Do I Deserve the Kindness I Receive?

Hikigaya's Route to Senior High Is Not Normal, As I Expected

"No one is more worthy of your kindness and compassion than you are." – Nhat Hanh

…

Hachiman's POV

…

As the month of March turned to April, Hachiman was pretty much forced back with Aoki considering he felt worried about his safety.

And considering everything Hachiman had gone through, it was a valid concern for his safety.

But it wasn't like Hachiman was going to go back there. He was better and older now. Alas, he couldn't deny that sometimes things were just out of his control.

That's what it is best to just adapt and move on.

Hachiman was never the type to speak out in opposition to what impacts him unless it's to others. Coincidentally towards all of this, did Aoki do his best to keep Hachiman on a schedule. Aoki kept the younger boy busy, whether it was through hobbies, physical activities, or both, Aoki clearly cared for Hachiman and did his best when it came to helping him.

But alas, they only had around 2 weeks together before it turned to the next month.

April.

Often known as the wet season, hence April showers, for Hachiman, all he saw were the cherry blossoms falling. That was what Hachiman saw what was synonymous with the new month.

That and the start of the new school semester. It was pretty much the start.

Aoki surprisingly gave Hachiman a strong hug goodbye, clearly surprising Hachiman as he felt that Aoki wouldn't do that.

Hachiman gave a small nod, embarrassed from the interaction he rarely received.

And therefore, he also tried his best to give a final goodbye, for now.

"Goodbye, sensei…" Hachiman mumbled. It was quiet, but loud enough for Aoki to understand.

Aoki chuckled, "Of course, this is goodbye just for now. Remember what I told you what I want from you when I see you again, alright?"

Hachiman nodded. "Of course, I won't fail you this time."

Aoki's smile, quickly turned to a frown as he didn't intend on putting more pressure onto Hachiman.

Aoki placed a hand on the receding Hachiman's shoulder, forcing the younger boy to stop. "Hachiman, please tell me you will try to be like a normal kid?"

Hachiman's response? "What does a normal teenager act like?"

Aoki didn't know how to respond, but he did anyways. "All I care about is that you make decisions that help you and make you happy, alright? While I wish of some things, I want you to do, my ultimate goal is to see you succeed and happy, okay?"

Hachiman gave a nod to Aoki's explanation before Aoki spoke again. "Until then, I'll see you, son…"

"Goodbye, sensei…" Hachiman bowed to Aoki, directly in a ninety-degree angle, both as a sign of respect and for forgiveness. Aoki saw that, but just patted Hachiman's head.

When Hachiman looked up, Aoki was giving him a smile. A bit goofy, but also comforting.

One that reminded him of Komachi.

Almost immediately, Hachiman was given a bout of nostalgia, one that made him miss his little sister.

But alas, he had to move on, that's what Aoki said.

Therefore, once the bus came to pick Hachiman up, Aoki gave the boy one last hug.

"Remember what I told you, okay? Satisfy your own desires, work for yourself, before you think about me and others, okay? Because if I see you succeed, then I will have served what I wanted to do with you." Aoki smiled. "I want to see you live a happy, long life, not one where you are grumpy, okay?"

Hachiman nodded, giving Aoki one more hug, and a "goodbye sensei," before he got on the bus.

Three years.

That was how long Hachiman would theoretically be isolated from him.

He would be isolated from Aoki Terou for three years, as he would be in a senior high school. He didn't even expect to be enrolled in one, but alas here he was.

ANHS is a Japanese top-notch prestigious high school with a national background, established by the Japanese's government full support, even offering tuition-free education.

You basically can choose what you want to do regarding your career freely, with no problems, or at least, that was what they portrayed moving on.

The school was fully enclosed. Which probably was a problem for numerous people, but for Hachiman, he was completely fine with this. He didn't want people from the outside to contact him.

While the exception would be Aoki, Hachiman still and likely would hold a large amount of guilt towards him, due to his inability to fulfill Aoki's request. And the fact Aoki continued to respect and show gratitude to him made Hachiman feel worse.

Hachiman always wanted to think it was forced, but the actions Aoki did never add up to being forced. Aoki did all the work, even going as far as to contact the ANHS so that Hachiman could get a place there.

Hachiman normally knew those with a false sense of care would do that. They would do more. Hachiman didn't have any motivation to go further in education, because he felt he wouldn't be capable, nor did he feel deserving.

But Aoki still insisted, and against his wishes, did so. Now, Hachiman was going to Senior High. Hachiman wasn't against going to school, but instead felt he was unsure if it would work. That's why Hachiman liked Aoki. When the circumstances required it, Aoki would push Hachiman forward ensuring it would benefit him in the long run.

