Chapter 3: Hagrid

[A.N. First of all I would like to thanks all the people commenting and leaving their feedback, I really appreciate it and it motivates me a lot…

That said I would like to address a few mistakes I did the last chapters:

First I called the room with the traps in the third floor chamber of secrets, honestly this is a big mistake and I should correct it asap but I fear I will lose all the comments If I remake the chapter…if anyone has a suggestion please tell me.

Second mistake is the lack of paintings in the office, I didn't even think of those to be honest, but don't worry, I'll deal with it I hope in a satisfactory way.

Third thing is that maybe I postponed too much Hagrid's arrival at Hogwarts, but I wanted to write the interaction between the two about the stone. In canon Hagrid took the stone the 31st of July, and, knowing his character he would have rushed Hogwarts as fast as possible, but please bear with this little imprecision. Also I will not embarrass myself writing Hagrid accent so don't expect it…

Ok that was all, enjoy the chapter!]

Rubeus Hagrid was, despite his imposing and at times menacing looks, a really naïve and down to earth person. He had a big heart but a small brain. It was due to his bloodline, half human and half giant, that he was a little slow in the mind. Overall you could very well call him a simpleton.

After taking the little package at Gringott on behest of Dumbledore, he helped little Harry through Diagon Alley, and only at the end of the day decided was best to rush back to Hogwarts to complete his mission.

But alas, simple Hagrid was easy to be distracted and even easier swindled.

On his long way back, he stopped only a couple of times by few wizards settlements, one to empty his bladder and the other to fill his big stomach.

It was on the second occasion, while he was greedily devouring a giant beef steak with a dozen of sausages and mash potatoes, that he heard a few close wizards discussing about a sensational exhibition they were about to attend.

It was a big festival celebrating the discovery of a new magical creature. Obviously that was only a pretext for all the beasts tamers of the nation to get together and create a convention of sorts. A big platform to set up a temporary exchange market.

Hagrid was thrilled and soon forgot about Dumbledore's mission altogether, and set off towards the place he had just heard about.

Only a month later, bags full of stuff and money pouch empty, he recalled his previous duty. He mounted his bike ad rushed home as fast as the magic device under his bottom could take him.

Hurrying through the castle he hadn't even realized that it was already lunch time, something impossible for him normally, before finally arriving at the headmaster office; password said and he was now letting the magic stairs taking him up.

What he saw in the beautiful room was something so strange and so abnormal that even his little brain shutted down for a moment, leaving his jaw hanging and eyes wide open.

The headmaster, his beloved professor, was standing in the middle of the room, butt naked, swinging his wand left and right while screaming profanities.

The office was in complete disarray, broken objects laid around, sections of the floor were scorched black, and the precious paintings of the previous headmasters were completely destroyed and reduced to dust.

With great difficulty Hagrid muttered few astonished words. Well, what the half-giant thought was muttering, was in fact an higher than average sound that immediately caught Albus attention.

"Professor… W-what…?"

Dumbledore immediately panicked

"Shit! PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!!!!"

A masterful flick of his wand and the imposing man was down to the ground, completely still, bar his pupils, that were darting around in disbelief.

"Fuck! Fuck!! First the paintings and now you! Ahhh…What do I do now???"

But then an idea popped in his mind, he crouched near the man and carefully placed the elder want on his temple.

"Hope that I'm half as good as in my memories….OBLIVIATE!!!"

A white flash, and Hagrid vision went black.

----10 minutes before----

The morning ended without any other problem, and soon it was time to eat again. Up until that moment, Albus was fully concentrated on reading Rowena's book because, even with all the experiences of the old Headmaster, it was still not like the wizard had eidetic memory.

'It's best to make a stop at the room of requirement later. I have to fully assimilate Dumbledore expertise in handling magic. I know the theory, I know the spells and I also have muscle memory, but it feels like I need to calibrate my magic, if it makes any sense.'

He stood up, stretched his neck and walked towards the exit. In doing so, he rapidly glanced right, towards the mirror and stopped.

'I postponed it too much… I need to see my body. Better be shocked now than later in the shower..'

And so he removed his robes. Only a pair of long purple socks on his feet and a Speedo were left covering his privates.

For the third time that day, he cried. The body was akin to a compost's trash bag full of chicken bones. The skin was thin and wrinkled, so much so that it give the impression the body was drained from its liquids.

'Huh..! It's even worse than I expected…'

Despite being disgusted, seeing his reflection almost fortified Albus convictions and determination to do something about it.

He glanced at the speedos in thought

'I've come this far…might as well be done with it'

Thinking that, he decisively removed the undergarment and what he saw made him threw up on the spot, all over the pensive.

'My God….what is that thing…'

It couldn't be called a reproductive organ anymore, it was by all means a flab of skin hanging rather shortly between his legs. The balls were atrophied and buried in a mix of deep wrinkles… yes, that's what happen when you are 115 years old.

