Chapter 1: May We Meet Again

[Important notes] 1. The sentences beginning with '--' are her memories.

2. They're going to be looking (of course) at Clarke's POV.

[Spoiler alert!!!]  I'm including scenes from pretty much every season. (Except season 6) 

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They say that time's supposed to heal ya.

But I ain't done much healing.

-Hello by Adele

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"You're in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?"

The room stayed silent as the question hung in the air followed by her refusal to give in.

Cadogan sighed. "Clarke. Just answer the question."

She spat at him. "Go float yourself."

His eyes narrowed and he turned towards Bellamy. "What does that mean?"

Bellamy eyed Clarke before he answered. "On the Ark, people were floated as penance for their crimes. They were locked in the Airlock and forced out into space without a suit."

Cadogan's eyes turned towards Clarke. They stayed on her as he spoke. "Turn it up."

Levitt's eyes went wide. "Sir--"

"Just do it!"

Levitt eyes found Clarke's before he turned it up.

She bit her tongue refusing to let out any noise. She had to hold her head high. Not let the enemy know that what they were doing was hurting her. Not giving them the satisfaction.

She watched as her memories flew by. As they watched and read her through and through. As they learnt things about her she hadn't told anyone else.

They watched as she screamed and tried so hard to get to her father before the airlock shut tight sealing him away.

They watched as she took her first steps on the ground as though she were a baby that was taking it's first steps.

They watched as her and Bellamy argued before they chose to work together as co-leaders.

--"Calling Ark station. The hundred are alive."

--"He poisoned the blade."

She struggled fighting against the machine. Cadogan smiled as he looked at the screen. "Stop struggling Clarke."

--"Dad's dead because of you."

She could feel the tears welling up but refused to let them drop.

--"Oh my God." "What?" She watched as he broke out into a grin and lifted up the gun.

--"You want forgiveness fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, okay? But you can't run Bellamy."

--"Finn, run!"

She shook her head. "Please I'm begging you. Stop!" Her eyes turned to Bellamy's even though he wasn't the Bellamy she knew. "Bellamy. Please." He just stared. Just stared at her then back at the monitor.

--"It's been two days. Maybe the bomb at the bridge scared them off."

They watched as she woke up in that white room. As she looked around wondering where the hell she was. She was so young back then. Not knowing the danger of the ground. Not knowing that her actions would bring disastrous consequences.

Cadogan grumbled. "We need to know about the flame. This doesn't help. Higher!"

Levitt's head whipped around. "Sir--"

Cadogan glared at him. His eyebrows furrowed but he did it anyway. He flinched at her screams. As she kicked her legs trying to escape.

--"Wait. there has to be another way!" "There isn't!" "Just give up Clarke. You have no place else to go." She looked at Anya and they shared a sort of agreement. But then Anya jumped. And then she jumped.

She remembered that day. The water was ice cold. She remember when the bullet shot Anya. When the gate opened and they dragged her in. When her mother healed her. When she ran into Bellamy's arms and Octavia smiled.

--"Now there's something I thought I'd never see."

--She looked at him like he was a monster. The bullets repeating over and over in her head as she watched a guy she'd loved murder innocents.

--"Clarke you have to save him. I owe him my life". . . "Then I'm a killer. I burned 300 of your people. I slit a man's throat and watched him die. I'm soaked in Grounder blood. Take me" . . . "I love you too"

--"I can't lose you too, ok?"

Her head turned towards Bellamy and even though it was tiny, so tiny it was barely visible and she was probably imagining it, he flinched.

--"Say something."

Although they hadn't see it at the time, they could definitely see it now. Finn looking down at the cup.

--She held the radio up. "Don't make me do this."

The gunshot went off and she felt herself flinch. She stopped struggling. She felt as though they were stripping her bare of her memories for the whole world to see.

"Get out of my head." Her voice was just barely a whisper. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!"

--"I have to save them." He put his hand on hers. "Together."

At that time, his hand was warm. It was warm and it comforted her knowing that there was someone there that cared.

--"Clarke." "No seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here." . . . "I bear it so they don't have to" . . . "May we meet again."

Cadogan was getting impatient. "This is getting us nowhere!"

Clarke watched as he made his way over to her. "Think Clarke. It doesn't have to be this way. Just cooperate with us!"

She stared him in the eyes and spat at him. "Go float yourself."

His eyes went narrow and he turned to Levitt. "Higher."

Levitt knew by now not to disobey. His eyes flicked to Clarke again but he looked away. He couldn't bear to look at her like this. In so much pain that he had control over. He could stop this. But he didn't.

"Neural link is engaged."

She pulled against her restraints as the dial went up. She'd felt pain. She'd been through so much. Yet this was something else entirely.

