50

"What the hell are you talking about?! Don't kid me, John. This isn't funny."

"I'm serious." He leaned on and whispered to my ear. "I badly had a crush on you. You said you love me before. Bakit hindi mo man lang ako binigyan ng pagkakataon na umamin sa'yo?" Hinawakan n'ya ang magkabila kong balikat na para bang takot na umalis ako. Mas humigpit iyon na para bang alam na n'ya ang sasabihin ko. Napangiwi ako at damang-dama ko ang sakit sa ilalim ng tela na nakabalot sa balikat ko.

Marahas ko s'yang tinulak sa dibdib n'ya at tiningnan s'ya ng nakamamatay. "Hah! Anong tingin mo sa'kin? Hintayin kitang umamin ka samantalang hindi ka naman mukhang in love? Yes, I loved you, yeah, but I'd just realized, it was just some words that came out from my mouth—it was all a lie."

I could see his eyes filled with so much pain. His grip tightened more.

"Ouch.." I whispered. Pinandilatan ko s'ya ng napakasama. "Maybe, it was only infatuation. Mga bata pa tayo noon at inaamin kong nahihiya ako sa mga ginagawa ko noon."

"No. It wasn't. There's no infatuation or lies in your eyes. It was in your emotions, the way you speak and the way you act, and it wasn't about how you think that time!"

Tinulak ko s'ya ng napakalakas pero hindi parin s'ya umaatras hanggang sa hindi ko napigilan at hinampas ko na s'ya sa dibdib pero laking gulat ko nang hindi parin s'ya natinag, napakalakas n'ya. Ayokong gawin iyon dahil alam kong iyon na ang pinakalakas na palo at alam kong masakit na iyon. "Stop this, John. I. WAS. LYING. I don't love you. I hate you. Bakit hindi mo nalang kasi ako iwan? Just leave me the fuck alone and mind your own business."

Napalaki ang mata ko nang bigla n'yang inilapit ang mukha n'ya sa'kin. Nakita ko ang pamumula ng kan'yang mukha. Is he going to cry? My heart tightened. I can't bare to see him like this. It's all new to me. So strange.

"I hate how much I love you, Emy! Why can't I have you? Why can't we start from the beginning? Is it hard, huh? Is it hard to have each other? I was fucking desperate to have you in my arms, to kiss you and to talk to you with random things. I would love to wake up with you in my room—to see your lovely face but what can I say? You were with someone I always fucking want to break his neck—"

"We don't have something in common, John. That's why we can't have nice thing—"

"I wonder why did you fucking leave me the time I should've be with you?"

"Because I had to!"

"Just admit that you couldn't face the hard situation we had with me. We could've fight for it."

"Because Kim was yours!"