Chapter Thirteen

Rica's pov

I stared at the window of her room watching her sleep as she cried herself to sleep. It hurt me to watch her break down like that but she broke me down to the point of no return.I know I was only allowed to feel anger and resentment but in that moment I felt like everything I was doing was wrong. I was upset with her the day I made love to her she didn't even show me she wanted me it was all about her and I knew it every single time I made love to her she ended up sleeping. She has never touched maybe because she wanted to give me time since she knew I wasn't comfortable with physical touch. Our first time at the beach after I did her she fell unconscious I mean who does that but I wasn't mad at her for that reason my love for her wasn't physical. No matter how much I wanted her she never really made any effort to explore my body and I never gathered courage to ask her why. I never wanted her to think that it was all about intimacy. I jumped into her room and took the phone she had threw away. I looked at my new look and realized that was why she hasn't recognized me which made me more disappointed. I mean the first time I saw her when I got to Eagle's high I felt a tag in my heart and I could have sworn it was her. After we kissed I felt it was her even though she grew her hair long and had her face altered I was so sure but now she couldn't recognize me and if she did it would have given me hope that the time we spent together had made her know me by heart. Sadly that wasn't the case. I had put some tattoos on my body one behind my neck and the other on the upper part of my hand. The one on my neck was her name which I adored so much but in German. I stared at her sleeping form in her blue underwear as her face was flushed from all the crying. I sat down at her bed and looked at her. I touched her forehead and my hand burned. She had a fever I had to do something about it or she would get sick. After I followed her and her friend out of school I wanted to see if she was ok but now I guess I would stay over but not until she wakes up I wouldn't want her to see me. I took a towel with cool water and wiped her face and her arms then I placed the towel on her forehead. I looked for pills in her house to reduce her temperature but I could not find any. I didn't realize there was someone else in the room until she spoke. "You know in this world no one can love Shanry like you do." I turned to see that Whitney's friend was at the door watching me with an amused expression. "How did you know ," I whispered. She motioned me to follow her as she got out of the door. I walked after her checking Whitney's temperature before I left. It had gradually reduced so I removed the cool towel and followed the amused girl. After finding my way to her kitchen I found the girl sitted on the counter. "I'm JB," I nodded my head to show I had understood it was enough with the introduction. "How did you know?" I asked again. She smiled like literally smiled JB wasn't fazed with the death glare I gave have her to get on with it. "You know even after changing your look and putting some tattoos on your skin you are still Rica the one who looks at Shanry with love, shows the world she is strong but when she looks at that one girl her fake wall crumbles and you see the gentle her who loves and cares even if she acts like she doesn't. "I looked at her amazed at how much she knew about me. "You know so much about me than she does," I sighed. "You know she loves you even if she doesn't show it she is just ignorant about her feelings for you I can see it in her eyes she just doesn't believe she is into a girl and if she doesn't love or ever did she must be the biggest idiot in this world." I let JB's words sink into my head then I nodded. "She was the one who confessed she was in love with me before I did then she started acting all weird then she ignored me then she gets an accident then boom fakes her own death to get away from me. Is that love you know if she didn't love me she would have just broken up with me. Let her attend my burial and see if she will understand the void I felt after her "death". If in the end everything she showed me was a lie then I will let her go." I said. JB promised not to tell Whitney anything and so I left before she woke up. Disappointment came crushing in waves after the conversation I had with her friend. I stranger who I had never met clearly knew more about me than the person I spent two years of my life dedicating it to her. Worshipping the very ground she walked on. It was so sad how I was just a fleeting thought in her mind that was always pushed at the back and only resurfaced at her time of need. Everything was beginning to fall into place the more I thought about how selfish she was and how many secrets she kept from me. I was convinced there were so many things I didn't know and if I found out they would break my spirit so it was better not to go digging in the past. Somethings were better off left buried six feet under.