--She was relieved when she saw him again. He tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'll get you out of here." She shook her head and screamed. "Look out!" . . . "No please! Please don't. I'll do anything I-I-I'll stop fighting, just please don't kill him."

--"You bitch! You wanted the Commander of death? You got her! I'll kill you!"

Cadogan laughed. "I see you've always been this stubborn. I admire you. So strong. And yet your heart is so weak." He leaned down. "You should know by now that love is weakness."

Her eyes went wide as she though back to Lexa. The words she'd said "Love is weakness". They echoed in her head.

--The doors opened and everyone watched as she walked in. She'd never felt so powerful. Wanheda. Commander of death. She never thought she'd have to use it to gain an advantage. To prevent a war. But as she kneeled down debating whether or not what she was doing was right, she knew that what she was doing right now would save her people. After all, what we did to survive didn't define us.

--"I'm sorry." Her heart sank as she watched him look at her as though she'd betrayed him. As she watched him walk away.

--"Pike is the problem. This isn't who you are."

'This isn't who you are.' Her head turned towards Bellamy. This wasn't who he was. The Bellamy she knew wouldn't do this.

--"Blood must not have blood."

--"I don't want the next commander. I want you" . . . "In peace may you leave the shore. In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again" . . . She watched as he cut her neck open--

She shook her head. No! She couldn't let him see this. She struggled in her constraints.

Cadogan scanned the screen. His eyes flicked to her. "She's hiding something." He turned towards Levitt. "Higher Levitt!"

"Sir I--"

"Levitt, you know this is for the last war."

Levitt's eyes went from the screen to him. Cadogan frowned. He was getting very impatient. Too impatient. He stalked over to the screen and pushed Levitt out of the way. His eyes landed on Clarke as he sent the dial higher and higher. He watched her scream. He watched her as she pulled and pulled. "Just give up Clarke."

She glared at him. "I've dealt with people like you. False Gods! People who think they know everything. That if others worship them, they can guarantee peace!"

Her brain was on fire. The words from the screen were distorted as images flew by.

--"Black rain will come first. There will be no drinkable water. Precancerous lesions will form on-"She's stalling" . . . "Let me ease the pain Clarke." . . . "You don't ease pain. You overcome it and we will." She pulled the lever. Another one. Another lever that changed the world. First Mount Weather and now this. A lever that would either let hundreds live or die.

She screamed. Her brain felt as though it were splitting in two. But she had to keep Madi safe.

--She looked from their faces to the syringe in her hands. Another thing that would decide whether one would live or die. Another choice that would change history. "I bear it so they don't have to."

--"People follow you." "Clarke-" "You inspire them because of this." She placed a hand on his chest just over his heart. "But the only way to make sure we survive is if you use this too." She placed a finger on his temple.

--"Clarke if this is one of those moment where you tell me to use my head-" "No. I was just gonna say, hurry."

She could feel herself trembling as those emotions came back. How she'd felt.

--She could only stare as she saw the rocket leave. Leaving her behind. But she carried on. If this was how she was going to die, she wanted to at least make is worth while.

His voice vibrated. "Sir--"

Cadogan shook his head. "You stay out of this Bellamy."

Bellamy hesitated. She thought that maybe, just maybe he'd come to his senses as he took a step forward. But her hope shriveled up and died as he took it back.

They watched as she struggled to move that satellite choosing to ignore the storm called 'death' coming her way. Cadogan sneered. "Brave Princess."

Her eyes teared up as he said the words she'd allowed only one person to say. "Go fuck yourself."

Bellamy could only watch as she barely - just barely made it to the lab. As she pulled off the helmet and coughed. Took deep breaths and cried out as her skin burned.

He twitched and looked at her. While they were in space rejoicing over the fact that she'd done it, there she was suffering.

--"I'm done! Do you hear me?" She looked up mad at the world. Mad at herself. "I've lost everything! I lost my friends, my father, my mother! I've got nothing left."

He flinched as she cried. He watched her as she lay still in her constraints refusing to let a single tear drop. Refusing to give in. Just like the brave princess she was. The same princess he'd left on the ground. He held his breath as he saw her pull the gun out of the bag. As she placed it on her head. Ready to shoot. He almost let his resolve break. Almost. But he didn't. Because she didn't understand that what they were doing to her would save the world. He thanked the bird for coming at the right time. For showing her the only place on Earth that survived.

They watched as the screen changed jumping far into the future. She sat down on a log. Her hair cut short.

