CHAPTER TWO: I'LL GO BACK

ALLIUM

I fell out of bed with a moan. Peeling the dirty sock from my cheek, I stumbled to the bathroom. Dark red blood stained the white marble tiles—a reminder of what I had done the previous night. I reached for my thighs, grimacing when it stung.

I really shouldn't have drunk myself to stupor.

With a loud groan, I slammed my hand against the sink.

Why had I even called Lyra?

The poor girl had a lot on her plate and I should have remembered. Drunk or not.

The pocket knife was gone but a razor blade sat on the sink begging to be touched. Before my grief could drown me again, I picked up the razor and slit open the smooth skin on my stomach.

'Don't self-destruct' Lyra's voice echoed clearly in my head.

"I'm not self-destructing" I whispered to myself. "I'm surviving" my pained reflection stared back at me in the partly fogged up mirror, an unknown emotion swirling in my eyes. My resolve hardened.

I needed to go back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The driver kept staring at me and I snapped at him when he glanced my way for the eighth time.

"Quit staring Pedro. You're making me uncomfortable,"

He hesitated. "I'm sorry miss. It's just...Are you sure you want to go back?"

My cold brown eyes met his in the rearview mirror, a bitter smile on my face and a rude reply on my tongue. "If I wasn't sure, you wouldn't be driving. Would you?"

He looked away and focused on the road.

"Answer me" I kicked his seat.

"No ma'am" he swallowed.

"Then stop trying to be nice and focus on your job. Driving," I hissed.

The old driver nodded and did as he was told. An hour later, the sleek black car pulled up in front of the huge Victorian mansion and I stepped out.

I breathed in the crisp evening air and almost smiled.

Almost.

Pedro looked uncomfortable as he waited for further instructions.

"Go home. I'll see myself out when I'm done." I instructed, staring absentmindedly at the building.

"Miss, your parents___"

"They're not here. Are they?" I bit.

"Go home Pedro. I don't like repeating myself" I left him parked on the side of the road.

I had the keys to the house. She never let me leave without them.

I took my time to look around like it was my first time being there.

It was.

It was the first time I had stepped into the house without her.

Dust had already started gathering on the furniture. My boots clicked on the floors and echoed through the mansion as I took the stairs two at a time.

'Don't rush, you'll fall' I heard her voice, but it wasn't real.

I walked down the empty corridors until I came to an oak door on my right. On a piece of wood, the name Hansel had been beautifully painted and hung up on the door.

My hesitance to enter the room confirmed that I still felt guilty. The room was just the way we had left it. Baby blue walls and ruffled blue sheets. Hansel's bedroom was a hundred shades of blue.

From the fluffy blue rug to the blue journals that lined the floating shelfs on the wall. I stepped further into the room, my heart felt heavier. I rubbed my chest and pulled out the small bottle of liquor I had tucked into the inside pocket of my brown leather jacket.

The liquid scorched my throat and heat pooled in my stomach. My mind already felt hazy from one big gulp and I was grateful for it.

The baby blue workstation was covered in over a dozen crumpled sheets and a neat pile of envelopes tied together. I was afraid of what I might find written in them. The same pen Hansel had used to write her last message to the world sat on a blue sheet of paper, taunting me. I picked it up and flung it halfway across the room.

"Much better" I muttered.

Plopping into the seat behind the desk, I picked up the stack of envelopes on the table. It had names of the people it was addressed to written in neat cursive letters on it. I tore open the red envelope addressed to me and read the letter in it.

"My fiery Allium, I am sorry that I could not gather the courage to say this to you. I couldn't even find the strength to live in this world. I had thought the chaos would end but it hadn't. I thought I had more time. The memories haunted me and my regret kept me awake at night but I tried.

Allium Abbot. You are a wonderful creature with a passionate soul and a fiery heart. You've got to let people in sometimes. Let them know you. Let them see you. Stop pushing people away. Stop self-destructing to cope with pain and anger. You have friends for that. Most importantly, become someone you want to be not who you think you should be. I love you Allium. Take care of them for me. For us. Most importantly, believe.

