead, Aster uses the bat for its utility and offensive potential. It is of the Utility class for Aster's bats' arsenal.

As a gacha addict, Aster inadvertently saw the likes of the King of Heroes and searched for every means possible to recreate this treasure. This sparked his desire to expand his already extensive collection.

During a period in his life when he wanted to fund his initial college degree, Aster went on a journey across the world instead of finding a job like a normal person. 

On this journey, he encountered many different fantastical adventures and realms worldwide.

When asked about his reasonings behind this journey, Aster only stated that he wanted to complete the "grind" called life as it never stops. 

Along the journey, Aster disappeared for an extended period of a year, and many theorized Aster used Bat-024 to achieve this. When asked about this lapse in his record, he had only one thing to say. 

"Fuck Babylonia"

When initially found, Aster was in a sorry state. He was not wearing any garments and was wielding a bright golden bat. His lack of garments was normal, as he was often found without any clothes.

This bat was later discovered to be a marvel of technology, which he coined the "Gate of Bat-ylon." When asked what inspired this great work of art, Aster only stated, with a look of melancholy, that it was a gift from an old friend.

While the GoB had the functionality to fire bats from golden portals faster than the speed of light, Aster rarely used it except for smiting the occasional insect that would enter his "Sacred Gacha" room.

Aster preferred a more personal touch when handling anything hostile or friendly and would not use it unless there was nothing else available or he felt like it. He would often use weaker bats, as the more extreme of the collection would often make things too easy.

That is why one must play along with his shenanigans; it is most important not to anger him.

There is a reason why the age of gods ended after all…