1. Chapter 1

MAYA’S POV

DAY 01

Seattle was still damp and cold, like every other winter day, and it is interesting - to say the least - that I like the cold so much when my history with the winter isn’t good at all. I remembered the freezing mornings when I was woken up before sunrise by a cruel biological clock well established since my high school days when I was still running track under my father's training and after all these years, I could still hear his voice saying: don't use the cold as an excuse for your laziness.

I shoved both my hands inside the pockets of the jacket closed all the way up to my chin, kept my head down trying to keep the cold wind from battering my eyes and cooling my lungs too much. The way to the ferry was very familiar to me, it was the path I took on mornings when I wasn't too tired after training at the fire academy and needed some time to think – about life, about decisions that I was making and all the adult stuff people don’t usually teach you – and even though it wasn't necessary for me to take the ferry to get around, it was nice to be in an "unnecessary" place for once.

I watched all the people coming and going, most of them were faces that I got to see more than once - they must have been regular transport users, maybe they lived on one side and worked on the other - and I kept imagining the lives they had, it was one of my favorite hobbies - tracing stories for people based on my impressions, the clothes they wore, the suitcases they carried, the wedding bands they wore – because it was an amazing way to get my mind free from my own problems.

Like every time I took the ferry, I went to the small coffee stall and ordered a sugar-free cappuccino after saying a shy “good morning” to the middle-aged woman on the other side of the cash register and as soon as the hot drink warmed me up inside, I gathered all the courage I had and climbed the stairs towards the top floor; it wasn’t ideal, but I’d face the cold to get a peek of the landscape that truly attracted me to the unpretentious mornings I had spent on that boat.

The water was choppy and gray, not as beautiful as on sunny summer days, but it brought a different feeling inside me, almost calm in the midst of all the chaos. It was beautiful in its own way.

And there she was.

Much braver than me since she was leaning against the parapet of the ferry, looking down, and I wondered for a second if this was a worrisome case where I would have to act as a first responder before I even got my certificate and stop this elegant tall woman from throwing herself off the boat, but she didn’t do anything that could possibly indicate that she was indeed suicidal. She shook her hair, which was whipped by the wind, and with her hands she closed the thick brown overcoat she had on over her clothes, seeking warmth, then turned her face to the side and I saw the profile of her face - I caught myself staring at the perfect curve of her upturned nose, and the delicate design of her lips - as I wondered what color her eyes were, not knowing the answer bothered me more than I would have liked.

I drank some more of my drink and continued to watch her, there were not many people around us, one or two brave souls who were also trying to be brave against this cutting wind that was an aggression against our faces, but I just couldn't take my eyes off the woman in front of me, and after a few seconds watching this stranger that I hadn't seen around here yet, the mysterious woman turned around and I could see that brown was the color of her eyes, but not an ordinary brown, it was a bright brownish color that made people warm just by looking at them. She walked towards me, and I was strangely nervous.

Did she realize that I was staring at her?

But without even looking a second time in my direction she walked past me and back into the warmer part of the ferry, where she could protect herself from the cold, and I had to try very hard not to just turn on my heels to follow her. Well, I didn't follow her, but I did turn on my heels to see her walk over to one of the benches and sit down still clutching the fabric that was wrapping her and crossing her elegant long legs.

I drank more of the coffee, and then another sip, and another, and another. I was nervous, anxious, I wanted to approach her and make conversation, to introduce myself and know her name, to compliment her beauty, to tell her that she wasn’t comparable to any other women we could randomly cross paths with on a ferry, but I couldn't do that, right? It was too weird. So, I just stared at her whenever she was distracted and when I knew I wouldn't be caught by her gaze – so much for trying not to be a weirdo, right?

You're a coward, Maya.

I know, I know.

This debate was pointless and unproductive, but my thoughts continued to torture me as I walked back to my apartment after making my round trip on the ferry that morning.

DAY 02

The second time I crossed paths with the elegant and mysterious woman on the ferry I was like a real maniac, I followed her steps from afar, saw when she grabbed a coffee and was quick to do the same a little later - without being able to take my eyes off her steps. This morning was not as cold as the day I had first seen her, but it was still quite chilly, and she again chose to sit on one of the benches inside. I decided that I would walk past her and take a seat on the other side of the ferry so that I could look at her beautiful, tanned face - how could she be tan in the middle of winter?

My steps were hard, fast, I wanted to get this over with, have a smooth ride while imagining the kind of life she would have.

And then I stopped.

I stopped because when I passed her, her hand was quick to catch my wrist that was close to my body, and I froze because her touch was warm and soft, very different from what I had previously imagined - not that I had spent much time thinking about what her touch would be like.

