Gil-kun and the Village

"Huh?"

"You're starving?"

"Yes! And not just us! The whole village has no food!"

"What about fruits?"

"There's none."

"Vegetables?"

"None."

"Grass?"

"Come on... also it's poisonous."

"What about the bugs?"

"They're revolting."

"You're just being picky."

"Every single person who tried them threw up."

"Ok, I see. But then, why were you robbing people?"

"We made a deal with the big birds in this area. They somehow know that we lack food, so they proposed an exchange: we give them shiny and precious things and in return they give us an egg. But we never killed anyone, we even invited who wanted to join us."

"Oh, I see. That's very noble. There's just one thing I still don't get."

"This clears up most things, but you still have to answer one question."

"Indeed. Answer this, mongrels: if what you say is true, then why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Oh, well..."

"..."

"Ehm, Teacher... want to be the one to explain?"

"Not really, but I guess I'll take responsability... we didn't do it... because it's so embarrassing!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... what?"

"We have been reincarnated into a brand new world, and for the past two weeks we have been robbing people and have been enslaved by birds! That's so shameful! You understand, golden king, how much our pride has already been wounded?"

"I concede, woman, that, although I would never end up in such a pathetic state, IF I were to be forced in a humiliating situation like this one, I would likely try to hide it too."

"Wait, did they say two weeks?"

Somewhere else...

Alaya was staring intently at the screen, wrapped in a towel and with a smaller one on her head to dry her hair, while Gaia was in the next room, keeping the hairdrier for herself and with her towel hanging more or less freely from her shoulders.

"Did they stop fighting already?"

"Yep. They just found out that they have been sent there at different times."

"Ah, gotcha. Why did you do it again?"

"It's not like it was a conscious choice, but Servants with a stronger will and with greater power instinctively resisted the process of reincarnation. That's why some of those Servants have been there for a few weeks, others for a few days, and in the case of the King of Heroes, since yesterday."

"Thanks, Alaya, you're so helpful! By the way, you can use the hairdrier now."

"It's fine, you've been using it for so long that my hair is probably already dry."

"Ok, fine. Then can you make some room on the couch?"

"Yeah, sure..."

"Also, can you grab some snacks, please?"

"Damn you, old hag!"

Back to Gil and the others...

"Ok, well that clears up everything! Well guys, although we had a rocky start, I'm happy to announce that we can help you!"

"Really? You can?"

"To can and to want is two different things, mongrels. Why should I help them any further?"

"Because you are a Heroic Spirit, dumbass."

"I'm a king, first and foremost. Those mongrels attempted to steal my treasures and to kill me. I am already being merciful by letting them live."

"Man, you really are an asshole..."

"Goldie, do you know that if you keep all the gold for yourself, it will lose worth? That's called deflation! Right now, all your treasures don't have any value because you're the only one who has them!"

"That only applies for me, moron. To them, they need food a lot, so the demand is high and the offer is low, hence why they are forced to do what those beasts order to do. That's inflation. Hence, for them, food is much more valuable than it is for me, however, such a fact doesn't alter the severity of their action, because it still is one of my treasures."

"Can you guys skip the economy lesson and just help us, please?"

"King Asshole doesn't want to."

"I'm a king, no, I'm THE king, I do what I want, and if I say I don't want to help those pathetic mongrels, I'm not doing it!"

"You're so selfish, Goldie! Eat some poisonous grass!"

Nero said as she threw some grass at Gilgamesh, who avoided it.

"You fool! You thought you could hit me so eas-"

Before he could finish, he slipped in the river.

"Oh crap! He went down! The armour is weighing down! We have to help him!"

"Time for the Lancer Squad to shine!"

The four Heroic Spirits of the Lance shouted as they cannonballed into the water.

After a few moments of turbulence into the water, they emerged with Gilgamesh.

"Don't worry, guys! I know some CPR!"

"Ouch, what are you doing, you stupid emperor?! CPR is needed when someone is not breathing!"

"How can I know you're still breathing?"

"BECAUSE I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

"I SAID I KNEW SOME CPR, NOT ALL OF IT!"

"Anyway, King of Heroes, if you believe in any form of justice, then you now have to help us, since we saved you!"

"Save me?! I was about to emerge when that woman's spear hit me in the head, then that guy's legs hit my throat, the other one elbowed me in the stomach and that big guy landed with his lower half on my face! You almost drowned me!"

"Then you have to help us, since we defeated and spared you."