I love you, even beyond death."

I couldn't hold back the tears that fell and stained the blue sheet of paper I held.

Damn Hansel Thatcher!

Ripping my heart to shreds over and over again. I pressed the lavender scented paper against my chest. Lavender was my favorite scent.

I counted the remaining envelopes. Picking them up and sniffing them one by one.

Lavender was mine.

Vanilla was Lyra's.

Almond for Grayson.

Citrus for Noel.

Chocolate for Elise.

Even in her last moments, Hansel wanted to please everyone she loved.

I scoffed "Suck up"

Hansel had made sure that each sheet smelled like the favorite scent of the person it was addressed to. I sniffled and walked to the floating shelves.

The shelf closest to me had four blue notebooks and one green one. I pulled out the green notebook. It had Grayson's name engraved on the front. I flipped through the pages. There were notes and diary entries in it.

All of them were about Grayson, I realized as I skimmed through them. I placed it on the desk and picked a purple one. I found the same thing. Only this time, the book was about Lyra.

A yellow one with Elise's name. A red one with my name on it, a grey one with Noel's name. A black one with the name Norman on it. I searched the drawers and cabinets of desk. They were empty.

I couldn't wrap my head around it. I laid back in bed, staring at the journals. I needed to be sober to think and figure out why Hansel us and Norman. I gulped down the rest of my whiskey and let out a loud yawn as exhaustion took over and sleep found me.

I woke with a start a few minutes later. Stifling a yawn, I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth. The floor boards let out a loud creak and I stilled. Someone was in the house with me. Hansel's aunt and uncle were out of the country and her parents were too wrapped up in grief.

It couldn't be them. Besides, they didn't have keys. Only I did.

I tiptoed to the door and opened it as quietly as I could. A hooded figure stood in front of the room, two doors away from me with their back facing me.

I tackled the person to the ground and we tumbled on the floor and smacked into the standing clock. I quickly pulled off the hoodie and nose mask.

A fuming grey eyed boy glared at me. I used his moment of inaction to put him in a headlock. He struggled against my hold but stilled when he realized there was no escape.

"Who the fuck are you?" I hissed. "Are you here to steal huh? No one's around. Easy target" I tightened my grip around his neck.

"Yes" he choked. I released him and he wheezed loudly, gasping for breath.

"That was an easy confession" I stared at him skeptically.

"Can I leave now?" he glared at me. What was wrong with this boy? He tried to steal from me.

"how old are you?" I studied him, a million thoughts running through my mind.

"Fourteen" he coughed.

"You really shouldn't be stealing. Come, I'll give you a few bucks and cook up something for you to eat" I didn't know why I offered but the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Hansel had really rubbed off on me. I was now feeding a thief.

The boy hesitated, watching me suspiciously. The sheer irony of it all—he was the one who had tried to rob the house.

I let out a loud laugh which startled both of us. He seemed more reluctant to follow me. "I'm Allium. What's your name?"

"I'm Arlen" he whispered.

I walked back to Hansel's room and Arlen trailed quietly after me. I went through my black bag and found five crisp hundred dollar notes. I handed him four.

Arlen mumbled his thanks as he stared transfixed at the colored journals stacked on the bed. I didn't know why it unnerved me but I threw the sheets over the books and watched as he blinked out of it.

He smiled nervously at me. I led him to the kitchen and beckoned him to sit behind the counter as I whipped up something for us to eat. An hour later and we had cleared up our plates of chicken alfredo.

"I….I should get going now" Arlen cleared his throat.

"I have a feeling you lied about why you came here Arlen. Just know, my feelings are always right and I always find out." I said. Arlen faltered but he'd didn't stop until he made it out of the house.

I muttered complaints as I dialed a number. "I have a job for you. Find out everything" I hung up and sent a picture of Arlen, one I had taken while he ate.

If Hansel committed suicide, there had to be a reason.

A big one.

Did she grow tired of the magic? Was she even practicing it when we all agreed not to?

Magic was the only big reason I could come up with.