System activation

*Ping!!!*

A strange sound like an iPhone notification rang in his head.

Then a screen appeared in his subconscious, almost like he was imagining it except he knew he wasn't.

[Congratulations, you cheated death!!]

[But there's a price to pay!!]

Alex's mind reeled. 'Great, I've gone from almost dead to certifiably insane. Fantastic upgrade.'

*Ping!!!*

[System Initializing... Please stand by.]

'Oh good, even my hallucinations need buffering.'

[Host Vital Signs:]

- Heart Rate: 62 BPM

- Blood Pressure: 110/70

- Body Temperature: 37°C (98.6°F for you Americans out there)

- Brain Activity: Off the charts!

Alex tried to open his eyes, but his lids felt like they were superglued shut. 'Okay, body, I get it. You're on strike. Probably mad I cheated death without consulting you first.'

*Ping!!!*

[Emergency Revitalization Required!]

Your current body, not yours, by the way, hope you're cool with that, needs immediate system integration. Side effects may include:

- Unexpected skill acquisition

- Random memory flashes (Spoiler: They're not yours)

- Sudden urge to sign autographs

'Wait, what do you mean "not my body"? And who am I supposed to be autographing things for? The Grim Reaper?'

*Ping!!!*

[Initiating Complete Fusion Process]

This process will merge your consciousness with the body's residual data. Think of it as a full-body software update, but with more existential crisis!

'Oh fantastic, I've always wanted to be a walking identity crisis. Dreams do come true!'

*Ping!!!*

[Warning: Fusion Process Will Take 90 Days]

During this time, you may experience:

- Confusion about your favorite foods

- Unexpected talents (Hope you like acting!)

- People calling you "Jason" (Just go with it)

'Ninety days?! That's not a fusion, that's a hostage situation!'

As the notifications continued to flood his mind, Alex felt a strange tingling sensation spreading throughout his body. It was as if every cell was being rewritten, reprogrammed.

'I swear, if I wake up as a teenager again, I'm demanding a refund on this whole cheating death thing.'

*Ping!!!*

[Fusion Commencing... See You In 90 Days!]

P.S. Don't worry about the body, we'll keep it running. Just think of it as the world's longest nap!

'Wait, I have so many questions!'

But before Alex could ponder these pressing concerns, his consciousness began to fade, the system's notifications blurring into a haze of digital static.

'I really hope this body doesn't have any embarrassing tattoos...'

And with that final thought, Alex slipped into the fusion process, his mind going blank as the system took over, beginning its 90-day revitalization of the body he now unexpectedly inhabited.

The last thing he heard before everything faded to black was another cheerful *Ping!!!* followed by:

[Fusion Protocol Engaged. Enjoy Your New Life!]

'New life? I didn't even get the hang of the old one...'

And then, silence.

.....

Alex's eyelids fluttered open, his vision blurry as if he'd just woken up from a decade-long bender. The first thing he saw was a nurse standing nearby, syringe in hand, looking like she was about to audition for a low-budget horror flick.

"Where the hell am I?" he croaked, his voice raspier than a chain-smoker's.

The nurse jumped, nearly dropping the syringe. "Oh my God, you're awake!" she squealed, her eyes wide with a mix of shock and... was that adoration?

Alex blinked, trying to focus. The room slowly came into view – sterile white walls, beeping machines, and the unmistakable smell of disinfectant. Hospital. Great.

"What happened? Did I lose a fight with a bus?" he groaned, attempting to sit up.

The nurse rushed to his side, gently pushing him back down. "Easy there, Mr. Rivers. You've been through quite an ordeal."

'Mr. Rivers?' Alex thought, confusion clouding his mind. 'Who the fuck is Mr. Rivers?'

"I'll get the doctor right away," the nurse said, practically bouncing with excitement. "Oh, and Mr. Rivers? I'm a huge fan. Your last film was... breathtaking."

Before Alex could ask what the hell she was talking about, she scurried out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts and a growing sense of 'what the actual fuck is going on?'

Moments later, a doctor strode in, followed by the starry-eyed nurse and two other medical staff who looked like they'd just won backstage passes to a rock concert.

"Mr. Rivers, welcome back," the doctor said, grinning like he'd just discovered the cure for cancer. "You gave us quite a scare there. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been hit by a truck, then reversed over for good measure," Alex groaned. "And why do you keep calling me Mr. Rivers?"

The doctor's smile faltered slightly. "Jason, you've been in a coma for three months. Some confusion is normal. Do you remember who you are?"

'Jason? As in Jason Rivers? The adult film superstar?' Alex's mind reeled. He'd seen some of Rivers' work (for research purposes, of course). The guy was a legend in the industry, known for his... impressive attributes and even more impressive stamina.

"I... I'm not sure," Alex lied, figuring it was better than saying, 'Yeah, doc, I'm pretty sure I'm not the guy you think I am, unless body-swapping is a common side effect of near-death experiences.'

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "That's alright. Your memory should return gradually. The important thing is, you're back with us. Again."

'Again?' Alex thought. 'What the hell does that mean?'

As the medical team fussed over him, checking vitals and asking questions, Alex caught sight of his reflection in a nearby mirror. His jaw dropped.

The face staring back at him was undeniably that of Jason Rivers – chiseled jawline, piercing blue eyes, and hair that somehow looked perfectly tousled despite him being in a hospital bed for months.

'Well, hello handsome,' Alex thought, a mix of awe and guilt washing over him. As much as he felt bad that the original Jason was apparently dead (or... somewhere?), he couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement. He was alive, and in a body that looked like it had been sculpted by horny gods.

After the doctors left, promising to run more tests later, Alex was left alone with his thoughts. He tried to stand up, his legs wobbling like a newborn giraffe's. Gripping the IV stand for support, he shuffled to the window, desperate for a glimpse of the outside world.

The view that greeted him was decidedly underwhelming – a parking lot and a few trees. But to Alex, it might as well have been the Grand Canyon. He was alive. Somehow, impossibly, he was alive.

But as the initial euphoria faded, reality began to set in. To everyone who knew Alex Turner, he was dead. His old body was probably six feet under by now. His crappy apartment had likely been rented out to some other poor soul. His collection of vintage action figures (ahem, collectibles) was probably being sold on eBay by his greedy cousin.

"Where the hell am I going to live?" he muttered to himself. "Can't exactly rock up to my old place and be like, 'Hey, I know I look different, but I swear it's me. Can I have my stuff back?'"

His spiraling thoughts were interrupted by the click of heels on linoleum. A woman walked in, a wide smile spreading across her face as she saw him. She was in her mid-thirties, smartly dressed in a pencil skirt and blouse, with sleek black hair pulled back into a tight bun.

"Jason!" she exclaimed, rushing towards him.