-Are you going to stare at me from afar again? - She asked in a strong accent that was impossible to miss before I could fully process her touch on my wrist. - Hello.

-H-Hello. - I stuttered like a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar in the middle of the night, my cheeks feeling warm.

-Well? - She asked again, letting out a giggle that made me look at her face, surrendering to curiosity because I couldn't forgive myself if I had missed the curves her face made when she smiled. - Do you want to sit down?

I'd always been famous for my confidence, and now that I was stepping into the Seattle fire department, I was taking advantage of that enough to get along with a lot of men and women that made my Wednesdays so much more interesting. So, I absolutely hated that this stranger – without even trying – was making me nervous to the point of making me question my self-confidence.

-Yes. - The answer came out in an exhale.

The mysterious woman stepped to the side and gave me room to sit beside her; I slowly did so, not being able to look at her face because she was analyzing me - just as I had done the first time I had seen her, the difference being that she was doing it with a straight face, not caring that I was standing right there beside her - and what could I do but ignore the flush in my cheeks since she'd caught me doing the same thing?

-Is there a reason why you have been watching me from afar since the last time we saw each other? - She asked and drank some of her coffee.

-I've never seen you here before. - I was honest, though not very detailed.

-Do you always take the ferry? - She asked back as I continued to stare at a patch of white paint peeling off the wall in front of me.

-Whenever possible, it's my safe place. - I joked and she laughed, making me look at her face again because after seeing the beautiful outline of her lip when she laughed, it was impossible not to want to see it again.

-So, you don't need the ferry, but you choose to wake up before seven in the morning to be here whenever you can? - The mysterious woman asked beside me before letting out another giggle, at which point I no longer turned away from her face for fear of missing some facial expression I hadn't seen yet. She looked down discreetly as she laughed before throwing her head back slightly and swaying her head from side to side. It was an elegant laugh that suited her.

-I'm a morning person. - I shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal and wished I could look away, but I just couldn’t. - And you? What are you doing here so early?

-I'm going on a date. - She answered and sighed.

-Oh. - Of course, a woman like this wouldn't be free and available, and even if I wanted to try something, she was way out of my league. – Nervous about it?

-No, not really. I think I'll do fine. - She shrugged, the accent tickled my ear and I wanted her to be able to speak every single English word ever invented so I could memorize every different intonation she used.

-I'm sure you will. - It was my last sip of my coffee and I’d be without a means of escape from her intense gaze on my face. She looked at me curiously, and the smile faded but didn't leave her face, making me wonder if I was making a fool of myself at that moment.

Before I could process what was happening and could think of anything else to say, the ferry's loud horn along with a brief jolt let us know we'd arrived at Bainbridge.

-Good luck! - I spoke as I stood up to let the mysterious woman out of the bench and she smiled one last time before nodding her head and walking towards the stream of people disembarking.

So, I knew that while very polite, sweet-smelling, and elegant, the mystery woman was also committed to someone - or in the process of committing to someone - and that was a major downside.

So why couldn't I stop thinking that I wanted to take the ferry the next morning to see her again?

DAY 03

-I got your coffee for you! - The voice behind me made me jump with fright, raising my eyebrows in surprise and barely processing her words as my heart hammered loudly against my ears.

The brunette also raised her eyebrows looking at my face, but with a smile full of teeth at me and then gestured with her chin to the glasses in her hand and I finally let my eyes drop down to her hands and finally processed her words.

-W-why? - I stammered and she frowned. - I mean, thank you... But, why?

She handed me the glass and started to walk away from me.

I sipped from the hot drink - my usual request - and sighed when the warmth gave me some relief and comfort. I followed the woman to one of the tables near the coffee shop and sat down in the available chair opposite her.

-I wanted to be nice... - Her answer came after I sat down.

-Thank you. - I repeated, feeling my cheeks heat up.

-You're cute when you're red. - She spoke and drank her coffee, and to my dismay I knew I had become even more flushed.

-People don't often use "cute" to describe me. - I replied, trying to ease my nervousness.

-Well, you are. - She shrugged and I had to laugh at the way she said things as if nothing was a big deal, as if any thought that came into her mind was worthy of being shared out loud.

-How was your date? - I asked, remembering that it was the only subject that had come up in our last meeting.

-Oh, you know... You Americans are very bureaucratic, I am spending more of my exchange time in offices than actually attending classes. - She frowned and I raised my eyebrows. - In Italy things are not like that.

Italian, as I suspected.

But something more important was engraved in my mind.

