What Would You Do If You Were Me?

Dorian and Gilgamesh walked to a grassy hillside and sat on the grass.

Once Gilgamesh asked him to explain his dreams in more detail, Dorian lit up like a blazing wildfire and started going on and on about every little thing.

"My dreams are often weird, but the only super weird ones come on my birthday. I can't remember when they started, but the very first one I can remember having was on the day I turned five. That was the first time I saw you, and we spoke."

Gilgamesh nodded, "What about?"

Dorian tapped his lips and went, "Hmmmm...."

"Oh! I remember we talked a lot about me. You asked me my name, where I came from, and why I was there talking to you. I didn't know how to answer- and to be honest, I still don't- so we ended up talking about the Vero Clan where I'm from."

"Then, I woke up and enjoyed my birthday. I think I got my first dagger that year. It was made of orichalcum, and had a cool engraving on the base of the blade. I loved that dagger so much, I took it with me everywhere and, when I killed my first animal, that was the dagger I used."

Gilgamesh nodded as Dorian went on, then suddenly interjected.

"What about the the others? Were any of them much different?"

Dorian fell into thought before responding.

"Not really. Some of them seemed to go on for much longer than the others, but they were all just the same. Just us two, sitting near a campfire, and talking about stuff. You rarely shared any information about yourself- and certainly not your name- but you did mention some stuff."

"And you don't know why you get them? Or how?"

Dorian shook his head.

Gilgamesh frowned. 'So they were just useless dreams? Then why was I in them? And what were those visions I got when I looked into his eyes? Just who is this kid?'

Dorian had been talking about Dream Gilgamesh's tendency to mention things before cutting his explanations short when he suddenly shot to his feet with wide eyes.

"Wait! I remember something!"

Gilgamesh perked up, listening closely.

"On my tenth birthday, when you appeared in my dream, you had a sword with you! It was in pretty bad shape, though, but I could tell it was a cool sword. That's the only thing out of the ordinary that ever happened." Dorian held his fists in front of him, looking fired up.

Gilgamesh blinked before looking at his chest. There would have been a scar over his heart, were he not immortal.

"Do you have a knife?"

Dorian quickly nodded and produced a knife, then Gilgamesh took it and brought it over to his chest.

Pressing it against his skin, he suddenly cut into his chest, Dorian looked on with a pained expression, but never looked away.

"I got bored one day, and decided to get creative. After cutting open his chest, Gilgamesh pulled the wound apart, causing horrifying snapping sounds as he broke through his ribs.

Then, when his heart was exposed, Dorian saw what he was reaching in for.

Plunged into the flesh, the broken Excalibur was there, pressing up against Gilgamesh's heart. Gilgamesh pulled it out and passed Dorian's knife back to him.

It was as spotless and clean as it had been originally, but he held it as though it were covered in blood. "You do things like this to yourself... just for fun?"

Gilgamesh nodded as he pulled Excalibur out, "Is this the sword you saw?"

Dorian shook his head, "No, but its in pretty much the same shape, I think."

"Hm," Gilgamesh seemed dejected, but he shook his head and placed Excalibur on the grass. "Well, now I know."

Dorian pursed his lips and swallowed, then sat down and twiddled his thumbs. He would open his mouth as if to say something, then close it and go back to ruminating.

Gilgamesh shook his head. "What is it, Dorian? If you have something to say, you should always say it, regardless of the outcome that worries you."

Dorian seemed taken aback. "I just got insane deja vu there. You sounded a lot like you do in my dreams."

Gilgamesh gave a meaningful nod, prompting for Dorian to say what he wanted to say.

"I wanna ask something, I just didn't want you to get mad again so I hesitated."

"Understandable," Gilgamesh slowly nodded, "but hesitation is distasteful in any circumstance. What do you want to ask?"

Dorian gulped.

"What... happened to you?"

Gilgamesh tensed up. He had known this question would come, but he simply told himself that he would not answer it.

Now that it was actually asked though, he did not feel the desire to deprive Dorian of an answer.

At the same time, he knew that he did not want to tell Dorian everything. He did not want to recount many of those details.

"I can't exactly answer that question... but I can explain it in a way that will help you understand."

Dorian nodded, "I get it. I feel the same way when I talk about my mom."

