Broken Hermione

People often ask me how I felt after the war

But it should've been how I felt for others after the war.

It's not like the war didn't affect me, trust me, it did. But how could I'd have possibility cared about myself when my best friend had almost scarified himself and lost everyone he had ever loved.

But it wasn't just him.

Ron had just lost a brother, someone who he had grown to love ever since he was born. That type of connection was something that couldn't have been replaced. No matter how many times he could have possibility tried.

So, it didn't really matter how I felt. Sure, I lost a lot of people that day. Everyone did. But I didn't lose a brother or a mother or father. I might have lost a piece of myself, but that was a worry for another day. Not that I had mentioned that to anyone. They didn't need that burden as well.

The battle had affected everyone, in some way. And although I would've loved to admitted that maybe I was a little hurt by the war, I just couldn't. Not when others were grieving and mourning.

But I still cried.

My parents didn't even know who I was anymore, there wasn't a home for me anymore. The worse thing was that I had done the deed, cursed them myself. And it hurt, really badly. At least Ron had someone to go to cry, for me, my pillow was my mother. For hours it seemed.

Harry?

Well, he didn't really have a family anymore either, but the Weasleys accepted him. In Molly's terms, he was her son. And he felt comfortable with them.

But I wasn't Harry, and although the Weasleys tried….I knew that I wasn't considered as family. No matter what Ron could've told me, I could always sense the underlining purpose. For it was all lies, to keep me under his belt.

Maybe it was the love that I felt for him, or the exhaustion plaguing me, but I didn't leave. I stayed, sitting on a bench watching everyone care for the injured and sick. And watching families hug each other tightly.

Ron had hugged me, same with Harry. But I had felt so empty, exhausted and beyond repair. I just wanted to cry into my love's shoulder all night. Though that burden was for me, and me alone. I just didn't find it in myself to ask anyone of that.

My pillow was made for that purpose.

So, I had cried all night long, which wasn't hard seeing that most of the girls in my year were either dead or injured. Not that was any better than it should've been. But maybe, just maybe, I wanted to be groomed and cared for. Because the scars on my body wouldn't go away.

Not just the physical ones anyway. And if I had the guts to tell anyone, I would've, but it just wouldn't be the same.

I was injured

I was hurt

I was scared

I was a human

A daughter to no one

I felt all these things, and if not, even more. These feelings weren't something I couldn't push back lightly, nor accept as a whole. But it was my reality now.

I am alone

Without anyone to hold me. So now I will cry, until dawn breaks, not that anyone could stop me. But it wasn't like they cared.

If only someone understood, it wouldn't be Ron, that was for sure. The conversation last night only proved my point.

*Flashbackkkkkkkk*

"I'm alone Ron, let's face the facts."

"You're not alone Hermione."

"Well then, why did you not come up here last night? Or try to remotely comfort me?"

Ron opened his mouth to respond but Hermione swiftly cut him off.

"I'm sorry your brother died Ron, I really am. But that doesn't give you an excuse to ignore your friends who might also be suffering. You're not the only one who lost someone yesterday!" Hermione replied, "I was suffering greatly yesterday, Ron, but nobody came to my rescue and now….I don't know what to do with myself."

Ron reached over and grabbed Hermione's hand, who didn't pull away. She felt to emotionally drained to continue. "I'm sorry I was to blind to see you suffering Hermione, I just….I lost my brother."

"I lost my mother and father."

Ron sighed; he really didn't know how to respond. He hated to see his best friend in pain, but he was also in pain. And although that didn't give much leeway, he wasn't really fitted to be in the comfort department at the moment. Maybe he should've admitted that in the beginning.

"'Mione, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I that good at the whole 'comforting' thing."

"I can tell", Hermione replied, "But I don't need you to comfort me, I just want you to be there for me."

"I can try."

"Can you? You can really promise that?" She asked softly, "Because Ron…I can't keep feeling like this. It's tearing me apart."

In reality, Ron really couldn't promise anything. His emotions were only conflicting with each other, but he couldn't just allow Hermione to feel the same. He needed her, and she needed him.

He sighed and got up, needing a moment. Leaving behind a crying Hermione in his wake.

*The end*

So, I cried a lot. But it wasn't because I was selfish, or hurt, it was because nobody cared enough to check on me when I needed them the most.

Sadly, that seemed to be my future