Ch.119

Resuming the advance, the remains of collapsed structures occasionally appeared in the snow-covered landscape as far as the eye could see. Walking while glancing at them, it had already been about 40 minutes.

"Commander..."

"...I know. Neon, go with Rapi."

"Oh, yes. Understood."

Rapi glanced over her shoulder. In her line of sight was Anis, trudging forward with heavy steps.

When addressed, Moore nodded, acknowledging his understanding.

Slowing down the march intentionally, Moore let Rapi and Neon move ahead, waiting for Anis to approach closely.

"Commander, you can go ahead."

"That might not be the best idea. Is Crow's words bothering you?"

Walking alongside Anis, Moore matched his pace, and when he asked her, Anis responded with a slight nod.

"I can't deny it. It's just a story about terrorists and outlaws, and I know I shouldn't care, but..."

"But?"

There seemed to be more to it. Not surprised by Anis's hesitation, Moore, as if to convey it's okay to speak out, lightly tapped her on the back with his left hand.

"Once you start thinking about it, you can't stop. But I guess the most irritating thing is understandable, right?"

"It's not that everything she says is wrong, is it?"

Not surprised by the accurate guess, Anis nodded in agreement with Moore's words.

A deep sigh escaped from Anis's mouth.

"Even at this moment when we're struggling on the surface, someone is going to school, watching TV, going on romantic dates with their crush. They're living doing everything I wanted to do... There was a time when I was one of them..."

Glancing at Anis walking beside him, Moore noticed that her hazel eyes seemed slightly clouded.

Anis didn't express her feelings for sympathy or any other reason. Moore understood that.

So, this wasn't about comfort or anything like that. It was Moore's honest and straightforward personal desire.

"If it could come true, I would have liked to meet the Anis from when she was human."

"Huh?"

"Is that so surprising? It's quite intriguing. I won't pry into what kind of girl you are, but I'm curious. Of course, I am interested in Rapi and Neon too."

"I don't know if I was the type of girl you like, Commander. Instead, I'm curious about what kind of child you were."

"...I see."

Moore nodded a few times, pulled a cigarette from the pouch on his body armor, lit it with an oil lighter, and continued walking with it between his lips.

Purple smoke wafted, and the scent of Moore next to Anis calmed her senses—his scent teased her.

"Time doesn't turn back, no matter how much you wish."

"Yeah, but... It's not very likable for a girl if you can't say something like 'I might be able to go back to that time someday.'"

"I'm not a magician. I don't have that power. But... yeah, I'll keep it in mind."

In the dissipating purple smoke carried by the cold wind, Moore responded to Anis's reproachful words. His respectful attitude was as usual. It felt strangely calm and odd—Anis let out a faint smile.

"But, starting what you wanted to do from now on, it's not too late to redo things."

"Huh?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have the power to turn back time. But... I can make an effort so that you guys, not just as weapons and possessions, but as individuals, can receive humane treatment."

With the cigarette still in his mouth, wearing his helmet low, and concealing his eyes with sunglasses, it was impossible to discern Moore's expression. However, his usual calm and low voice—Anis felt convinced that Moore always held such thoughts.

Unconsciously, her right arm reached out to his left hand. Anis grabbed the mechanical left hand, and grabbing its wrist, she forcefully stopped Moore's steps, preventing him from moving forward.

"Wait... wait a minute! Commander...!? Please don't think of anything strange, okay...!?"

"Strange things?"

He, who had been stopped, came to a halt on the spot. Looking down at Anis, who was one head shorter due to the height difference, Moore saw her gazing up at him with a hint of anxiety in her hazel eyes.

"Do you understand how the central government views Nikke rights activists?"

"...Anti-establishment, anti-government extremists, or perhaps terrorists. Something along those lines."

"...You understand well. At least in Ark, the idea that Nikke has rights is considered illegal."

Anis felt some relief in his response. Moore occasionally displayed a lack of awareness of the world. There was a sense that he identified humans and Nikke in a similar way, or even showed a tendency to protect Nikke more than humans.

While Anis could confidently assert that this didn't bother her, it was not clear-cut. He was, after all, an outsider compared to Ark's current guidelines.

"Because of us, I don't want the Commander to be exposed to danger. Absolutely... more than anything."

