27: Tom's Resolve

Tom woke with a smile. The previous night's events spurred some interesting dreams that left Tom wanting more. The new school year started up again in two weeks. In two weeks he would become the cold, emotionless, goal-driven person he was. But during those two weeks, he would allow himself to act like every other boy his age.

He slid out of bed and decided to change the old fashion way, no magic. He wanted to take his time getting ready. He wanted to make Hermione panic and wait for his presence for breakfast. Tom remembered eavesdropping in on a conversation Abraxas had with some Ravenclaw and how a small amount of absence drives women crazy with want. Tom paid no mind to the voice in the back of his head. It wanted him to stay away from Hermione and find a way to fix himself. He would have plenty of time to fix whatever was wrong with him after summer vacation.

Tom looked in the mirror. His hair was a sprawling mess of curls. Maybe a little bit of magic wouldn't hurt, he wouldn't even need to use his wand. With a simple, wandless, wordless spell, his hair was the normal, neat style that he preferred. Tom glanced at his pocket watch and decided that he had taken long enough.

Much to his disappointment, Hermione was nowhere to be seen.

"Tom, how was the party last night?" Dippet asked as a way of greeting.

Tom took his seat to Dippet's left. "Good. Has Hermione been down yet?"

Dippet tried to hide his chuckle with a bite of porridge. "I assume she is still asleep. You two arrived back well into the night."

Tom felt his eyes widen with Dippet's admission. The old wanker was there! What did he hear? Wasn't he supposed to be out drinking with the fool, Slughorn?

"Ugh." Hermione stumbled into the dining room. Her hair was a wild mess and she was rubbing her temples. "I'm never drinking again." She plopped down across from Tom.

"Are you alright?" asked Dippet.

"My head is killing me," complained Hermione.

"You shouldn't have drunk so much then." Hermione shot him a blood-shot glare. "You look terrible." Tom made a mental note to himself to never allow Hermione to drink alcohol even at social events.

"I feel terrible," moaned Hermione.

Dippet clapped his hands together. Dillie apparated in with a loud pop eliciting a groan out of Hermione. "Master called for Dillie?"

Dippet smiled kindly at the creature. "Dillie, can you grab a potion from my storeroom to help Hermione with her headache." Dillie enthusiastically nodded her head before apparating away. A few seconds later, she arrived back with a loud pop.

"Please, stop doing that," groaned Hermione, her head laying on the table.

"Here, Mistress. This will help." Dillie handed a dark green potion to Hermione who gratefully took it.

Hermione tilted her head back and downed the potion. "Yuck!"

Dippet laughed. "The taste is something to be acquired but it works wonders." He snapped his fingers and the dishes in front of him disappeared. "I have to leave for the Wizengamot. Will you be fine without me?"

Tom was quick to answer, "I'll watch her." Dippet nodded before apparating out. Dillie laid a small hand on Hermione's shoulder before she left. It was just him and Hermione in the dining room.

"Why do you keep staring at me?"

"Are you feeling any better?" Tom didn't have to fake his concern. He felt like he was always concerned when it came to this particular witch.

Hermione nodded. "That potion is amazing. I'll have to get the recipe."

Tom felt his smirk sliding to his lips. "If you're feeling better, then maybe we could continue where we left off last night."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Last night? What did we do? I don't remember a thing."

Tom thought she must be joking with him but none of her words were false. "You don't remember anything?" Hermione shook her head. Was his kiss that unrememberable? He felt his anger growing.

He stood up from his seat. Maybe he would wind up spending the rest of break trying to fix himself instead of spending it how he had dreamed last night.

"Where are you going?"

Tom didn't even bother to answer her. He left the dining room and stormed up the stairs to the library. Normally, he would have apparated but he needed to blow off some steam. He knew he didn't have the most experience when it came to kissing or anything in the romance department but to completely forget about kissing someone did nothing for his ego. He hated to admit that Hermione forgetting hurt him more than he thought was possible. That was why he needed to fix himself. He needed to get rid of these pesky emotions.

He went straight for the potions section of the library. Browsing through several titles became a daunting task but one he would not give up on. After a while of skimming over the titles, he finally found one that seemed promising; 'The Disastrous and Problematic Effects of Love From a Bottle.'