-So, you had a meeting? - I tried to make sure.

-Si, as I just said. - She frowned as if I were the one not understanding things perfectly.

-Yeah, but the last time we saw each other, you said you had a date, like a romantic date? - I explained and laughed softly.

-Oh... I don't know if you could tell, but I have some difficulty with your language. - It was her turn to blush, and it was incredible how the blush made her even more beautiful.

-It's okay, you're already way ahead of me when it comes to speaking two languages. - I blinked at her and she smiled at me. - So, what brings you here? Tired of Italy?

-My mother lives here with my brother, I'm a medical student and I came to spend a few weeks of exchange here. - She answered and I nodded to her words.

-And how do you like the city? - I asked.

-It's cold and humid. - She answered with a grimace.

-I assume you don't like it?

-No.- She was simplistic in her answer, but the perceptible shiver running down her spine gave me all the answer I needed. - Do you like the cold?

-I've made my peace with it. I confess that some days are harder than others, sometimes I want to surrender to laziness and stay under the covers, but... Guilt makes me get up. - I let out a weak laugh and sipped my already lukewarm coffee, trying not to stare into her inquisitive eyes.

-Guilt? - She asked back, and that was what I was afraid of. I didn't want to bring up my whole past to a stranger, all the hard stuff I'd been through had made me who I was today, and I was proud of that, but people tended not to understand my sacrifices.

-Don't get attached to the details. - I tried to deflect and laughed softly. - But I also like the sunny days in Seattle, the water gets so blue and it's great to be able to travel outside and look at the landscape.

-You really are a ferry fan. - She teased and I nodded. - Why is that?

-I've never really understood why, but it's a place that calms me down, gives me peace. I told you, it's my safe place. - I shrugged and she nodded back. - Do you miss home already?

-Home is not a place. - She answered as quickly as if she had been waiting for my question. - Home is a feeling. It may be a place, but lately it's been the people I love.

-That's a good concept. - And her words made me wonder just what, where or who my home was today.

I didn't know.

DAY 04

It was my turn to be kind.

It was easy to figure out what her usual order was because the saleswoman quickly remembered the "elegant woman with the strong Italian accent," and only by describing her that way did I remember that I hadn't even asked her name.

I looked around and as soon as I saw her, I opened a smile, it was easy to smile around her because her spontaneity told me without words that it was okay that I also let myself be carried away by the feelings and thoughts that sprang up in my mind. There were no allegations or judgments with the Italian girl with the easy smile.

-Buongiorno! - She said cheerfully as she approached.

-Good morning. - I answered, keeping my smile. - Here, for you!

-Grazie mille! - She answered, taking the cup I held out.

-Is that "thank you"? - I asked back, starting to walk to the table we had occupied the last time we met.

-Si.

As soon as we sat down, the woman crossed her legs and, finally having a warmer day in Seattle, I saw that she was wearing a dress and part of her legs were sticking out, drawing my gaze. Her skin was tanned and seemed so soft, my fingers itched for me to touch her and it almost physically hurt to have to control myself.

-You've been gone for days. - She commented looking down at the coffee in her hands and I drank from mine before answering.

-I've been too tired or too busy to make it to the ferry. - I sighed. - And that directly affected my mood.

-Really? - she asked back, and I nodded.

-I like the routine I've established by coming here. - I wanted to say that I enjoyed meeting her too, but that would be too much information, we had only known each other for a few days, had had few conversations, and for me it didn't make sense this attraction I felt for the woman.

She was beautiful, don't get me wrong - and that freckle below her lower lip should be illegal - but there were many beautiful women in Seattle. There was something different about her, the way she led her life was simply a great... Inspiration. I didn't see inspiration in other women, just fun.

-You seem to be a person who is attached to routine... - She laughed softly.

-I am. - Confessing this to her was easy, the woman was not part of my daily life and was not quick to judge people.

-Well, I'm glad you're back on the ferry. The people here are not nearly as interesting as you are. - She said, and I raised my eyebrows, trying to control myself from showing my happiness at hearing her words. - What was keeping you busy?

-Life. In general. - I shrugged. - I had those days when absolutely everything was going wrong. I even fell during a run and scraped my knees like a 5-year-old.

-Do you like running?

-I love running. - I corrected her. – As I told you, being here is one of the few moments that brings me calm and peace; when I can't be here, when I have a hard day, when I am worried, sad, or dealing with bad feelings, it is running that gets me back on track.

I could comment at that moment that I had won an Olympic medal, but I didn't want our interactions to become another cliché in my life. Bringing up my medal was what I did whenever I wanted to impress someone, and I didn't want to impress Italian, at least not in that way, not like I do with other people.