In Anis's mind, memories of the time Moore fought fiercely alone in the forefront base, engaging in bloody battles day after day, resurfaced. Unlike Nikke, Moore was undeniably human. He did not have an eternal, equal life. Lost limbs wouldn't return. He had only one life and one body.

He devoted all of that to protecting Marian, fighting incessantly, dreaming of scenes where he would eventually lose his life.

The same thing might happen again. Thinking of that, she wanted Moore to abandon that ideology, for his sake as well.

However, at the same time, she couldn't shake a strange conviction that he would never change.

So, unusually for Anis, she complained about the current situation to the young man in front of her, a single human, a single commander, as she followed along—

—"That's why I..."

With words difficult to utter aloud in her heart, she squeezed his mechanical left hand once and then let it go, slowly moving forward.

"This might also be some kind of cause and effect..."

Passing by Moore's side, she moved a bit forward. As she spoke to him, who was trailing a bit behind, Anis was probably aware that her face might be making a strange expression. She didn't want to show that to him.

"I also had a time when I enjoyed a peaceful daily life as a human... At that time, others, probably Nikke, would have been thrown to the surface in my place, but at that time, I... had no interest at all..."

Days when her attention was solely on herself and her surroundings, where she deluded herself into thinking that peace was unconditionally given, and her days were built on indifference to the outside world. If that was considered a sin—

—"This is probably punishment."

Exhaling her words as if letting out a breath, Anis stopped her steps despite having just started to move. She looked up at the sky covered with cold, thick clouds and sighed deeply.

While her footsteps crunched the snow, as soon as she seemed to have stopped beside him—something long and narrow appeared in the corner of her vision.

"...Want one?"

"...Hmm."

What was offered was a cigarette. Although she didn't have a habit of smoking, at this moment, Anis wanted to try.

Taking the cigarette, she mimicked putting it in her mouth. At that moment, Moore offered an oil lighter. With a unique metallic sound, the lid was opened, the wheel turned, and a faint sound of sparks scattered. While being careful not to singe her ash-colored hair, she lightly charred the tip with the flickering flame and took a puff—

—"Cough, cough!? Ugh, ugh!?"

—She coughed violently.

"Too... bitter!!"

"—Bitter, spicy, strong, and occasionally, you can taste a numbness that makes your brain tingle. The taste of life."

"...Cough... The taste of life? Is this...?"

Certainly not something she could smoke. Anis, who was coughing and teary-eyed, looked up at him standing beside her as if smoking this was perfectly normal.

Receiving her gaze, Moore shrugged lightly, and tapped her back with his left hand again, urging her to move forward.

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Moore was suddenly reminded of Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment."

In the novel, the young man, Raskolnikov, justifies the act of killing a greedy moneylender under the philosophy that "geniuses have the right to transgress societal morality for the growth of a new era or world." However, his unplanned murder extends to the moneylender's sister, who happens to be present at the scene.

The unexpected act of murder, not part of the plan, leads the young man to an increased awareness of his crime and deep inner turmoil. Yet, he is deeply moved by the self-sacrificing way of life of Sonia, a prostitute living in even greater poverty and hardship than himself, who dedicates herself to helping her family. Ultimately, he confesses and faces trial, and the novel explores themes of human redemption through strong humanism.

Crime and punishment.

What is crime? Is it the act of justifying murder under a selfish ideology, as in the case of killing a greedy moneylender? Then what about those who lead wars? Are they not mass murderers, killing thousands or even tens of thousands of soldiers indiscriminately, regardless of friend or foe?

And what about punishment? Is it eternal loneliness? The intense loneliness that accompanies actions is profoundly different from others—a never-ending loneliness imposed on oneself, an existence that can never return to what it once was. Is this the retribution for the committed crime?

If so, the punishment and retribution imposed on me—

Unfortunately, Moore doesn't harbor a sense of guilt or crime. Perhaps, this consciousness will never arise in him in the future.

However, he firmly believes that retribution for wrongdoing will inevitably come.

Whether it takes the form of loneliness akin to Raskolnikov or something entirely different.

Only God knows.

...

"Col-cold-cold...!!"

"Why walk on the ice...!! Consider your weight...!!"

"Brr-r-r-r-r-r...!"

...Thoughts on these matters were fleeting. Jackal, who carelessly walked on the ice, fell into the frigid water, and Moore, who followed suit, pulled him out. But that's beside the point.

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Punishment and retribution will surely come (or rather, they are heading straight for it).