That's why beyond all the guilt Hachiman held regarding Aoki, he still held a great deal of respect and admiration for him.

That and that when he knew the time came, he wouldn't be a pushover for anyone, not even Hachiman.

But through it all, Hachiman had forgotten just how important a student's life was when they transitioned from a middle school to high school.

Sure, Hachiman had witnessed the beginning of reckless teenage hormones in the later part of Junior High, but Hachiman had already gone through so much that this was the least of his concerns personally.

Regardless, as Hachiman was thinking about Aoki, the bus hit a bump causing Hachiman to snap back to reality, as he immediately looked around, seeing that he was indeed on the bus towards the ANHS.

From this day on, he won't be able to make any contact with the outside world. There was nothing he could do. No threat nor allies to contact him. All he could do was rely on himself and try to analyze the individuals around him.

Not that he was into being one of those popular boys, no. He was just someone who wanted to live his life, and to finally fulfill his purpose to Aoki.

Regardless, family members cannot make any contact with the students. Regardless, according to what Aoki said about the school, it should have everything required for the usual student and teenager.

That specific term of using teenager made Hachiman skeptical regarding what that could possibly mean. But then again, Hachiman was probably unaware of the kinds of causal things many people his age would do at this time.

All Hachiman knew what to do was to work. A far cry from work is to lose.

At the very end of the day, Hachiman was rotten to the core. And he didn't care what other people thought. He admitted it and acknowledged that it was probably best for him to remain away from others.

After all, he was only a liability and danger to others.

As he sat on the bus, Hachiman was able to look at the type of people he'd expect to be around.

Sure, some of them were not wearing a typical uniform that Hachiman was given to wear from Aoki, perhaps it was because Hachiman wore something different.

From what Hachiman could tell, the uniform for a male was a white dress shirt with a red button-up blazer, alongside some dull green pants, brown shoes, and a blue or burgundy tie.

As for the females, they wore a similar uniform, although with a white miniskirt and socks, with the socks varying in colour and length. Some girls were allowed to be knee high or thigh high, or, more alarming to Hachiman, they didn't have to wear any socks.

For the sake of privacy, Hachiman wondered how they could be courageous to do such a thing. However, thankfully, it seemed that some students had wore more than just the uniform.

For example, Hachiman could see that one of the girls wore an orange shirt instead of the white a white shirt. She seemed to only be wearing socks that were below her knees.

Hachiman could see and analyze that this specific individual seemed to have a rather stern look to others. No doubt she was a rather isolationist individual with a likely cold attitude.

Regardless, Hachiman didn't care. He showed very little, and thus didn't see any reason to look further. Perhaps from what he could see of her figure was that she seemed somewhat athletic. The way she held herself through her body patterns made him feel that she was strong and possibly a fighter. She seemed strong, but if Hachiman were to compare himself to her, he felt he could probably win.

Perhaps not from experience, but rather proper analyzation.

That was something everyone always seemed to underestimate. The power of information.

If one could properly analyze their opponent, then it offered an amazing advantage in intel. It didn't matter how experienced you are, if you were predictable, then you were not strong and skilled.

Regardless, Hachiman found no interest in looking. He looked in his bag for everything Aoki had given him.

To his surprise, he had given him the stuff he didn't know Aoki wanted him to continue. He had gone on previous endeavors before due to Aoki, but he didn't think he would allow him to keep these.

Hachiman wanted to get a bit teary at that, but he remained calm and steeled himself. in the meantime, he decided he'd put it on for his first class. The least he could do was wear it in honour of Aoki's contribution for making his life better.

Hachiman sighed. Everyone needed an Aoki in their life. But alas, even Hachiman worried for his wellbeing.

"He's already lost so much; I hope he's fine alone…" Hachiman thought down as he decided to wait and entertain himself before his bus made it to Advanced Metropolitan High School. Hachiman slowly began to open a book, called, "Beyond Concepts: Unicepts, Language, and Natural Information," by Ruth Millikan, in 2017. Hachiman also was about to place his earbuds in his ears to listen to some calming music before a voice called out.

"Excuse me?" Hachiman's act was stopped when he spotted an elderly lady on the bus. Hachiman could immediately spot that all the seats were occupied, and thus Hachiman had an idea on what was happening.

"Sir? Do you mind?" The elder lady began to ask specifically a young man wearing a school uniform like the other students. He clearly looked taller than your average high schooler, whilst having shoulder length blond hair with brown eyes.

"Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do." The young main said, as he clearly had his long blond hair into an untied pony, as his legs were crossed over one another. He clearly was sitting down on the seat reserved for senior citizens and people with disabilities. "What pleasure do I owe for this mistimed and abruptly sudden conversation?"

The officer that had intervened alongside the older lady specifically spoke. "This older lady needs a seat. You are also sitting on a seat reserved for senior citizens."

"So?" The kid asked, clearly giving an aura of a rich kid attitude with an ego issue. Hachiman looked on, with only one thought going through his mind. "This world is too cruel for people like you, old lady."

And unlike the guilt a typical person would feel, this individual showed very little. If anything, he smiled, as if yearning for the attention that was occurring.

The teenager in the seat just chuckled. "I have no obligation to move you know. No legal, no motivation. Why do you specifically want me to move? Because I'm young?"

Regardless, Hachiman knew where this conversation was going. The teenager was not going to give up his seat, and the officer couldn't do anything. She was only asking and had no legal reasons to force him off the seat. The older lady looked confused, whilst the officer sighed.

"My apologies for his behaviour…" The officer explained before bowing.

Well, the officer was about to bow, if not for the other voice that was about to intervene in the whole ordeal.

"I think you should give up your seat to this elderly woman over here!" A female that was Hachiman's age spoke up. Hachiman silently groaned on how he had to take his eyes off the content of the book to see what was going on.

He could see that there was a girl with shoulder length blond hair, a very well-endowed figure with perhaps the largest assets Hachiman has ever seen on a female, yes, even larger than some fully developed females, and a general cheerful vibe and friendly.

Almost too friendly for Hachiman's comfort. He could tell that she was likely to be a very popular girl, both amongst the girls and guys, whether it is for different reasons.

The same male spoke again, "And once again why should I give up my seat?"

The younger female spoke, "She's suffering a lot because of it right now! She's not as strong as us! I think it'd be a nice contribution to society if you offered your seat."

Hachiman wanted to scowl at that outlook.

"Contribution to society? Why should I be open to society when all it's ever done is fail me?" Hachiman asked bitterly, as he quickly reflected, "But then again, the only person I respect is the very person I've failed…"

Hachiman shook his head to get his negative thoughts out. "Hypocritical or not, society is broken, and humans aren't meant to be eusocial and equal. You must accept that eusociality comes with hierarchies, and privileges that only the few receive."

The blonde-haired boy chuckled. "Contribution to society? What an interesting take… But alas, I don't care for what society thinks of me. I have no reason to serve or better society. I must only look out for the benefit of myself. Even if this is viewed as a positive light, why specifically me?"

"Because you are on the seat specifically for these kinds of people!" The female with a very lar-extroverted personality, exclaimed to the blond boy, who chuckled.

"But at the end of the day, it is but a seat, right? And if that is the priority, to give up a seat for her, why not ask the others? You asked me, and I declined, just find someone else who would be willing to give up their seat."

The blonde boy had a point. At the end of the day, if anyone could stand up and adhere to their morals and societal norms to give up their seat to the elderly lady, the result would be the same.

But Hachiman only looked on in apathy. He didn't care for the struggling, as they were just the runt of society. They shouldn't expect others at the top to help them, whilst Hachiman hated the privilege for their obnoxiousness and ability to get away with anything, especially privileged girls.

"At the end of the day, whether you like it or not, society can never be equal and perfect. Hierarchies are needed and are normal in nature, but you don't see any wild animal questioning the inequalities they suffer. Large eusocial insects like bees are hierarchical and that's what powers society. I'm sorry old lady, but you must accept that society won't help you." Hachiman bluntly thought to himself as he went back to reading, ignoring the schoolgirl's cries for anyone to vacate their seat for the old lady.

"Is anyone willing to vacate their seat? It would be of great help to end her chronic leg pain!" The schoolgirl asked, and Hachiman could tell that the front row girl had enough guilt to probably offer her seat to the old lady. Alas, Hachiman had no intention of giving up his seat.

And so, Hachiman went back to reading his book. He briefly could have sworn he saw a girl with mid-back length silver hair looking at him curiously, but he didn't want to come across as a pervert or creep, so he kept his eyes specifically on his book.

Just as Hachiman predicted, the girl in the front row had eventually conceded, giving up her seat to the older lady. Both the older lady, the officer, and the bubbly schoolgirl expressed their gratitude towards the girl, as the older lady had a seat now.

However, Hachiman didn't pay any attention to that whatsoever. He didn't really care.

All he really cared for was himself and what he would do in the future, only because Aoki believed in him.

Therefore, Hachiman's eyes remained on his book until the bus reached the campus.

…

Who are the girls Hachiman had briefly described in this chapter???