38. Chapter 38

The one good thing about angels was that grace could easily serve as a way to fast forward through more unpleasant tasks. Castiel had been changing him the human way for so long that Dean had almost forgotten that Gabriel could just snap his fingers and he would be in a dry diaper just like that. It was definitely a lot easier and far less embarrassing, not to mention less time consuming, so there was no reason why it should leave him feeling a little cheated.

After all, he definitely did not like it when Castiel changed him. It was just... kind of nice to have his daddy's undivided attention in those moments. He could admit, if only to himself, that he liked feeling how strong but gentle Castiel's hands were when they touched him. Castiel was capable of breaking bones - and more, when he had his grace - with his bare hands, but Dean had never once felt threatened even when he was flat on his back, bare for the angel to see in more ways than one. Instead, it made him feel cared for.

But he figured that it was probably for the best that Gabriel had chosen the easy way out for both of them, inspite of the twinge of pain that raced up his back when the archangel's grace changed him into a fresh diaper. He kept his head on Gabriel's shoulder, staring vacantly out the window. Now that the truth had come out, and he had to acknowledge what was happening, the pain seemed to go much deeper. Like the growing pains he’d suffered as a little kid, but worse.

"Uncle Gabriel?" he said quietly.

"Yes, kiddo?"

"What's gonna happen?" He nearly added a very tiny to me at the end, but held it back at the last second for fear of sounding too babyish.

"Well, I've never seen this happen myself, but... from what I hear, it’ll be another three or four days before your wings are actually ready to come out. They've been growing under your skin for a while now, ever since Cassie started giving you grace. By tomorrow morning, you'll have small bumps on your back to show where your wings will come through."

Dean swallowed, his tummy churning with anxiety. "And then..."

"When your wings are ready, your daddy will make a small incision on your shoulders to help them come out."

"They won't just... burst out?" Dean whispered. It eased a bit of his fear to know that Gabriel thought Castiel would have returned by that point. He liked Gabriel the most after Castiel, but his uncle was no match for his daddy.

"You have been watching way too many horror films, sweetheart," Gabriel said, and he actually sounded a little amused. "No, they're not going to just burst out of you. For one thing, you're still human enough that that would likely send you into shock and kill you. For another, it would be needlessly painful."

"It already hurts."

"I know. That's why I wish you'd told us before Castiel left. I can't do anything to help you right now," Gabriel replied. He patted Dean's bottom and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry. My grace will just make it feel worse. Maybe later I can put some ice on your shoulders. That might help to take the swelling down. But I don't think human medication will have much of an affect on you."

Dean pouted at that. He was used to suffering through pain, but if it got really bad he'd never hesitated to reach for the heavy duty pain medication if they had some on hand. John Winchester had always taught them that pain was part of being a hunter, and 99% of the time his only medication had been the alcoholic kind. It was Bobby Singer who'd hammered it through the heads of both Sam and Dean that only dumb hunters soldiered on when they didn't have to.

"We got enough pain in our lives," Bobby had said, slamming a bottle of vidocin down in front of Sam when he'd broken both his legs. "I'm not sayin' you should go crazy 'cause you gotta keep your head clear, but you're gonna be pushing yourself to get back out there as it is. Doesn't take a genius to figure you should use all the tools at your disposal to do it."

It figured that now he couldn't even fall back on the human methods. He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping that the next two days would go by really quickly. He should have known better, really. Wishing that time would go by fast had never worked for Dean Winchester. It was like whatever creature out there was responsible for time had a personal vendetta against him.

The rest of the day dragged by. Watching television was the only activity Dean felt capable of. He turned down an offer of supper, his stomach roiling dangerously at the sight of the chicken noodle soup Gabriel offered him. He had a headache now from being so tense all day, and he really just wanted to fall asleep. So he took the sippy cup of grace Gabriel gave him and drank it, then laid down on his belly and waited while Gabriel carefully draped ice packs across his throbbing shoulders.

The cold did help. After a few minutes it had eased the increasingly sharp sting to the point where Dean was able to drift off to sleep for a little while. He didn't stay asleep for long, though. He woke up around 3am gasping for breath because it hurt so much; there was so much pressure, like someone had put their hands on his back and was leaning against him with all of their weight. He felt like he was suffocating, but when he tried to roll over onto his back agony laced through him.

“Son of a bitch!” he hissed through clenched teeth, sprawling awkwardly on his side. The ice packs were long gone and now he was hot all over, but especially so around his shoulders. He stayed where he was and just tried to remember how to breathe for a very long minute. Beads of sweat were rolling down his face and he lifted a shaky arm, swiping at his forehead.

It’d been a long time since he’d suffered through anything like this. Dean had forgotten how exhausting constant pain could be. It seemed to take hours before he found the strength to slowly push himself up. Pain lanced through him with every movement, no matter how small, and his pajamas were soaked with sweat by the time he was sitting up. His legs trembled badly when he stood, and a couple of steps was enough to tell him that standing had been a mistake. He tried to back up, but his legs gave out before he made it to the bed.

