Chapter 33: Just As Much

Leslie's P.O.V

After the flight from NYC, I made it to Seattle with no harm. Thankfully, there were no  paparazzi around as I left the airport. I was able to get myself a cab and  hurried home .

The gates were locked when I reached my destination. I press the buzzer, informing Celia that I've arrived. She promptly opens the gate by the controls letting the cab into the house.

See Celia has always been a very close cousin and relative of mine, we played together, ate together , went to school together and we were romies with me, Morgan and her back in college. Although she's the first to tie the knot in our group moving to Seattle with her husband.

She greets me outside with her husband, Gareth, as they both helped me with my luggage. Gareth pays the driver for me as Celia helps me into the house.

Once inside, Gareth locks the door and rushes to me giving me a tight hug.

"Oh poppet, what has he done to you? I'm so sorry he hurt you. But I'm glad to see you back home." He says, smiling sadly at me. Gareth has always been a papa bear, he's like the brother I never had, always protective and loving.

I sob loudly as Celia takes me from Gareth as she comforted me with a hug too. They lead me into the lounge and I sit with them in front of the fire, sobbing as I was held in a cacoon of love and warmth. 

Yet a part of me still yearns for Damien. Now I know I shouldn't have just run off but seeing the pictures of Damien and Vivian didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would. What hurt the most is that it seems I never had a chance with him, it was all just a dillusion and a wishful thinking of mine.  Yes he may have cared about me but I need to admit the fact that he may never love me like ever.

Considering the fact that he had a first love, someone whom he once loved, cared and trusted with his whole heart but was then betrayed and hurt by her disappearance. Which then turned him into a typical Playboy.

My disappearance might not mean much to him, but a part of me hopes it does.

I start to narrate everything to both Gareth and Celia trying so hard not to cry my eyes out but failing so terribly. As soon as I calmed myself down leaving no part untold. By the time I'm nearly done, Gareth seems spitting mad.

"How dare he? And you're pregnant, too? If he comes here, I'll definitely kill him without a second thought" He declares angrily striding off.

"Don't worry too much Les, remember the baby can feel when you're stressed and it can sense your distress too"She says calmly as she then direct me out of the lounge into the dining area. Forcing me to have to some soup. I ate after being pampered and treated like a child by her as she hovered, trying to feed me. she guides me to a room and helps me undress for bed.

"Give it time, honey and all will be put into place. Just wait and see. Even if he did what he did, you still have your baby to think about. Now, don't overthink and go to bed. Good night, sweetie." She says calmly and kisses me gently on the forehead.

Once she's gone, I think over what she's said. I'm all in for the baby's needs for now, deciding to try not to let this whole ordeal get to me.

Okay Leslie, be back to being just you, and living for you and the baby.

For now, I just need to stay away from Damien . At this important time of my pregnancy the urge to  push away all the stress and pain imcreases.

The next few weeks passes in a haze. I changed my OBGYN to another doctor in Seattle, and she has been keeping an eye on me eversince.

Damien finally reached out though, But I refuse to let him in just yet. He had all the time to explain and say his side of his story but he didn't come through.

"Nothing at all!

"Nada"

Well he hasn't given up trying to contact me since he found out I left. My parents do ring everyday to check up on me and gush about their baby. Seems am going to have a baby brother soon . but I'm too hurt to answer any of their call, Celia mostly does the whole talking. Morgan tried reaching me  so I  sent an email instead, letting her know that me and the baby are both fine and in good health and condition.

However, Gareth and Celia has been my source of support and comfort ever since.

I'm still deeply hurt over what Happened with Damien but a part of me still screams at me for not staying back and holding on.

I plan on moving back to New York in the coming month before it gets too risky for me to fly with the pregnancy. I want to be back where I considered as home, but still not sure where that is yet! Although one thing is sure besides Damien does deserves to see his baby.

Though I am still unsure and don't have a clear plan on what to do in regards with him yet. I'm carrying his child and I'm pretty sure he still wants to be involved with the child's upbringing. I just don't have the courage to talk to him without shedding tears. It just hurts so badly.

"That he couldn't confide in me, and talk to me." There's been

Rumors about Damien and Vivian having an affair it's currently been the hot topic for the last two weeks. At the rate this rumor keeps circulating I can't help but feel Vivian is behind it. She always been so tricky and manipulative but she has now stoop this low just to sink her claws into a man , the thought of it definitely made me sick.

Although we've tried to keep the baby out of public eye but the press has been suspicious that I might be carrying his child. Which has become a huge difficulty to even leave the house thinking someone or some reporter may spot me and Damien may find out where I've been hiding out worries and scares the hell outta me.

I've been immovable from the house for the last four weeks and am sure to get a real case of cabin fever.

Today's check-up with my doctor is really exciting. Today's when I'm going to find out what my little baby's gender is. Gareth and Celia decided to accompany me and I felt guilty and sad as I remember Damien isn't around to witness this.

Gareth drives us out of the estate in a black BMW. I'm currently putting on some black slacks, a purple blouse and have my long  hair tied up. I also put the effort of wearing sunglasses, silently praying no one would recognize me.

"How I missed my old boring life where no one had to watch my every move"I thought as I sigh out.

I am now near the end of my 16th week and my bump is now clearly noticeable. I can even now feel the baby's movement.

My old clothes don't even fit me anymore thus I'll have to get out to buy some maternity wear after my 13th week.

We safely arrived outside the entrance of the hospital. We immediately entered and signed in, as we went to sit and wait for my name to be called.

