Chapter 19 - Tough scar

Slowly the high feeling were leaving my body as I laid panting in my bed with my head on his chest. We were both sweaty but none of us really cared about it, I certainly didn't mind his warm, sweaty body against mine and since he didn't pull away I figured he was as satisfied with our bodies touching as I was. He even kept his arm around me to keep me from moving away from him. I couldn't keep myself from kissing his chest a little now and then.

"That was... amazing" he quietly whispered out in the quiet room.

I bit my lips as they went up in a wide smile, thinking about all the things we had been doing since we entered my bedroom.

"Yeah" I breathed out agreeing.

Our breaths were finally back to normal and I suddenly remembered that bump I had felt before when I had roamed my hands over his upper body. I pushed myself up on my right elbow and I got a confused look directed at me. I smiled at him not to worry him before I looked down towards the side of his hip. I immediately found the line I had felt before, it was a scar. I carefully let my fingers touch the white line and I could feel the tension from his body as he waited for my comment, probably thinking I would abandon him because of it.

"What happened?" I asked, looking up at him with curious eyes.

I tried my best to tell him with my eyes that I wasn't mad or whatever he thought I would be. I saw him take a deep breath before he looked up at the roof and started to tell me what he probably didn't really want to tell anyone.

"About a week after they took her, I-I... I started drinking, more than I should" I could hear the shame in his voice, he really didn't want anyone to know this. "I was drunk, and I had just smashed an empty bottle, angry at the world for taking my daughter. A big part of me didn't want to live without her, so I picked up one of the sharp bottle pieces..." he took another breath and I felt my heart shatter at his words. "Since I was drunk I couldn't really think of where would be the best way to cut so I cut myself beside my belly, thinking it would go quick. But once the glass started to go deeper than just through the skin I woke up from my drunk haze and immediately tried to stop the bleeding. I realized that if I continued like this I would never get Alexis back and she would truly loose her only family" he finished and he put his hands over his face, to hide himself.

I stroke the line gently with my fingers before I carefully bent down and kissed it lightly. I then raised again to position my own head right in front of his, I let one of my hands bend his hands out of the way so I could get access to his lips. My lips were soft against his, trying to tell him that it was okay not to be okay. When I pulled away I kept my forehead against his, hoping to give him more comfort than he'd had a couple of months ago.

"Thanks" he breathed out and I couldn't help but smile before I opened my eyes and pecked his lips only to pull back and lay back down on his chest.

"Always" I said low before I felt the exhaustion taking over.

His arm around me tightened and I heard his breathing slow down. I managed to reach behind him to be able to pull the covers over us, covering our naked bodies, thinking about how Alexis sometimes came running into my room before I've woken up. Even though I knew I should probably stop him from falling asleep so we could put on our clothes in case that would happen I was too tired and comfortable right where I was to leave it. I liked the way his skin felt against mine, and I loved the warmth his body was radiating to mine. Only a few minutes after he had fallen asleep I joined him into the land of dreams where I had only dreams about the two of us doing things I never could've imagined before this night.

I felt a tingling go from the left side of my breast down to my stomach, up again and then down further which made me moan with satisfaction. The tingling continued to move around my body and I soon realized, the more I woke up, that the reason behind the tingling were fingers. Gentle, smooth fingers, stroking my body, making my senses go insane. As I got more and more aware of what was going on I remembered the night before and I felt his fingers touch me right where I needed him. I let go of a low moan and I opened my eyes to find his eyes observing me with a satisfied smirk set on his lips.

"Castle" I tried to say in a warning tone but to my disappointment it sounded more like a moan. "We shouldn't" I tried and managed with all my strength to not sound moaning.

He removed his fingers and I sighed with relief, taking out my celebration too early though because he bent down and attacked my lips with his. His tongue asked for permission I immediately granted him, needing to taste him after all his teasing. I couldn't stop myself from moving up to straddle him as our bodies entangled with each other. He rolled us over to be on top of me and it felt so good having his body pressing me down into the mattress, it made my whole body explode with emotions. I pulled away from his lips to catch air and that's when he made his way down to suck on my neck, probably leaving a hickey for the rest of the world to see.

"What if Alexis and Molly comes in, we need to stop" I didn't want him to stop, but I needed to maintain the innocence of Alexis and Molly.