Dean howled when he hit the ground; the tears he’d managed to hold back until now spilled freely down his cheeks as he dissolved into sobs over how much the fall had hurt. The light overhead switched on at the same instant that Gabriel reached down and carefully scooped him up, one hand under his bottom and the other carefully braced against his waist. He held Dean close and whispered to him, running his fingers through Dean’s sweaty hair. Dean clung to him and sobbed.

“Shh, I know. I know, it hurts. You’re being so brave, baby boy. It’s okay. I know,” Gabriel murmured, over and over again. He bounced Dean gently, and it was soothing enough that Dean was able to get a handle, however tentative, on his tears.

“D-don’t call D-daddy,” he managed to stutter out, shivering.

Gabriel paused. “Dean –”

“No! I’m fine. It was just ‘cause I fell. It’s not that bad,” Dean insisted, even though he knew that Gabriel would see that instantly for the lie it was.

“Cassie’s going to kill both of us,” Gabriel muttered under his breath. “Okay. I won’t call him yet. But I think you need to have a cold bath. You’re really warm.”

“I’m already cold.” Dean shivered again and tried to curl closer, wrapping his legs around Gabriel’s waist.

“You just think you are. Come on.” Gabriel carried him out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom. He set Dean on the counter, which was more than wide enough to accommodate him, and pulled his pajama top off. The air in the bathroom was cooler, but Dean tensed to keep from shivering. As Gabriel snapped his fingers and filled the tub with water, he twisted around as best he could to look at the mirror. He wasn’t sure how to feel at the sight of two bumps on his back, both roughly the size of his hand, each one right over his shoulder blades.

“Don’t look at them,” Gabriel said, cupping his cheek and gently turning his face away.

“It’s hard not to,” Dean said, setting his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders for better support. Gabriel lifted him slightly, just enough to get his pajama bottoms down, and then pulled apart the tabs for the diaper. Dean flushed, embarrassed that it was wet, but Gabriel didn’t care. He just picked Dean up, pivoted to face the bath, and lowered him into what felt like cold water.

Dean squeaked in protest and tried to stand up again, but Gabriel was way too strong and his legs still refused to support him. He would’ve fallen against the side of the tub were it not for Gabriel’s grip on his arms, which prevented him from hurting himself. More tears welled up in his eyes, this time of frustration, but he refused to let them fall. He settled for shivering dramatically and looking up at Gabriel with an accusing pout. Gabriel’s mouth twitched before he knelt, scooping up some water with his hand and letting it trickle through Dean’s hair.

“I know you hate me right now, and I’m fine with that. I’m not doing this to make you feel worse, Dean. It’s to help. I’m trying to do what I can.” He sounded very frustrated, and suddenly a little flicker of guilt pierced through Dean’s affront. Gabriel hadn’t asked for this, not really. He was stuck baby-sitting Dean because Castiel had to go up to heaven and he was worried about his brother, but this was probably the last way that Gabriel wanted to spend his time.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and this time he couldn’t stop a couple tears from spilling over.

“Oh, baby, no. Don’t think like that; I didn’t mean it that way.”

“You never wanted this,” Dean mumbled, staring at the water as the tears came faster. “Y-you’re just… ‘c-cause of D-Daddy –”

“No,” Gabriel said, so firmly that Dean peeked up at him again. Gabriel caught his chin, lifted his head the rest of the way so that their eyes met, and smiled. There was a lot of affection in that smile. “It’s true that I didn’t plan on becoming as involved with you as I have. But that’s not because of Cassie. It’s because of you, Dean. I think I could have treated this whole hatchling thing like a bothersome task with just about anyone else, but not you. And it’s incredibly annoying, because I didn’t want to care about you this way, but somewhere along the line that changed and I do. You’re my nephew, and not just cause you’re Cassie’s. When I sound frustrated, it’s because I hate that you’re in pain and I can’t do anything about it. I’m used to being able to snap my fingers and fix things, but right now I can’t do that.”

Dean stared at him, speechless. His instinct was to believe that Gabriel was lying, but… he didn’t think that Gabriel was. It was hard to tell of course, because the archangel had perfected the art of lying over his centuries on Earth, but there was a particular tone Gabriel used when he was being honest. He swallowed hard. No one, except for Castiel, had ever said anything to him like that. No one had ever cared that much about him, or about the fact that he was in pain. He didn’t know what to do.

“Now, you’re going to sit in this bath for a little while longer until your back stops hurting so much. Then I’m going to make you a bottle, and I’ll help you drink it because you haven’t had anything else for the past day. We’ll watch television together until you’re ready to go back to sleep. Okay?” Gabriel waited for Dean’s hesitant nod before he scooped up more water and smoothed it over Dean’s hair.