"YOU DID NOT DEFEAT ME, MONGRELS!"

"Calm down, Goldie, or you'll pop a blood vessel."

"I AM CALM!"

"Galter, I think we should help them. Someone in the village might know the ones we are searching for. We could use a few directions, and they won't give us any if we don't help them."

"We could just torture the information out of them."

"But what if they lie."

"I have a 100% accurate polygraph."

"... sure then, I guess."

"Don't support him so easily, Salty."

"Ah yes, you're right, no, Galter, don't be an asshole."

"She's like a recovering addict if her addiction was evil!"

"Your Majesty, with your permission, it would be my dream come true to serve food to all these people and to help them. It would make me incredibly joyous and I would forever be in your debt."

"I get that, Nancy. However, I have already made up my mind. Let's go."

"It's impossible to reason with you! You're even more insufferable than that blonde chick that passed the other day."

"Which blonde chick, Fergus?"

"Oh, you guys weren't there. Super strong, blonde hair, green eyes, carrying a sword."

"... what... did... you... just... say?"

"Ehm, strong blonde woman with green eyes and a sword came here a couple of days ago, fought with me and left after drinking some water and helping us build a house?"

"... Fergus, was it?"

"Y-Yes, king?"

"*appears right in front of him with fixed eyes* Would you happen to know where this woman went?"

"I-I could point out the direction in which she was headed..."

"Are you telling the truth?"

"Most... definetely..."

All of the Servants present were swallowed up by something under them. 

A split second later, they were in the middle of the village.

"Nancy, give these mongrels something to eat!"

"Y-Yes, Your Majesty!"

"Did he teleport us into the village?"

"My, my, Goldie must really want to see the you from our world."

"Here we go! The last order arrives, line up in a queue, prepare the checks! Leave a tip, please! Be full and be happy, Restaurant at the End of the Universe!" 

Nancy chanted and her diner quickly appeared in front of everyone. Nancy was back in her waitress outfit, a big smile on her face.

"Everyone who's hungry, come here! We are serving warm food for all!"

The people, who were still processing what had just happened, screamed in happiness and ran towards the diner.

"Oh my, they might be a bit too much for me to handle... some will have to wait a bit..."

"Fear not, you kind young miss! We'll help you as the Lancer Squad!"

"Do you know how to flip a burger?"

"We know how to handle sticks pretty well."

"You'd be willing to help me, you great heroes? Me, a simple waitress?"

"Darling, we were slaves to birds until now, trust me, helping you feeding those in need is not a demeaning task for us. It's the reason we are heroes!"

"... *tries holding back tears* Thank you, thank you very much! Let's do our best, then! Oh, let me give you a more appropriate attire."

And with a movement of her hands, the Lancer Squad now had aprons and comfortable clothes they could cook in and dirty as much as they pleased.

"Me first! I haven't eaten in days!"

"No, me please!"

"Me, me!"

"Move."

"Hey, miss, since when are you h-"

"I said move."

"O-Ok."

"Your Highness, shouldn't we feed them fir-"

"Burger, thanks."

"... coming right up."

Gilgamesh sat down as far away from the sea of people as possible.

"Such pathetic attitude, I can't believe I aided them in the end. I'll drink a bit to make this moment less stressful..."

"You did a good thing, Goldie."

"Oh, it's you. Of course, everything I do is a good thing."

"Well, this was the right thing too."

"I'm always right. But in this case you must not sell yourself short, if it weren't for your pleading, I would have gone away from here without a second thought."

"Hehe, that just means you started caring about our opinion."

"... preposterous. What I meant was that you annoyed me so much I figured that the thing that was easier to do to stop your wailing was this."

"And yet you could have just abandoned us."

"It's still not too late for me to do."

"I don't think you will."

"We'll see."

"Nancy looks happy."

"I guess."

"Salty is most definetely happy."

"..."

"Me and Mr. Pop Pea are happy too."

"I really don't care."

"Well, even though you don't, I just wanted to thank you for helping me and everyone else. Despite your tough appearance and the way you speak, you aren't so bad after all."

"I'm more agreable than usual thanks to a few fortuitous situations. You should thank that secretary lady for it."

"I'll surely do. Hey, want a milkshake?"

"No."

"I heard a yes."

"No, you heard a no."

"Another yes? Well then, don't worry Goldie, one milkshake coming up!"

"Get lost, Nero."

"..."

"... *looks up* what?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Vanilla or chocolate."

"*sighs* ... Chocolate, I guess."