I'm A FAILURE

𝑇𝑜𝑟𝑜

"You made all these or?" I inquired but all I got was the walls echoing back the words to me. I heard her sniff, is she crying? I guess crying is her thing from the outset. I toured the whole room, I picked up the papers and stared at the storyboards. The story looks catchy. Wonder if she made it or planning to make it. I walked over to the other side and picked up the hand camera and flipped up the capture.

I let out a cough when the dust from it met my nostrils. I placed it back on the table and tap the dust on my hands out. I narrowed my eyes to the paintings hung on the mesh. There were a lot of interesting drawings and sculpted stuff in here and it made me wonder if she created these. Which also brought me to my next question why the room is so dusty and smells old?

"What are you doing here?" I glanced at her and saw her already staring at me with eyes filled with tears and her face looked pale.

I came over to her with the sheets in my hands. I settled myself beside her and let out a breath, to be honest, I don't know what I'm doing now. Why am I bothered if she's okay or why am I bothered if she's upset with me? But for some odd reason, my heart went out to her and seeing tears in her eyes almost every day hurt my feelings. She reminded me of my mother. She was always in tears and I can't do anything to help ease the pain weighing on her chest.

"I was worried about you and I.....am sorry for what I said back in there." She turned and looked at me for a brief moment. Her mouth quivered in some manner and I thought she was gonna talk but she didn't. Instead, she turned her face away and sniffed again.

I didn't get any response from her. I let out a breath, figuring out what to say next. She buried her face in her thighs and I could hear her continuously sniffing. "You know I didn't mean anything I said back in my room. I didn't know why you were upset but crying won't solve it."

"What is the problem?" I heaved a breath and cupped my legs with my arms. "I know something else is making you upset..."

"You're right," she suddenly lifts her head and looked at me again. Her eyes were red and swollen and her face was wetted with her tears. "I'm so upset that I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm losing it. Losing myself. I don't know what to do again."

"I feel like I'm a failure.....no I'm a failure. I failed my parents." She smiled at me but there was pain behind that smile. Her eyes grew distant when she channelled it to a painting in the room. "This is my father's lair, these are his works. He made things come alive with his works....."

I listened as she vents out her frustration on me. "Why do people especially men see me as a weak person? Ever since my parents died." Her head was placed on her knees but was turned to another side, I couldn't tell what was going on in her mind and why she made those comments. I do understand her a little bit, life is cruel to most people. Both the poor and rich, toy with their fate. Most especially it's hard on you when you are not welcomed.

"Why do they have to be cruel to me? Why do I have to beg for my voice to be heard?" I noticed a hint in her voice and I could tell she will cry any minute. "Why does it have to be 𝑀𝐸? 𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑚𝑒? As if not losing my parents isn't enough. I lost everything, the house and I can't keep the company going. People told me a lot to sell it.....and I reached out to the last hope I have but it turns out to be nothing....."

She grew silent and sobbed. This is the first time having a girl pour out their emotions on me or listen to their cry. I have always listened to my mom and sitting here, listening to her feels strange and new to me. Her sobbing intensified and I don't know what to do to ease the pain she might be feeling. I've sung for mom whenever she's in a foul mood. I stretched my arm and...I hesitated and withdrew my hand when she tightened her arms around her knees and sobbed harder.

I pushed my ego aside and reached out for her. I drew her close even though she was still hugging her knees. I leaned her close and placed her head on my left shoulder. "My parent's dream became my dream. I found myself loving art and the elements. I fell in love with drawing and animating but I will never be good as my parents. No matter how much I tried, I can't keep the company running as they did."

"You know there are times I wonder if this is also my calling or if I took it as my calling because I want to keep my parent's legacy going."

"Your eyes sometimes deceive the world

Just because something is hidden in the dark

Doesn't mean that it's gone."

She raised her head from my shoulder and looked at me in awe when I started singing. To be honest, I don't know what I am doing or why the fck I'm singing. Why does it seems something is pushing me to care even when I don't want to?

"What are you doing?" She chuckled. "You said no singing, that was the number 1 rule you gave me but you are doing it now."

"Guess you needed it now, I don't know how I could ease the pain you are feeling now so I hope my singing does."

She smiled and returned her head to my shoulder. "Continue."

"Turn on the lights

Choose a path not taken

No need to be afraid

Question everything that you are used to

Fear is essentially

A shadow you grow within yourself

That may disappear in a second

Lift your head when the road is blocked

And look at the sky that doesn't need roads."

"You have a nice voice and where did you learn this song from?" She nestled on my shoulder but she still hugged her knees.

"Mm...learnt it from a drama I watched years back when I was a child. The song kept me going."

"What was your childhood like?" She questioned but I saw myself detesting the question she asked. I hated my childhood and I don't want to be reminded of my childhood. I was denied those essential things to make a kid grow or more like add to the memories of the kid's childhood. I kept mute and I hate talking about myself.

"I'm sorry if I upset you with my question, I understand if you don't want to answer. Please continue..." She urged me to continue with my song.

"Don't fall for the lies

That whisper tells you to crouch

Those dead words of darkness

Must have hurt

But you are stronger now

Believe in yourself

Choose the way you want to go

Pick the brightest smile and practice

In this moment

Where no darkness can stop you now."

I ended my singing, but I found myself being a victim of my song. Why am I scared? Scared of a crime I didn't commit. I tried to defend myself but no one listened even my mother doubted me. I wonder why everyone thinks I'm the culprit. Yes, the knife was found in my possession but I didn't do it.

"You aren't gonna confess to your crime?" Two policemen interrogated me in the questioning area. In the dark secluded room. "You still won't admit to it?"

"How many times do I have to tell you I didn't try to rape my stepmom nor did I try to kill my father?"

"Why are you being hard on yourself? You know a worse penalty comes with denial. Denying a crime you committed, we saw the video. Do you want us to play it for you?"

I kept mute and hung my head low, trying to take in everything thrown at me. I have been the one hurting from the day I learnt that man was my father. The police pushed a phone to me, a video of me playing on the screen of the phone. In the video, I was trying to molest my stepmom. Yes, I never liked her because she made my mother's life miserable but I will never do that to her.

"He tried to sexually assault me," I was pulled back from my past awful memories by her voice.

"Mm?" I mumbled and narrowed my gaze to her.

"You asked why I was upset." She exhaled and lifts her head from my shoulder. Still hugging her knees. I mumbled a faint '𝑦𝑒𝑠'. "He tried to take advantage of my situation."

"Who if I may ask?"

"The one I told you, my last hope to boost my company. The only man I believed would help if I reach out."

"Mr Warren?" I questioned and looked at her.

"No, he's not the one." She laughed. "My parents borrowed from Mr Warren but this man owned shares in my company when my parents were still alive. He sold them off when my parents died and I went back to ask for his assistance with the finances, for the animation I'm working on. He offered to help if I sleep with him or sell the company to him and I couldn't do both. I can't give up my parent's dreams which are also my dream."

A smile crept on my face at her words. Wasn't she crying now? She turned her face to me, locking eyes with me. But I couldn't look away, something about this woman intrigued me. She kinda inspired me with her resilient personality, just like she wasn't ready to give up her house too. She was bent on taking it back.

My breathing stilled when she leaned her face close to me. Her lips touched mine lightly. She grazed my lips with hers and I felt a chill run down my spine. I wasn't expecting that.