Guidelines on getting away from the real devil

I had no idea what to do or think. Days had merged into a blur, and nothing seemed to interest me anymore. All I wanted and I couldn't believe I was about to make this statement-is Draco Malfoy. 

And that line, by itself, was already more than pathetic. 

That day, it was as if time had stopped, and we were the only ones that existed and mattered. Two oppressed souls behind the locked doors, and with all the love and hate, there were no more chains tied around us to separate us from each other. 

But something in my head had cleared up, and I was relieved. For the first time in months, I was able to face my emotions without fearing the consequences.

So did Malfoy, or at least that was what I hoped. 

While he was walking me back to Gryffindor's tower, we didn't talk. I had never seen him looking this solemn before, but I wasn't concerned. At last, he confessed his feelings, and I was grateful. Perhaps I never expected much from him, and that was the reason I turned my sorrow into temporary happiness. 

"I'm sorry," I heard him said quietly without looking at me, "It's my fault."

"You've said sorry enough times," I wrapped my arm around his. "Sure, it is your fault, but now we have to fix it."

"I don't know how to do that," he stopped walking and turned to look at me like a lost puppy. "You are going to forget about me; forget about us."

"Listen to me," I stared into his eyes, and said in the firmest voice I could have at that moment. "I'm glad that you faced your fear and opened up so that we don't need to hide our feelings anymore. We will try to find a way to counter that potion, you and I, together. And if we can't, then I'll just have to fall in love with you again."

"Granger, you won't remember anything but your hatred toward me," his gray eyes were filled with sorrow that pained me deeply. "How am I supposed to work with that?"

"You need to set aside your pride," I said with a worried frown. "You made me fall for your once, and you can certainly do it again."

 "But what if I can't?" He sounded afraid. "I don't think I can watch you walk away from me."

"Sure, you can," I said gently and put my hands on his cold cheeks. He was drenched in melancholy, he was scared, and this was the Malfoy I longed for, the Malfoy without any of his vanity induced façade. "I believe in you, Malfoy, because I don't want you to walk away from me either. Now, try not to be sad, we still have some time left to enjoy each other's company before we have to face the obstacle. And I was this time, though short, to be wonderful." 

"How could I hate you for all those years?" He shook his head, "I was an idiot."

"No, you did what you had to do," I smiled. "It doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is how we have each other now."

He gave me a bittersweet smile before he kissed me. 

I never expected to love my arch enemy more than I loved anyone, but here I was, spiraling down to a place that I couldn't return. 

***

When I came back to the common room, I saw Ron. He was chatting with Harry and Ginny by the window. Seeing me, he raised his brows. 

He said something along the line of a sarcastic greeting to ask how I was doing, I didn't listen. This was the moment that I knew there was one thing I was surer than ever.

I didn't give a damn about him anymore. Perhaps his words still stung a little, but they no longer could hurt me. And I realized however he acted around me, no matter how hard he tried to ridicule me or attempted to make me feel guilty, I could care less about it. I had other things that were more urgent and needed to be resolved for my own happiness, and those were what I should put my mind on, and not what to make him pleased with me. Something bloomed and flourished as Malfoy and I came clean to each other, and at that exact time, all the bottled up, unfinished feelings toward Ron withered and ceased.

Again, I didn't give a damn about him anymore. 

"Hermione?" I heard him calling my name, it sounded if he was in a far distance though he was right in front of me. "Are you ok? You seem pretty distraught, anything happened?"

I didn't answer. Maybe he was genuinely concerned about me, but the worrisome in his tone bothered me. 

I asked myself how the hell did it take me so long to realize he was messing with my mind? It was not me who couldn't let go; it was him. I was going through the common phrases of a breakup and needed time to heal, while he, who moved on almost immediately, decided to keep dragging me alone for the sake of his selfish thought that I could never see past him. 

"Are you ok?" He asked again and put his hands on my shoulders. "What happened? Did Malfoy do something to you? I knew it. That bastard, I knew he's playing you and I warned you about it. Tell me what happened, and I'll teach him a lesson. "

"Shut up," I said quietly, staring over his shoulder without any focus. 

"What?" I knew he heard me because he sounded surprised. 

"I said, shut up," I slowly moved my gaze to him, and stared into his eyes with a frown. "Don't talk about him like that. He's not playing me. He's kind and despite a few ups and downs, still better than what you'll ever be."

"What's this all about?" He couldn't believe what he heard, and his hands were still gripping my shoulders. 

"Why do you have to play this game?' I sneered and said coldly. "Now that you've been caught, it's not fun anymore, isn't it? You think by claiming you are protecting me from Malfoy, you can get me running back to you in no time. You are wrong. It's time for you to stop attempting to manipulate my feelings, leave me alone and for both of us to completely move on. I know I did, and you should too."

"You are out of your mind. Do you even know what you are saying?" He laughed nervously and visibly flustered. He turned to look at Harry and Ginny before looking back at me, "What did Malfoy put in your head to make you say things like that?"

"He didn't put anything in my head, you did," I said sternly, yet still let him hold onto my shoulders. "Keep accusing him won't get you anywhere. You kept telling me to get over it and move on, which I did. Now what are you trying to do? You don't want to be with me, yet you don't want to be without me. That's pathetic, don't you think?"

"What do you want from me then?" He finally let me loose and raised his voice. "I was never enough for you. Never enough! I loved you, but I couldn't live a life with someone who picks on everything I do. Hermione, you can't expect anyone to be like you. Not everyone has grand aspirations, studies hard, and strives for perfection. Do you think it was an easy decision to leave you? It was the most difficult thing I had ever done. I was hurt as much as you were, Merlin knows how devastated I was. Just as I thought everything will be fine, you started dating Malfoy. Anyone would've been fine. But seriously, did it have to be Malfoy? It felt like you were making a joke out of me and rubbing it into my face. How was I supposed to feel about it? The girl I loved and had to leave behind turned around and got together with the one who I resented for years, the one who everyone knew what kind of prick he was, and still is. It was like sprinkling salt into an open wound."

"I'm sorry you felt that way," I said in a flat tone. I thought I'd cry, but I didn't. I had no more tears to shed for him, though I know I shouldn't be this cold. "If you had told me earlier, then we could've talked it out. But it's too late. All I can tell you now is that please, leave me be. Whether I'm happy with Malfoy or not, it's my decision, and I don't need your opinion to interfere."

 "How can you be this indifferent?" He sounded like he was almost pleading. 

"Ron, I'm sorry," I sighed, "but after everything that happened and all the things you did and said, I just can't care anymore. The bridge has been burned, and I need some time to decide if I want to rebuild it with you."

He stood still and didn't respond. I nodded at Harry and Ginny before I walked upstairs. 

I felt a huge sense of relief, though he still hadn't apologized for his actions. 

I didn't think Ron Weasley mattered much to me anymore, at least not at this moment.