Tom gave an amused humph at the pompous title. It was unfortunately the only book about love potions. Hopefully, it would prove useful.

"Dillie," called Tom.

The house elf popped in front of him. "Yes?"

"Let me know if Hermione decides to come here." He didn't want Hermione walking in to find his current reading material. The witch was smart, he didn't need her figuring everything out.

"Mistress went back to her room after eating," informed Dillie. "Mistress tell Dillie that she will stay in her room."

That was puzzling. The potion should have cured her headache, so why would she hide out in her room? Unless-no. Did she remember the kiss? If she remembered then did that mean that she regretted last night's events?

"Mistress said she was tired. Restless sleep."

Tom wanted to curse. His emotions must have played themselves across his features for the creature to see.

"Thank you," bit out Tom. He tightened his grip on the book. Hopefully it would have the answer or at least a temporary fix for his problems until he could find something more permanent.

"Anything else Dillie can do?"

"No." The house elf apparated away, leaving Tom to himself.

Tom took the steps two at a time till he reached the small sitting area. He flipped the book open to the index page. Once he found the section he wanted, he flipped to it.

After a few hours of reading, Tom's frustration grew to the point where he threw the book down. It was insightful but not helpful. He found out that any child born from the influence of a love potion would be born emotionless or filled with hate. Those born from low level love potions could be cured by having any type of love and familiarity shown to them during any time of their life. Medium potions required the child to eventually find both emotional and physical love sometime in their adult life. Stronger potions such as Amortentia caused the child to be born with hate. That child could only be cured through maternal bonding and-or something similar that creates familiarity with the affected child.

The most insightful part of the book was finding out why he had emotions. He knew he was born from the influence of a higher grade love potion such as Amortentia which Merope had one of her friends to brew for her.

It turned out that those few interactions that he had with Mrs. Norris and then her daughter caused a bond of familiarity to grow within him connecting him to them. So, now all he had to do was to sever that bond. He would have to keep his distance from Hermione Norris if he wanted to return back to his old self.

"Tom?"

Tom looked up to find Hermione entering the library. How the hell was he supposed to keep distance between them if he was living with her? The only option would be to suffer through it then separate from her when school picked back up.

"Are you alright? I was just coming here when I heard a crash?"

"Sorry, I dropped a book," lied Tom. He whipped out his wand and sent the book back to its home before Hermione could read the title. "Are you feeling any better?"

She smiled at him. "Much."

Tom nodded and walked down the steps. He paused when he reached her. "I'll be in my room if you need me." He started to walk away but stopped. "Hermione, lessons for the rest of the break are canceled."

"Am I that terrible?"

"No," Tom chuckled.

Before he could exit the library, Hermione stopped him with her next question. "Are you avoiding me because of whatever happened last night?" When he didn't answer, she continued on. "I don't know what happened but I would like for you to forget it."

Oh, he planned on it. "Already done." Tom opened the door to the library and left. The door closed behind him with a click.

The noises of the house disappeared to be replaced with a high-pitched whistle.  Tom's eyesight turned blurry before going out all together. Pounding in his skull picked up. It was so deafening that it forced his legs to buckle. Tom landed in a heap on the ground.

After a few seconds, though it felt like minutes, the pain went away and Tom found that he was able to hear and see again. What the hell was that? That bloody book didn't mention any symptoms like that. Was it an after effect of the Amortentia lifting or something else?

. . .

Hermione watched the library door close with a click. That was harder than she thought it would be. Her fingers drifted to her lips. She didn't lie. She couldn't remember a thing from last night but she was able to piece together some of it from Tom's reaction and that dream.

After breakfast, Hermione went back to her room to get some more sleep. Her dreams were filled with black voids. The only thing that wasn't a void was the feel of lips pressed against hers. That's when Hermione had woken up and realized that she must have kissed Tom during her blackout.

Hermione climbed the steps to the little sitting area. She was hoping to read to distract herself; she just didn't think that she would have run into Tom.

She had to keep telling herself that it was for the best. She came to terms with befriending the young Dark Lord but she would not cross that line. She just couldn't. She would never be able to save herself from the pain if she came to care for Tom as more than a friend.