He let go of a disappointed groan before he removed his lips from my neck. I looked into his blue eyes and got an idea. I quickly checked the clock to make sure it was still early in the morning. I looked back up at him with a smirk and he gave me a confused look.

"How about..." I started with a seductive voice, "we go and take a shower, locking the doors and praying they won't wake up for another hour?" I suggested and he immediately smiled wide.

"That uhm" he said trailing a finger from my neck down to my breasts only to circle around them, "sounds like a great idea" he finished his sentence and we both grinned at each other before we jumped out of bed.

We took our clothes along with us and locked the door as we rushed into the shower where we continued with our love making.

---

"I gotta be honest" he said as I put on my bra with my back against him.

"What?" I asked, not turning around.

Suddenly I felt his arms around my waist and he laid his mouth near my ear.

"I've never, ever, felt this way with a woman before... I feel hypnotized by your body... I can't seem to find one coherent thought when I have you in front of me" he whispered with a small hint of embarrassment in his voice.

I licked my bottom lip and caught it with my teeth, biting my lip to try and suppress the giggle I felt in my throat. I had never felt this easy. Never had a guy's words make me feel the way his did, but neither had the touch of other men's skin for that matter. I wasn't sure what the hell was happening to me. It was so new and terrifying.

"We should go and make breakfast" I said, feeling my walls showing themselves.

He nodded, and it wouldn't surprise me if he could sense my terrified mind through the hug he was giving me. He kissed my head and I couldn't help but turn around, step on my toes and to crash my lips on his. I put my naked arms around his neck to pull him closer and I felt his hands land on my hips as he kissed me back. We pulled away at the same time, panting, to not go too far.

"How about me making pancakes?" he asked and I couldn't help but chuckle and shake my head.

When I looked into his eyes I saw him questioning my 'no'. I smiled big as I answered his unspoken question.

"You should make your smorlettes, Alexis would love that."

His confused face turned into a grinning expression that made me think of a little boy on christmas. I laughed and we let go of each other to be able to put on the rest of our clothes before we headed out towards the kitchen.

"The ingredients are in the fridge and those cabinets" I said pointing to where I kept everything he would need. "I'll go wake up the girls while you make the smorlettes" I added and he agreed.

Before I could leave the kitchen to walk towards Alexis' bedroom he caught me and pulled me towards him to kiss me. When he pulled away he apologized and I asked him what for since I couldn't figure out what he was apologizing for.

"I can't keep my hands off of you, you probably think I'm some clingy thing but I... just... stop myself" he explained with an embarrassed blush set on his cheek.

I couldn't stop the giggle that came out of my mouth before I bit my lip, smiled at him and walked out of the kitchen. I could feel him staring at me so I swayed my hips a bit more than I had to just to mess with him. I went up to the girls' room and carefully knocked on the door, just in case they had already woken up. I opened it and peeked inside to see the two girls still sleeping soundly in the bed. I smiled and sneaked inside towards the bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed Alexis' arm and then Molly's.

"Time to wake up sleepyheads" I whispered and immediately saw Alexis pull herself out of the dream she had been in.

She popped open one of her eyes and looked at me a second before she smiled and closed her eye again. Molly took a deep breath before she opened her both eyes and turned to lay on her back so she could look at me.

"You two sleep good?" I asked and Molly nodded before she sat up and rubbed her still sleepy eyes. "Alexis? What about you?" I asked and I saw her bite her lip.

She didn't move and I started to feel a worrying lump grow in my stomach, something was wrong.

"What is it? Bad dream?" I asked concerned and I saw Molly turn her gaze to her friend mirroring my worried expression.

"No, it was a good dream" Alexis answered before she took a deep breath, opened her eyes and jumped out of bed with a small smile set on her lips.

I looked after the redhead wondering what had made her upset then.

"Can I wear the blue dress today Kate? I promise I'll be careful and not spill on it" she said when she turned around to me.

"Of course! You can wear whatever you want, and Molly, how about we see if we can find something that fits you too" I said turning to the young girl.

She nodded with a big smile and Alexis immediately went into her closet and came out with two, almost identical, dresses.

"Here! We can match!" she shouted excitedly.

I chuckled as Molly in an instant jumped out of bed to stand beside Alexis and with happiness accepted the dress Alexis was holding out for her. They started undressing from their previous cloths and I stood up to help them with the dresses when they gave up on trying to help each other with the ribbon on the back.