--She sighed looking down at the walkie talkie in her hands. "Here we go again." She looked up. "Bellamy, if you can hear me, you're alive. It's been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don't know why I still do this every day." She paused. "Maybe it's my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am. Who I was." She took a breath in and another out. "It's been safe for you to come down for over a year now." She smiled but shook it off with a frown. "Why haven't you?" she paused again before carrying on. "The bunker's gone silent too--tell Raven to--look for the one spot of green -and you'll find me--in case--last time I see you--just--say--please don't feel bad--leaving me here--you did--had to do--"

They watched as she looked up. They saw a ship. They could hear how her voice light up with hope.

--"Never mind. I see you."

The screen went black then turned on again.

--"You don't want to talk, that's fine. Don't talk. But we'll see how you feel when we find whoever it is you're protecting." Diyoza stood up and turned around holding the radio up. "Change of plans ladies and gentlemen. No more prisoners." she turned to Clarke. "Shoot to kill."

--"Please." "How many others are in the woods." "None. It's just the two of us. I am begging you. Tell him not to shoot" . . . "If you let her go, I'll tell you everything."

"Who's 'she' Clarke?" Clarke glared at him and shook in her restrains. She had to think of something. Anything! Just not Madi.

--Diyoza leaned down. "What would I tell you would happen if you lied to me?" "I didn't lie. "I-I don't know--"

Levitt flinched as Diyoza's hand connected with Clarke's cheek. He looked at Clarke. She'd been through so much. Then he looked at Bellamy. His eyes were wide and his mouth open. He knew that it was all his fault. That this was the moment when they landed.

--"Take her outside. Use the collar." McCreary smirked. "I thought you'd never ask."

--"I wouldn't do that if I was you. You might burn your fingers."

She screamed as the collar turned on. Her head burned. It burned and sizzled. Just like when they'd shocked her. The screen panicked. The images broke and flashed as though it was having a seizure.

Cadogan turned to Levitt. "What's going on? What's happening!"

Levitt stuttered as he answered. "S-Sir her vitals are weak. She's reacting to the shock in the memory."

Cadogan frowned turning back around. "Keep going."

"Sir--"

"I told you to stay out of this Bellamy!"

Levitt turned to Clarke watching as she shook violently in her seat. "Sir, she might not survive. Her heart rate is too high and--"

Cadogan ignored him and cranked it up. He turned to Clarke. "Clarke it doesn't have to be this way! Just answer the question. You're in an endless desert with a vast purple sky. A hand reaches out for your own. Whose is it?"

He watched as the image changed. A face showed up. A young girl. "Who is she Clarke? Who is she!"

Bellamy stepped forward. "Sir, she's in a vital state. We shouldn't do this."

--"Diyoza would've killed me if not for you. Ma--di--be alone."

"Clarke, who is Madi? Is it that girl? Who is she! Your daughter? Is she your daughter Clarke? Does Madi have nightblood? Does she have the key? I need you to tell me Clarke! I just need to know who had the key!"

Clarke shook her head. She wasn't going to let them know. She had to protect her friends. Her family. Madi. Her head turned. Bellamy.

"Who has the key Clarke?" What happened to the key!"

--"My little Na--"

She screamed. She wouldn't let herself finish that sentence! Even if it meant dying. Yeah. If she died, everyone would be safe.

She turned to Bellamy and looked him in the eyes. She thought she saw the slightest bit of the Bellamy she knew. Whether or not it was there, it didn't matter. She opened her mouth to speak and whispered. "May we meet again." She saw as is eyes went wide and he took a step forward opening his mouth to speak but she looked away.

He screamed at her as she pulled her head forward and pulled it back with as much effort. And did it again and again. Who knew that the mighty Wanheda. Commander of death. Would end up killing herself to save lives.

She heard Cadogan's scream. "Guards! Stop it Clarke! Guards!"

The door shot open as the guards rushed in. "Stop her! She can't die!"

She kicked and flailed as they attempted to grab hold of her.

Cadogan walked up to her looking her straight in the eyes. "You can't die Clarke. I need you to stop. We both do what we have to do to save our people."

She sneered. "You know what the difference is between us Bill?" She banged her head spitting out blood that seemed to find it's way into her mouth; the black contrasting the white of the floor. "I'm not afraid to die."

His eyes went wide. "Loosen her restraints! Do anything! Just don't let her die!" He turned to Bellamy. "Tell her to stop! She'll listen to you! She trusts you!"

Bellamy shook his head. "She doesn't trust me. Not anymore."

Clarke screamed as they took her restraints off and grabbed her. She screamed as they dragged her to the door.

Then she stopped and turned around.

Time seemed to slow down as she looked into Bellamy's eyes and he looked into hers. She saw the warmth of the Bellamy she knew. But she knew it wouldn't last long. He'd be brainwashed again and again. So she let the tear she'd been refusing drop and said the words she never thought she'd ever have to say to her best friend. To the man that had comforted her. The man she'd comforted. The man who spoke with his heart, not his head.

"Go float yourself."