It didn't take too long and soon we were lead into the examination room.

Dr Pepper welcomed me with her lively smile as I enter the room.

"Ah Leslie, it's good to see you again, dear. Lay down on the bed for me, please?" She asks me kindly.

I do as she asked and Celia takes a seat beside me.

I hand my notes from my bag to Doctor pepper and she quickly scans them. She turned to the computer and types out my details.

"Okay Leslie, we're going to do another ultrasound today, to check how your baby's progress was so far. Do you want to know the gender?" She asks.

"Yes please, I'd love to know."

She nods and grabs some gel, putting some onto my stomach. Taking the wand she moves it around my stomach and I was captivated as I stare to the screen.

A satisfied smile and blissful sigh immediately appeared to my face as I watch my baby move around. It's unexplainable to see exactly what part of my baby is kicking me on the screen.

The Doctor moves the scanner around and the silence starts making me edgy.

"Right, your baby is perfectly healthy. All the measurements are very good, and it's obviously very active from what I can see. Now it looks like you're having a baby boy. Congratulations, Leslie on such a healthy baby."The doctor replies, smiling happily at me.

Celia squeezes my hand and I look away from the screen as my tears stroll down my face.

"Do you want any pictures printing?" Dr. Pepper asks me gently.

I inclined my head promptly to provide my answer and she leaves me alone with Celia. She comes to me and hugs me, feeling proud.

"Oh am so happy for you Leslie." She says excitingly.

"Oh, I'm happy too Celia. I wanted a boy so much. I can't believe this is real, me a klutz ready to become a mother?." He's going to look so much like his father isn't he? I say, sighing.

"Since we're done here, how about a little shopping to relieve some stress?" She naturally changes the topic.

"Nah, I think am good. I am too tired to go for shopping, anyways I don't need to relieve my stress. Today's discovery just gave me so much energy to spend."I says cheerily.

After Dr. Pepper hands me a few pictures, took my blood pressure, and weight, measured my bump, we went out of the examination room.

I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I get into the car, with Gareth looking so relieved to see me so happy and smiling for the first time in weeks.

"Have been quite the zombie!"

"All thanks to Damien and Vivian".

"Boy or girl?He asks for the fourth time . Come on, the suspense is killing me?" He begs as we set off home.

"Boy." I grin at him, and he whoops happily.

"Finally, we're having another man around the house." He replies happily.

I shake my head at him, and continue smiling all the way home.

That night sleep so difficult and far from me. I just laid on the bed and just stared blankly at the ceiling for about an hour. I gently touch my belly as I picture "His" handsome face on my mind. I somewhat felt guilty not telling anything to him. He still has the right to know. I turned my head to the side table as I stare to my cell phone. My demons and angel are currently arguing if I should text him or not; if I should let him know or not. I take a deep breath before reaching out to my phone and turned it on.

"He should know about the gender, we were supposed to celebrate a feat like this"I thought with a sad look of longing on my face.

I then switched in my phone , once it's on, shock is an understatement to describe my reaction upon seeingthe amount of missed calls and messages I got mostly from Damien and Morgan.

Typing out a quick message, I send it before I change my mind.

To Damien:

From Leslie

We need to talk. I will only speak to you through these messages, so please don't bother to ring me.

Immediately a reply popped up.

From Damien;

To Leslie

Where are you? I was worried sick about you. Are you hurt?

Is the baby okay?

Please come home, let me explain everything.

I roll my eyes at his pathetic attempt at an apology.

"Now you want to talk?"I thought, yeah right.

To Damien:

From Leslie

The baby is fine. I don't need your pathetic apology, it's not good enough. Besides you're few weeks late already. We're having a boy, that's why I texted, it won't be fair if I kept you in the dark. That's the one thing we don't have in common. You were fine to just walk out that day with a strange woman with no word from you leaving me in the dark wandering.

I trusted you!

You made me trust you.

But I won't do the same. The baby is super healthy and fine. Please don't bother calling anymore.

Dropping the cellphone on the nightstand I start to get ready for bed, my mind working and waiting to see if there were no more replies after not receiving any response for a while. I decide to finally sleep when My phone finally buzzes making me jump.

From Damien:

To Leslie

I'm glad to hear our son is healthy and growing well. I'll do as you've said. I won't ask you to return but you need to tell me where you are. It's not safe for you or our son to be alone like this. DAMIEN!

I Then laugh out at his supposed concern.

To Damien:

From Leslie.

I'm not alone. I'll be returning to New York soon, but I want you to stay away for awhile. Seeing you will only cause me, and the baby stress and I'm not ready to see you yet.

I lie down and get comfortable, waiting for his reply.

To Leslie:

From Damien.

I'm sorry, so very sorry about all of this. I hope you'll let me explain soon? I hope you'll allow me to be a part of our son's life, too?

I scowl at my phone angrily, how dare he ask that?

To Damien:

From Leslie

Being a part of our son's life has never been an issue. But asking for my forgiveness is another issue. You just shut me out Damien. Left me standing cold and baffled at the house as you walked out with "You Know Who" You should know this better than anyone else how much it pained me.Don't waste your time expecting my forgiveness anytime soon.

Turning my phone off I send it flying in the middle of the room, I curl up and fall to sleep dreaming of him even when my brain screamed "No".

"Hell, as they always say the forbidden fruits tastes the sweetest"!

Even with all the things that has gone wrong, I still want him just as much.