-I like to see people talking about what they are passionate about. - She simply said, finishing her coffee and I realized that the cup in my hands was also nearing its end.

-Can I buy you another cup of coffee? - I asked.

-No, no! Too much caffeine makes me too active, and I have a presentation today, I can't be fidgety in front of my professor. - She explained.

-What is your presentation about?

-The physiology of the female orgasm. - She answered with a big smile, and I choked on the last sip of the liquid, having to cough repeatedly to rid my airway of the coffee. - Are you alright?

-Yes. - I spoke with difficulty. - I just wasn't expecting this answer.

-Oh, yes... My teacher was also a little shocked by my choice of topic. - She laughed. - Apparently being a prude is an American thing.

I just didn't know whether to take her comment as funny or as criticism, and before I could think of a clever answer to give her, the horn sounding made us realize that we had reached the other side of the crossing.

-Good luck with your presentation. - That's what I chose to say.

-Grazie! - She smiled at me. - And again, thanks for the coffee.

-Anytime. - I shrugged.

-A girl can dream. - She laughed.

What did she mean by that?

DAY 08

-And then Andrea simply told me that his life was easier when I was not around, that I should go back to Italy so that he could live happily again! - The woman in front of me spoke quickly, her thick accent making it a little difficult for me to completely understand her, and I practically kept my eyes glued to her mouth so that my lip reading could help me somehow. - Hey? Are you paying attention to what I am saying or is my mouth distracting you too much?

I looked up at the Italian woman, her eyes staring at me and her frown making me sure that she was really upset with me too.

-I... - I started to speak. - I was trying to understand everything you were saying... Your accent...

-Is my English not good enough for you? - She asked back, clearly annoyed.

-It's not that... - I tried to explain. - You were upset and talking fast... Anybody talking fast is hard to understand.

I tried to soften the situation and I think my words finally reached her, she was frustrated with her situation at home, and I knew that it was reverberating at that moment.

-I'm sorry that your brother said those things, I'm sure he didn't mean any of that. - I tried to provide some comfort.

-He did mean all of that. - She sighed in exasperation and ran her hands through her brown hair, which had perfect waves and the movement allowed the wind to bring its delicious scent to me. - Andrea has always been very spoiled by our mother and now that he is having to share the attention, he thinks he is living in my shadow. Our mother wouldn't compare us so much if he wasn't such a troublemaker!

-Oh, is he a troublemaker? - I asked, creasing my forehead.

-He isn’t, he's being. - She answered, and I nodded a few times. - He's trying to impress the boys he says are his "friends" and that's implying poor decisions.

-My brother... Well, I haven't had contact with him for a little while, but when we still lived together, he always hated to draw attention to himself, so I don't have many words of advice for this situation. - I confessed, and she sighed for the umpteenth time. - But I'm sure you're a good sister, and we all go through more rebellious phases.

-I just wanted to spend my last days here in peace, enjoying the company of the two of them, without Andrea feeling directly affected by my presence. I miss them so much when I am back in Italy, and I have enough problems without him giving me all this attitude.

-When are you coming back? - I asked back.

-In about three weeks from now. - She answered.

Three weeks and this stranger would disappear from my days, I would take the ferry whenever possible and I wouldn’t find her there, we would no longer share coffees, we would not talk about our lives and this dose of spontaneity, confidence and easy smiles would vanish from my life.

The thought made me shiver, my chest tightened, and my throat started burning in a matter of seconds.

-Every time I have to go back, I realize that my visits are never long enough to make up for how much I miss them when I'm there. - She spoke thoughtfully, looking in the direction of the people entering and leaving the ferry part we were in.

-I guess it's never long enough when you don't want to leave. - I agreed and earned a shy smile back.

-And you? Have you managed to make new friends or are people still afraid of your attitude at work? - She asked and I immediately laughed at her attempt to change the subject.

The woman didn't know the details, she didn't know where I worked or what my problems were inside the Fire Academy, but I had shared that many people tended not to want to be close to me - she just didn't know that it was because I flashed my medal to superiors, or that I was extremely competitive and couldn't allow myself to handle things lightly.

-Well, a girl who said on the first day that we wouldn't be friends just because we shared the same genitalia is now talking to me more often. Her father already works there, so I guess it's easier for her... - I shrugged.