Gilgamesh prepared himself, thinking about what he was going to say while swallowing.

"There was... a prince. His kingdom was one of the highest power and authority, and in it he reigned supreme over all things. However, outside of his kingdom, his power and authority meant very little."

"The prince had not seen enough of the outside world, and with only his understanding of his kingdom, he thought he could command the same authority anywhere else outside. So, he left his kingdom behind and went out into the world."

"He did not see that he was not a prince in the outside world. He only thought he was. And so, he suffered for it..."

"He suffered deeply... very deeply..."

Dorian saw a certain kind of pain in Gilgamesh's eyes that had not always been there. He knew that Gilgamesh was living with something dreadful inside, eating away at him. He wished he could help, but he knew he could not.

"In the end, the prince lost everything, and his foolish actions outside invoked the wrath of exterior forces, and his kingdom was punished for his actions. When he managed to return to it, there was nothing left for him."

"Knowing he had been the reason for all of it, the prince took his own life."

"Or, well, he tried to."

Dorian was intrigued, but remained quiet.

"When the prince... When I... woke up... I saw God before me."

"She was formless in my eyes, because my mind isn't strong enough to comprehend her true form. She explained to me that everything- my entire life- was nothing but a story she had written."

"She made it clear to me, though, that she had given me the free will to make my own choices. Therefore, my choices... were not hers... They were my own."

"My suffering was my fault... My losses were my fault... The reason I'm here now, craving death... It's my fault..."

Dorian seemed shook. "You crave death? How did you become immortal then?"

Gilgamesh looked at Dorian with bitter sadness.

"God knew what I wanted. She knew I wanted nothing more than to make myself pay. She knew that the very first thing I would do... was try to end it all."

"So, she cursed me with life. She made it so that I would never die."

When Dorian heard this, he frowned and his expression darkened.

"She is the reason why I crave death now, but can never have it. All I want to do... is to be free. To join the one I love in death. But I can't."

Gilgamesh's tears returned.

Almost unnoticeably, the light of the Books above dimmed.

Dorian watched with a complicated expression.

"I'm here, wandering this world with no purpose... I'm alone here, and I can't do anything about it. I don't even know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I just..."

"I just..."

Gilgamesh broke down, unable to carry on. His tears fell and he seemed lifeless. There was absolutely no light in them, even the red color of them seemed to fade.

Dorian's darkened expression worsened, and he stood up, looking at the sky.

"So you were cursed by God, you say?"

Gilgamesh could not even respond if he wanted to.

Dorian looked around at the world around him, and he suddenly started chuckling.

"You were right. God must be nothing like what I thought."

Soon, Gilgamesh was able to stifle his cries.

"Can I ask you something, Dorian?"

Dorian turned to look at Gilgamesh, his innocent brightness having returned. "Sure!"

Gilgamesh sniffled.

"What would you do if you were me?"

Dorian smirked, and for once Gilgamesh was reminded of the smirk he had lost.

He did not know if he would ever be able to make that kind of expression again.

"If I were you, I don't know what I would do. Probably the same thing that you're doing right now."

Gilgamesh nodded as he lowered his head.

"But," Dorian turned around, and this time his fawn colored eyes darkened, "I'm not you. Your life is your own, and what you choose to do with it now is your choice."

"I am me. And I already know what I want to do with my life."

Gilgamesh raised his head, interest in his gaze.

"I told you this before, in my dreams. I did not ever think I'd be able to tell you in real life."

Dorian's voice had somehow gotten heavier, and the purity of it appeared to slowly go away the more he talked. His tone itself was completely changed, as if, for just this short moment, he was becoming someone else.

"You asked for my reason. Why I wanted to go out into the world, and why I wanted to see everything there was to see. Why I wanted to attain the unattainable, and scale the heights of limitless power."

Dorian's eyes peered off into the Beginningless Library; Gilgamesh suddenly found himself doing the same.

"God is the absolute height, is she not? I thought it would be fun to find God one day, and see what it was like to live at the top."

"But now... if what you say is true, then I think I need to do things differently."

Gilgamesh stood up and walked to Dorian's side, looking down at him. The young lad had never stopped staring off into the Library. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't want to just see God anymore, Gilgamesh."

"I think... I want to replace her."