Florida Man Threatens to Sue Skin Care Company After Eating Skin Cream, Resulting in Severe Diarrhea
Chapter 23 - Florida Man Threatens to Sue Skin Care Company After Eating Skin Cream, Resulting in Severe Diarrhea
After signing the contract, Robert gestured to the white-haired maid beside him. She pushed the cart tray, which carried a large leather bag.
Robert explained, "A token of sincerity. I hope this is enough to compensate for the Aero City mansion that we couldn't give you."
Felix opened the bag and found gold coins.
<I've tallied the content. There are 2,242 gold coins in bag.>
Felix still had almost 2,000 gold coins in his inventory. Adding two thousand more didn't make a difference. However, he didn't mind hoarding cash.
Silently, Felix closed the leather bag and threw it into his inventory screen, ignoring Robert and the white-haired maid in front of him.
Robert smirked and snickered, "I'm lost. You're definitely not a mage, but how could you use spatial magic?"
Felix scoffed, "That's my trade secret."
"Will you sell it to me? How much do you need?"
"Even if I tell you, you won't be able to learn it."
"Try me."
Felix mischievously grinned while Jessica frowned. She warned Felix.
<Please do not inform others that you have a system. You are the only one in universe with this operating>
'What?' Felix was surprised.
<This is my sincerest warning: DO NOT REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY AS A SYSTEM USER!>
'But why?' Again, Felix was baffled. He wanted to brag about the system.
<This protocol is there to protect the host. I do not have enough authority disclose reason. Please follow guidelines and any information related system.>
"…"
Jessica's solemn expression and the sternness in her voice sent a chill down Felix's spine. His expression turned dark as he understood the gravity of this matter. Following the instructions, Felix returned his attention to Robert.
"…Sorry. I might die if I reveal my secrets."
"I see. That's a shame." Robert nodded as he understood Felix's circumstances.
In this magical world, curses and magic contracts were common, especially non-disclosure agreements. Robert believed that Felix had signed at least one magic contract that forbade him from revealing the secret.
"Very well, I'll tell Sam to show you your new house tomorrow. For now, you can rest in the same room."
"…Thanks."
.
.
Returning to his room, Felix discovered that the house servants had already changed the bed sheets and cleaned the carpet. Mentally exhausted from the negotiation, Felix stripped off his clothes and threw himself on the bed. He opened the main quest menu and checked his progress.
.
Main Quest #3 - Damsel in Distress
Melodramas are not strange in this medieval world, and you can easily avoid trouble. However, this is a golden opportunity to build connections, which is a basic necessity in all businesses in the future. Help this family and bring them to safety.
Mission:
- Escort Lundop family to Terra City
Rewards:
- Lesser Fire Element Pill
- Super Crate (Class F).
Note:
If Valley Lundop or Roland Lundop dies, the quest will fail, resulting in a 500 mana penalty.
.
The third quest had long been completed, and a new item was already in his inventory.
As Felix was finally alone, he withdrew all the crates and unpacked all the items, sorting his inventory slots. He also checked what the "Super Crate" was.
A one-cubic-meter wooden crate appeared. Excited, Felix opened the cover. Inside, he found a thousand white metallic containers, resembling cream bottles from women's beauty stores. Curious, Felix deposited one of the bottles in the inventory to check its description and details.
.
Detoxifying Cream
This bottle contains skincare cream, commonly used for smoothing the face and skin. The cream neutralizes external impure mana from penetrating through the cream layer, allowing one to stay in an environment full of harmful miasma for a longer period. It also removes skin impurities, such as acne, scars, moles, and freckles.
This product is popular in many worlds as it can also be used to treat skin diseases and STDs if applied to certain body parts.
The cream's effects expire 20 hours after it is applied to your skin. Please keep it away from children, sunlight, or high-temperature areas. Do not consume it directly unless you are a Floridian.
.
It was just a skincare product. Felix was disappointed.
"What is this for? I'm a dude. I don't need creams or lotions!"
Jessica stared at Felix with dull eyes.
<Are you sure? Ahem! Lotion?>
"…Do you think I'm that type of a man?" Felix frowned, "I'm not a porn-addicted!"
<Preventing STD?>
"…I don't visit brothels."
<But you had sex?>
"…My body count is one."
<Your partner might have it?>
"…She was a virgin. I saw the bed stain. I doubt she had it."
Jessica faintly smiled and slightly bowed, respecting Felix's decision. She seemed proud and happy.
<Good for you. Still, you should put the cream whenever get out of bath.>
Felix pursed his lips as if he didn't like using a woman's product. Still, his instinct reacted to the last warning of the item's description.
'Do not consume it directly unless you are a Floridian.'
What were they trying to convey with that message?
Was it a sarcasm?
Was it a prank?
What was the deal with Floridians? Was it racism?
Felix snorted as it offended him. As a Floridian, he accepted the challenge.
Withdrawing the cream bottle and twisting the cover open, Felix scooped a grain of cream with his pinky finger and shoved it in his mouth.
Jessica flinched, her shoulders trembling as she suppressed her laughter.
<…You are indeed his descendant.>
Felix slurped and licked his finger while looking at Jessica's floating screen in confusion. "What is that supposed to mean? By the way, this is kinda delicious. It tastes like lemon juice."
<Nothing. Please do not eat everything, as it may cause diarrhea if your body contains a lot of impurities, such bacteria, viruses, parasites, or...>
*GROWL*
<…cancer cells.>
The warning came too late. Felix's stomach already started a protesting march. His intestines rebelled while his kidneys screamed like 20 Karens demanding to see a McDonald's branch manager because one of their French fries was burnt, and they wanted a bucket of fried chicken as compensation.
Felix widened his eyes and searched his room. Fortunately, this guest room featured a private toilet. He dashed into the bathroom, took his pants off, sat on a primitive-looking toilet seat, and dropped fiery carpet bombs down the hole.
…
Thirty minutes later, Felix staggered out of the toilet, his bowels empty. Exhausted, Felix collapsed on the bed. He didn't notice that his skin was glossier and smoother than usual, especially his glistening butt cheeks.
Resting on the bed, Felix looked at Jessica, complaining.
"Why didn't you warn me?"
<I did. You didn't listen.>
"…"
<Now that you've cleansed your body and internal organs, you are ready to consume a lesser elemental pill.>
<This is not a quest but recommendation. You should consume the lesser fire element pill as soon possible. When consuming item, please stay in an open area, far away from flammable objects.>
"…Hmm?"
Reminded of the lesser fire element pill, Felix checked its description.