-It's not always easier. - She looked at the empty cup in front of her, the coffee had been finished quickly that morning because she took big gulps in between her fast talking earlier. - My father is a doctor. Growing up I saw him as a superhero, a person who saved lives every day and that inspired me to follow the same path... But it's nowhere near what I imagined. I don't regret my choices, but I am in my twenties, and the people who know my father in college already demand from me an excellence that I am not ready to give. For them, I need to be flawless, but I’m still learning and I make mistakes. We are not born with genes that make us good at our parents' profession.

I listened to her words carefully and realized that maybe I am giving Andy a hard time and teased her too much. Of course, part of me was doing that because everyone else was doing it, and then I realized that I was being unfair to her - like the teachers were to Carina - and was behaving like a teenager wanting to fit in not caring about the consequences of my words and making poor decisions.

-You are right. - There wasn't much more that could be said. - You are very smart.

-If you think I'm smart without me knowing half the words I want to say, imagine if we had a conversation in Italian. - She said, and then laughed.

-I can imagine. - I winked at her.

-Maybe you should learn to speak Italian. - She continued. - Then it would be my turn to laugh at you when you misuse a word.

-You're not so bad! In fact, you impress me more and more with your resourcefulness. - I confessed, building up the courage to compliment her so openly without feeling awkward about it.

-Good, you're helping! - She smiled. - Part of the goal of this exchange is to help me improve my fluency.

-I can tell you're getting better every day. - I smiled back.

-Thank you. - She said, blushing slightly.

She was adorable.

DAY 14

-I made friends! - That was the first thing I said when we sat down that day. The woman who was already part of my routine and whom I had not seen for a few days smiled at me. - Well, I guess I have made friends. We have finally been assigned to our official workplaces and in the last few days I have managed to get closer to my colleagues and last night we went to a nearby bar, and I think I have friends now.

-I told you this would happen when you let it happen! - She smiled openly. - I'm proud of you!

-Thank you! - I smiled back.

-Does this mean that you'll forget about me soon? - She asked. - Will you get too busy with your friends and stop coming to the ferry in the morning?

-No. - I answered quickly. - I could never forget you.

Throughout the days that we met - and we only didn’t get to see each other when I couldn't get to the ferry at our usual time - we shared so much of our lives that it was as if we had known each other for years, and part of that was because we didn't extend our contact beyond that boat, it was obvious to both of us.

Although curiosity was eating me up inside, I knew that if I had her phone number and knew her name things would get too real, she would enter the "real life" session and all the mysticism of our encounters would disappear.

There would be obligations and social rules that would take away all the charm that seemed to surround the ferry, but I knew that the fact was that this woman wouldn’t stay out of my real life for much longer because although I loved the dynamic that we had established, there was a warm and cozy feeling that was growing inside of me and she occupied more and more of my thoughts during the moments that we were not together.

-I could never forget you either. - She spoke back and that made me warmer inside, if that was even possible.

We were silent for a while, but it was a comfortable silence, in which we exchanged glances and said without words many things that filled our heads and perhaps hearts, at least that's what I thought.

Her eyes were intense and sweet at the same time, an interesting combination. She could burn a hole in my head when I made a comment she didn't like and at the same time completely melt me when she said something nice and gave me that look like I was the only person on that boat.

-And Andrea? - I asked, breaking the silence. - Did he stop getting into trouble?

-Oh, let's not talk about that! He came home drunk two nights ago, my mother cried for over an hour wondering what she was doing wrong. - She hissed through her teeth. - And I wanted to choke him.

-He's trying to get attention.

-I know, but he's not a kid anymore, you know? He needs to grow up!

-Girls have always matured more easily, part of me still thinks that some of my co-workers are still boys. - I shrugged. - I'm not a very patient person, but right now patience is the only thing that can help. Things will get better; I know they will.

-Thank you. - With that she held my hand gently.

Her fingers were long, thin, and delicate. Her hand was warm despite the cold day that surrounded us and gave me a comfort that I simply couldn't explain, it was just a feeling that made my heartbeat faster and caused an irrepressible smile to appear on my lips.

-Anytime. - I replied.

When we reached the other side of the crossing she stood, and I walked with her to the exit. It was there that we said our goodbyes, she is going off to college while I remained inside the boat to return to the other side.

-I hope you don't have too boring classes today! - I spoke as I always did.

-You know that's not going to happen. - She laughed, as she did every day. -You look pretty today, I forgot to mention it earlier.

-Don't I always look pretty? - I teased back.

-Yes. -Her simple answer made me blush more than I should have.

-You always look pretty too.

DAY 16

She wasn't there.

DAY 17

She wasn't there.

DAY 20

She wasn't there.

DAY 24

She wasn't there.

DAY 30

She wasn't there.

DAY 40

She wasn't there.

DAY 55

She wasn't there.