Oblivious to him, someone, or rather something, was watching the headmaster with fuming rage.

Behind the desk, and along the stairs that led to a elevated balcony, the wall was adorned with the paintings of the previous headmasters of the school.

They were disposed in such an angle that they normally could only have seen the entrance. That was thought that way to give a little privacy to the headmaster in power, so that he/she didn't fell constantly observed while working.

Only the painting of the late professor Dippet, being the latest to enter the 'collection', was in a position that enabled him a wider view, that stopped only at the pensive.

Dipped was already perplexed when, a few hours prior, he first heard Albus screaming and then saw him crying while watching his reflection in the mirror, but he thought nothing of it. Even he himself had, in his long life, had moments of depression and Dumbledore also was caught by him tearing from time to time.

But what he was seeing now was too much… He was desecrating the sanctuary that was the headmaster's office. He couldn't took it anymore and screamed with all his breath

"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!!! BY MERLIN! CEASE THIS FOLLY NOW!!!! I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DISRESPECT THIS CASTLE ANY LONGER!!!"

He was disgusted and fuming, and rightly so. Had he been alive at that moment, he would have started throwing hexes and curses at his student.

Dumbledore, on the other hand, first jumped in scare and then, by instinct alone, move his wrist and the elder wand magically flew in his hand.

He turned left and right in a fighting stance, but there was nobody to be seen. Knowing of the possibility of an invisible enemy, and scared shitless, he let emotions take control of his calm demeanor and started throwing spells around in hope to catch the culprit in a feat of luck.

He wasn't lucky, obviously, because there was nobody there. Few objects, though, like the wooden globe, the phoenix trench and a few parchments, weren't so lucky and had been reduced to the broken pieces now laying on the ground.

"Step into the light coward!!! I'm not afraid of killing someone today!!!!"

Dumbledore was maniacally screaming, and notwithstanding his strong words, he was actually shaking.

"I'M RIGHT HERE BUFFOON!! YOU FOOL, COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

Albus followed the sound of the thundering voice and, still trembling, with wand raised, came before the painting of Dippet.

'Fuck! It was only a painting! I'm already so old, do you want to kill me of fright??'

'Still this is no joking matter… If words get out, I'm ruined. My life will be over, not to mention the fact that somebody on the school board, with the pretext of investigating the matter, could force me to drink a veritaserum or worse…'

His train of thoughts was a little bit excessive, but given the situation it couldn't be otherwise.

'I must act now….fuck!!! The other paintings are also stirring, that bastard awake theme with his screams!'

"DUMBLEDORE!! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION. WHAT W-….WAIT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

"BOMBARDA MAXIMAAAAA"

An incredible explosion was heard and luckily Albus contained his magic, else not only the painting and the wall, but the whole room would have exploded.

The other paintings, now awake, suffered the same fate, and now pieces of canvas and frames where everywere.

"HAHAH took that old bastard!! I'm Albus fucking Dumbledore, did you hear me??"

While Albus was triumphally waving his wand, he heard a noise behind him

"Professor… W-what…?"

"Shit! PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!!!!"...…..

Hurrying through the castle he hadn't even realized that it was already lunch time, something impossible for him normally, before finally arriving at the headmaster office; password said and he was now letting the magic stairs taking him up….

'uhm…strange' he thought

'How did the muggles call it? Ah, yes…..Déjà vu….'

The headmaster was casually sitting in his chair, a gentle smile on his face while unwrapping a lemon drop candy. The office was pristine and everything was orderly at his place. Everything except the old headmasters paintings, that were now missing.

"Hagrid! At last you came!! Mmm what delayed you so long, mm?"

Dumbledore said with the typical severity of a grandfather that was actually hiding a smile.

"Ehm.. Professor I'm sorry… a lot happened during my trip.. and….well…oh! Right! Here it is Sir! I protected it with my life, you can bet on it!!"

Hagrid said rather embarrassed while handing the little package to the headmaster.

Albus looked at the thing, and for a brief moment greed crept on his face.

"Oh Oh I bet you did Rubeus!" He said before taking the object in his boney hands and putting it in a drawer. Actually it went straight to his pocket with a little sleight of hand…

"Good, now, how about lunch? I can't wait to hear about Harry and what you bought at the festival"

"W-what festival?? Uhhh How did you knew professor?"

"I smell the Cerberus food in your pocket"

'Yeah sure, or I simply used basic legilimency..'

"Amazing! Let's go Sir, I'm starving!"

'Merlin's beard, that was close… Now I will have to intervene in the second movie, before Hagrid is taken in custody, better not risk the ministry finding out a hole in his memory…'

'Fuuuck I need to be more careful…the painting were about to end my whole career'

And so, an unlikely duo made his way to the hall.